Wives... were you glad pubs weren't open today

Shenshen · 20-04-2017 12:08pm

RuMan wrote: »

Well if the only alternative was spending all day every Saturday and Sunday cleaning I think I'd take the "dirty" house.

Couple of hours a week, anything more is excessive. How dirty could a house be if everyone's at work most of the week ?

Once stuff crunches underfoot, or I find myself sticking to the floor, I feel it needs cleaning...

RuMan · 20-04-2017 12:13pm

Shenshen wrote: »

Once stuff crunches underfoot, or I find myself sticking to the floor, I feel it needs cleaning...

Well if you're cleaning all weekend every weekend something is wrong. That's probably more time spent cleaning then you're in the house mon - fri (ignoring sleeping).

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Shenshen · 20-04-2017 12:49pm

RuMan wrote: »

Well if you're cleaning all weekend every weekend something is wrong. That's probably more time spent cleaning then you're in the house mon - fri (ignoring sleeping).

I never said I was, I usually clean during the week. But I would spend around 1h each evening doing chores around the house (plus about 1h cooking, but that's a joy not a chore)

The weekend is for the bigger jobs - we had to fix a clogged gutter a few weeks back, we'll have to paint one of the garden walls one of the coming weekends, the paint on the shed needs touching up, my car needs washing, etc.
It doesn't take all weekend, but it does eat into free time. While my husband was home, this would have all been done during the week while I was at work (ok, minus washing the car, obviously), and the weekends just held more "free" time.

RuMan · 20-04-2017 1:14pm

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Cleaning/housework/chores whatever you want to call it.

I was referring to you as a matter of fact. I don't think I've misrepresented you based on below. You stated you spent most of Saturday and a lot of sunday on various chores (or whatever you prefer to call them) -

Weekends, hoovering, grocery shopping, general cleaning, house maintenance chores (theres always something!), washing bathrooms, kitchen floor, washing/ironing, generally have something there wasnt time to do during the week like go to post office, mechanic, diy shop etc...... Takes up most of saturday and then on sunday a lot of the day goes on cooking and prep for the week ahead.

andekwarhola · 20-04-2017 1:16pm

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If I won the lottery, maybe I would get bored of not working. It's something I'd be willing to test extensively, :pac:

20-04-2017 1:19pm

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Its basically scrounging and I certainly would be totally unwilling to fund this type of lifestyle from my salary.

Scrounging? From who?

Your partner? The partner that ensures you no longer have to give up your free time to do household maintenance/cleaning?

Is that not worth something?

If I'm not much mistaken, you posted earlier in the thread that people should do what suits them, as a couple - then you turn around and accuse the partner who doesn't work of "scrounging":eek:.

There are many arrangements that suit different couples at different times in their lives.

Your posts suggest a very rigid, uncompromising attitude - to the extent that I think you're either trolling, or feel your partner has to "earn" the right to be your partner.

Good luck with your present arrangements. (Not being sarcastic!).

I have a very strong suspicion that your attitude will need to mellow if circumstances change.

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20-04-2017 1:40pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Scrounging? From who?

Your partner? The partner that ensures you no longer have to give up your free time to do household maintenance/cleaning?

Is that not worth something?

If I'm not much mistaken, you posted earlier in the thread that people should do what suits them, as a couple - then you turn around and accuse the partner who doesn't work of "scrounging":eek:.

There are many arrangements that suit different couples at different times in their lives.

Your posts suggest a very rigid, uncompromising attitude - to the extent that I think you're either trolling, or feel your partner has to "earn" the right to be your partner.

Good luck with your present arrangements. (Not being sarcastic!).

I have a very strong suspicion that your attitude will need to mellow if circumstances change.

Fair enough scrounging was not the right word to use. It was more that personally I would expect people to work and earn a salary if they are able to. Giving up work to look after kids is a different story, giving up a job to try found a little business in something you like doing (that has potential to make money) or something along those lines would again be a different story (though I would encourage a person to keep their job until they were sure they could make money in their own business). In these scenarios (and possibly some others) there would not be an issue in helping to support the person but just deciding to quit work in order to cook the dinner and do your hobbies, no chance*. Yes of course people should do what suits them as a couple I just find it a bizarre choice.

As for attitude mellowing, I've already stated on a number of occasions that there is plenty of scope for compromise while still maintaining a general philosophy on how finances are managed. You cannot just say your way is right when there is in fact no right or wrong way.

*Unless of course you have lots of money and essentially retire young, totally different scenario then and by all means give up work.

RuMan · 20-04-2017 1:46pm

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If you have kids you'll have all that plus numerous kids activities not to mention there'll be a much bigger mess with the kids.

If you need to give up work to manage all that now I've no idea how you'd cope with kids as well. Yet amazingly lots of people do manage.

Anyway my point was maintaining the home where there's only 2 adults isn't a full time thing. I stand by that.

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Shenshen · 20-04-2017 1:52pm

RuMan wrote: »

...
Anyway my point was maintaining the home where there's only 2 adults isn't a full time thing. I stand by that.

Good, we all agree, then. Nobody ever said it was a full time thing, anyway.

What was said was that it's nice having the extra time, both for the partner staying at home and for the partner still working.

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20-04-2017 1:53pm

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Fair enough scrounging was not the right word to use. It was more that personally I would expect people to work and earn a salary if they are able to. Giving up work to look after kids is a different story, giving up a job to try found a little business in something you like doing (that has potential to make money) or something along those lines would again be a different story (though I would encourage a person to keep their job until they were sure they could make money in their own business). These scenarios there would not be an issue in helping to support the person but just deciding to not work to cook the dinner and do your hobbies, no chance. Yes of course people should do what suits them as a couple I just find it a bizarre choice.

As for attitude mellowing, I've already stated on a number of occasions that there is plenty of scope for compromise while still maintaining a general philosophy on how finances are managed. You cannot just say your way is right when there is in fact no right or wrong way.

I think it's fair to say that those of us who have debated with you were not suggesting that their way was "right", so much as pointing out that rigid structures such as those you have so rigorously defended are unlikely to last a lifetime.

I'm glad you recognise that there are circumstances where one partner provides most of the income can still mean they are an equal partner in the relationship.

One last question, though!

If your partner decided to stay home and look after children in the future (or needed to, due to illness, or whatever) - would you still believe the disposable income wouldn't necessarily be shared 50/50?

RuMan · 20-04-2017 2:06pm

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Fair enough.

You gave up work. To do what I cant really follow.
Personally doing chores comes a very distant third to kids/work.

We're all different though so best of luck anyway.

20-04-2017 2:06pm

....... wrote: »

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If you are happy to do so then fire away but I wouldn't do it unless I had enough money to maintain a certain level of lifestyle and support another person (i.e. if I had a lot of money).

Deleted User wrote: »

If your partner decided to stay home and look after children in the future (or needed to, due to illness, or whatever) - would you still believe the disposable income wouldn't necessarily be shared 50/50?

Yes I still believe that it would not necessarily be shared 50/50, I don't see why it automatically should be. That does not of course mean that one partner is left with nothing and the other is living a high life or other such scenarios being painted by some.

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irelandrover · 20-04-2017 2:25pm

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I can see how for ye having one person at home can make a huge difference. You seem to spend your entire life doing chores, cooking, or working, except for one hour in the gym every day.

That isnt normal for most people that dont have children.

20-04-2017 2:29pm

irelandrover wrote: »

I can see how for ye having one person at home can make a huge difference. You seem to spend your entire life doing chores, cooking, or working, except for one hour in the gym every day.

That isnt normal for most people that dont have children.

Exactly I get in from work around 6:30 or 7pm and go to bed around 12:30am or so and I would barely spend 30 mins of that time doing any form of chore (dinner prep and putting stuff in the dishwasher really being the only thing).

Cyrus · 20-04-2017 2:33pm

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Yes I still believe that it would not necessarily be shared 50/50, I don't see why it automatically should be. That does not of course mean that one partner is left with nothing and the other is living a high life or other such scenarios being painted by some.

why not 50/50?

ceadaoin. · 20-04-2017 2:41pm

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

But they basically would be sitting at home scratching themselves as there would be nothing to do most of the time and look at all the money that would be given up (especially if both were high earners) and all that could be bought with it.

Lots of people don't care about constantly buying more stuff. For them, the benefits of a less stressful lifestyle outweigh the financial benefits. I know someone like this and it works for them.

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Yes I still believe that it would not necessarily be shared 50/50, I don't see why it automatically should be. That does not of course mean that one partner is left with nothing and the other is living a high life or other such scenarios being painted by some.

Because by choosing to stay home and look after children, they are enabling the other person to further their career and earning potential unhindered?

Personally, I don't work. I don't have to, my husband earns more than enough for us. Originally I intended to return to work after maternity leave, even though childcare would barely be covered by my salary, but we moved to another country for his job and I cant work here anyway. That was the best choice for our family

Am I a scrounger? Am I not entitled to equal access to the family income? (and yes, it's family income, not just my husbands) I suppose I could have vetoed the move, and continued working, but we would be in a significantly worse off financial position if I had

20-04-2017 2:45pm

Cyrus wrote: »

why not 50/50?

Because its the earners money. I'm not saying it should be split 99/1, in fact I'm not so sure about actually splitting anything rather giving money when its wanted for something rather than automatically giving access to the pot.

20-04-2017 2:51pm

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Yes I still believe that it would not necessarily be shared 50/50, I don't see why it automatically should be. That does not of course mean that one partner is left with nothing and the other is living a high life or other such scenarios being painted by some.

Hmm. If I were your partner, I'd be inclined to make da*n sure that I wasn't the one to give up work, if it ever became necessary - especially if it was to look after a sick child that we both created.

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irelandrover · 20-04-2017 2:56pm

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i read them, you get up early, go to the gym, go to work, come home, do chores, cook and sit down for 45 minutes.

On the weekend you spend most of it doing chores so you apparently be an adult.

What was wrong with what i said?

20-04-2017 2:58pm

....... wrote: »

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Don't get married to someone who has a very different philosophy to financial management (like some posters here) would probably be a more accurate statement.

RuMan · 20-04-2017 2:58pm

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But what do you do all day ? You don't work and you've no kids to look after.

You claim you're busy, doing what I''ve no idea.

....... · 20-04-2017 3:02pm

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20-04-2017 3:02pm

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Because its the earners money. I'm not saying it should be split 99/1, in fact I'm not so sure about actually splitting anything rather giving money when its wanted for something rather than automatically giving access to the pot.

So, if in future your OH has to stay at home & mind a child /children, you believe she should have to come to you and ask you for money to buy anything?
Seriously, it's like the 1950s in your world!

irelandrover · 20-04-2017 3:07pm

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Fair enough,

I leave for work at 8:45, home by 5:30. Throw on a wash in the morning maybe and hang it out when i get home. Head out for a run or a workout for an hour. Start cooking and clean/ tidy while stuff is cooking. My wife will tidy while I cook or vice versa. Eat and then we have 2-3 hours before we head to bed.

We have a cleaner every 2 weeks than does more of a deep clean. So pretty much no cleaning left to do at the weekend. I play soccer on sunday mornings and then do some maintenance/ gardening sunday afternoon. A bigger job will be every 2 months max. It generally leaves a full day Saturday free.

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pilly · 20-04-2017 3:14pm

irelandrover wrote: »

Fair enough,

I leave for work at 8:45, home by 5:30. Throw on a wash in the morning maybe and hang it out when i get home. Head out for a run or a workout for an hour. Start cooking and clean/ tidy while stuff is cooking. My wife will tidy while I cook or vice versa. Eat and then we have 2-3 hours before we head to bed.

We have a cleaner every 2 weeks than does more of a deep clean. So pretty much no cleaning left to do at the weekend. I play soccer on sunday mornings and then do some maintenance/ gardening sunday afternoon. A bigger job will be every 2 months max. It generally leaves a full day Saturday free.

Funny that how 2 people in this thread have a cleaner every 2 weeks. Reek of bull**** in here is unreal.

Given it's not even an important topic I really don't get what saddos get out of making up **** to get a rise out of people.

irelandrover · 20-04-2017 3:17pm

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Ive done the long commute thing before as well. You find other ways of saving time. We used get all our shopping delivered so we didnt have to go to the supermarket.

I still think you seem to spend a lot of time on chores for a house that 2 people live in.

irelandrover · 20-04-2017 3:19pm

pilly wrote: »

Funny that how 2 people in this thread have a cleaner every 2 weeks. Reek of bull**** in here is unreal.

Given it's not even an important topic I really don't get what saddos get out of making up **** to get a rise out of people.

Why the hell would i make up getting a cleaner every two weeks. It adds so little to my argument that it would be a pointless thing to make up.

And with the amount of people in this thread that have posted i'd say a lot more than 2 have a cleaner.

I value a free saturday more than I value the €45 for a cleaner. Therefore we have a cleaner.

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irelandrover · 20-04-2017 3:24pm

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Well yes, there are 2 of ye in the house. While you spend an hour cooking your partner cleans. Or while they cook, you clean. thats 5 hours cleaning a week and frees up the saturday. Unless both of ye cook for an hour every evening.

RuMan · 20-04-2017 3:25pm

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Ok you said you were made redundant. Presumably you're back at work now.

I'll be honest we're rarely in the house for long during the day on sat and sunday unless we have someone over.
My wife and I will be doing various activities ourselves or bringing the kids to theirs. Late afternoon we'll call to friends /family , go the park, cinema, sporting event or something like that.

I cant comprehend how you could (or need to ) spend your whole weekend doing chores. They are done when we have time, if too busy do them next week.

Mon - Fri one or more of us will always have something on in the evening. Class , training etc.

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Electric Sheep · 20-04-2017 3:31pm

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

*Unless of course you have lots of money and essentially retire young, totally different scenario then and by all means give up work.

And spend the remainder of your years as an unpaid skivvy to your grandkids.

20-04-2017 3:33pm

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One word, a cleaner. You highlight how much you would like to not have to work so you can spend more time on your hobbies etc. Surely the 25 euro (or 12.50 each) every two weeks (or even every week if you are a bit of a clean freak) would be well worth it and far far far cheaper than giving up a salary.

I have far better things to be doing with my time than spending time cleaning so I pay for a cleaner.

Electric Sheep wrote: »

And spend the remainder of your years as an unpaid skivvy to your grandkids.

No problem whatsoever helping out my kids and preventing them paying extortionate childcare costs.

20-04-2017 3:33pm

bubblypop wrote: »

So, if in future your OH has to stay at home & mind a child /children, you believe she should have to come to you and ask you for money to buy anything?
Seriously, it's like the 1950s in your world!

Bubblypop, he was outraged earlier in the thread at the thought of "asking for his own money"

He's trolling. He has to be. No woman in her right mind would put up with that attitude.

Walter H Price · 20-04-2017 3:34pm

Honestly couldn't imagine anything more depressing then , sitting in a pub with out my OH every Friday / Saturday and coming home to sleep alone. I don't think i've ever been in a pub with out her tbh not my thing at all would much rather chill out at home with her having a takeaway and a cuddle on the couch any weekend.

The drink culture in this country is just sad to be honest.

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pilly · 20-04-2017 3:37pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Bubblypop, he was outraged earlier in the thread at the thought of "asking for his own money"

He's trolling. He has to be. No woman in her right mind would put up with that attitude.

I stopped feeding it a few pages back. Suggest others do the same.

20-04-2017 3:38pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Bubblypop, he was outraged earlier in the thread at the thought of "asking for his own money"

He's trolling. He has to be. No woman in her right mind would put up with that attitude.

Big difference between asking for your own money and asking for someone else's. It's been exaggerated far beyond what I meant also. Of course an amount of money would be available but if more was required from the earners disposable income then I think they should be giving it rather than it just being taken.

Walter H Price wrote: »

Honestly couldn't imagine anything more depressing then , sitting in a pub with out my OH every Friday / Saturday and coming home to sleep alone. I don't think i've ever been in a pub with out her tbh not my thing at all would much rather chill out at home with her having a takeaway and a cuddle on the couch any weekend.

The drink culture in this country is just sad to be honest.

Each to their own but most people like to spend time and have the craic with friends. Sitting in chilling can be done one weekend night while the pub with friends can be done the other. Plenty of midweek nights for the pub too if you wish.

Electric Sheep · 20-04-2017 3:40pm

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People on boards.ie must use their ovens a lot. I am in the same condo for 20 years and have never used the oven. The odd time that I need to, I use my toaster oven to make bread or muffins or whatever. It is easily cleaned;)

We find that cleaning up after ourselves as we go along means that housework is kept to a minimum.

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Wives... were you glad pubs weren't open today

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