Do you think kids need parents of opposite sex?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 18-06-2017 05:15PM

MadDog76 wrote: »

You're going waaaay off topic with what you may think is a very clever way of proving your point ........... it isn't, regroup your thoughts and we can engage in a discussion of the topic itself.

No, just ridiculing the idea that something must be natural or unnatural for it to be good or bad. Ridiculous thinking.

If you want to go against the idea, fine. I see no problems. But come up with an actual logical reason first because it has nothing to do with nature.

Socially, it's fine. Been fine for ages and been done well. Plenty of role models around of all genders. Not perfectly, but what is? Certainly not nature.

Dravokivich · 18-06-2017 05:16PM

A child needs whoever is able to support them and encourage them. The more such influences the better really.

18-06-2017 05:17PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

My friend feels that her own child is missing out due to having no father figure in their life. Her half-sister and her girlfriend are in a same sex relationship and they have a child which they don't want to be parents to right now because the childs only word is 'dada', a word which they perceive to be a parent of the opposite gender - therefore rather than deal with the issue themselves as parents, they ask her sister to take care of the child. Effectively her sister is not just a parent to her own child now, but to her sisters child also.

The three parents feel that their children are missing someone of the opposite gender.

So basically you're saying a lesbian couple abandoned their child to the care of it's aunt because it's first world was Dada?

I'm skeptical.

Dirty Dingus McGee · 18-06-2017 05:21PM

I can accept 2 women raising a child a hell of a lot more than 2 men raising a child.

Personally I think it's unfair on a child not to have both a mother and father (male and female) in their life and it being deliberately decided for a child that they are not going to have a mother is certainly unfair on them.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 18-06-2017 05:22PM

Wow if the child's being abandoned for its first word the child sounds better off without them

18-06-2017 05:25PM

Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »

I can accept 2 women raising a child a hell of a lot more than 2 men raising a child.

Personally I think it's unfair on a child not to have both a mother and father (male and female) in their life and it being deliberately decided for a child that they are not going to have a mother is certainly unfair on them.

Single parenthood is unfair, widow/er hood is unfair. What's most unfair is a child having one loving and caring parent when it can have two.

The most important thing are parents invested and involved with their child, gender is surely secondary to that love and care.

As long as a child has positive influences from both genders alongside it's loving parents of whatever gender(s) then there's not much more anyone could want for a kid. Love comes first, everything else is the icing on the cake.

One eyed Jack · 18-06-2017 05:28PM

sup_dude wrote: »

But the example you gave doesn't actually prove that at all. Maybe they feel they do but I don't see how fostering the child makes that point.

You asked this:

Has anyone saying that you need a parent of both gender ever actually seen a child come out worse for wear due to the lack of a particular gendered parent?

I replied:

It's a tricky one that, as I've met many parents who feel that their child has 'missed out' or is lacking the influence of a parent of either their own or the opposite gender.

For example one of my friends who is bringing up her child on her own has said this to me, and her half-sister and the half-sisters girlfriend often foist their child upon her because they know she loves children, and they can't handle the child being unable to say any more words than 'dada' all day. It's a bit of an awkward situation for all concerned really, but I don't think my friend's half-sister should have any right to take advantage of my friends caring nature.

If they themselves are saying it, then the answer to the first part of your question is 'yes', and of course their perception of their own abilities as parents, and their perception that their children are missing out on something, is leading them to believe that their children are coming out the worst for wear as you put it.

From what I can see, their children are perfectly happy and healthy children, but you didn't ask for my opinion of their childrens welfare or their parenting skills, you asked has anyone saying that you need a parent of both gender ever actually seen a child come out worse for wear due to the lack of a particular gendered parent?

In my experience, yes they have, but I attribute that to a lack of confidence in their own abilities as parents. They're great parents if they would just give themselves a chance and weren't so full of self-doubt. Their self-doubt is understandable though given that they feel the pressure of perceptions of other people of their circumstances and their parenting ability based on their circumstances.

EDIT: Nobody mentioned fostering anyone btw, it's more like they use my friend as a free child-minding service.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 18-06-2017 05:28PM

Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »

I can accept 2 women raising a child a hell of a lot more than 2 men raising a child.

Why so?

Dirty Dingus McGee · 18-06-2017 05:29PM

Candie wrote: »

Single parenthood is unfair, widow/er hood is unfair. What's most unfair is a child having one loving and caring parent when it can have two.

The most important thing are parents invested and involved with their child, gender is surely secondary to that love and care.

As long as a child has positive influences from both genders alongside it's loving parents of whatever gender(s) then there's not much more anyone could want for a kid. Love comes first, everything else is the icing on the cake.

You missed the part where I said it being deliberately decided for them they were not going to have a mother.

....... · 18-06-2017 05:30PM

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Dirty Dingus McGee · 18-06-2017 05:30PM

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Why so?

Because one of the women will be the child's mother at least.

Permabear · 18-06-2017 05:30PM

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Dirty Dingus McGee · 18-06-2017 05:31PM

....... wrote: »

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Did he say anything against people being gay?

Being opposed to single sex couples having children is not the same thing as being homophobic.It's not even close.

WinnyThePoo · 18-06-2017 05:33PM

Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »

Did he say anything against people being gay?

Being opposed to single sex couples having children is not the same thing as being homophobic.It's not even close.

He believes all gay people are mentally ill.

....... · 18-06-2017 05:39PM

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18-06-2017 05:40PM

WinnyThePoo wrote: »

He believes all gay people are mentally ill.

And isn't interested in other opinions or evidence to the contrary.

The term for this is called 'Motivated Ignorance', it happens when a person invests so much of their intellectual energy in defending a particular position that they can't back down and see their stance for what it is.

A bit like how Donald Trump supporters think he's going great guns and that the Russians are being deployed as a decoy issue by the 'leftists' to detract from his wondrous greatness, people who cling to their homophobia while insisting it's a reasonable and well-thought-out position are simply trying to deflect from the fact that they've basically ignored all reason or evidence to the contrary.

freedominacup · 18-06-2017 05:42PM

eviltwin wrote: »

I definitely think everyone should know where they came from and have a relationship with their biological parents if possible

I don't think they necessarily need to be raised by them.

I think you should get out more. A good friend of my daughters has a relationship with her biological fcukwit of a father and it's the most unhealthy and damaging relationship she has. I'm all for father's rights but this joker is one of the exceptions.

One eyed Jack · 18-06-2017 05:50PM

freedominacup wrote: »

I think you should get out more. A good friend of my daughters has a relationship with her biological fcukwit of a father and it's the most unhealthy and damaging relationship she has. I'm all for father's rights but this joker is one of the exceptions.

In fairness, eviltwin did say 'if possible'.

Legally a child has every right to know their biological parents, and they are often encouraged to have a relationship with them if possible, but sometimes it isn't possible, and often times for obvious reasons.

Your example is one of the reasons why I don't care for "fathers rights".

Murrisk · 18-06-2017 05:55PM

me_right_one wrote: »

Thats right, I'm not. I hold different opinions to you, yet I do not hate people who are gay. Yet YOU come on here with your accusations and your intolerance, shouting down anyone who disagrees. Remind me again what the definition of bigotry is?

"Shouting down" - sigh. The most misused and most overused expression on boards. Don't be such a martyr. You put some controversial comments out there. Own them. Be prepared for the attendant responses.

Murrisk · 18-06-2017 05:57PM

Grayson wrote: »

Thanks for bothering to google what I couldn't be bothered googling.

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spurious · 18-06-2017 05:58PM

They need people involved in their lives and interested in their welfare. Whether it is a mother, father, granny, grandad, aunt, uncle, neighbour, teacher, playgroup leader it doesn't matter, but someone who is there for the child, has the child's best interests at heart and is consistent. The more the better as it's rare one or two people are better than a group. Raised by the village, so to speak, with all sorts of inputs.

Mrs OBumble · 18-06-2017 06:14PM

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

I honestly can't stand this. Being gay, is just as natural as being straight. Sexual orientation is part of everyones natural make up. Have two loving parents, regardless of gender is not unnatural.

How does a gay couple naturally get pregnant?

I know full well how they do it in practise - and every single method involves depriving the child of one biological parent.

frag420 · 18-06-2017 06:23PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

How does a gay couple naturally get pregnant?

I know full well how they do it in practise - and every single method involves depriving the child of one biological parent.

Big deal? What's biology if one of your parents is a sh1tbag or abuses a child!?

I would be more concerned with depriving a child of love and compassion than biology! Biology does not make you dad or mom, loving and caring for a child does!

18-06-2017 06:24PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

How does a gay couple naturally get pregnant?

I know full well how they do it in practise - and every single method involves depriving the child of one biological parent.

Are you opposed to adoption? After all, that deprives the child of both biological parents. Donor sperm used by a hetro couple also denies one biological parent.

The point is that people will morally allow straight parents leeway that gay parents are not allowed. Which is obviously bias at play.

Murrisk · 18-06-2017 06:25PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

How does a gay couple naturally get pregnant?

I know full well how they do it in practise - and every single method involves depriving the child of one biological parent.

So? Adopted children don't have their biological parents either.

muddypaws · 18-06-2017 06:28PM

I fostered children for a number of years, as a single carer. Contrary to popular belief, most of the children and young people came from a two parent, heterosexual family.

So were they better off in a home with two parents where there was usually abuse of one form or another - of them, or substance abuse by the parents, or in a home with a single woman?

In an ideal world, I think a loving two parent family, of any sexual orientation would be the best for a child, purely for the support aspect, being a parent is hard, being a single parent can be harder for the adult, which can impact on the child. I do think that its important for children to have a varied support network and role models, but they can be found outside of the family home just as easily as they can inside it.

18-06-2017 06:30PM

muddypaws wrote: »

I fostered children for a number of years, as a single carer. Contrary to popular belief, most of the children and young people came from a two parent, heterosexual family.

So were they better off in a home with two parents where there was usually abuse of one form or another - of them, or substance abuse by the parents, or in a home with a single woman?

In an ideal world, I think a loving two parent family, or any sexual orientation would be the best for a child, purely for the support aspect, being a parent is hard, being a single parent can be harder for the adult, which can impact on the child. I do think that its important for children to have a varied support network and role models, but they can be found outside of the family home just as easily as they can inside it.

I've always held fosterers in enormous regard, it's a tough job and not many have what it takes.

You have my admiration.

....... · 18-06-2017 06:36PM

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Widdershins · 18-06-2017 06:37PM

No, I don't think kids particularly need parents of both genders. I think with gender roles being almost a thing of the past there's less argument for that. I can see why some might say in that past that a child benefits from certain things both father and mother brought to the parenting unit. I don't really see why two women or two men couldn't have the beneficial skills/ approaches to parenting that fairly good heterosexual parents do, nowadays.

One eyed Jack · 18-06-2017 06:52PM

Widdershins wrote: »

No, I don't think kids particularly need parents of both genders. I think with gender roles being almost a thing of the past there's less argument for that. I can see why some might say in that past that a child benefits from certain things both father and mother brought to the parenting unit. I don't really see why two women or two men couldn't have the beneficial skills/ approaches to parenting that fairly good heterosexual parents do, nowadays.

We're not anything close to that in either Ireland, Europe, nor Western society.

Thankfully.

The thing is that we could evaluate parenting scenarios if all criteria were equal and if all parents thought the same and if all children thought the same, but they don't, because apart from their parents being their primary influencers (which is why most people automatically assume that it is more beneficial for a child or children to be raised in a two parent opposite sex family home), the children themselves aren't blank slates.

You can even see the differences in how children are raised depending upon what type of neighbourhood they're brought up in. That's not to say one neighbourhood is better than the other if all you're trying to deduce is the outcomes for children. Whatever the outcome is, is only a matter of perspective, and most people don't wallow in their childhood as adults.

Do you think kids need parents of opposite sex?

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