What to do?

retro:electro

timmy880 wrote: »

Sorry I added the "er"....... But I haven't seen any hate in the responses.

And since you seem there is some etiquette a guy is supposed to follow after being dumped, can you please list out what exactly he should do that would be deemed acceptable to the girl who doesn't want anything to do with him anymore?

Set up a boards profile with the name "sick of her bs" perhaps? That normal?

Eh, I'm not going to sit here and "write a list".
We disagree on how he handled it, grand.

leggo

There's no 'right' way to handle being broken up with, though. If you break up with someone, you willingly remove all rights you have to any say in their life. That's what a break up is. Sure I can see how it'd be upsetting to see exes on dating sites, but you have to suck it up, especially when you're the one breaking up with them!

OP sounds all over the place tbh. And yes I would say that in the real world, my mates know when they ask me for advice they'll get the unvarnished truth. I'm sure there's more to the story, but I can only go on the information she gave and she sounds like she was playing games and was a bit of a melt for the sake of adding a bit of drama to her life. So far none of the info she's given (except for alluding to dating sites 'being an issue') is symptomatic of someone who deserves to be broken up with. He told her he loved her and 'pushed the relationship', whatever that means. So OP, someone loved you and wanted to be with you, that meant he deserved to be broken up with and you're upset because he's now being single (a decision you made for him)?

She's also called boards users who've advised her untrustworthy themselves after they gave her honest advice (whether she likes it or not). OP when people are HONEST with you, that's the definition of trustworthy. Being trustworthy doesn't mean 'telling you what you want to hear' and being untrustworthy doesn't mean 'saying true things that you don't like'. Maybe this misunderstanding of what trust actually is is contributing towards your trust issues.

Sorry OP, I think you've got a bit of growing up to do emotionally, you seem to have a very rudimentary understanding of how the world works. If you're under-18 or thereabouts, fair enough, but if not then maybe a relationship wasn't for you right now as you seem quite emotionally immature and that doesn't tend to work well in relationships.

LegacyUser

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

Hey OP, sometimes our subconscious has the ability to act upon itself when we are being deceived or lied to. As humans out natural instincts is to trust so sometimes when we like someone or want things to work we tune out from reality or what we are being told. The fact that you knew to check and confirm the dating sites is all you need to know. Perhaps you should take a couple of days out and see where your head is at then. Good luck

unreg999

Wow... The lack of empathy on here is astounding
Op I'm sorry you are hurting & can understand completely why you would be upset by his actions...
You never did answer how long you guys were together or how old you are (ball park)? I think that would help to put it into context.
If you are serious about the breakup then the best thing you can do for your own sanity is delete his number & all his social media, otherwise you will just drive yourself crazy.
If you are unsure as to whether you did the right thing then maybe take some time out to try to clear your mind & then have an honest & clear conversation with him.
Best of luck & don't mind the harsh responses on here... People tend to forget they are dealing with real live people with real feelings when they don't have to look them in the eyes and also that we all can get a little crazy when it comes to break ups & relationships xx

Big Bag of Chips

Both your egos are a bit hurt. You dumped him, so he thought the best thing to do was go out and get with someone immediately. Maybe he knew you were going to be checking up on him and he was doing it to annoy you.? It worked! Your ego is bruised because you expected him to lick his wounds for at least a while, beg you back and promise to be whatever you wanted him to be to make the relationship work. That didn't work.

I know it is hard to cut off feelings but getting on to him and having a go at him just made you look silly. It made him realise that you still care and he still bothers you.

This is actually very simple.... Do you want a relationship with him? A relationship with who he is now and who he has always been, because people rarely change too dramatically. If you do, then you go back to him. You apologise for ending the relationship and for having a go at him afterwards. You promise to make an honest go of the relationship and not to use breaking up with him as a tool in the future. If you don't want a relationship with him then you walk away now. Make yourself not check what he's up to, and if you must check up on him make yourself not contact him to have a go at him when you see things you don't like.