"Why I did not report my rapist"

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 27-02-2017 01:29AM

Most of my sexual consenting is implied, implied consent is consent

Tigger · 27-02-2017 01:30AM

jameorahiely wrote: »

Do you have sex with your freinds?

No

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 27-02-2017 01:32AM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

How in God's name does that work? Why would you say no if you didn't mean it? Genuinely confused here, this makes no sense.

You're staying over in his mothers house. You don't want to have sex because what a buzzkill if they could hear.

You're at a houseparty, people downstairs.

You're going to be late for work.

You didn't shower before bed.

You're mad at him, or at least, trying to be.

You're too tired.

There's a lot of reasons you may not want to have sex but can be persuaded with a bit of encouragement

Mountainsandh · 27-02-2017 01:32AM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Again, I'm talking about before that. If you said "don't do that" to a guy and he ignored you and continued to remove your clothes, would you not regard that in and of itself - regardless of anything that happened afterwards - as a sexual violation?

I sure as f*ck would. Continuing to touch somebody sexually after they've told you not to should, by itself, be easily identifiable as sexual assault.

But to be blunt, hatrickpatrick, and I was trying to avoid that out of respect for Rosemary, we don't know that the guy removed her clothes.

"the top came off"

and the guy tried to take the bottoms off, but she said no.
Then there's a blank, she says he wasn't pushy physically, but she decided to let him have sex with her, so the bottoms must have come off.

hatrickpatrick · 27-02-2017 01:35AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

You're staying over in his mothers house. You don't want to have sex because what a buzzkill if they could hear.

You're at a houseparty, people downstairs.

You're going to be late for work.

You didn't shower before bed.

You're mad at him, or at least, trying to be.

You're too tired.

There's a lot of reasons you may not want to have sex but can be persuaded with a bit of encouragement

Sure, but are you saying that if you said no and then before you changed your mind, he took off your bra or felt you up, that wouldn't sit wrong with you?

Again, I agree that the actual sex here is a bit of a grey area, what I'm defining as sexual assault is the fact that when she said "no", he didn't immediately take his hands off her. That's the f*cked up part in my mind and the part which should qualify as sexual assault. If somebody tells you to stop touching them, you stop touching them. It's a very basic and necessary social etiquette to avoid hurting people.

hatrickpatrick · 27-02-2017 01:38AM

Mountainsandh wrote: »

But to be blunt, hatrickpatrick, and I was trying to avoid that out of respect for Rosemary, we don't know that the guy removed her clothes.

"the top came off"

and the guy tried to take the bottoms off, but she said no.
Then there's a blank, she says he wasn't pushy physically, but she decided to let him have sex with her, so the bottoms must have come off.

Interesting observation, but the idea that she would say "don't take my clothes off" and then immediately just take them off herself is completely bizarre. If that's what happened then this entire narrative changes, but Occam's Razor suggests that this is the least likely explanation.

I mean come on, that's like saying "don't unlock my car" and then handing someone the keys. In that context, "don't unlock my car" followed by "the car was unlocked" strongly implies that you weren't the one who voluntarily unlocked it.

It'd be good if she clarified this, because I'd agree it would change the narrative completely. I'm working off the assumption that he continued to fondle and undress her after she told him not to, which in my view is a very black and white case of sexual assault.

learn_more · 27-02-2017 01:40AM

Maybe he though she said 'OOOH'. 'OOOH'. Well she was a bit tipsy, maybe she slurred her words. She did say she was 'on the floor' with drink.

Oh by the way, does anyone remember when drinking out of those small French bottles of beer was cool ? I just though I'd ask cause it might help to make my post seem a little more genuine.

Tigger · 27-02-2017 01:42AM

learn_more wrote: »

Maybe he though she said 'OOOH'. 'OOOH'. Well she was a bit tipsy, maybe she slurred her words. She did say she was 'on the floor' with drink.

Oh by the way, does anyone remember when drinking out of those small French bottles of beer was cool ? I just though I'd ask cause it might help to make my post seem a little more genuine.

Lidil cheap beer was never cool

ChikiChiki · 27-02-2017 01:46AM

Be careful lads and lassies. I reckon this snowflake may try take boards to court as she is crying dissection of character in this thread on her social media. Crying about people writing under aliases.

Absolute tool. Also 'rape culture' is an absolute bull**** term. Where did it come from?

Mountainsandh · 27-02-2017 01:46AM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Sure, but are you saying that if you said no and then before you changed your mind, he took off your bra or felt you up, that wouldn't sit wrong with you?
/QUOTE]

But sure isn't that the way he'll change your mind ?

If really I was definitely not going to let it go further at that stage, I would completely change tone of voice, increase the volume a bit, maybe look him in the eye and say : "I said no, right. I mean it so let's stop right there."
I'd probably be physically pulling myself away too and removing his hands.

I don't know, but the above seems to me to be the standard spontaneous response to these kinds of situations.
Someone doesn't get the message, ok, you rephrase, make it even clearer, use eye contact, body language, actions. Make it clear, like.

People are not robots. There's arousal, stubbornness, pride, cockiness, drunkedness ... that can all get in the way of communication at that moment. That's ok, it just means you need to make things clearer.

retro:electro · 27-02-2017 01:47AM

I watched her Facebook live (reluctantly, she was bragging about its views, and I didn't want to add to that) and found it quite an embarrassing watch. She comes across as someone who thinks she's the first person to ever have an original thought or go against the mainstream. She seemed out of her depth and clearly isn't half as clever as she thinks she is.

Oh, and can we stop calling it a "rape culture" please, it has nothing to do with rape and trivialises what rape actually is. (But hey, she has form for that) The Congo, now there's a place where rape culture is prevalent. Cat calling and arse pinching (the examples she used) are not rape indicative, so don't use the term "rape culture" to describe their existence.

Her feminism is motivated by teenage bitterness, and she admits that in the video. Bitterness over thinking being smart was what mattered in life when actually it's how sexually attractive you are to men (apparently) thus, I feel she has an axe to grind and she's gesturing it right in the direction of male status.
I get that it was live, but it was a really awkward video and she fumbled and mumbled her way through without actually saying anything substantial. Naomi Wolf she is not.

So ya, basically her video went something like "feminism, feminism, something something, people are really mean to me on boards, feminism".

27-02-2017 01:49AM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Go back to the wallet analogy from earlier. If somebody reached into your pocket and took your wallet, while you said "don't take that", are you saying that it would cease to count as theft if you didn't bother to chase the thief?

I'd physically stop him from putting his hand in my pocket. I wouldnt allow him to do it just because it might make things awkward.

27-02-2017 02:02AM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Interesting observation, but the idea that she would say "don't take my clothes off" and then immediately just take them off herself is completely bizarre. If that's what happened then this entire narrative changes, but Occam's Razor suggests that this is the least likely explanation.

If you're happy enough working off assumptions then why doesn't that come into play when she says "I let him have sex with me". That there itself implies her consent.

J Mysterio · 27-02-2017 02:05AM

Tigger wrote: »

I'm
Just saying stuff that I'm thinking

You're some man for one man, Tigger.

Dynomutt · 27-02-2017 02:09AM

I've followed Rosemary for a few years now and she does seem to have a problem with men in general.

Rosemary Mac Cabe ✔ @RosemaryMacCabe 26 Aug 2016
@SimplySorcha @JKCorden yes. And I would guess that I actively dislike the majority of straight men, so this is saying a lot.

Now it may be down to the fact that she's objectified, groped and attacked by men each time she steps out her front door.

Rosemary Mac Cabe ✔ @RosemaryMacCabe 7 Jun 2016
So I won't deny that sometimes I seem anti men. But I've spent every day of my 31 years so far avoiding being harassed and assaulted by men

Daily attacks by men and yet she was devastated over a complete lack of male attention on holiday.

Rosemary Mac Cabe
19 October 2016 ·
Today I had a really tough therapy session. (It's always tough but this was *extra* tough.) I went in thinking we'd talk about one thing (namely: how I felt about the fact that not one Greek man looked lustily at me despite the fact that I was told they were all about the lustful gazes, and then realised when I saw them gazing lustily at someone else that either (a) their lust did not extend to me or (b) their lust potentially did extend to me but they assumed I was gay because blonde pixie cuts aren't de rigueur in Crete) but we ended up talking about something completely different.

I honestly don't know if she's a hypocrite or if she just has a bit of a want in her (as my Granny would say), but she definitely gives off mixed messages.

retro:electro · 27-02-2017 02:12AM

Dynomutt wrote: »

I've followed Rosemary for a few years now and she does seem to have a problem with men in general.

Now it may be down to the fact that she's objectified, groped and attacked by men each time she steps out her front door.

Daily attacks by men and yet she was devastated over a complete lack of male attention on holiday.

I honestly don't know if she's a hypocrite or if she just has a bit of a want in her (as my Granny would say), but she definitely gives off mixed messages.

Oh my god. This post is gold. GOLD!

27-02-2017 02:13AM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

I mean come on, that's like saying "don't unlock my car" and then handing someone the keys. In that context, "don't unlock my car" followed by "the car was unlocked" strongly implies that you weren't the one who voluntarily unlocked it.

Since you seem to use analogies, here's one and it illustrates non verbal consent I guess. My brother asks me can he borrow my car to fly to the shops like he did last week. This time I say no. He asks me again. I say no. My keys are right there in my hand and he goes to take them out of my hand. I actually just let him take them cos I don't wanna have an awkward row with him. Off he goes in the car.

If I didn't want him to take the keys I'd say "here listen you're not going in it" and I'd take the keys away if he persisted. I wouldn't loosen my grip on them just so he can have his own way.

jameorahiely · 27-02-2017 02:18AM

Well she's back agreeing that some actor at the Oscar's is a ride

Isn't that objectifying men?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 27-02-2017 02:21AM

jameorahiely wrote: »

Well she's back agreeing that some actor at the Oscar's is a ride

Isn't that objectifying men?

oh no that's ok, it's only wrong when men objectify women because men are big evil bastards and women aren't capable of hurting or intimidating men.

27-02-2017 02:22AM

anna080 wrote: »

Oh my god. This post is gold. GOLD!

It's crazy. Literally. There's all sorts going on it. Narcissism, generalizing hatred of straight men and victim complex to boot. She says she attended therapy in those musings, I hope for her sake she still is if that's still how her mind works. Why do these people put themselves out there like that? Is it narcissism, is it hunger for fame or self importance or validation? Is it delusions of grandeur? I can't fathom it. These bloggers/social commentators/snapchat dwellers are like Z list celebrities and that's only because the alphabet doesn't go any further.

retro:electro · 27-02-2017 02:24AM

jameorahiely wrote: »

Well she's back agreeing that some actor at the Oscar's is a ride

Isn't that objectifying men?

Something something it's not the same because women are oppressed something something patriarachy something something rape culture

27-02-2017 02:28AM

jameorahiely wrote: »

Well she's back agreeing that some actor at the Oscar's is a ride

Isn't that objectifying men?

A ride?!?! As in having a ride? She wants to ride him?!! Like sex because of his looks. She's objectifying him as something to f*ck?

RAPE CULTURE!!!

SpillingTheTea · 27-02-2017 02:29AM

Dynomutt wrote: »

I've followed Rosemary for a few years now and she does seem to have a problem with men in general.

Rosemary Mac Cabe ✔ @RosemaryMacCabe 26 Aug 2016
@SimplySorcha @JKCorden yes. And I would guess that I actively dislike the majority of straight men, so this is saying a lot.

Now it may be down to the fact that she's objectified, groped and attacked by men each time she steps out her front door.

Rosemary Mac Cabe ✔ @RosemaryMacCabe 7 Jun 2016
So I won't deny that sometimes I seem anti men. But I've spent every day of my 31 years so far avoiding being harassed and assaulted by men

Daily attacks by men and yet she was devastated over a complete lack of male attention on holiday.

Rosemary Mac Cabe
19 October 2016 ·
Today I had a really tough therapy session. (It's always tough but this was *extra* tough.) I went in thinking we'd talk about one thing (namely: how I felt about the fact that not one Greek man looked lustily at me despite the fact that I was told they were all about the lustful gazes, and then realised when I saw them gazing lustily at someone else that either (a) their lust did not extend to me or (b) their lust potentially did extend to me but they assumed I was gay because blonde pixie cuts aren't de rigueur in Crete) but we ended up talking about something completely different.

I honestly don't know if she's a hypocrite or if she just has a bit of a want in her (as my Granny would say), but she definitely gives off mixed messages.

Well by her own admission, she's spent her whole 31 years avoiding being sexually harassed or assaulted by men... so did she not remember being raped? Wouldn't that be something she'd tack onto that statement to prove that she's constantly being harassed by men?

27-02-2017 02:39AM

Dynomutt wrote: »

I've followed Rosemary for a few years now and she does seem to have a problem with men in general.

Now it may be down to the fact that she's objectified, groped and attacked by men each time she steps out her front door.

Daily attacks by men and yet she was devastated over a complete lack of male attention on holiday.

I honestly don't know if she's a hypocrite or if she just has a bit of a want in her (as my Granny would say), but she definitely gives off mixed messages.

Haa haha haha..ahem..haa..

Deer · 27-02-2017 02:47AM

I had a bit of a chat with my daughter over the weekend due to this subject.

It's ridiculous. There was a pair of them in it and it certainly wasn't rape.

Anyway it's been a useful tool for me to illustrate to my daughter exactly why if she's not interested then she needs to put a stop to proceedings and if she chooses to proceed then it's a mistake that's on her. We also had a chat about being crystal clear in the messages we send out... Ie don't say no but keep kissing when we really mean no. She agreed with me (for once) and I hope she remembers it in the future.

I unfollowed R because I just don't have patience for this kind of nonsense.

Outlaw Pete · 27-02-2017 03:07AM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Again, I'm not talking about the sex. Before the sex, the guy committed both sexual harassment and sexual assault by continuing to undress her after she told him not to - that is what he should be charged with, and that is still a serious criminal offence.

You want him charged with undressing a woman who is lying on a bed kissing him??

Eh, Rosemary has said:

"He wasn’t pushy – at least not physically"

Tell me how does someone remove a person's clothes (that doesn't want them removed) without being "pushy"?

Tell me also why someone who has had their clothes removed against their will would then carry on kissing that person, even when they do not feel threatened by them?

Quite frankly, I think it's absurd to believe this guy should be charged with removing her clothes when by all accounts she didn't try very hard to stop him from doing so.

Is she a paraplegic or something?

What she should be doing is writing a blog directed at young girls giving them tips on how to be assertive if and when they ever find themselves in a situation where a guy is trying to convince them to have sex when they themselves don't want to. She should be citing her story as an example of what not to do as she regrets letting a guy she didn't fancy have sex with her just because she couldn't muster the courage to tell him so.

Outlaw Pete · 27-02-2017 03:19AM

anna080 wrote: »

Something something it's not the same because women are oppressed something something patriarachy something something rape culture

Close enough

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/764559413986357248

RabbleRouser2k · 27-02-2017 03:40AM

Dynomutt wrote: »

I've followed Rosemary for a few years now and she does seem to have a problem with men in general.

Now it may be down to the fact that she's objectified, groped and attacked by men each time she steps out her front door.

Daily attacks by men and yet she was devastated over a complete lack of male attention on holiday.

I honestly don't know if she's a hypocrite or if she just has a bit of a want in her (as my Granny would say), but she definitely gives off mixed messages.

That kinda ties back to her article- the mixed messages I mean. Good point to note.

Cupcake_Crisis · 27-02-2017 04:57AM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

How in God's name does that work? Why would you say no if you didn't mean it? Genuinely confused here, this makes no sense.

It works very easily really, as lexie explained.

RMC herself said that the sex would not have happened if she had just had the conversation with him. And it wouldn't have happened because the lad wasn't a rapist. She has an agenda ti push and frankly it's quite dangerous. She's screaming about sexual harassment and objectivification while actively objectifying men in the same breath.

ibarelycare · 27-02-2017 08:53AM

It's such a pity that Feminist has become such an ugly word because of people like Rosemary. I was talking to my bf about this last night...I consider myself a feminist as in I want equal rights for women. In fact I want equal rights for everyone. However it seems like some of the most vocal modern-day feminists are man haters who want men to suffer just because they've had the "privilege" of being born male (and/or white, straight, etc).

And another line that a lot of these feminists spout is that women should support each other, seemingly no matter what the subject matter is. I'll support anyone who I agree with, regardless of their gender, race, sexual orientation. The fact that Rosemary is deleting comments on FB from FEMALES who disagree with her (but not men) backs up this silly idea.

Modern day feminists (SJWs I guess) are undoing the good work that the Suffragates did for women, and it hugely bothers me that they have adopted the term and turned it into something so negative.

"Why I did not report my rapist"

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