Teenage Disco bans inappropriate outfits

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 19-02-2017 02:09AM

But short skirts don't make girls pregnant. And it doesn't matter what someone is wearing, if they want to have sex they'll have sex. I'm sure if you look at pics of when you were 14 you were hardly a style icon. I know I certainly wasn't. Brows plucked in a straight line, my mothers foundation, blue mascara, those awful pants with the strings billowing from them. My first pair of high heels were a pair of ankle boots, pointy toe, stiletto heel. I begged my mother to buy them. She refused. Convinced my dad to buy them for me and I loved them so much I'm surprised I didn't wear them to bed. I wore them so much I wore the heels off them. I was 14. At 14 I was harassing my mother into buying me the "lingerie" sets with the thongs as the underwear.

I certainly made my own share of fashion faux pas, couldn't be told my eyebrows looked ridiculous or cheap thongs were uncomfortable, I had to learn those things for myself. I don't think anyone that was ever 14 years old dressed and behaved exactly like their parents wanted them to.

Just because they're dressed a certain way doesn't make them bad kids, sluts, the next teen pregnancy.

Cameo · 19-02-2017 02:13AM

Yeah I didn't say anything about them being bad kids, sluts or the next teen pregnancy (if anything I think it's the more conservative, naive, innocent girls who can often go for this look, ironically, and while they may want to be looked at, doesn't mean they actually want to get physical) but it still gives people the wrong idea - even if it's unfair and undeserved.

There's fashion faux pas and then there's looking off-the-chart tacky.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 19-02-2017 02:18AM

Cameo wrote: »

Yeah I didn't say anything about them being bad kids, sluts or the next teen pregnancy (if anything I think it's the more conservative, naive, innocent girls who can often go for this look, ironically, and while they may want to be looked at, doesn't mean they actually want to get physical) but it still gives people the wrong idea - even if it's unfair and undeserved.

There's fashion faux pas and then there's looking off-the-chart tacky.

Yes but they're the ones looking tacky. Every single generation has had it. These kids are no different.

If people are getting the wrong idea then maybe the problem lies with them judging a child on her choice of clothes rather than who or what she's like as a person. She is not responsible for how anyone else thinks

Roger Hassenforder · 19-02-2017 09:27AM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Yes but they're the ones looking tacky. Every single generation has had it. These kids are no different.

If people are getting the wrong idea then maybe the problem lies with them judging a child on her choice of clothes rather than who or what she's like as a person. She is not responsible for how anyone else thinks

Every generation has had it, but the research and science shows children are being sexualised at a younger than ever age. Associate being sexual with popularity.

Here's one:
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1679088

Bit of a difference to a mono brow and what's going on now in fairness.

& Of course children aren't responsible, their parents are. You don't seem to be getting it; this isn't victim blaming. It's making parents responsible for their kids.

sending/letting a kid out dressed like a hooker might contribute to placing them in a situation where their perceived maturity is at odds with their actual maturity, with unpleasant consequences.

Widdershins · 20-02-2017 07:34AM

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Every generation has had it, but the research and science shows children are being sexualised at a younger than ever age. Associate being sexual with popularity.

Here's one:
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1679088

Bit of a difference to a mono brow and what's going on now in fairness.

& Of course children aren't responsible, their parents are. You don't seem to be getting it; this isn't victim blaming. It's making parents responsible for their kids.

sending/letting a kid out dressed like a hooker might contribute to placing them in a situation where their perceived maturity is at odds with their actual maturity, with unpleasant consequences.

The issue there is that most girls chose the supposedly ''sexy'' outfit. They are making a hell of a meal out of that. I'm going to look for this study, 'cause I want to see these two outfits for myself and then I'll judge. Probably just a nicer outfit with better colours.

Strong religious undertones to it too.

Wonder how moms are supposed to not ''sexualise'' themselves?

Samaris · 20-02-2017 09:17AM

No point comparing teenagers to pre-teens in terms of sexualised clothing. Fourteen-sixteen year olds are exploring their sexual side, exploring being able to wear stuff that conforms to a peer code, not to their parents code. They also tend to have their own money with which to buy cheap rubbish clothing from Next (or wherever, it was Next for me) They go out, come back, grow up and with the addition of ten or twenty years, look at what teenagers are wearing today and can be shocked, but it really wasn't any better in the 1990s, the 2000s and probably the 1980s and 1960s as well. And if an adult male can't control himself because he's looking at these young teenagers in revealing clothing, that is squarely on him. No-one's forcing him to attack a young teenager, whatever she's wearing.

Pre-teens are a totally different story in terms of what they choose to wear, not least as it is almost certainly the parents getting them these clothes and can and should set rules about what they buy for them. Sexualised six-year-olds (as in the link) is creepy as all hell as these children are way too young to be exploring their sexual side naturally and it is, to some extent, being imposed by whoever buys them this clothing and lets them wear it.

Edit: I'd only read the headline and was thinking of that thing a few years back where small children were wearing lingerie and "Barbie is a slut" tops, so what I said actually wasn't connected to the link after all.

Roger Hassenforder · 20-02-2017 11:01AM

Samaris wrote: »

No point comparing teenagers to pre-teens in terms of sexualised clothing. Fourteen-sixteen year olds are exploring their sexual side, exploring being able to wear stuff that conforms to a peer code, not to their parents code.

They also tend to have their own money with which to buy cheap rubbish clothing from Next (or wherever, it was Next for me) They go out, come back, grow up and with the addition of ten or twenty years, look at what teenagers are wearing today and can be shocked, but it really wasn't any better in the 1990s, the 2000s and probably the 1980s and 1960s as well

You've entirely missed the point. Kids are being sexualised at a younger than ever age. I'm not "comparing" teens and preteens. Kids are bombarded 24-7 with images of what's considered beautiful and sexy, music, games, media, advertising etc, with porn infesting the Internet.

You're encouraging them to explore their sexuality, yet decry adult men not being able to control themselves! Adult men aren't the problem. Most adult men it might come as a surprise for you to learn aren't paedos:
http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=24672

However most adult men are fathers concerned for their little girls.

We're sending preteens/ young teens out dressed like adults in outfits, which belies a sexual maturity far in excess of their mental development, into the waiting arms of teenage boys, themselves emotionally and sexually immature with expectations of sex grounded in porn, where said sexual experience might be recorded for posterity and shared on social media. Greater access to drugs and drink is exacerbating the situation.

Of course every teen is curious about sex, as so they should, but the consequence for an adverse experience are far greater now, which behoves parents to be a bit more responsible.

Allowing our kids to dress like hookers isn't empowering them to explore their sexuality, it's being irresponsible.

And if you are comparing what we wore back in the 80s with what's being worn now, ive a funny feeling you weren't out in the 80s. If a young fella caught a glimpse of a side boob in the 80s, he'd have to lie down for a while. 90s were the same.

The_Captain · 20-02-2017 11:57AM

So basically a bunch of adult men are deciding that 14 year old girls in short dresses are too sexy to expect anyone with a penis to control themselves?

It's the same kind of sick logic you see in repressive Muslim countries. Make them all wear burkas otherwise men will have impure thoughts and will expect sex from them.

It's no business of mine what other people's children wear, and a girl isn't inviting sex upon herself no matter what she wears

meeeeh · 20-02-2017 12:24PM

The_Captain wrote: »

So basically a bunch of adult men are deciding that 14 year old girls in short dresses are too sexy to expect anyone with a penis to control themselves?

It's the same kind of sick logic you see in repressive Muslim countries. Make them all wear burkas otherwise men will have impure thoughts and will expect sex from them.

It's no business of mine what other people's children wear, and a girl isn't inviting sex upon herself no matter what she wears

Yes that's it. Requesting certain dress code for girls and boys in a disco is exactly the same to demanding for women to wear burka. Since you are at it would you also contact schools and demand the sharia law around school uniforms to end.

zedhead · 20-02-2017 12:28PM

meeeeh wrote: »

Yes that's it. Requesting certain dress code for girls and boys in a disco is exactly the same to demanding for women to wear burka. Since you are at it would you also contact schools and demand the sharia law around school uniforms to end.

Requesting they adhere to a dresscode isn't necessarily the issue - it was the way in which they presented it. With the use of words such as 'deplorable' to describe the choices is bound to garner backlash and a reaction. They didn't give examples of the boys clothes that did not meet their dress code and describe them in the same way. Having a dress code is fine, but slut shaming and decrying peoples choices is not.

meeeeh · 20-02-2017 12:40PM

zedhead wrote: »

Requesting they adhere to a dresscode isn't necessarily the issue - it was the way in which they presented it. With the use of words such as 'deplorable' to describe the choices is bound to garner backlash and a reaction. They didn't give examples of the boys clothes that did not meet their dress code and describe them in the same way. Having a dress code is fine, but slut shaming and decrying peoples choices is not.

Right because to ask for bous to wear a tie is open to interpretation. You are allowed the tie with stripes but not polka dots? Here is an example.

Let's stop using slut shaming as an excuse for everything. 14 years olds are too young for overly revealing clothing, they are still kids. If their parents don't have the common sense at least someone else has.

Roger Hassenforder · 20-02-2017 12:42PM

meeeeh wrote: »

Yes that's it. Requesting certain dress code for girls and boys in a disco is exactly the same to demanding for women to wear burka. Since you are at it would you also contact schools and demand the sharia law around school uniforms to end.

And ban kids from beaches in their togs as well
After all, we might not be able to control ourselves.

Roger Hassenforder · 20-02-2017 12:44PM

zedhead wrote: »

Requesting they adhere to a dresscode isn't necessarily the issue - it was the way in which they presented it. With the use of words such as 'deplorable' to describe the choices is bound to garner backlash and a reaction. They didn't give examples of the boys clothes that did not meet their dress code and describe them in the same way. Having a dress code is fine, but slut shaming and decrying peoples choices is not.

I agree the language used was inappropriate and unfair.

kunst nugget · 20-02-2017 12:58PM

The_Captain wrote: »

So basically a bunch of adult men are deciding that 14 year old girls in short dresses are too sexy to expect anyone with a penis to control themselves?

It's the same kind of sick logic you see in repressive Muslim countries. Make them all wear burkas otherwise men will have impure thoughts and will expect sex from them.

It's no business of mine what other people's children wear, and a girl isn't inviting sex upon herself no matter what she wears

It's true, it's not my business what other people's children wear and they can do whatever they want but it is my business what my children wear. I want them to have some self respect and I'm not going to be into them dressing like half-naked Kardashians because 'Everyone else is doing it!'

You can twist it into me being a repressive fogey who is in thrall to the social mores of the Catholic Church if you want. It couldn't be further from the truth but you seem to believe there's only one reason why people wouldn't their kids dressing trashily.

meeeeh · 20-02-2017 01:22PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

You can twist it into me being a repressive fogey who is in thrall to the social mores of the Catholic Church if you want. It couldn't be further from the truth but you seem to believe there's only reason why people wouldn't their kids dressing trashily.

The catholic thing is nonsense. People in less catholic countries on the continent would be absolutely horrified at the dress codes here. I actually think more traditional, misogynist societies (Balkans) will be more likely to wear clothes like that.

clairewithani · 20-02-2017 02:22PM

Girls wear skimpy clothes to look sexy, not to look good to look sexy. Girls who should not be legally having sex should not be looking sexy.

Roger Hassenforder · 20-02-2017 02:24PM

clairewithani wrote: »

Girls wear skimpy clothes to look sexy, not to look good to look sexy. Girls who should not be legally having sex should not be looking sexy.

But something...something...slut shaming something...exploring their sexuality...something...sure weren't the 80s worse...all men are paedos and can't control their penises

clairewithani · 20-02-2017 02:28PM

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

But something...something...slut shaming something...exploring their sexuality...something...sure weren't the 80s worse...all men are paedos and can't control their penises

Bollox. Those girls are not trying to attract paedos but they sure as hell are trying to attract young lads.

Samaris · 21-02-2017 12:53AM

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

You've entirely missed the point. Kids are being sexualised at a younger than ever age. I'm not "comparing" teens and preteens. Kids are bombarded 24-7 with images of what's considered beautiful and sexy, music, games, media, advertising etc, with porn infesting the Internet.

It may also be that you're missing mine. The point of the thread was teenage discos, wasn't it? That assumes teenagers. Conversation had moved onto small children. I wanted to indicate where I was speaking about which. Also, I wasn't directly talking to you, but okay. I agree on the last sentence.

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

You're encouraging them to explore their sexuality, yet decry adult men not being able to control themselves! Adult men aren't the problem.
I'm not encouraging anything of the sort, I am pointing out it is a natural part of puberty, including testing limits.

[QUOTE=Roger Hassenforder;102676643Most adult men it might come as a surprise for you to learn aren't paedos:
http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=24672

However most adult men are fathers concerned for their little girls

Thanks for the link, but I know what a paedophile is and even what an hebophile is and I was not intending to suggest that all adult males (or even the vast majority of them) are either. Yis could cool down on the offence for a moment, again, I was not directly addressing you, just giving my thoughts on it.

Drink, drugs, misunderstandings with teenage boys and/or attracting unwanted attention from adults, the potential of permanent record/internet are all things that teenagers (of the age to be very conscious of peer pressure and the natural urge to show off their developing sexuality) need to be warned about and to understand. There are dangers that didn't used to be there, but human nature remains much the same, including teenagers rebelling against parental control. This is inevitable, and once teenagers are of an age to be rebelling, it -generally- works out better to let them have a say and explain where the dangers are and why. I am not saying you are wrong, I am saying that there are certain issues that have been going on since teenagers as a concept existed (before that, it was known as "being a difficult age").

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

And if you are comparing what we wore back in the 80s with what's being worn now, ive a funny feeling you weren't out in the 80s. If a young fella caught a glimpse of a side boob in the 80s, he'd have to lie down for a while. 90s were the same.

True, it was legs up to just under the bum and belly in those days. Mores change. Look at the flapper 20s, how different was that to the decade before? It's not entirely what part is being accentuated/shown off/exposed, it's how much more "daring" it is compared to the previous decades that raises the hackles. If you're -quite- alright with it, I'm not getting into a discussion about my age, although I could return with that given your user-name is Roger, I rather doubt you were wearing them either (although if you were, I ain't gonna judge). :P

Cba finding it again, but your follow-up was pretty unnecessary (and -wildly- exaggerated). My post was not that outrageous.

Roger Hassenforder · 21-02-2017 02:34PM

Samaris wrote: »

It may also be that you're missing mine. The point of the thread was teenage discos, wasn't it? That assumes teenagers. Conversation had moved onto small children. I wanted to indicate where I was speaking about which. Also, I wasn't directly talking to you, but okay. I agree on the last sentence.

Thanks for the link, but I know what a paedophile is and even what an hebophile is and I was not intending to suggest that all adult males (or even the vast majority of them) are either. Yis could cool down on the offence for a moment, again, I was not directly addressing you, just giving my thoughts on it.

Drink, drugs, misunderstandings with teenage boys and/or attracting unwanted attention from adults, the potential of permanent record/internet are all things that teenagers (of the age to be very conscious of peer pressure and the natural urge to show off their developing sexuality) need to be warned about and to understand. There are dangers that didn't used to be there, but human nature remains much the same, including teenagers rebelling against parental control. This is inevitable, and once teenagers are of an age to be rebelling, it -generally- works out better to let them have a say and explain where the dangers are and why. I am not saying you are wrong, I am saying that there are certain issues that have been going on since teenagers as a concept existed (before that, it was known as "being a difficult age").

True, it was legs up to just under the bum and belly in those days. Mores change. Look at the flapper 20s, how different was that to the decade before? It's not entirely what part is being accentuated/shown off/exposed, it's how much more "daring" it is compared to the previous decades that raises the hackles. If you're -quite- alright with it, I'm not getting into a discussion about my age, although I could return with that given your user-name is Roger, I rather doubt you were wearing them either (although if you were, I ain't gonna judge). :P

Cba finding it again, but your follow-up was pretty unnecessary (and -wildly- exaggerated). My post was not that outrageous.

no offence taken, Im not a bit thin skinned!
but some posters in this are alluding to adult men not being able to control their penises. Adult men, in the main fathers, are horrified at their little girls being sexualised earlier then ever, and either having to dress so to conform, or wanting to, to look sexy for a 12 year old boy, who collects pokemon in between wondering what his penis is for.

I think we agree on a lot, and teenagers are going to teenage, and indeed should be encouraged to explore/push boundaries, but the consequence are greater these days than when we were teenagers which behove parents to exercise a bit more responsibility for our preteens and early teens, than what we might have gotten away with previously.

Samaris · 22-02-2017 09:17AM

Overall, I think the west (and probably most other places, but not having personal experience of them, I can only go with "the west", and most of that from media) have a rather unhealthy attitude towards sex. We've also kinda entered a more "permissive" period (although that may not last) without really being overly sure how to approach it. Porn's been around forever, and sex has been selling forever, but we've not had the combination of more permissive era, general loosening of religious mores (and religion has played a huge part in the west - say, Ireiand, to keep it more straight-forward - in terms of making sex "unnatural") and a huge pervasive media that shoves sex in our faces 24/7 (okay, not quite 24/7, but you know what I mean!). I don't know if we ever had a "healthy" attitude towards sex and I'm not 100% sure what a healthy attitude is, but religion's huge disapproval of the whole business for so long has rather made us forget how to develop one.

All a bit off the topic of the daft clothing that teenagers wear going out, but there's a hell of a lot of contradictory attitudes wound into our national psyches regarding the whole topic and without the adult generations accepting that and figuring out what a sane attitude is, rules on teenagers, while well-meant and neccessary, do probably come across as a bit hypocritical and arbitrary. We've made some strides in it, including accepting sexualities that aren't the most common male/female=breeding one, but there's still a whole mess of neuroses over that whole part of life. I can't see that making things any easier for pubescents to figure out what it's all about in a way that isn't going to cause them anxiety in some way or another. I don't know what it's like for young boys, but for young girls in my experience - if you're okay with sex, you're a slut, if you have no interest in sex, you're a prude/repressed/mentally young, you need to be cautious about knowing too much or too little about it. And then on top of that there's the conflict between peer pressure in wearing clothes that accentuate sexuality and parental pressure and the pressure from social media and films/ads etcetera. Plus physiological and mental changes, hormones and all the rest of it. And nuns. Because the Catholic Church has been a traditionally healthy influence on showing young teenagers how to deal with becoming adults! (Our media's mostly American, so their hang-ups are also relevant and their religious sector is at least as nutty as ours is.) Are we adding more pressure than necessary to pubescents just because "we" (as in current adults) don't really have much of an idea how to approach it either? It's also worth noting that young girls are tending to develop earlier than they did physically and later than they did mentally (we consider teenagers "children", whereas preceding generations would have considered them adults). Basically, it's all a bit of a sociological mess.

Thoie · 22-02-2017 09:59AM

Samaris wrote: »

All a bit off the topic of the daft clothing that teenagers wear going out, but there's a hell of a lot of contradictory attitudes wound into our national psyches regarding the whole topic and without the adult generations accepting that and figuring out what a sane attitude is, rules on teenagers, while well-meant and neccessary, do probably come across as a bit hypocritical and arbitrary.

This is why it's important to have conversations about the "why" of things. There's no point telling a 14 year old that sex at that age is illegal, it would help them to have an understanding of why it's illegal - otherwise it's just a boring adult attitude, and "the grown-ups have no idea of what the real world is like". Extremely plunging or short dresses are far more prone to "wardrobe malfunctions" than something a tiny bit more modest. Modest doesn't have to mean neck to ankle sackcloth and ashes, just something you can move in without risking your bits falling out.

With every second of teenage life being apparently photographed/filmed these days, any inadvertent exposure is likely to be caught on camera, uploaded to the internet and your name tagged to it for all time. While a 14 year old may revel in the attention (or be bullied horribly) for that, it won't be so funny when you're 25 and your colleagues all know what you look like semi naked.

whisky_galore · 22-02-2017 10:06AM

Samaris wrote: »

Because the Catholic Church has been a traditionally healthy influence on showing young teenagers how to deal with becoming adults!

Yeah right....sure they have.
Celebates preaching about relationships...

Roger Hassenforder · 22-02-2017 12:23PM

whisky_galore wrote: »

Yeah right....sure they have.
Celebates preaching about relationships...

It was sarcastic.
That exclamation mark gave it away...

JupiterKid · 25-02-2017 06:32AM

I had a strange dream last night where a group were selling these electronic alarm type devices that people could activate when a young wan in a super skimpy outfit turned up in a bar/club and offended them - they would be ejected and then arrested.

It was strange...:pac:

pappyodaniel · 25-02-2017 06:56AM

I grew up in the mid 90s where the predominant fashions were the grunge look with the ripped jeans and army jackets and the raver look with the baggy jeans and the baggy t-shirts....

sexy.....

RobertKK · 25-02-2017 12:34PM

Well my nephew said it was only a handful of girls who dressed inappropriately, and he was at the most recent, the first since the controversy, and he said there was no problems with how anyone was dressed.
It was a storm in a tea cup, and the organisers did the right thing by nipping a problem that was arising in the bud and have kept the event age appropriate.

Teenage Disco bans inappropriate outfits

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