"Why I did not report my rapist"

infogiver · 26-02-2017 09:27PM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

If a "friend" is trying to get me to take heroin and I say no a couple of times and then the friend, ignoring my "no" proceeds to roll up my sleeve and stick a needle into my arm, I have not "taken" anything, I have been given the heroin, against my will. People are acting as if she took his hands and put them on her body - he put them there after she told him not to. That is sexual assault.

But if you've rolled up your own sleeve applied a tourniquet and stretched out your arm under his nose and indicated a good spot to find a vein all while saying no I don't want any heroin at all then is it still your friends fault and you are a victim?

26-02-2017 09:41PM

ibarelycare wrote: »

Rosemary said that she said the word "no." She didn't say that she said "I don't want to have sex with you". Yes, he should have stopped when she said no, but she said he wasn't physically pushy. It could very easily been the case that he paused when she said no, then chanced his arm by kissing her again, and when she reciprocated (which we know she did), he took that to mean that she had changed her mind. It's a very common scenario.

I read I'm the first post here that she said she didn't want to have sex
I haven't read anything else belonging to this girl

26-02-2017 09:43PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

"This is wrong. I don't want to. I'm not interested in you because you're my cousin"
I don't know how she could have made herself any clearer to be honest.

Unless she was kissing him inbetween helping him undress her? You do not mention anywhere she she was "unclear"

I don't know what she did between telling him she didn't want to have sex, then saying she wasn't interested in him that way and him taking off her clothes and having sex with her anyway.
I don't think it matters

infogiver · 26-02-2017 09:45PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

She didn't name him.
There have been convictions of people on social media, who have bullied and harrased people online.
Why should boards.is allow this.
You know as well as I do, that the girl is going to be deeply affected by these posts. You or I would be. And she has said that the posts upset her.
Social media bullying is not allowed as much as it once was, and I think that some of the people on here should be deeply ashamed.

Ireland is so small midlandsmissus that this guy from her college days is very easily identified.
If Rosemary doesn't want upsetting contradictory opinions and comments on her "musings" when her musings are so controversial and potentially damaging then she should confine them to a closed group and not make them public.
You don't seem to understand that concept at all.
Posters here have been upset today by her "musings" but strangely you don't seem to have any sympathy for them.
Why is this?

Help!!!! · 26-02-2017 09:49PM

I sent RMC a tweet about it being ok to include Conor McGregor & rape culture in the same sentence, her response......

Rosemary Mac CabeVerified account‏@RosemaryMacCabe 10m10 minutes ago
More
oh please! The way he speaks about women and the fact you think it's acceptable = rape culture.

Everdene · 26-02-2017 09:53PM

Sex without consent is rape.

http://www.drcc.ie/media1/consent-page/

retro:electro · 26-02-2017 09:57PM

Someone posted one of my comments I made here the other day on RMC's blog and I'm only now seeing her response to it. She said I'm bias as I've had a pop at her on here in the past. She also said she'd be surprised if I've actually worked with genuine rape victims because if I have, I'd understand her article. Rosemary, I know you're reading here, yes I've argued with you here before, but I've also defended you on topics, and praised you, and private messaged you when things got too heated, as they can do- funny how you've failed to mention that. You think I'd use this as an excuse you bash you for my own self validation? That says more about your state of mind than mine.

As for me lying about working with rape victims. Well that's what fcuks me off the most. If you look through my post history you will see that right now I'm in the middle of applying for a Masters in Social Work, and for the past year and a half as part of my work exp needed, I have been working in a women's refuge in Galway with women who, due to abuse, money issues, drug issues, have had to leave their homes. If you don't believe me, that's fine. But to suggest I'd lie about that just to push an agenda against you, well fcuk you for saying that. Seriously, just look at yourself and what you have become.

Absolute dose of a woman.

26-02-2017 10:01PM

anna080 wrote: »

Someone posted one of my comments I made here the other day on RMC's blog and I'm only now seeing her response to it. She said I'm bias as I've had a pop at her on here in the past. She also said she'd be surprised if I've actually worked with genuine rape victims because if I have, I'd understand her article. Rosemary, I know you're reading here, yes I've argued with you here before, but I've also defended you on topics, and praised you, and private messaged you when things got too heated, as they can do funny how you've failed to mention that. You think I'd use this as an excuse you bash you for my own self validation? That says more about your state of mind than mine.

As for me lying about working with rape victims. Well that's what fcuks me off the most. If you look through my post history you will see that right now I'm in the middle of applying for a Masters in Social Work, and for the past year and a half have been working in a women's refuge in Galway. Women who, due to abuse, money issues, drug issues, have had to leave their homes. If you don't believe me, that's fine. But to suggest I'd lie about that just to push an agenda against you, well fcuk you for saying that. Seriously, just look at yourself and what you have become.

Absolute dose of a woman.

I hope you're not planning on being a counselor!

26-02-2017 10:06PM

bubblypop wrote: »

I hope you're not planning on being a counselor!

I hope you're never picked for a jury.

ibarelycare · 26-02-2017 10:08PM

bubblypop wrote: »

I don't know what she did between telling him she didn't want to have sex, then saying she wasn't interested in him that way and him taking off her clothes and having sex with her anyway.
I don't think it matters

a) she didn't tell him she didn't want to have sex with him, and she didn't tell him she wasn't interested. If she had said either of those things, the sex most likely wouldn't have happened (which she says herself)
b) of course it matters. People can change their minds. She said no but then continued to reciprocate his kissing, allowed her close to "come off" (she's very vague about that, but he didn't force them off her, she said he wasn't physically pushy), and then allowed sex to happen. She said one thing, but her body language said another.

Mountainsandh · 26-02-2017 10:10PM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Candie, leaving the actual intercourse aside for a moment, would you agree with my assertion that she was both sexually harassed and sexually assaulted before the sex itself, on the grounds that she told him to stop undressing her and he didn't?

Please hatrickpatrick, re-read the below.
I don't see harassment and assault. I just see a guy who's "stubborn" (her own words), probably not very perceptive since the bad vibes flew completely over his head (or were there any bad vibes ? we don't really know), maybe possibly the guy was none of the above, and he was a selfish creep who thought she didn't push him away therefore she was game.
Someone who's stubborn and/or pushy (she says he wasn't there, but later on in comments she says he was) may need to be put in their place, but they're not by default an assailant.

bubblypop wrote: »

I don't know what she did between telling him she didn't want to have sex, then saying she wasn't interested in him that way and him taking off her clothes and having sex with her anyway.
I don't think it matters

I was just about to post this anyway, but sorry bubblypop, I think I may quote you there, I just think it is important, it matters that you read her account, and what information is given, what information is left out.

This is Rosemary's account :

When it came time to go to bed – I was always one of the first to fold, which may be part of why I don’t really drink anymore – he followed me into my room and asked if he could kiss me. I was in my pyjamas.

Once again, I was too ashamed – of my own meanness to say no. I remember thinking, he’ll get the message eventually. We kissed. He tried to undress me. I said no. He tried again – my top came off. I told him I didn’t want to have sex. We kissed some more. He tried to take off my bottoms. I said no.

He wasn’t pushy – at least not physically – but he was stubborn. After several “no”s, I remember thinking, ‘it would just be easier to let him do it.’ So I stopped saying no, and I lay there, and he had sex with me. At no point did I shove him away, or scream at him, or tell him to get out of my room. (I wish I had.)

and later she says :

What kind of person was I, who thought it was easier to just let someone have sex with me than to have the awkward “I don’t fancy you” conversation?

26-02-2017 10:10PM

Omackeral wrote: »

I hope you're never picked for a jury.

LOL!
Juries are brutal!
They don't really depend on evidence or facts, majority go with feelings.
That's not any facts, it's just what I have observed.

Cupcake_Crisis · 26-02-2017 10:10PM

Help!!!! wrote: »

I sent RMC a tweet about it being ok to include Conor McGregor & rape culture in the same sentence, her response......

Rosemary Mac CabeVerified account‏@RosemaryMacCabe 10m10 minutes ago
More
oh please! The way he speaks about women and the fact you think it's acceptable = rape culture.

Is this to do with the one off comments he made about one of the kardashians?

jameorahiely · 26-02-2017 10:11PM

When did the trend change from identifying as a strong independent woman to the perpetual victim? We here the my body, my choice mantra enough but it seems this disappears if things require an awkward conversation. Third wave feminism does a disservice to women.

Todd Gack · 26-02-2017 10:11PM

bubblypop wrote: »

LOL!
Juries are brutal!
They don't really depend on evidence or facts, majority go with feelings.
That's not any facts, it's just what I have observed.

Good lord

hearmehearye · 26-02-2017 10:12PM

Everdene wrote: »

Sex without consent is rape.

http://www.drcc.ie/media1/consent-page/

You're dead right, sex without consent IS rape.

However, the main point of this discussion is that Rosemary, decided to have sex with her accused rapist. This is a luxury that rape victims don't get. They don't get a choice, they don't get to decide anything.

If Rosemary "felt" she was raped then that's her opinion, and one she should keep to herself. It sets a very dangerous tone when you have sex with someone for the sake of avoiding a conversation, and declare it rape. It says to me that RMC was at the time insecure and lacked an awful lot of self confidence, but because she was too shy/insecure/foolish to simply walk out on the guy. IMO, she consented, albeit begrudgingly, because she didn't want to talk. Sexual partners aren't mind readers. I can't remember if I've ever said "YES I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU! YES I WANT YOU TO DO X,Y,Z". I've had sex without initially wanting to. Not that I was persuaded or forced, but I have had sex without being entirely enthused about it, and that's fine. I wouldn't have if I didn't want to. RMC seems to have taken this approach and decided it's rape.

Consent is a hot topic amongst hippy dippy feminists and now, after everything, despite really enjoying RMC's content before, have lost all interest in her. It's grand to cause a bit of controversy and stir the post a bit, but this ultra feminist thing is now really, really boring.

jameorahiely · 26-02-2017 10:14PM

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

Is this to do with the one off comments he made about one of the kardashians?

In an article he said somethingalong the lines of "the champanion can do what he wants" reffering to fighting. Rosemary reframed the context as him saying this about women

26-02-2017 10:15PM

Mountainsandh wrote: »

I was just about to post this anyway, but sorry bubblypop, I think I may quote you there, I just think it is important, it matters that you read her account, and what information is given, what information is left out.

I think you took my quote out of context there, I wasn't talking about the OP, I was talking about a different situation that I outlined earlier.

26-02-2017 10:18PM

bubblypop wrote: »

I know a female who was ' seduced' for want of a better word, by her cousin.
They were about 18 or 19.
They were good friends as well as cousins and had the same group of friends.
One drunken night, he kissed her, she kinda kissed back, but didn't really want to. She told him, it was wrong & it should stop. She told him she wasn't interested in him in ' that way' they were cousins.
At no stage did she want to be with him, she was not interested in him.
He persisted, took of her underwear & had sex with her.
She didn't fight back, or shout or scream.
She ' let him ' if that's the words, because she didn't want to cause a scene, in her aunt's house, in front of her family.
Afterwards he acted like everything was grand.
She was devastated, never told any of her family because she didn't want to make a fuss, or cause arguments in her family.
It has caused her serious hardship & has affected her life, big time.

Now, do you think she wasn't raped?

I know this girl.

This was my earlier post

retro:electro · 26-02-2017 10:28PM

bubblypop wrote: »

I hope you're not planning on being a counselor!

Nope, a social worker, can you read? Because I've an interest in actual social justice, and not the faux outrage "omg female equality woop feminism" social justice warrior that has overtaken as of late. Actual social justice, fairness and equality.

LuckyLloyd · 26-02-2017 10:29PM

I know my side of the argument is conclusively in the winner's circle when all the opposite side has left is pleading for the debate to be shut down because it's so unfair.

26-02-2017 10:29PM

anna080 wrote: »

Nope, a social worker, can you read? Because I've an interest in actual social justice, and not the faux outrage "omg female equality woop feminism" social justice warrior that has overtaken as of late. Actual social justice, fairness and equality.

Ah bless!
You will have a rude awakening so!

Cupcake_Crisis · 26-02-2017 10:29PM

jameorahiely wrote: »

In an article he said somethingalong the lines of "the champanion can do what he wants" reffering to fighting. Rosemary reframed the context as him saying this about women

It's amazing how you can spin something when you completelyignore context

retro:electro · 26-02-2017 10:30PM

bubblypop wrote: »

Ah bless!
You will have a rude awakening so!

I suspect that you are the one who needs to open your eyes, my dear.

Mountainsandh · 26-02-2017 10:33PM

bubblypop wrote: »

I think you took my quote out of context there, I wasn't talking about the OP, I was talking about a different situation that I outlined earlier.

Ah ok, I thought you were saying you didn't read Rosemary's account.

I think it's good to repost it in her own words anyway, since we're all discussing it.

KERSPLAT! · 26-02-2017 10:41PM

Mod

There have been multiple warnings already throughout the thread but as you can see, it is quick moving and has grown quite quickly.

Anyway, I'll ask that, while this is an emotive subject, we all remain civil to posters and others not in the thread. Bashing anyone is not on, please don't do it. The last few pages have seen some personal remarks, please move on or there'll be no other option but to hand out thread bans.

As always, report any posts you have an issue with.

Cheers.

Calhoun · 26-02-2017 10:48PM

bubblypop wrote: »

This was my earlier post

What is the point of your post? to me your friend doesnt look like she was raped. As pointed out it maybe incest but not rape.

Seriously are you actually asking us to take rape seriously but then at the same time to avoid a conversation just let it happen? That totally undermines and devalues the meaning of the act.

Additionally are we to believe women are wilting flowers who cannot stand up for themselves? Do you think we need additional laws to make up for the fact that woman cannot say no? Should we also start segregating carriages on trains and sections on buses?

Where is it we are going with this conversation i really would like to know, on one level we are for equality and then on another level we are casting a picture that but undervalues the meaning of rape and at the same time casts women as victims who need more help.

26-02-2017 10:52PM

anna080 wrote: »

I suspect that you are the one who needs to open your eyes, my dear.

LOL!
Come back to me when you have actually worked at the job for 2 years.
I have worked beside & personally know lots of social workers and social care workers.
It's a really tough job, and you will change your attitude.

aaronjumper · 26-02-2017 10:54PM

FizzleSticks · 26-02-2017 10:55PM

This post has been deleted.

"Why I did not report my rapist"

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