What to do?

Fed up of bs · 01-03-2017 11:34AM #1

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

elefant · 01-03-2017 11:40AM

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

I'm not sure what your question is.

Sounds like you did the right thing. You should probably just cut contact on social media if it's bothering you, and feel assured you've made the right move.

freshpopcorn · 01-03-2017 12:06PM

So you broke up with him but you want him to sit and wollow at home after you say it's over. Not all men/women are into that. Some people head our to clubs and other join dating apps.

Fed up of bs · 01-03-2017 12:12PM

Thanks don't think I have a question. More clarity I have done right thing and suppose just confused.

Fed up of bs · 01-03-2017 12:15PM

Thanks for Ur reply.
I am not expecting anyone to wallow over me. But I think a few hours is abit soon especially if someone tells u they love u so much and they can't function without out u but they can function a dating site. I'm old fashioned when it comes to love, I don't believe using other people will help.

freshpopcorn · 01-03-2017 12:18PM

Fed up of bs wrote: »

Thanks for Ur reply.
I am not expecting anyone to wallow over me. But I think a few hours is abit soon especially if someone tells u they love u so much and they can't function without out u but they can function a dating site. I'm old fashioned when it comes to love, I don't believe using other people will help.

Don't you see tough you fell exactly into his trap. You went searching dating sites right after him.
It's kind of a thing people do. I'll show them I'm over them.

benjamin d · 01-03-2017 12:18PM

How long were you together?

Adding single girls to his facebook: had you been preventing him from being Facebook friends with people because they were single girls? Do you know these people and why he might be friends on Facebook with them?

What age are you both? You sound like a teenager.

Tokyo · 01-03-2017 12:37PM

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day...

...few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.

Fed up of bs wrote: »

Thanks for Ur reply.
I am not expecting anyone to wallow over me. But I think a few hours is abit soon especially if someone tells u they love u so much and they can't function without out u but they can function a dating site. I'm old fashioned when it comes to love, I don't believe using other people will help.

I can't speak to whether breaking up with him was the right thing to do or not - you have the best measure of your relationship, and only you can say whether it was the right thing to do for you or not. But the fact is, you did break up with him, and whatever he does from here on in isn't for you to get annoyed with.

Maybe it is a bit premature that he already seems to be looking out for someone else, but people react to break-ups in different ways. Some people wallow in self pity, others drink to forget it, and others still take on a 'well screw you too' attitude, and chase after the next person that comes along rather than face their feelings on being dumped. I'm not saying that any of those are a great response, I'm just saying it does happen.

To be honest, both of your reactions seem immature. His, for seeking out every single girl in a ten mile radius, and yours for online stalking him after the fact and then getting angry with him. If you both think there's something of your relationship to be salvaged, then you both need to sit down and talk about it maturely. If not, then you both need to let each other move on with your lives, whether you agree with how the person decides to move on or not.

Fed up of bs · 01-03-2017 01:29PM

Yeah u right.
I am acting immature but it also hurts.
I just believe in respect but I know what needs to be done and take note any comments made.
Sometimes it's nice just to get other people's views other than my own

LLMMLL · 01-03-2017 01:36PM

Fed up of bs wrote: »

Yeah u right.
I am acting immature but it also hurts.
I just believe in respect but I know what needs to be done and take note any comments made.
Sometimes it's nice just to get other people's views other than my own

I get there impression it wasn't a real break up for you. We're you testing him to see how much he would pursue you to get you back?

Fed up of bs · 01-03-2017 01:52PM

Yeah u could be right.
but I know now.
Blocking him out of my life now I think is best to do.
Don't want to be in a relationship like this.
It's making me feel crazy and angry. Time to look out for myself now.
Thanks

Xterminator · 01-03-2017 03:37PM

HI OP

It does sound like you were testing him alright. Perhaps subconsciously.

Look different people get over things different ways. By throwing himself into the market again, he might have been trying to get over a broken heart, or by going back on the market again, he may have been saying you meant nothing to him. On a combination of both ... do you get the point?

Basically just because you wouldn't do so, doesn't mean he shouldn't and as you were the one who broke up with him, i personally wouldn't consider it disrespectful at all. You say you don't expect him to sit at home and wallow, but actually you seem to have expected him to do so for a period of time.

I'm not sure why but you seem more mad at him now that when you broke up with him. if your finished with him, or you were unhappy with the relationship then get on with your life and be happy with your decision. BUT why does his acting single make you mad?! You were the one who 'made' him single? it sounds like you wanted him to have a period of mourning alright, wear sackcloth and go off his food.

sorry if that sounds a little harsh.

timmy880 · 01-03-2017 04:00PM

I don't really know what you want him to do? Sit in a dark room and cry for 3 months?

Yes, he's putting himself out there extremely quickly but it's his choice. You searched POF hoping he hadn't set up a profile. I don't know what you were hoping to find? Would you be happier if he wasn't there?

You say you believe in respect. He's respected the fact you've told him to piss off and instead he is seeing what else is out there. Either you're mad he isn't feeling sorry for himself or you're mad he's not begging you to get back with him. Either one isn't healthy for you. You tested him and it failed miserably.

njs030 · 01-03-2017 04:04PM

What to do about what? You broke up with him anything he does now isn't your business. Stalking his facebook profile and hunting pof for him is a little creepy and controlling.

Like other people I guess you wanted him to beg and plead with you to stay with him and it backfired?
I think you should learn from this to be very careful how you treat people op.

Fed up of bs · 01-03-2017 04:06PM

That's fair enough
But he is trying to get back to me
Funny how the guys attitudes with dealing with things are different to how women would deal with things.
I am not expecting anyone to cry into a tissue box. Life goes on I know. But if same thing happened to use that think it's ok. Be interesting how u all would respond. See its easy to come online and hate I can take advice from people Wether it's good or bad because sometimes it is needed to put things in perspective. But when people get nasty I have no time for that

dellas1979 · 01-03-2017 06:32PM

Its very simple.

His ego is bruised and it needs to be pumped up.

It really isnt about you at all. Thats about how he copes.

If someone has an ego like that, it usually mean trouble in other areas too.

retro:electro · 01-03-2017 07:46PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

So you broke up with him but you want him to sit and wollow at home after you say it's over. Not all men/women are into that. Some people head our to clubs and other join dating apps.

Ah stop. People do not give advice like this in the real world so I'm always baffled when boards users have such holier than thou responses that are in no way reflective of how they would actually speak to a person in real life. No one is expecting anyone to wallow at home. Anyone would be annoyed if your other half was on dating apps hours after a break up.

Yes op it was a crappy thing for him to do, but rest assured that your decision to break up with him was the right one because his subsequent actions shows he's not a very nice or considerate person.

Fed up of bs · 01-03-2017 07:55PM

I did not break up with him to test him.
It was more to do with trust issuse
No one is perfect in this world.
There has been other issues with dating sites during our relationship. Which I am not getting into.

lawred2 · 01-03-2017 07:59PM

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

You dumped him. What exactly were you expecting him to do?

Write sonnets to win you back!?

His pof account is his business now. Not yours.

Fed up of bs · 01-03-2017 08:06PM

I hope neva too bump into guys with Ur attitudes.
Proves to me not many trust worth people out there.

lawred2 · 01-03-2017 08:09PM

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I hope neva too bump into guys with Ur attitudes.
Proves to me not many trust worth people out there.

lol

You've a warped view of trustworthy

njs030 · 01-03-2017 08:15PM

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I did not break up with him to test him.
It was more to do with trust issuse
No one is perfect in this world.
There has been other issues with dating sites during our relationship. Which I am not getting into.

Op what exactly do you want here? You had trust issues so you broke up. Seems like the right decision to me!!

Honestly stop stalking what he does and start moving on.

tara73 · 01-03-2017 08:30PM

you both sound extremely immature and your last post proves it the most.

just grow up a little more, councelling would help here, sometimes it's not possible to do it on your own. If you are happy with yourself and know what you want and what not there's a good chance relationships will work out well too, because you choose people who are compatible to you and not toxic.

December2012 · 01-03-2017 08:59PM

Once your relationship is over that's it. You can't rage the high ground complaining about what he is or is not doing. You broke up with him. It's over. Move on.

bmwguy · 02-03-2017 09:09AM

You say you don't expect him to wallow at home and feel sad, but clearly from your responses you do. You are disgusted he is getting on with things. You broke up with him, he can do whatever he wants now.

I have seen this loads of times.

mackeire · 02-03-2017 09:16AM

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

I haven't read the whole thread so I could be missing something but from reading the above, it sounds like you have issues and he's dodged a bullet here!

The man keeps saying he loves you so in return, you break up with him??

Then after you break up with him, and he's single, you spy on him and get pissed off that he wants to meet new people!!

Maybe I sound mean, but have a good look in the mirror before tormenting any other potential partners!

ArnieSilvia · 02-03-2017 10:42AM

Well, I was on the male end of situation you described and I would be similar to your boyfriend i.e. loving, caring etc . Girlfriend said it's over, I was angry, next day went to my previous ex and had great sex that made me feel better. Week later she changed her mind and we got back together and we still are 16 years later. She hates me for what I did with other ex but she could only blame herself. I've got no regrets.

mackeire · 02-03-2017 11:03AM

ArnieSilvia wrote: »

Well, I was on the male end of situation you described and I would be similar to your boyfriend i.e. loving, caring etc . Girlfriend said it's over, I was angry, next day went to my previous ex and had great sex that made me feel better. Week later she changed her mind and we got back together and we still are 16 years later. She hates me for what I did with other ex but she could only blame herself. I've got no regrets.

WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!

timmy880 · 02-03-2017 11:08AM

Yes op it was a crappy thing for him to do, but rest assured that your decision to break up with him was the right one because his subsequent actions shows he's not a very nice or considerate person.

Ya because creating a boards profile with the name "fed up of bs" after dumping a guy and calling everyone who doesn't respond they way you want "haters" is much more normal behaviour than a single guy going on a dating site.......

One of these subsequent actions is normal and one isn't

retro:electro · 02-03-2017 11:13AM

timmy880 wrote: »

Ya because creating a boards profile with the name "fed up of bs" after dumping a guy and calling everyone who doesn't respond they way you want "haters" is much more normal behaviour than a single guy going on a dating site.......

One of these subsequent actions is normal and one isn't

We don't know why the op broke up with him. She said there was trust issues and he was pushing the relationship. Nobody gives advice in the real world like some of the responses here. I know if I broke up with my boyfriend, for whatever reason, seeing he had a profile on POF that evening and adding single girls on FB would hurt a lot. She's not a robot, the girl has feelings. She's right to be hurt by that. I doubt she wants him sitting at home writing love poetry, but there's certain things you just don't do.

Also, she didn't call anyone a hater.

timmy880 · 02-03-2017 11:19AM

See its easy to come online and hate

Sorry I added the "er"....... But I haven't seen any hate in the responses.

And since you seem there is some etiquette a guy is supposed to follow after being dumped, can you please list out what exactly he should do that would be deemed acceptable to the girl who doesn't want anything to do with him anymore?

Set up a boards profile with the name "sick of her bs" perhaps? That normal?

What to do?

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