Friends with benefits

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 05:32PM #1

I've had a friends with benifits for the last three years. Absolute great mates. When we are in relationships of our own we still tend to confide in each other with problems and/advice and when single we just entertain each other. There's no other feelings there besides friendship, pizza and Netflix. Basically the definition of Netflix and chill.

Does anyone else have a friends with benefit? Are they close?

Just looking for stories really to pass the time

El Weirdo · 22-02-2017 05:35PM

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

I've had a friends with benifits for the last three years. Absolute great mates. When we are in relationships of our own we still tend to confide in each other with problems and/advice and when single we just entertain each other. There's no other feelings there besides friendship, pizza and Netflix. Basically the definition of Netflix and chill.

Does anyone else have a friends with benefit? Are they close?

Just looking for stories really to pass the time

My mate's on the dole. Does that count?

me_irl · 22-02-2017 05:35PM

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

Basically the definition of Netflix and chill.

Nope. It's not that at all!

22-02-2017 05:36PM

That sounds like me and most of my female friends over the years. Sans the riding of course.

me_irl · 22-02-2017 05:37PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Sans the riding of course.

You should be a comedian, cos that's COMIC....

...eh....

'sake

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 22-02-2017 05:40PM

It's all fun and games til you end up with feelings though. I've had a few FWB and they're good craic and I'd still be good friends with some of them, but the 1 that was messy was enough to put me off them for life. I had feelings, he said he did, we were better off just being friends, then we'd be together again, then I'd move on and he'd be sad then he moved on and I was devastated. Not worth it.

TerrorFirmer · 22-02-2017 05:43PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

It's all fun and games til you end up with feelings though. I've had a few FWB and they're good craic and I'd still be good friends with some of them, but the 1 that was messy was enough to put me off them for life. I had feelings, he said he did, we were better off just being friends, then we'd be together again, then I'd move on and he'd be sad then he moved on and I was devastated. Not worth it.

I agree with this. It's very difficult to keep going beyond a few encounters without at least one party starting to feel differently about the arrangement which just sets it up for a bit of a mess, especially if you know the person well enough before hand. Each to their own but not something I'd pursue.

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 05:44PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

It's all fun and games til you end up with feelings though. I've had a few FWB and they're good craic and I'd still be good friends with some of them, but the 1 that was messy was enough to put me off them for life. I had feelings, he said he did, we were better off just being friends, then we'd be together again, then I'd move on and he'd be sad then he moved on and I was devastated. Not worth it.

Really? That's a shame. 3 years and not once have I been like "oh I do I like him". Any other person could bat an eyelid at me and im weak, nothing with him.

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 05:46PM

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

I agree with this. It's very difficult to keep going beyond a few encounters without at least one party starting to feel differently about the arrangement which just sets it up for a bit of a mess, especially if you know the person well enough before hand. Each to their own but not something I'd pursue.

I had a friend that felll hard with her FWB (no pun!) and it ended in disaster. I suppose if you know the agreement then it's sort of set in stone really

Mr. Incognito · 22-02-2017 05:47PM

In my experience it works for 6 months or so before you have to move on to pastures new

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 22-02-2017 05:59PM

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

I had a friend that felll hard with her FWB (no pun!) and it ended in disaster. I suppose if you know the agreement then it's sort of set in stone really

You know! You have your rules set out. You know neither of you want a relationship. But these things happen. There'll be that one person you get super close to and it's not about sex, someone you can tell things to and someone you trust and really, the best friend in the whole world, and you know you're getting closer and closer - you realise that when you're sitting across from each other in a cold restaurant and he's holding your hands to warm you up, and you kind of feel that maybe this isn't just friends but things are going too good for you to want it to stop. And maybe things are the same for the other person too because no doubt when one person checks in "do you still want to do this? No feelings?" You go along with it because it was only a baby feeling not a big one, but things are getting more intense and more fun each time til all of a sudden your balls deep in nothing but trouble, pushing each other away after the ride trying to maintain a bit of distance but it's way beyond that anyone and how the hell can you go the whole day without talking to them? Well talk but just be "off" with each other. Then this horrible mess of not knowing where you stand, wanting to be with someone who doesn't try put distance in between youse after sex, being jealous, but not enough to walk away from it completely. Then the L word is dropped during a huge arguement, taken back, insinuated that he did mean it but he doesn't want to talk about it, to realising you feel it too and the realisation being so horrible you'd much rather have had a finger amputated than realise you loved him and feeling like you were going to burst if you didn't tell him but when he said it to you it went down like a lead balloon so best just ignore it until you can't actually talk it anymore you're fighting constantly, you're pushing him away before he can push you away, and then it's the ultimatum- can't do this anymore. Relationship or we finish this. So it's finished and you try revert back to just being friends but it's basically just a marriage now, no sex but everything is exactly the same.

And it's literally the worst feeling in the world.

murpho999 · 22-02-2017 06:00PM

I have a friend whose wife doesn't drink.

She picks up from the pub after we've been out which I find a great benefit.

neonsofa · 22-02-2017 06:02PM

I've had some like that but if we have partners we absolutely do not confide in each other re relationship advice or giving out about the partner because imo that's disrespectful to our respective partners.

TerrorFirmer · 22-02-2017 06:03PM

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

I had a friend that felll hard with her FWB (no pun!) and it ended in disaster. I suppose if you know the agreement then it's sort of set in stone really

That's just it though - both parties do understand the agreement at the outset but things change, even when we don't plan for them at all.

Also, person A might think 'he/she's nice, but definitely would never be my cup of tea relationship wise so this is perfect'. Person B might think 'he/she's definitely my type but just don't want a relationship right now.' The latter is a lot more susceptible to change, even if they don't realise it.

From my experience there's more often than not a person B involved rather than two person A's which is what is needed for a flawless FWB situation.

topper75 · 22-02-2017 06:07PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

You know! You have your rules set out. You know neither of you want a relationship. But these things happen. There'll be that one person you get super close to and it's not about sex, someone you can tell things to and someone you trust and really, the best friend in the whole world, and you know you're getting closer and closer - you realise that when you're sitting across from each other in a cold restaurant and he's holding your hands to warm you up, and you kind of feel that maybe this isn't just friends but things are going too good for you to want it to stop. And maybe things are the same for the other person too because no doubt when one person checks in "do you still want to do this? No feelings?" You go along with it because it was only a baby feeling not a big one, but things are getting more intense and more fun each time til all of a sudden your balls deep in nothing but trouble, pushing each other away after the ride trying to maintain a bit of distance but it's way beyond that anyone and how the hell can you go the whole day without talking to them? Well talk but just be "off" with each other. Then this horrible mess of not knowing where you stand, wanting to be with someone who doesn't try put distance in between youse after sex, being jealous, but not enough to walk away from it completely. Then the L word is dropped during a huge arguement, taken back, insinuated that he did mean it but he doesn't want to talk about it, to realising you feel it too and the realisation being so horrible you'd much rather have had a finger amputated than realise you loved him and feeling like you were going to burst if you didn't tell him but when he said it to you it went down like a lead balloon so best just ignore it until you can't actually talk it anymore you're fighting constantly, you're pushing him away before he can push you away, and then it's the ultimatum- can't do this anymore. Relationship or we finish this. So it's finished and you try revert back to just being friends but it's basically just a marriage now, no sex but everything is exactly the same.

And it's literally the worst feeling in the world.

With regard to your paragraphs, one is reminded of the contrast between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law.

Temptamperu · 22-02-2017 06:10PM

I have an imaginary friend with benefits. I think she may be seeing someone else tho.

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 06:12PM

Temptamperu wrote: »

I have an imaginary friend with benefits. I think she may be seeing someone else tho.

Time to confess your fears?

BetsyEllen · 22-02-2017 06:13PM

Had one going for a while but I had to stop it as the feelings were hard to deal with.

If yours has been going on for 3 years then good for you, I think it's safe to say you're past the fear of feelings being developed on either side now!

Must be kind of annoying when the other person gets into a relationship though when you're still single, getting the ride when you're not :P

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 06:14PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

You know! You have your rules set out. You know neither of you want a relationship. But these things happen. There'll be that one person you get super close to and it's not about sex, someone you can tell things to and someone you trust and really, the best friend in the whole world, and you know you're getting closer and closer - you realise that when you're sitting across from each other in a cold restaurant and he's holding your hands to warm you up, and you kind of feel that maybe this isn't just friends but things are going too good for you to want it to stop. And maybe things are the same for the other person too because no doubt when one person checks in "do you still want to do this? No feelings?" You go along with it because it was only a baby feeling not a big one, but things are getting more intense and more fun each time til all of a sudden your balls deep in nothing but trouble, pushing each other away after the ride trying to maintain a bit of distance but it's way beyond that anyone and how the hell can you go the whole day without talking to them? Well talk but just be "off" with each other. Then this horrible mess of not knowing where you stand, wanting to be with someone who doesn't try put distance in between youse after sex, being jealous, but not enough to walk away from it completely. Then the L word is dropped during a huge arguement, taken back, insinuated that he did mean it but he doesn't want to talk about it, to realising you feel it too and the realisation being so horrible you'd much rather have had a finger amputated than realise you loved him and feeling like you were going to burst if you didn't tell him but when he said it to you it went down like a lead balloon so best just ignore it until you can't actually talk it anymore you're fighting constantly, you're pushing him away before he can push you away, and then it's the ultimatum- can't do this anymore. Relationship or we finish this. So it's finished and you try revert back to just being friends but it's basically just a marriage now, no sex but everything is exactly the same.

And it's literally the worst feeling in the world.

Just a hunch here...but I'm assuming it didn't work out for you? Or you've just quoted a really good film?

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 06:16PM

BetsyEllen wrote: »

Must be kind of annoying when the other person gets into a relationship though when you're still single, getting the ride when you're not :P

Head melting but funny nonetheless. He does be on the same boat if I'm dating someone haha

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 22-02-2017 06:16PM

:P

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

Just a hunch here...but I'm assuming it didn't work out for you? Or you've just quoted a really good film?

It's a scenario!
Not usually one for recommending getting bogged down in relationships but Feb are wayyy too much hassle

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 06:20PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

:P
It's a scenario!

Jaysis that's some scenario! Sorry to hear about that

Dr Crayfish · 22-02-2017 06:23PM

So like, if you get a girlfriend now, you could say to her "hey if this doesn't work out I'll be f**king my friend when we split up, as I was before I met you, oh and in the meantime I'll be confiding in her with all our relationship issues etc."

The whole thing sounds ridiculous.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 22-02-2017 06:23PM

Never said it was my scenario!
But, don't ride and slide would be up there with don't do drugs in my advice on life

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 06:29PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

So like, if you get a girlfriend now, you could say to her "hey if this doesn't work out I'll be f**king my friend when we split up, as I was before I met you, oh and in the meantime I'll be confiding in her with all our relationship issues etc."

The whole thing sounds ridiculous.

Nah we were friends first before the whole FWB situ happened. As for the confiding things, it works well for us. As for explaining to new partners etc well it's normally a case of telling the truth. Stupid as it sounds but why lie? Myself and FWB meet up sometimes for drinks then we go our own ways. We don't even do anything the majority of the times so in terms of meeting the other halves, hasn't effected us. Far as we are concerned, when times are slow and we aren't doing much else then why not? Previous relationships haven't had any issues. FWB is just a close friend in my opinion and I his.

Dr Crayfish · 22-02-2017 06:31PM

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

Nah we were friends first before the whole FWB situ happened. As for the confiding things, it works well for us. As for explaining to new partners etc well it's normally a case of telling the truth. Stupid as it sounds but why lie? Myself and FWB meet up sometimes for drinks then we go our own ways. We don't even do anything the majority of the times so in terms of meeting the other halves, hasn't effected us. Far as we are concerned, when times are slow and we aren't doing much else then why not? Previous relationships haven't had any issues. FWB is just a close friend in my opinion and I his.

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with my partner hanging around with someone they f*ck when they're single. Maybe I'm old fashioned!

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 06:36PM

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with my partner hanging around with someone they f*ck when they're single. Maybe I'm old fashioned!

Honestly I can see why people wouldn't be comfortable with it. I'm not blind. I can see why it would be an issue. But when it comes to either of us being in a relationship or dating other people then we respect each other and leave each other too it

Lorelli! · 22-02-2017 06:36PM

No I never had a fwb but when I was a late teen, I did have an unusual mutual crush on someone whose personality I really disliked and I don't think he liked mine either. So the opposite dilemma, not friends and no benefits! That was annoying :pac:

Dr Crayfish · 22-02-2017 06:37PM

GuessWhoEh wrote: »

Honestly I can see why people wouldn't be comfortable with it. I'm not blind. I can see why it would be an issue. But when it comes to either of us being in a relationship or dating other people then we respect each other and leave each other too it

Just say nothing

GuessWhoEh · 22-02-2017 06:39PM

Lorelli! wrote: »

No I never had a fwb but when I was a late teen, I did have an unusual mutual crush on someone whose personality I really disliked and I don't think he liked mine either. So the opposite dilemma, not friends and no benefits! That was annoying :pac:

And therefore, no feelings . Simples

Winterlong · 22-02-2017 06:39PM

Lorelli! wrote: »

No I never had a fwb but when I was a late teen, I did have an unusual mutual crush on someone whose personality I really disliked and I don't think he liked mine either. So the opposite dilemma, not friends and no benefits! That was annoying :pac:

And that recurring frustrating thought: "How did someone get gifted such a wonderful face/body but have such a ****e personality to go with it?"

Friends with benefits

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