What to do?

Fed up of bs

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

elefant

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

I'm not sure what your question is.

Sounds like you did the right thing. You should probably just cut contact on social media if it's bothering you, and feel assured you've made the right move.

freshpopcorn

So you broke up with him but you want him to sit and wollow at home after you say it's over. Not all men/women are into that. Some people head our to clubs and other join dating apps.

Fed up of bs

Thanks don't think I have a question. More clarity I have done right thing and suppose just confused.

Fed up of bs

Thanks for Ur reply.
I am not expecting anyone to wallow over me. But I think a few hours is abit soon especially if someone tells u they love u so much and they can't function without out u but they can function a dating site. I'm old fashioned when it comes to love, I don't believe using other people will help.

freshpopcorn

Fed up of bs wrote: »

Thanks for Ur reply.
I am not expecting anyone to wallow over me. But I think a few hours is abit soon especially if someone tells u they love u so much and they can't function without out u but they can function a dating site. I'm old fashioned when it comes to love, I don't believe using other people will help.

Don't you see tough you fell exactly into his trap. You went searching dating sites right after him.
It's kind of a thing people do. I'll show them I'm over them.

benjamin d

How long were you together?

Adding single girls to his facebook: had you been preventing him from being Facebook friends with people because they were single girls? Do you know these people and why he might be friends on Facebook with them?

What age are you both? You sound like a teenager.

Tokyo

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day...

...few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.

Fed up of bs wrote: »

Thanks for Ur reply.
I am not expecting anyone to wallow over me. But I think a few hours is abit soon especially if someone tells u they love u so much and they can't function without out u but they can function a dating site. I'm old fashioned when it comes to love, I don't believe using other people will help.

I can't speak to whether breaking up with him was the right thing to do or not - you have the best measure of your relationship, and only you can say whether it was the right thing to do for you or not. But the fact is, you did break up with him, and whatever he does from here on in isn't for you to get annoyed with.

Maybe it is a bit premature that he already seems to be looking out for someone else, but people react to break-ups in different ways. Some people wallow in self pity, others drink to forget it, and others still take on a 'well screw you too' attitude, and chase after the next person that comes along rather than face their feelings on being dumped. I'm not saying that any of those are a great response, I'm just saying it does happen.

To be honest, both of your reactions seem immature. His, for seeking out every single girl in a ten mile radius, and yours for online stalking him after the fact and then getting angry with him. If you both think there's something of your relationship to be salvaged, then you both need to sit down and talk about it maturely. If not, then you both need to let each other move on with your lives, whether you agree with how the person decides to move on or not.

Fed up of bs

Yeah u right.
I am acting immature but it also hurts.
I just believe in respect but I know what needs to be done and take note any comments made.
Sometimes it's nice just to get other people's views other than my own

LLMMLL

Fed up of bs wrote: »

Yeah u right.
I am acting immature but it also hurts.
I just believe in respect but I know what needs to be done and take note any comments made.
Sometimes it's nice just to get other people's views other than my own

I get there impression it wasn't a real break up for you. We're you testing him to see how much he would pursue you to get you back?

Fed up of bs

Yeah u could be right.
but I know now.
Blocking him out of my life now I think is best to do.
Don't want to be in a relationship like this.
It's making me feel crazy and angry. Time to look out for myself now.
Thanks

Xterminator

HI OP

It does sound like you were testing him alright. Perhaps subconsciously.

Look different people get over things different ways. By throwing himself into the market again, he might have been trying to get over a broken heart, or by going back on the market again, he may have been saying you meant nothing to him. On a combination of both ... do you get the point?

Basically just because you wouldn't do so, doesn't mean he shouldn't and as you were the one who broke up with him, i personally wouldn't consider it disrespectful at all. You say you don't expect him to sit at home and wallow, but actually you seem to have expected him to do so for a period of time.

I'm not sure why but you seem more mad at him now that when you broke up with him. if your finished with him, or you were unhappy with the relationship then get on with your life and be happy with your decision. BUT why does his acting single make you mad?! You were the one who 'made' him single? it sounds like you wanted him to have a period of mourning alright, wear sackcloth and go off his food.

sorry if that sounds a little harsh.

timmy880

I don't really know what you want him to do? Sit in a dark room and cry for 3 months?

Yes, he's putting himself out there extremely quickly but it's his choice. You searched POF hoping he hadn't set up a profile. I don't know what you were hoping to find? Would you be happier if he wasn't there?

You say you believe in respect. He's respected the fact you've told him to piss off and instead he is seeing what else is out there. Either you're mad he isn't feeling sorry for himself or you're mad he's not begging you to get back with him. Either one isn't healthy for you. You tested him and it failed miserably.

njs030

What to do about what? You broke up with him anything he does now isn't your business. Stalking his facebook profile and hunting pof for him is a little creepy and controlling.

Like other people I guess you wanted him to beg and plead with you to stay with him and it backfired?
I think you should learn from this to be very careful how you treat people op.

Fed up of bs

That's fair enough
But he is trying to get back to me
Funny how the guys attitudes with dealing with things are different to how women would deal with things.
I am not expecting anyone to cry into a tissue box. Life goes on I know. But if same thing happened to use that think it's ok. Be interesting how u all would respond. See its easy to come online and hate I can take advice from people Wether it's good or bad because sometimes it is needed to put things in perspective. But when people get nasty I have no time for that

dellas1979

Its very simple.

His ego is bruised and it needs to be pumped up.

It really isnt about you at all. Thats about how he copes.

If someone has an ego like that, it usually mean trouble in other areas too.

retro:electro

freshpopcorn wrote: »

So you broke up with him but you want him to sit and wollow at home after you say it's over. Not all men/women are into that. Some people head our to clubs and other join dating apps.

Ah stop. People do not give advice like this in the real world so I'm always baffled when boards users have such holier than thou responses that are in no way reflective of how they would actually speak to a person in real life. No one is expecting anyone to wallow at home. Anyone would be annoyed if your other half was on dating apps hours after a break up.

Yes op it was a crappy thing for him to do, but rest assured that your decision to break up with him was the right one because his subsequent actions shows he's not a very nice or considerate person.

Fed up of bs

I did not break up with him to test him.
It was more to do with trust issuse
No one is perfect in this world.
There has been other issues with dating sites during our relationship. Which I am not getting into.

lawred2

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

You dumped him. What exactly were you expecting him to do?

Write sonnets to win you back!?

His pof account is his business now. Not yours.

Fed up of bs

I hope neva too bump into guys with Ur attitudes.
Proves to me not many trust worth people out there.

lawred2

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I hope neva too bump into guys with Ur attitudes.
Proves to me not many trust worth people out there.

lol

You've a warped view of trustworthy

njs030

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I did not break up with him to test him.
It was more to do with trust issuse
No one is perfect in this world.
There has been other issues with dating sites during our relationship. Which I am not getting into.

Op what exactly do you want here? You had trust issues so you broke up. Seems like the right decision to me!!

Honestly stop stalking what he does and start moving on.

tara73

you both sound extremely immature and your last post proves it the most.

just grow up a little more, councelling would help here, sometimes it's not possible to do it on your own. If you are happy with yourself and know what you want and what not there's a good chance relationships will work out well too, because you choose people who are compatible to you and not toxic.

December2012

Once your relationship is over that's it. You can't rage the high ground complaining about what he is or is not doing. You broke up with him. It's over. Move on.

bmwguy

You say you don't expect him to wallow at home and feel sad, but clearly from your responses you do. You are disgusted he is getting on with things. You broke up with him, he can do whatever he wants now.

I have seen this loads of times.

mackeire

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

I haven't read the whole thread so I could be missing something but from reading the above, it sounds like you have issues and he's dodged a bullet here!

The man keeps saying he loves you so in return, you break up with him??

Then after you break up with him, and he's single, you spy on him and get pissed off that he wants to meet new people!!

Maybe I sound mean, but have a good look in the mirror before tormenting any other potential partners!

ArnieSilvia

Well, I was on the male end of situation you described and I would be similar to your boyfriend i.e. loving, caring etc . Girlfriend said it's over, I was angry, next day went to my previous ex and had great sex that made me feel better. Week later she changed her mind and we got back together and we still are 16 years later. She hates me for what I did with other ex but she could only blame herself. I've got no regrets.

mackeire

ArnieSilvia wrote: »

Well, I was on the male end of situation you described and I would be similar to your boyfriend i.e. loving, caring etc . Girlfriend said it's over, I was angry, next day went to my previous ex and had great sex that made me feel better. Week later she changed her mind and we got back together and we still are 16 years later. She hates me for what I did with other ex but she could only blame herself. I've got no regrets.

WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!

timmy880

Yes op it was a crappy thing for him to do, but rest assured that your decision to break up with him was the right one because his subsequent actions shows he's not a very nice or considerate person.

Ya because creating a boards profile with the name "fed up of bs" after dumping a guy and calling everyone who doesn't respond they way you want "haters" is much more normal behaviour than a single guy going on a dating site.......

One of these subsequent actions is normal and one isn't

retro:electro

timmy880 wrote: »

Ya because creating a boards profile with the name "fed up of bs" after dumping a guy and calling everyone who doesn't respond they way you want "haters" is much more normal behaviour than a single guy going on a dating site.......

One of these subsequent actions is normal and one isn't

We don't know why the op broke up with him. She said there was trust issues and he was pushing the relationship. Nobody gives advice in the real world like some of the responses here. I know if I broke up with my boyfriend, for whatever reason, seeing he had a profile on POF that evening and adding single girls on FB would hurt a lot. She's not a robot, the girl has feelings. She's right to be hurt by that. I doubt she wants him sitting at home writing love poetry, but there's certain things you just don't do.

Also, she didn't call anyone a hater.

timmy880

See its easy to come online and hate

Sorry I added the "er"....... But I haven't seen any hate in the responses.

And since you seem there is some etiquette a guy is supposed to follow after being dumped, can you please list out what exactly he should do that would be deemed acceptable to the girl who doesn't want anything to do with him anymore?

Set up a boards profile with the name "sick of her bs" perhaps? That normal?

retro:electro

timmy880 wrote: »

Sorry I added the "er"....... But I haven't seen any hate in the responses.

And since you seem there is some etiquette a guy is supposed to follow after being dumped, can you please list out what exactly he should do that would be deemed acceptable to the girl who doesn't want anything to do with him anymore?

Set up a boards profile with the name "sick of her bs" perhaps? That normal?

Eh, I'm not going to sit here and "write a list".
We disagree on how he handled it, grand.

leggo

There's no 'right' way to handle being broken up with, though. If you break up with someone, you willingly remove all rights you have to any say in their life. That's what a break up is. Sure I can see how it'd be upsetting to see exes on dating sites, but you have to suck it up, especially when you're the one breaking up with them!

OP sounds all over the place tbh. And yes I would say that in the real world, my mates know when they ask me for advice they'll get the unvarnished truth. I'm sure there's more to the story, but I can only go on the information she gave and she sounds like she was playing games and was a bit of a melt for the sake of adding a bit of drama to her life. So far none of the info she's given (except for alluding to dating sites 'being an issue') is symptomatic of someone who deserves to be broken up with. He told her he loved her and 'pushed the relationship', whatever that means. So OP, someone loved you and wanted to be with you, that meant he deserved to be broken up with and you're upset because he's now being single (a decision you made for him)?

She's also called boards users who've advised her untrustworthy themselves after they gave her honest advice (whether she likes it or not). OP when people are HONEST with you, that's the definition of trustworthy. Being trustworthy doesn't mean 'telling you what you want to hear' and being untrustworthy doesn't mean 'saying true things that you don't like'. Maybe this misunderstanding of what trust actually is is contributing towards your trust issues.

Sorry OP, I think you've got a bit of growing up to do emotionally, you seem to have a very rudimentary understanding of how the world works. If you're under-18 or thereabouts, fair enough, but if not then maybe a relationship wasn't for you right now as you seem quite emotionally immature and that doesn't tend to work well in relationships.

LegacyUser

Fed up of bs wrote: »

I broke up with my fella the other day. I was confused about our relationship as there had been trust issues in the past.
The day I broke up with him I felt like he was pushing the relationship and I do not handle feeling pressured well.
He always tells me he loves me, very affectionate, listens to everything I say.
But I couldn't handle the pressure so just said it was over.
Few hours later he was adding single girls to his Facebook and I checked pof and he had a new profile up. I was so shocked.
And I made sure he knew I was annoyed.
Makes me feel I have made right decision even though I still love him.
He still telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me. But still is chatting to other girls. I just don't get it.

Hey OP, sometimes our subconscious has the ability to act upon itself when we are being deceived or lied to. As humans out natural instincts is to trust so sometimes when we like someone or want things to work we tune out from reality or what we are being told. The fact that you knew to check and confirm the dating sites is all you need to know. Perhaps you should take a couple of days out and see where your head is at then. Good luck

unreg999

Wow... The lack of empathy on here is astounding
Op I'm sorry you are hurting & can understand completely why you would be upset by his actions...
You never did answer how long you guys were together or how old you are (ball park)? I think that would help to put it into context.
If you are serious about the breakup then the best thing you can do for your own sanity is delete his number & all his social media, otherwise you will just drive yourself crazy.
If you are unsure as to whether you did the right thing then maybe take some time out to try to clear your mind & then have an honest & clear conversation with him.
Best of luck & don't mind the harsh responses on here... People tend to forget they are dealing with real live people with real feelings when they don't have to look them in the eyes and also that we all can get a little crazy when it comes to break ups & relationships xx

Big Bag of Chips

Both your egos are a bit hurt. You dumped him, so he thought the best thing to do was go out and get with someone immediately. Maybe he knew you were going to be checking up on him and he was doing it to annoy you.? It worked! Your ego is bruised because you expected him to lick his wounds for at least a while, beg you back and promise to be whatever you wanted him to be to make the relationship work. That didn't work.

I know it is hard to cut off feelings but getting on to him and having a go at him just made you look silly. It made him realise that you still care and he still bothers you.

This is actually very simple.... Do you want a relationship with him? A relationship with who he is now and who he has always been, because people rarely change too dramatically. If you do, then you go back to him. You apologise for ending the relationship and for having a go at him afterwards. You promise to make an honest go of the relationship and not to use breaking up with him as a tool in the future. If you don't want a relationship with him then you walk away now. Make yourself not check what he's up to, and if you must check up on him make yourself not contact him to have a go at him when you see things you don't like.