Going to a wedding to see a band (See Mod Warning in 1st post)

We did this for a couple of bands, never went into the room so much as we always got a good listen from the lobby.

Band we went with in the end had some stuff online which made it easier.

lazygal wrote: »

Of course you're going to defend this practice if it's how you drum up business.
I didn't stick my head in the door at another wedding to see how the food was, we had a tasting. I didn't shadow my photographer to see how she was on a wedding day, I looked at sample albums.
I've seem the same band at two weddings, one was far better IMO. If you're telling couples that the only way to judge you is to sneak into a wedding someone else has paid you to play at that doesn't sit well with me. We paid our band for a service, not so they could use our wedding as a sample for other couples.

With all due respect, I think you're missing the point. A main course will probably taste the same whether it's in the hotel's restaurant or in the function room...and a wedding album from a photographer is an excellent way of making a judgment about their work. However, you won't try fish and chips at a tasting if you're going to have beef or salmon for your main course, and you won't be happy if the photographer presents you with a fantastic album of first communion pics as an example of their work if you want to book them for a wedding.
The point I'm making is that a wedding reception, from the band's point of view, is a unique kind of gig. We don't play the same music at other gigs, we dress differently and to be honest, we don't play anywhere near as loud at a wedding as we would at, say, a pub gig. But if you're happy to judge a hotel meal for a wedding on the basis of fish and chips, the photographer on the basis of an album of first communion pics, and indeed, the band on the basis of a website, or a gig in a pub, then I'd be completely happy for you to come and see us in a pub. But....I'd be far happier for you to see us play a wedding instead.
There is no sense of us using you for marketing in wishing for you to see us at at somebody else's wedding. There is a certain amount of reciprocation involved. If somebody has seen us at a wedding and booked us, it's always mentioned to them that one or two couples (but certainly no more than that) might come along to see us at that wedding and that we will contact them beforehand to confirm that it's ok. (Similar to pconn062 above, we've never had a problem in that regard.) The only case in which we wouldn't do that is if it's a black tie wedding.
I think perhaps, that you might be the exception that proves the rule but saying that, if you had booked us and didn't want anybody coming along to see us play at your wedding, then that would be fine too. Happily, we play enough weddings to be able to offer potential client's a few alternatives.

exaisle wrote: »

With all due respect, I think you're missing the point. A main course will probably taste the same whether it's in the hotel's restaurant or in the function room...and a wedding album from a photographer is an excellent way of making a judgment about their work. However, you won't try fish and chips at a tasting if you're going to have beef or salmon for your main course, and you won't be happy if the photographer presents you with a fantastic album of first communion pics as an example of their work if you want to book them for a wedding.
The point I'm making is that a wedding reception, from the band's point of view, is a unique kind of gig. We don't play the same music at other gigs, we dress differently and to be honest, we don't play anywhere near as loud at a wedding as we would at, say, a pub gig. But if you're happy to judge a hotel meal for a wedding on the basis of fish and chips, the photographer on the basis of an album of first communion pics, and indeed, the band on the basis of a website, or a gig in a pub, then I'd be completely happy for you to come and see us in a pub. But....I'd be far happier for you to see us play a wedding instead.
There is no sense of us using you for marketing in wishing for you to see us at at somebody else's wedding. There is a certain amount of reciprocation involved. If somebody has seen us at a wedding and booked us, it's always mentioned to them that one or two couples (but certainly no more than that) might come along to see us at that wedding and that we will contact them beforehand to confirm that it's ok. (Similar to pconn062 above, we've never had a problem in that regard.) The only case in which we wouldn't do that is if it's a black tie wedding.
I think perhaps, that you might be the exception that proves the rule but saying that, if you had booked us and didn't want anybody coming along to see us play at your wedding, then that would be fine too. Happily, we play enough weddings to be able to offer potential client's a few alternatives.

No, you're missing the point.
We hired a band that didn't engage in this practice to get business. We attended their showcase and trusted that they were professionals who would do a good job in return for the fee we were paying them. And they did. They even learned our first dance song and sang it live-we trusted as professionals they would deliver.
I don't see what is so different about the service provided by a band that a couple can only judge it based on sneaking into a performance someone else had paid for. My hair and makeup was extremely important to me, but I didn't ask if I could pop along to see how the women doing it would cope on a busy wedding morning so I knew how they'd work on the day. When we did our tasting, we were in the restaurant with a handful of other customers, but we tasted the food and expected that a professional kitchen and service staff would deliver to the 90 guests we expected on the day of our wedding.

That this has become standard practice for bands to the point that they feel they can defend in the manner in which you have is bizarre. Sneaking into a private function to gauge a service provider should strike most people as a bit weird.

skallywag wrote: »

Agree completely with the above.

I genuinely cannot see how any reasonable person would be against having another couple watch their band for a handful of songs.

We had 90 people at our wedding. We didn't even ask all our relatives to it. Why would we let complete strangers into the band's performance for a nose when we didn't even ask all our aunts and uncles and cousins to the day? Not to mention that there are no guarantees that the complete strangers might turn out to be people you know and don't want to see on your wedding day. Ireland's small that way.

We're not having a band but tbh if I see anyone I don't know in the venue on my wedding day they will be asked to leave. I don't care if they're friends of friends, I don't care if they're there to see the set up, I don't care. There are some things that I just think are plain rude, and that includes coming to an event where you did not receive an explicit invitation from the hosts. Whether that's an invitation into my house to see a tiling job, or a wedding. My brother, on the other hand, had no issue with a few folks who gatecrashed his wedding a few years back, he thought it was great craic. Everyone's different.

Why is it always doomsday scenarios that are posted on this forum??! People filming your wedding guests, crashing weddings, eating food and drinking at a strangers weddings. How often do you think these things actually happen? On my experience as someone who goes to a lot of weddings the answer is rarely to never. As I said in our case bride and grooms are always asked on advance and preferably we encourage them to attend showcases instead.

And I agree, any band that says you can just drop into a wedding without getting permission from the bride and groom should be avoided as they are not reputable.

Oink wrote: »

As far as I'm concerned:
Any couple who asks politely and in advance will be sat at the bar, with a glass of champagne and a slice of cake. Happy to help them plan their happy day.

Turn up at the door unannounced and ask politely, you will be standing at the back quietly.

Crash my private family event and you'll be out the door.

Very well put, sums up my own sentiments exactly.

You can't know how people will behave. I purposely excluded one relative from our wedding because of their previous form at family events, and my husband did the same with one of his. We had asked other relatives we could trust to make sure they didn't access the ceremony or reception just in case (thankfully our legal ceremony took place before the big day so this was possible). They are trouble and we didn't want them there because they have spoiled other occasions. If we've gone to the effort of eliminating potential hassle with people we know, why would we not worry about people we don't coming to our wedding uninvited?