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Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

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    #182
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Ifonlyicould wrote: »
    I hate the table plan and refused 2 invites this year because of it. It costs up on €1000 to attend a wedding and then to be treated like a 4 year old and told where to sit and who to talk - no thanks

    That's pure BS.
    People don't plan tables at the invite stage because they simply won't know who's coming in order to put them at certain tables. And they certainly don't include a table plan with an invite so you have no way of knowing when you get the invite if there is a table plan or not.


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    #183
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,366 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    Neyite wrote: »
    That's pure BS.
    People don't plan tables at the invite stage because they simply won't know who's coming in order to put them at certain tables. And they certainly don't include a table plan with an invite so you have no way of knowing when you get the invite if there is a table plan or not.

    He/She asks if theirs a table plan and if the couple are planning on having one he/she says no to the invite.


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    #184
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Ifonlyicould wrote: »
    Simply ask if there is a seating plan and then "no thanks".
    Hotel for 2 nights €300, present €4/500, pay babysitter, New clothes for 2, travel plus a few drinks -€1000 would be a cheap wedding

    The hotel is probably the only vaguely accurate cost there


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    #185
    El_Duderino 09
    Registered Users Posts: 20,094 ✭✭✭✭El_Duderino 09


    Ifonlyicould wrote: »
    Simply ask if there is a seating plan and then "no thanks".
    Hotel for 2 nights €300, present €4/500, pay babysitter, New clothes for 2, travel plus a few drinks -€1000 would be a cheap wedding
    Do you really give €4/500 as a present? And do you usually buy new clothes? Do you enjoy it?

    I'd love to see that kind of thing questioned, at least. These things don't have to be such a big deal. It's no problem if you have a grand to spare. I don't have that kind of money for things I actually want let alone paying to go along with social conventions I don't particularly enjoy.


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    #186
    jlm29
    Registered Users Posts: 3,818 ✭✭✭jlm29


    Ifonlyicould wrote: »
    Simply ask if there is a seating plan and then "no thanks".
    Hotel for 2 nights €300, present €4/500, pay babysitter, New clothes for 2, travel plus a few drinks -€1000 would be a cheap wedding

    400-500 for a present? Would you like to come to my wedding? You can sit in any seat you like.


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    #187
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    freshpopcorn wrote: »
    He/She asks if theirs a table plan and if the couple are planning on having one he/she says no to the invite.

    Sure they do. They ring up a bride or groom months and months before the event to fact check that they might have to sit at an assigned table instead of sitting where they like. Yep. :rolleyes:


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    #188
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,366 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    Neyite wrote: »
    Sure they do. They ring up a bride or groom months and months before the event to fact check that they might have to sit at an assigned table instead of sitting where they like. Yep. :rolleyes:

    My mother would do similar. You don't ask straight out. Are you having a table plan. You bring it up in conversation regarding the plans.


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    #189
    Ifonlyicould
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭Ifonlyicould


    If I'm invited to a wedding it is somebody I know - so yes , I do know them and speak to them so it's not hard to ask a simple question.
    Price the following:
    Present
    Hotel
    Travel
    Clothes
    Babysitter
    Spending money
    And I'm sure there is more


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    #190
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


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    #191
    zoobizoo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,722 ✭✭✭zoobizoo


    Ifonlyicould wrote: »
    I hate the table plan ..... to be treated like a 4 year old and told where to sit and who to talk - no thanks


    Have you never been to a dinner / function where people have name places?

    The point of place names is so that there is less confusion about where to sit and people sit down quicker.

    I work in events and it speeds everything up when people know which table they're at and which seats they are at.

    And I've been to enough weddings to know.


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    #192
    mcgiggles
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭mcgiggles


    You don't HAVE to stay 2 nights. (You don't even HAVE to stay for one.. thats your choice)
    4-500 for a present holy moly! Thats twice the norm in my area!
    You also don't HAVE to buy 2 new outfits!
    You're putting the guts of that 1000euro expense on yourself!


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    #193
    Blut2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,952 ✭✭✭Blut2


    GingerLily wrote: »
    The hotel is probably the only vaguely accurate cost there

    Gift: 200eur
    Hotel for 2 nights: 300e
    Petrol: 50-100e
    Spending money for lunches, drinks etc for 2 people: 150e

    Thats 750eur before any incidentals are taken into account (need a new shirt? new pair of shoes? etc). 600eur at absolute best, if only one night in the hotel is required. Add on more if a babysitter is required.

    600-1000e is the price of a memorable romantic weekend away somewhere in Europe for a couple. For a lot of people financially its a choice of a romantic weekend in Paris with your other-half vs one night in Cavan in a 2* hotel, eating carvery quality food.

    Thats why people are coming around to the idea that the bog standard Irish 200+ person wedding in a generic country hotel is an expensive waste for guests as well as the couple.


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    #194
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    mcgiggles wrote: »
    You don't HAVE to stay 2 nights. (You don't even HAVE to stay for one.. thats your choice)
    4-500 for a present holy moly! Thats twice the norm in my area!
    You also don't HAVE to buy 2 new outfits!
    You're putting the guts of that 1000euro expense on yourself!

    You do have to stay for one though. Most weddings I've been invited to haven't been in my home county. Should I sleep in the car?

    You don't have to buy 2 new outfits. Very true. Especially if you're a man. It's been my experience that wearing the same suit to most or all weddings is perfectly acceptable, perhaps with the odd change of tie and/or shirt. However, for us ladies there's a pressure to wear a new dress to any wedding with significant overlap of guests from a previous wedding you attended.

    Nobodies even mentioned the cost of hen and stag parties. Cheap and cheerful 'local' ones will still cost at least 100 and don't get me started on the ones abroad.

    Weddings, the lead up to them and the day after them can be extremely expensive. I've seen plenty of weddings where the couple seems to have arranged it well outside their means and the guests are the ones meant to reimburse them with overly generous gifts.


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    #195
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Blut2 wrote: »
    Gift: 200eur
    Hotel for 2 nights: 300e
    Petrol: 50-100e
    Spending money for lunches, drinks etc for 2 people: 150e

    Thats 750eur before any incidentals are taken into account (need a new shirt? new pair of shoes? etc). 600eur at absolute best, if only one night in the hotel is required. Add on more if a babysitter is required.

    600-1000e is the price of a memorable romantic weekend away somewhere in Europe for a couple. For a lot of people financially its a choice of a romantic weekend in Paris with your other-half vs one night in Cavan in a 2* hotel, eating carvery quality food.

    Thats why people are coming around to the idea that the bog standard Irish 200+ person wedding in a generic country hotel is an expensive waste for guests as well as the couple.

    What 2* hotel on cavan is charging 300e for a room for 2 nights?

    I'm not for a minute saying that weddings aren't expensive to attend but if your giving 400e + as a wedding gift that's on you!

    Also if transport/petrol and accommodation are costing above 400e I would seriously also consider reducing the gift size, I'm sure any reasonable B&G would understand.


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    #196
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,366 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    Bring your sandwiches/picnic.
    Search in Charity shops if you won't something different to wear or ask a friend/sibling for a dress.
    Don't drink.
    Leave early and drive home.


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    #197
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Ifonlyicould wrote: »
    If I'm invited to a wedding it is somebody I know - so yes , I do know them and speak to them so it's not hard to ask a simple question.
    Price the following:
    Present
    Hotel
    Travel
    Clothes
    Babysitter
    Spending money
    And I'm sure there is more

    Most of that is at your own discretion. You are making the choice to spend it. I'm going to a wedding of a close family member this year and we are giving 150 as a couple, wearing outfits we already have and choosing to come home rather than stay at the venue. I could do what you are doing and I'd complain too but you are just making it expensive.


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    #198
    nazzy
    Registered Users Posts: 204 ✭✭nazzy


    I think the best weddings are ones that DO cater for guests - minimising waiting times and making sure they get a bloody good feed into them.

    When we got married, we were called for dinner at 4.45 and it was served at 5.30,after 15mins of speeches. Now we did have a 12.30 mass but it was the dead of winter and we needed light for our photos. I told anyone I was speaking to not to feel under pressure to travel for the ceremony because a few did have to travel...and it was actually a relief to get a few declines because numbers are a lot of pressure. All the rooms were €99 per couple for the night with breakfast and the venue was 20 minutes from the church. There was another hotel right beside it with rooms at same value so it was great. All carefully considered with guests in mind. And it was a top class venue, just great deals to be had for a rubbish date ha ha!

    At the end of the day, it is the couple's special day and they should do what matters to them, but I think any couple should always consider their guests.

    I am quite shocked at the level of begrudgery in this thread. It is an invitation after all, not a summons. And I would prefer anyone who doesn't want to go to stay at home instead of give out about it. If a couple takes a huff over it then that says more about them. The wedding takes over that couple's life for a year or two but it's only a day out to so many others. If you can't make it, it shouldn't be any big deal.


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    #199
    Blut2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,952 ✭✭✭Blut2


    GingerLily wrote: »
    What 2* hotel on cavan is charging 300e for a room for 2 nights?

    I'm not for a minute saying that weddings aren't expensive to attend but if your giving 400e + as a wedding gift that's on you!

    My post said 200eur as a gift, which is fairly standard if attending as a couple. I'm not sure where you're strawmanning 400e from.

    A quick google shows a double room in the Lakeside Manor Hotel in Cavan is 240eur for 2 nights this week - and I've no idea if there are nearby weddings on or not. Prices go up when there are, and occupancy is higher. And there are plenty of hotels of similar quality around the country charging similar prices.

    Its one thing for guests to spend the money, and go to all the effort with travel and days off work etc, if its going to be a 50 person wedding where you know a) you'll get to spend quality time with the bride & groom and b) you're obviously very special to them if you've made the cut. I would never question attending in that case.

    But it just all seems so pointless when at a 200+ person wedding you're only going to see the bride & groom for five minutes, anyway. They'll barely notice if you aren't there.


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    #200
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Ifonlyicould wrote: »
    I hate the table plan and refused 2 invites this year because of it. It costs up on €1000 to attend a wedding and then to be treated like a 4 year old and told where to sit and who to talk - no thanks

    So you would rather a scramble to get a seat and have no idea who you are sitting beside rather than be out sitting beside people you know which a table plan almost always aims to do.


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    #201
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,366 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »
    So you would rather a scramble to get a seat and have no idea who you are sitting beside rather than be out sitting beside people you know which a table plan almost always aims to do.

    I've being to plenty of weddings without a table plan. I much preferred them. I didn't get landed near the front. I got to seat with people I liked and not people I wanted to avoid. Their was no scrambling to seats. Give it to me any day over a table plan.


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    #202
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Blut2 wrote: »
    My post said 200eur as a gift, which is fairly standard if attending as a couple. I'm not sure where you're strawmanning 400e from.

    The post you quoted me from was saying 400-500e for a gift as well as some other ludicrous estimates, maybe you missed that.


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    #203
    Ifonlyicould
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭Ifonlyicould


    My point was not the cost of the wedding but being treated like a 4 year old being told where to sit. I have been to many weddings, no seating plan and no scramble.
    Get the venue to set a few extra places so people can sit where they like. It's usually the person who arrives late that makes the fuss. I believe it is handier on the hotel to have a plan.
    B & G have enough to organise without having to wonder who is fighting or not talking to each other


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    #204
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    Blut2 wrote: »
    600-1000e is the price of a memorable romantic weekend away somewhere in Europe for a couple. For a lot of people financially its a choice of a romantic weekend in Paris with your other-half vs one night in Cavan in a 2* hotel, eating carvery quality food.
    .

    So someone actually organizing a wedding in Paris would be doing you a favor. :p Also hotel you listed is 3 stars.

    I think some just like to complain about everything. I recycle dresses, shoes, every outfit I bought I wore to at least two weddings and also sometimes going out. The same for shoes. I have a few good quality clutches that go with a lot of stuff and get good use out of them. Frankly those who think they have to buy new outfit for every wedding should educate themselves how much damage to environment disposable fashion is causing.

    Yes weddings are usually expensive but I actually like to get dressed up every so often. If lucky I can also catch up with a lot of friends in the same place.


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    #205
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,106 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    freshpopcorn wrote: »
    Bring your sandwiches/picnic.
    Search in Charity shops if you won't something different to wear or ask a friend/sibling for a dress.
    Don't drink.
    Leave early and drive home.

    Doesn't sound like a very enjoyable weekend. I'd probably give it a miss.


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    #206
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    Ifonlyicould wrote: »
    My point was not the cost of the wedding but being treated like a 4 year old being told where to sit.

    I never felt like I was being treated like a four year old because of a seating plan… is it a self esteem issue or something?


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    #207
    Blut2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,952 ✭✭✭Blut2


    GingerLily wrote: »
    The post you quoted me from was saying 400-500e for a gift as well as some other ludicrous estimates, maybe you missed that.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=104055625&postcount=195

    I suggest you read your own post. I said 200eur in the post you quoted, then you claimed 400eur to make a point for some reason, and are now denying it. Not exactly a compelling argument.

    I also qualified the "ludicrous estimates" when you asked about only one of them - so I'll take your lack of response to any of that as an agreement on the expenses I listed being accurate. And excessive.


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    #208
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,366 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    Doesn't sound like a very enjoyable weekend. I'd probably give it a miss.

    Well if you wanted to go to see your friends special day and was tight on money. You might be willing to make the sacrifice of the new dress and having a weekend away.


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    #209
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,106 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    freshpopcorn wrote: »
    Well if you wanted to go to see your friends special day and was tight on money. You might be willing to make the sacrifice of the new dress and having a weekend away.
    I've no problem with recycling a previously work outfit at all, I usually do. But picnic (in Ireland?! What are the chances of that being enjoyable?), drive up and down for who knows what distance to return the same day (that would be my main issue) . I'd do it if it was within an hour's drive, but not any further, unless it was a very close friend or family.


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    #210
    messy tessy
    Registered Users Posts: 889 ✭✭✭messy tessy


    Ifonlyicould wrote: »
    Simply ask if there is a seating plan and then "no thanks".
    Hotel for 2 nights €300, present €4/500, pay babysitter, New clothes for 2, travel plus a few drinks -€1000 would be a cheap wedding

    This was the post about the €400 / €500 gift!

    I'm not even going out with anyone but I'll consider the whole wedding thing if that is the going rate! :P


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    #211
    Boggy Turf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 427 ✭✭Boggy Turf


    freshpopcorn wrote: »
    Bring your sandwiches/picnic.
    Search in Charity shops if you won't something different to wear or ask a friend/sibling for a dress.
    Don't drink.
    Leave early and drive home.

    I love it. So turn a day you dread into an absolute nightmare? :D


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