Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

El_Duderino 09 · 05-07-2017 12:21PM #1

Hi all, I know someone who's having a bit of an alternative, low key wedding and I heard lots of positive feedback from guests. The event will be an outdoor ceremony in a hotel garden, followed by a garden party. It will start at about midday and the food will be afternoon tea style rather than traditional meat and potatoes. Small band for a few hours and some finger food in the evening time. The main celebration will be done by about 6-7pm and Guests are free to leave whenever they like so they don't have to stay the night. Anyone who stays can go to the residents bar and I think there's a trad band organised to play some more music in the night.

lts a small tight knit wedding party so I've spoken to a good few guests and The main thing that stood out is people saying that nobody really enjoys the big all day/2day wedding with the BBQ next day. They were very positive about the low cost and informal sound of this wedding. And guests can leave early so they don't have to stay all night and pay for a hotel and be hungover the next day.

This got me wondering if people just say that they like small weddings to save the bride and grooms blushes (theyre not wealthy and couldn't spend 20K on a wedding even if they wanted to).

What would be the ideal wedding from your perspective as a guest?

Location, time of day, number of guests, food, entertainment, type of ceremony. Basically I'm asking what's important to you as the guest at a wedding and what do you like/dislike about the weddings you've been to recently?

Cheers

Mod note: This will be my last warning. This thread has gone wildly off-topic and has some quite unnecessary aggression and rudeness. Please remember that this thread is about the ideal wedding from your (as a guest) perspective. It's not a space to criticise the preferences of others, or to attack other posts. If the thread doesn't get back on topic ASAP, I'll have no choice but to close it (and I hate closing threads when I don't have to, because you're all adults!)

miezekatze · 05-07-2017 12:38PM

This wedding sounds nice to me tbh, I would prefer this to a more traditional wedding. I don't like the fussiness of most weddings and the expense that comes with attending them. Not keen on 'wasting' my entire weekend on a wedding either. I know a lot of people would probably disagree though.

baby and crumble · 05-07-2017 12:38PM

TBH I enjoy most types of weddings (I'll admit I love them but don't get invited to that many, I know some folks here have a wedding every weekend which is a mad concept to me!), but for me I enjoy the ones most when it feels like an actual reflection of the wedding couple. Like, it'd be odd to go to the wedding you describe if the couple have always been nightclub party animals. Likewise, if a couple of super low-key and never go out dancing, I can't imagine a big boozy dance-fest is going to feel comfortable.

I will say we went to a wedding a few months ago which started around 12.30, and was fairly traditional but there wasn't a "normal" disco-type element to it (I can't believe I just typed "disco" OMG how old am I???) and it pretty much finished up at 11pm because of the venue. We got the last bus home. Don't get me wrong it was absolutely right for the couple, but it did feel strange to me.

Our wedding in a few months is, I feel, an accurate reflection of what we enjoy, and what most of our friends enjoy. I know some of our family will find it a bit odd (it's starting quite late which is the main thing that's throwing people off), but we're not doing the big BBQ thing the next day, but we'll book a place for brunch in the city because it's what makes sense to us, and I like dissecting the night before with my friends over pancakes.

Atomic Pineapple · 05-07-2017 01:03PM

Ceremony after lunch time
Short Ceremony 30 - 40 min
Reception with some food(nibbles) not just tea/coffee, good amount of seating and music that doesn't blow the head off ya
Good food for dinner
Speeches after dinner and short!
Good band.
No 2 day nonsense.
Venue should have a decent amount of accommodation to cater for the crowd too.

Job done.

Location, type of ceremony, number of guests should be irrelevant as should it finishing at 6/7, most wedding dinners + speeches will be over by 8 anyway and those who want to will leave.

GingerLily · 05-07-2017 01:22PM

Make sure you feed your guests enough, hungry guests are grumpy guests.

Wildsurfer · 05-07-2017 01:27PM

GingerLily wrote: »

Make sure you feed your guests enough, hungry guests are grumpy guests.

Yep, have to feed em well. Was at a low key wedding where the meal was a pig on a spit, salads etc. except it ran out for the later arriving guests. Some people had to go to a nearby hotel for food. Not good.

GingerLily · 05-07-2017 01:30PM

Wildsurfer wrote: »

Yep, have to feed em well. Was at a low key wedding where the meal was a pig on a spit, salads etc. except it ran out for the later arriving guests. Some people had to go to a nearby hotel for food. Not good.

That's all the guests will remember! The food doesn't even need to be amazing but it needs to be nice and plentiful!!!

PhoenixParker · 05-07-2017 01:48PM

I planned my wedding around what I thought was ideal from a guests persoective.

The ceremony was immediate family only on the Friday. Photos were done then.

The reception started at 4pm on a Saturday in a 4 star Dublin hotel close to where a number of my extended family live. The room rate was negotiated to be very reasonable. The hotel was also directly on an air coach route for guests arriving from abroad.

Prosecco, light nibbles and ice cream were served to arriving guests. There was money behind the bar to cover those who didn't want prosecco. That lasted til the end of dinner. No formal photos were taken as we'd done those the day before.

Dinner was called at 6. Speeches were before dinner, three speeches of five minutes each. There were no delays so the food wasn't hanging around and was therefore better then standard. Kids were served first and there was space at the back of the room for them to play with a few toys. Babysitters were provided for later.

DJ started after dinner. Afters food and cake was provided.

I'm sure some people complained about no ceremony or no band or whatnot but you'll always have that. All in all it was a pretty typical Irish wedding with the bits that have annoyed me removed.

JayRoc · 05-07-2017 01:49PM

Only a couple of things really, and these are just my personal opinion.

The ceremony itself (especially if it's in a church) should be reasonably short. Nothing worse than a priest droning on for an hour while guests get more and more hot and uncomfortable in their suits, hungry and having lost all feeling in the lower body from the hard seats.

Less of an obsession (by everyone) about presents/money. You'd be surprised how many people who you would love to see at your wedding that initially say they can't come, because it turns out they can't afford to give you a few bob...

And the biggest factor for me in enjoying a wedding is very simple: how close I am to the people getting married.

I have always had a great day at every wedding I've attended of close friends and close family. I'm invested in the celebration, I enjoy the speeches because I get the references, I get to see people I care about be happy and I get to share in it. It's great.

I've basically given up on attending weddings where I'm not particularly close to the bride and groom. Several times I've had my wife rsvp for herself but not for me, if we've been invited to something where it's just friends of hers.

So to sum up, in my opinion the secret to having a wedding full of happy guests is having guests who want to be there and who give a **** about the couple.

zoobizoo · 05-07-2017 01:52PM

Deffo start when you've said you'll start - sat for the best part of an hour in a church waiting for the bride to turn up.... she didn't bother making it to the church for mine.

When people arrive at a venue after the service, have proper food and lots of it. Whether that be sandwiches or whatever... people will be expecting some food and they will be waiting around when photos etc are being taken. No stupid candy cart... people can't survive on apple drops and wine gums until dinner.

Get the best food you can afford. People still talk to me about the steak at our wedding (I'm mostly vegan now

)

If people are bettnig on the length of speeches, let people know that it's tradition for the winner to buy a round. I was at a wedding recently where the couple at our table who won pocketed the money!!

If you're offering wine, have it free flowing enough so people aren't only getting one glass per course but not too much so they're drunk by the times the speeches happen.

If you have a band, you set the volume of the music, not them. Agree before hand that you don't want to be blasted out of it where the older people have to move out to the bar and where no one can chat. Bands like to play loud. You can tell them nicely that you'd like it turned down.

Make sure the vegetarians are looked after - you could have 10% of guests eating veggie or opting for it. I was at one wedding and the veg option was the veg that was served with the meat - just lots of it.

I don't like the two day thing.. I have no need to turn up hungover the next day and chat to people I've chatted to the day before.

Venue - should be close to where the majority of people will be coming from. None of this "I'm from Dublin, you're from Cork, let's do a castle in Mayo" nonsense.

Have a singles table but not a dud table...

Atomic Pineapple · 05-07-2017 02:05PM

GingerLily wrote: »

That's all the guests will remember! The food doesn't even need to be amazing but it needs to be nice and plentiful!!!

I'm sure its dependent on personal experience but having been to a lot of weddings over the last 3 years a recurring complaint has been when the plates were piled with food that nobody could finish even when it was nice! There's no keeping everyone happy!

GingerLily · 05-07-2017 02:26PM

Atomic Pineapple wrote: »

I'm sure its dependent on personal experience but having been to a lot of weddings over the last 3 years a recurring complaint has been when the plates were piled with food that nobody could finish even when it was nice! There's no keeping everyone happy!

That's not really a complaint though to be fair? That's usually something you say to imply the venue/hosts were generous!

Nervous Wreck · 05-07-2017 02:27PM

Almost every wedding I've ever been to has been almost exactly the same.

Ceremony
Drinks & waiting too long
"Your dress is fabulous!"
Eventual dinner - varying degrees of quality
"How do you know the couple...?"
Speeches where no one knows how to end their speech so everyone makes you stand and raise a glass to the bride and groom
Best man speech is usually stupidly impersonal ("one time we were drunk and Dave farted so we shaved his arse and called him Farty Dave lolololol")
Groom speech is usually stupidly impersonal ("and doesn't my wife look beautiful?!")
Dessert is tiny
Waiting too long for music to start
Rock the boat
"So many weddings are samey but YOUR one is so unique!"
Bride hilariously punching groom in the face with cake
Me wanting to unhilariously punch bride's extended family for being drama llamas
Decent band
Shít DJ
"Everyone to the Residents' Bar!"
Bed
Excellent breakfast - maximum beans.

El_Duderino 09 · 05-07-2017 02:29PM

OP here. In work so can't give detailed responses.

Food is a concern. I don't really know what afternoon tea will be like. Had it in England before and was lovely and left the place stuffed. Not certain if it will be enough in a wedding day though.

Relaxed informal garden party vibe is a fair reflection of the wedding couple so very appropriate for them.

Really interesting answers so far. Cheers

Atomic Pineapple · 05-07-2017 02:35PM

GingerLily wrote: »

That's not really a complaint though to be fair? That's usually something you say to imply the venue/hosts were generous!

Not sure, but it certainly wasn't conveyed in a positive manner.

05-07-2017 02:46PM

Personally I love a big full on two day wedding, always great craic.

autumnbelle · 05-07-2017 03:07PM

This post scares me, our wedding will be your typical wedding we have a BBQ the next day. Killing ourselves saving for it. But if that's most people's idea of torture?! ðŸ˜¬ðŸ™„

05-07-2017 03:16PM

autumnbelle wrote: »

This post scares me, our wedding will be your typical wedding we have a BBQ the next day. Killing ourselves saving for it. But if that's most people's idea of torture?! ��

Don't worry, most people love a good wedding and the meeting up again the next day for a BBQ. I've been to about 20 weddings in the last 3 years (18/20 traditional weddings most with 2nd nights too) and its very rarely people don't have a great time.

zoobizoo · 05-07-2017 03:17PM

autumnbelle wrote: »

This post scares me, our wedding will be your typical wedding we have a BBQ the next day. Killing ourselves saving for it. But if that's most people's idea of torture?! &#55357;&#56876;&#55357;&#56900;

I think it depends on ones age and number of weddings you've attended. I like to just get up and head off on the day after a wedding - but maybe that's just me. When I was younger I'd probably have liked to continue on partying.

We headed off the day after our city wedding on honeymoon. It was lovely getting away but my wife regretted not sitting around chatting about the day with her friends the day after.

For me, I saw it as just a pressure on people who'd already spent a day with us.

El_Duderino 09 · 05-07-2017 03:17PM

That's what I'm trying to find out. Has anyone told you they love the big wedding as said a few posts ago?

I'm not sure how much of the big traditional wedding is just the done thing and how much of it people actually enjoy.

draiochtanois · 05-07-2017 03:18PM

This post has been deleted.

Atomic Pineapple · 05-07-2017 03:18PM

autumnbelle wrote: »

This post scares me, our wedding will be your typical wedding we have a BBQ the next day. Killing ourselves saving for it. But if that's most people's idea of torture?! ��

To be fair if someone doesn't want to go to the BBQ the next day they won't, it's not like its going to be mandatory, it's just personal opinion as to whether people think it's a good idea or not. The people who want to go will go and they'll enjoy it.

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

That's what I'm trying to find out. Has anyone told you they love the big wedding as Nox001 said a few posts ago?

I'm not sure how much of the big traditional wedding is just the done thing and how much of it people actually enjoy.

It's going to be entirely a personal opinion, some will love it, some will hate it, you'll never be able to cater for everyone so the couple should just go with what they want and make the best of it.

Former Former · 05-07-2017 03:24PM

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

That's what I'm trying to find out. Has anyone told you they love the big wedding as Nox001 said a few posts ago?

I'm not sure how much of the big traditional wedding is just the done thing and how much of it people actually enjoy.

Yeah, I love the big all-day event and BBQ the following day. But I'd only do the second day for close friends.

The sort of 'afternoon tea' wedding is grand if you can limit it to less than 30 or 40 guests, but most people can't do that.

TBH, you're going at it backwards. You should do what you want to do, not what you think your guests want. You're never going to please everyone, this thread is proof of that. If you want 300 people for a sit-down meal, then that's what you should do.

guile4582 · 05-07-2017 03:25PM

Vol-Au-Vents = happy

GingerLily · 05-07-2017 03:32PM

We have RSVPs for both the wedding and the BBQ the next day - everyone (bar one couple) who is coming to the wedding is also coming to the BBQ. We thought it would be about a 50% acceptance rate

Boards is full of some very negative opinions on weddings, it's useful if you want to hear the bad stuff, but I wouldn't consider it the average Joes opinion!

El_Duderino 09 · 05-07-2017 03:34PM

Former Former wrote: »

The sort of 'afternoon tea' wedding is grand if you can limit it to less than 30 or 40 guests, but most people can't do that.

TBH, you're going at it backwards. You should do what you want to do, not what you think your guests want. You're never going to please everyone, this thread is proof of that. If you want 300 people for a sit-down meal, then that's what you should do.

I think this wedding has between 30-40 guests. I'd imagine most couples want to throw a party that both they and their guests will enjoy. It's worth finding out what people enjoy as guests, even if you don't intend to stick rigidly to it.

SozBbz · 05-07-2017 03:38PM

I've been to maybe 10 weddings the past 3 years and have 3 more dates in my diary for this year.

I've massively preferred the smaller ones - 50-80 guests ish. Plenty of people to have a party yet still intimate. A few I went to were in the 200-250 space and in one case I didnt know that many others attending and it felt like a looong day. For the bigger weddings, I felt lucky if I spend 5mins with the B&G, and felt much more like a spectator.

I'm not religious so I don't enjoy the church element. I also find that church weddings start quite early versus civil ceremony/humanist where everything is in the one venue. As a guest its much easier nicer to start at 3/4 pm and have it all in the one place.

Also, not a fan of formal 2 day events. Some of the weddings I've been at have had informal drinks the next night by just reserving a place in town and organising some nibbles, but everyone had gotton to go home first and have a bit of a rest and it was nice to meet up with people and chat about the day before, rather than rolling into a full on 2 day drinking binge as some of the 2 day weddings seem to be.

cactusgal · 05-07-2017 03:45PM

I'd be similar to most posters here. The nicest wedding I was at recently was in a big old house in a beautiful country location, started Sat at 6 pm (they did ceremony and photos with close family the day before), buffet style dinner so you could move around and chat to loads of people, band playing but no so loud that you couldn't sit and have a chat if that's what you preferred. Around 100 people there. No second day.

I don't enjoy typical Irish weddings as they're often quite samey and it's too long a day for me, but I'm 40 and have been to a lot of them, so they novelty has worn off - this may be an age thing.

Gettin Hitched2015 · 05-07-2017 03:46PM

Drinks reception for 45 minutes to an hour with plenty drink and nibbles for everyone. Can't cope with these drinks receptions that go from 3.30 to 5.30/6pm.. WHY!

cactusgal · 05-07-2017 03:50PM

Ps having said all of that, if I get an invite to a wedding and I know I won't enjoy it, I just decline politely - I'd never go and then moan about it, that's the height of rudeness.

Ann_Landers · 05-07-2017 03:51PM

Ideal to me:

- a civil ceremony (you get the best bit - the vows - without the long-winded mass, and the songs sung and readings said are often so much more personal and meaningful).

- The ceremony later on in the day so that you don't have to lose a whole day to standing around.

- On that, I find the day way too long, so your plan sounds amazing, OP. Leave from the evening onwards if you want, brilliant, sounds great.

- A lot of people dislike speeches but personally, I usually like the speeches. I like to learn more about the couple, be they close friends, family members or someone more distant from me. So keep the speeches!

- I'd like to see more of the married couple, they always disappear for hours to take photos which I always find a bit weird.

- I like the meal to have good gaps between courses so that you are not uncomfortably full.

- No pressure to go to the second day shindig. I never attend second day events, one day of drinking is enough for me but I have at times felt pressure to attend. Put as little pressure on guests as possible, IMO. They have spent a lot to attend.

- Don't stress about making your wedding unique, it results in gimmicky fads. Just have good food, good music and plenty of wine. Job done.

That's it really, the evening music is what is it is and I have no comment on it either way.

Despite the above, whilst I find weddings a bit formulaic, I always make an effort to enjoy them and sometimes it's no effort at all, if the crowd is a fun one.

Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

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