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I just......

  • 27-04-2017 7:52am
    #1
    thelad95
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,812 ✭✭✭


    Had my first sh*te in 6 days, I swear this is the greatest high known to mankind.

    I feel so light like I could run a marathon now if I wanted.


Comments

  • #2
    Hande hoche!
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,859 ✭✭✭Hande hoche!


    ****e thread.


  • #3
    hungry hypno toad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 646 ✭✭✭hungry hypno toad


    Any pics of this beast, OP?


  • #4
    hungry hypno toad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 646 ✭✭✭hungry hypno toad


    Hande hoche! wrote: »
    ****e thread.

    I've seen worse.


  • #5
    Your Face
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,275 ✭✭✭Your Face


    You ok hun?


  • #6
    hungry hypno toad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 646 ✭✭✭hungry hypno toad


    Your Face wrote: »
    You ok hun?

    He died of dehydration from the exertion of giving birth, imagine being stuck on a toilet for 6 days.


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  • #7
    Teddington Cuddlesworth
    Registered Users Posts: 315 ✭✭Teddington Cuddlesworth


    Have you had surgery on your backside recently op?


  • #8
    Arghus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,744 ✭✭✭✭Arghus


    Fair play to ya OP, we were all rooting for you.


  • #9
    hungry hypno toad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 646 ✭✭✭hungry hypno toad


    Teddington Cuddlesworth wrote: »
    Have you had surgery on your backside recently op?

    No, but he might be in need of reconstructive surgery now.


  • #10
    Parchment
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,203 ✭✭✭Parchment


    You should probably see a doctor.


  • #11
    Radiant Cool Crazy Nightmare
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 237 ✭✭Radiant Cool Crazy Nightmare


    More importantly, how many courics was it?


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  • #12
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Do you hold it in and then treat yourself on day 6 or were you constipated?


  • #13
    BBDBB
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,899 ✭✭✭✭BBDBB


    how many flushes?


  • #14
    Effects
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,760 ✭✭✭Effects


    Who the f?ck gives a sh?t?


  • #15
    infogiver
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,505 ✭✭✭infogiver


    Well done.
    Don't let it get that bad again.


  • #16
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,734 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    Perfect place for one of my favorite jokes.

    What did the constipated mathematician do?

    He worked it out with a pencil. :pac:


  • #17
    nullzero
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,759 ✭✭✭✭nullzero
    °°°°°


    BBDBB wrote: »
    how many flushes?

    More importantly, how many Couric's?

    Glazers Out!



  • #18
    nullzero
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,759 ✭✭✭✭nullzero
    °°°°°


    Boom_Bap wrote: »
    Perfect place for one of my favorite jokes.

    What did the constipated mathematician do?

    He worked it out with a pencil. :pac:

    Why did the Baker have smelly hands?

    Because he kneaded a poo.

    Glazers Out!



  • #19
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,783 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    One for the log tables....


  • #20
    Conor Bourke
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 17,425 ✭✭✭✭Conor Bourke


    Describe it for us using this handy scale

    bristol_stool_chart.gif


  • #21
    thelad95
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,812 ✭✭✭thelad95


    Cornelius Crow wrote: »
    Describe it for us using this handy scale

    bristol_stool_chart.gif

    Type 1 followed seconds later by a big glorious type 3.


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  • #22
    seamus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    6 days? ****ing hell.

    I'm not sure if I have gone a single day on this earth without dropping some kids off at the pool.

    Maybe, maybe, I've gone a day, when I've been sick or something, but I genuinely don't recall. I cannot imagine 6 days. It'd be like carrying a small child around in your intestines, the size of it.


  • #23
    Aglomerado
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,783 ✭✭✭Aglomerado


    Cornelius Crow wrote: »
    Describe it for us using this handy scale

    bristol_stool_chart.gif

    I quite like your signature when paired with this chart....


  • #24
    Conor Bourke
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 17,425 ✭✭✭✭Conor Bourke


    Aglomerado wrote: »
    I quite like your signature when paired with this chart....

    :D


  • #25
    Irish Guitarist
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,736 ✭✭✭Irish Guitarist


    Did you leave it under the pillow for the shite fairy?


  • #26
    Roger Hassenforder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    The feckin waltzers in Funderland literally spun the sh1t out of me.
    I reckon centrifugal forces* pushed water to the outside my colon -had a majorl rush of watery poo 2 hours later, followed immediately by a very dry one. No fun I tell you.

    I'm still not right.
    *That or it was campylobacter...


  • #27
    jester77
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,264 ✭✭✭✭jester77


    6 days :eek: You must be walking like a cowboy after that one!


  • #28
    LirW
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,825 ✭✭✭LirW


    The poops you have after having a C-Section... that's a very new chapter in my life. Feel ya, OP.


  • #29
    Beasty
    Administrators, Social & Fun Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 78,380 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Beasty


    hungry hypno toad wrote: »
    Any pics of this beast, OP?

    Please!!!

    Don't bring me into this


  • #30
    harry Bailey esq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,814 ✭✭✭harry Bailey esq


    thelad95 wrote: »
    Type 1 followed seconds later by a big glorious type 3.

    Sweet.Did you require a second visit about an hour or so later that was a number seven(I call it the rearguard)? If so,you've turned out a textbook festive sh1te.Ubiquitous around the country in the week running from the 28th of Dec through to the turd of January.An absolute classic.


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  • #31
    Hector Bellend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,667 ✭✭✭Hector Bellend


    I took an exceptional dump this morning also.

    It was intense


  • #32
    me_irl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭me_irl


    Well done.


  • #33
    kfallon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Say your bunghole was like a bloodorange after squeezing out a 6 day baked bum loaf!


  • #34
    nullzero
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,759 ✭✭✭✭nullzero
    °°°°°


    Irish Guitarist wrote: »
    Did you leave it under the pillow for the shite fairy?

    Sorry to tell you but the poo fairy doesn't exist.

    Glazers Out!



  • #35
    Outlaw Pete
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,423 ✭✭✭✭Outlaw Pete


    thelad95 wrote: »
    ...followed seconds later by a big glorious type 3.

    So, just to be clear, you describe a Type 3 (phallic shaped) shite stretching your ring as being "glorious" and the "greatest high known to mankind"?

    Have you ever thought about going for a drink in The George, OP... you may just have discovered your G spot? :p


  • #36
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    thelad95 wrote: »
    Had my first sh*te in 6 days, I swear this is the greatest high known to mankind.

    I feel so light like I could run a marathon now if I wanted.

    The fertiliser company won't be recruiting you any time soon.


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  • #37
    Harry Palmr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40,061 ✭✭✭✭Harry Palmr


    Six days?! Fancy giving us a glimpse of your typical grocery list? Do you ever do any exercise?


  • #38
    greencap
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭greencap


    Harry Palmr wrote: »
    Six days?! Fancy giving us a glimpse of your typical grocery list? Do you ever do any exercise?


    FFS 6 days. I'd say its pancakes and lard, with chips and bread.



    I'd normally be jealous of a 6 day-er, but recently discovered a secret technique that almost instantly doubles standard yield.

    You just have to raise your feet on something solid so you're in a more squat position. They make special foot stools for it.

    Its amazing. Plus rumor has it several people, by way of using this technique, have achieved the fabled no-wiper.

    discussion/2058195983/russia-threadbanned-users-in-op/p3135

    😁



  • #39
    Elemonator
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,271 ✭✭✭Elemonator


    What have I walked in on.........


  • #40
    Harry Palmr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40,061 ✭✭✭✭Harry Palmr


    Yep I'm aware of the "Asian" squat stance, makes sense when you think about it.


  • #41
    TerrorFirmer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29,930 ✭✭✭✭TerrorFirmer


    My housemate actually bought a 'squatty potty' as a joke but now insists it's the only way he can go. Haven't tried it yet. Perhaps I'm missing out on a sensational experience.

    Six days though, good god. I mean, when you think of all the food you're eating on a daily basis and for six days it's just backing up in your system with nowhere to go....a friend of mine didn't go for something like 10 days once and had to go to the doctor about it in the end. Towards the end of the ordeal he was actually hobbling around like a decrepit 105 year old man.


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  • #42
    greencap
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭greencap


    discussion/2058195983/russia-threadbanned-users-in-op/p3135

    😁



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