Teenage Disco bans inappropriate outfits

meeeeh · 16-02-2017 02:14PM

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I don't think anyone of the older generation really is the target market here. I think it's more the generation of their own age they're looking to impress in all fairness. At that age classy and sexy are all the one when they could hardly be expected to be any the wiser!

That's not true. There are plenty of girls that could distinguish between tat and nicer clothing. Clothes don't need to be necessarily more expensive but just stuff that fits better and doesn't make the wearer a subject of ridicule.

RobertKK · 16-02-2017 02:18PM

My nephew has attended this ball and it is very formal. He wasn't at the last one but from what I heard, some of the girls were dressed very inappropriately, and action was needed. I heard the last ball as being described as being 'scandalous' the way some girls were dressed.
I think some of the stuff in the media is trying to make the organisers look prudish, when they have a responsibility toward people who are not adults and whom parents are entrusting them to look after their children, and they need rules and dress codes.
The boys had to really dress up to attend and no outcry over how formal their clothes are.

El_Duderino 09 · 16-02-2017 02:19PM

Has anyonethought of asking the young wans what they want to acheive with their appearance? Are they specifically trying to be sexy or trampy or classy or what?

Banning things and forbidding behaviours might be an effective way to control teenagers... but I very much doubt it.

El_Duderino 09 · 16-02-2017 02:21PM

meeeeh wrote:

That's not true. There are plenty of girls that could distinguish between tat and nicer clothing. Clothes don't need to be necessarily more expensive but just stuff that fits better and doesn't make the wearer a subject of ridicule.

That's very much down to how much exposure and experience they have of classy/trashy. That kind of experience can be fairly limited among teenagers. They really only know the environment they've been brought up in.

_Brian · 16-02-2017 03:29PM

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Has anyonethought of asking the young wans what they want to acheive with their appearance? Are they specifically trying to be sexy or trampy or classy or what?

Banning things and forbidding behaviours might be an effective way to control teenagers... but I very much doubt it.

My daughter is 14, she's fairly open about what goes on among her friends and there is significant pressure within some circles to out do each other with the shock value of outfits.. As ever some kids are lucky to be strong enough to remain outside these circles.

Bus to/from these events is an opportunity to load up on drinks..

Little of this is news really but you'd be surprised that some parents see no real problem with such behaviors..

I don't particularly agree with outright banning and forbidding with teenagers as it often creates a desire to try a thing even more, I can contest to that myself..

Education and compromise (and a great deal of fingers crossed) is surely the only real way that parents can release teenagers enough to express and enjoy themselves sufficiently and safely so they may grow into rounded adults.. They need the opportunity to experience enough of the world to form attitudes and behaviors to carry them forward without letting them do this through potentially destructive means..

kunst nugget · 16-02-2017 04:03PM

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Banning things and forbidding behaviours might be an effective way to control teenagers... but I very much doubt it.

If I learnt anything from Footloose, beside the important knowledge that dancing angrily in an abandoned warehouse is a great way to let off steam, it's that suppressing teenagers makes them grow up weird and most likely will result in them dying far too young like poor Chris Penn.

Tbf though, a formal ball for 14-15 year olds probably doesn't need to look like an outtake from My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. But I presume they're not forcing people to go at gunpoint to go so if you're unhappy with not getting the chance to shine by wearing next to nothing, you don't have to go.

infogiver · 16-02-2017 04:05PM

anna080 wrote: »

I disagree. Kylie is only 19 and has had more facial reconstruction and fillers than Michael Jackson. She is to blame for the current inflated lip trend. I don't think people are that bothered about Khloe tbh.

Might be just my daughter and her mates but Kylie is rather dull and staid to them whereas Khloes a bit more real, got weight issues and she's had her heart broken by a very bad man and she's easy to relate too.

Prime Irish Beef · 16-02-2017 05:11PM

When I was a teenager, you wouldn't get me in a dress below my knee in a fit. You still wouldn't.

Saying that, an establishment is within its rights to have a dress code.

pajo1981 · 16-02-2017 05:14PM

How about this outfit:

Or, if black's not your colour:

16-02-2017 06:25PM

I think it's [the way girls dress on a night out] a response to an idea espoused in popular culture about owning one's sexuality or being proud of one's body as being empowering, and it is. It's when role models like the Kardashians or popstars (or whoever young girls aspire to be like) espouse this attitude that the hordes follow, and you have really young teenagers becoming complicit in their own objectification, all too aware of how much power they hold over the opposite sex.

I take the point that girls always dressed skimpily, but they're doing it younger and younger now and often with parental approval. Girls in their early teens who dress for attention may not always be able to handle the ramifications of that attention, particularly if they've been drinking as well and have made themselves look several years older with clothes and make up.

Of course, you can never tell a teenager that they don't know everything so it's basically pointless trying to tell a kid that they don't have to be clones of their peers. That's something they only find out the hard way.

Grandeeod · 16-02-2017 07:59PM

Candie wrote: »

I think it's [the way girls dress on a night out] a response to an idea espoused in popular culture about owning one's sexuality or being proud of one's body as being empowering, and it is. It's when role models like the Kardashians or popstars (or whoever young girls aspire to be like) espouse this attitude that the hordes follow, and you have really young teenagers becoming complicit in their own objectification, all too aware of how much power they hold over the opposite sex.

I take the point that girls always dressed skimpily, but they're doing it younger and younger now and often with parental approval. Girls in their early teens who dress for attention may not always be able to handle the ramifications of that attention, particularly if they've been drinking as well and have made themselves look several years older with clothes and make up.

Of course, you can never tell a teenager that they don't know everything so it's basically pointless trying to tell a kid that they don't have to be clones of their peers. That's something they only find out the hard way.

I agree with your sentiments entirely. Unfortunately finding out the "hard way" can have massive consequences.

Cameo · 16-02-2017 10:03PM

Arcade_Tryer wrote: »

And this is what exactly, an example of irony?

What irony?

You were just going through the thread throwing out that people are repressed and puritannical without any back-up, just silly extremes. And then points were made refuting this, but you didn't address any of those points, just cherrypicked the posts it's easy to throw further pot shots at. That isn't discussion - it's more along the lines of "Yeah well... you smell!" And we all judge, all the time - it's not always a terrible thing.

"You should see some of the lengths of the shorts on female GAA players nowadays too! Maybe a ban on shorts and a return to skirts is in order! I mean, surely they must be cold? And they might have sex with male spectators?"

They get extremely warm when playing such an intense sport for such a prolonged period of time - and it's not like they have a choice in their match-wear anyway.
Yeah they might have sex with male spectators if they fancy them - seems fair enough. I mean it's not like they're young teens feeling obliged to engage in sexual activity behind a hall due to fear of being seen as frigid.

This event is a ball, not a teen disco, so of course it's not a matter of anything goes clothing wise.

In terms of the general phenomenon of wearing stripper gear that reveals bits of arse, I'm not calling for a banning of anything, but I believe it's ok to express an opinion that it looks trashy. When I was a teenage girl, dressing "sluttily" (we even referred to it that way) was one hundred per cent to look (what we thought of as) sexy and to get attention. I think it's unlikely for it to be for any other reason, particularly when done in the freezing cold and in heels that are so high the wearers are definitely in pain. We didn't wear the Gypsy Wedding gear when I was a teen but it was still tacky enough, and looking back now, I realise there was no need to go to those lengths, but teens gonna teen. That doesn't mean people can't have opinions about it though, or think that teens (including themselves) can be pretty stupid, and reluctantly willing to do any dumb-ass sh*t to be "cool".

And people keep saying "I always wear short skirts" - I don't think anyone is saying short skirts/dresses a few inches above the knee look trashy; it's the ones that don't even cover the butt-cheeks that are being referred to. Too revealing isn't subjective after a certain point - if it were, too covered up would also be subjective, and we know full well it isn't. The burka is obviously "too covered up".

Showing off your legs, cleavage, figure-hugging, celebrating your figure, wearing something that emphasises the shape of a great arse - these can all be done with great results, and without going full hooker.

16-02-2017 11:14PM

Grandeeod wrote: »

I agree with your sentiments entirely. Unfortunately finding out the "hard way" can have massive consequences.

Well, that's what I mean when I say young teenagers may not be able to handle the consequences of the attention they seek and get. They're neither mature nor experienced enough to know how to deal with unwanted attention, especially when people can often assume they're years older than they are, once they've used makeup, heels and clothes more suitable for older girls.

Ray37 · 17-02-2017 12:21AM

Seriously, I think people are forgetting that this ball is for children, not fully grown adults. A child at 15 should not be wearing what sometimes looks like lingerie (before anyone has a go, I am 26 and remember Wezz where some girls literally wore bras as tops). To think it's appropriate for kids to be in bedroom attire really freaks me out. I saw a lot of the girls arguing on Facebook about their rights, discrimination, blah, blah, blah, listen girls, there's no law requiring you to go. I'd imagine that the dress code was brought in due to unacceptable clothing that parents etc have never seen (yes, they will change in alleys and lanes, I've seen it a million times). I've seen KIDS (again, I am stressing that they are children) outside discos in stuff I've literally seen in the underwear dept of Penneys etc. If you think it's ok for a teenage girl to be wearing that stuff out, there's a big problem.

_Brian · 17-02-2017 12:39AM

Candie wrote: »

it's basically pointless trying to tell a kid that they don't have to be clones of their peers. That's something they only find out the hard way.

I disagree with that.. but to credibly tell a teen that then firstly the parent would need to demonstrate the same thing themselves.. Parents need to be seen to do what is right and not just talk the talk.. All too many parents talk about the dangers of smoking and excessive drinking while partaking in those very things on an ongoing basis - so why should the teen take any heed !!

Its not enough to take a "do as I say not as I do" stance, if teens see adults normalising poor behavior then its only likely the teens will disregard the advice give by the same parents..

Telling a teenager that they can't drink because of their age just sets a target to be acheived or beaten.. Telling them they can't drink because it reduces their inhibitions and is bad for their liver is no good either if the parents are lashing in the booze every weekend like there was a famine of the stuff..

However talking about all aspects of alcohol good and bad while demonstrating sensible usage of it in their presence will reinforce the message.. this theory transmits across all messages.

Bambi985 · 17-02-2017 01:31AM

it's because teenagers are expected to be like mini celebrities these days, with thousands of followers on Instagram and Snapchat and hundreds of likes and "stunning hun xxx" comments under every single inane selfie they post with the duck pouts and drag-queen makeuped faces.

i think when you live in a selfie generation with the likes of Kim K "breaking the internet" with her massive arse and Kylie Jenner normalising the cheap pornstar look all over social media and then hilariously lying about having any work done because "i just got older" lol....of course teenagers are going to look at that and think looking and dressing like a prostitute is how you become some sort of woman of value and prestige. if you're not all over social media at 14 you basically don't exist to your peers these days.

it actually upsets me to see a child half my age with five inches of perfectly contoured makeup and comically thick fake lashes and a smokey eye that they obviously spent half the day perfecting. when i was 14 it was blue mascara from the pound shop and whatever bit of foundation i could steal from my mam's room and it happened about twice a year and there's maybe one photo lying around in some dusty old photo album somewhere in the attic. these days it's a full face every weekend and 45 selfies at various angles and 300 likes on facebook from weird men you barely know.

Cameo · 17-02-2017 01:44AM

Bambi985 wrote: »

when i was 14 it was blue mascara from the pound shop and whatever bit of foundation i could steal from my mam's room

Panstick and Constance Carroll flour... I mean powder!

I remember my friend's sister commenting "Happy 14th!" to a Facebook photo of a girl she babysat, and the photo popped up on my (and I'm assuming all her other friends' news-feeds) because of the commenting to it - the girl was wearing a boob tube (massive boobs) and a skirt that was pretty much hot pants without a crotch, and of course the colossally high heels. Anyone who says that that's not sexualised is trying to kid themselves. It was just messed up for such a young girl. And obviously no privacy settings if her photo appeared on others' news-feeds due to someone commenting to it. Anyone could save that photo.

Minderbinder · 17-02-2017 04:01AM

I find a lot of things said here fairly shocking to be honest. I know if I had a 15 year old daughter she firstly wouldn't even be going to a disco and secondly there is no way she would be having sex. I can't believe any responsible, loving father would accept that their 14/15 year old daughters are sexually active.

There's plenty of time for that stuff when they're a little older and more capable of making good decisions and less pressurised into making bad ones. I honestly feel some people these days are using statements like 'this is not the dark ages' or anti-church rhetoric as an excuse to be lazy parents and let them do what they want.

Minderbinder · 17-02-2017 04:10AM

I find a lot of things said here fairly shocking to be honest. I know if I had a 15 year old daughter she firstly wouldn't even be going to a disco and secondly there is no way she would be having sex. I can't believe any responsible, loving father would accept that their 14/15 year old daughters are sexually active.

There's plenty of time for that stuff when they're a little older and more capable of making good decisions and less pressurised into making bad ones. I honestly feel some people these days are using statements like 'this is not the dark ages' or anti-church rhetoric as an excuse to be lazy parents and let them do what they want.

Graces7 · 17-02-2017 09:59AM

Candie wrote: »

Well, that's what I mean when I say young teenagers may not be able to handle the consequences of the attention they seek and get. They're neither mature nor experienced enough to know how to deal with unwanted attention, especially when people can often assume they're years older than they are, once they've used makeup, heels and clothes more suitable for older girls.

So you are saying that most parents have no influence to "educate" and influence their children into safe and self respectful ways?

jimgoose · 17-02-2017 10:05AM

Minderbinder wrote: »

I find a lot of things said here fairly shocking to be honest. I know if I had a 15 year old daughter she firstly wouldn't even be going to a disco and secondly there is no way she would be having sex...

I don't believe very many, if any, of these little wans you see wobbling around at the weekend on high-heels with spindly legs up to their ears like Bambi are actually having sex. Sex at that age is like Big Data - everyone talks about it, no-one knows what exactly it's all about, but everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone says they're doing it. :pac:

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 17-02-2017 10:06AM

Graces7 wrote: »

So you are saying that most parents have no influence to "educate" and influence their children into safe and self respectful ways?

Maturity and experience were the issue she referred to. You can "educate" all you like but that first step into real life can be staggering. Parents can only do so much.

meeeeh · 17-02-2017 10:50AM

Minderbinder wrote: »

I find a lot of things said here fairly shocking to be honest. I know if I had a 15 year old daughter she firstly wouldn't even be going to a disco and secondly there is no way she would be having sex. I can't believe any responsible, loving father would accept that their 14/15 year old daughters are sexually active.

Quite a few responsible, loving fathers (parents) don't know their kids are sexually active. As they don't know they are drinking. I certainly don't want my kids to have sex at 14 but I know it could happen.

_Brian · 17-02-2017 11:45AM

Minderbinder wrote: »

I find a lot of things said here fairly shocking to be honest. I know if I had a 15 year old daughter she firstly wouldn't even be going to a disco and secondly there is no way she would be having sex. I can't believe any responsible, loving father would accept that their 14/15 year old daughters are sexually active.

There's plenty of time for that stuff when they're a little older and more capable of making good decisions and less pressurised into making bad ones. I honestly feel some people these days are using statements like 'this is not the dark ages' or anti-church rhetoric as an excuse to be lazy parents and let them do what they want.

I really don't think locking them up is the answer, your just building up resentment over the issue and so increasing the likelihood of rebellion.

Trying as much as possible to work with them so they understand how to behave and respect themselves and others, building mutual trust and then comes a time when you must take that leap of faith and let them go with the hopes they will have the sense to do what is right.

retro:electro · 17-02-2017 12:05PM

Minderbinder wrote: »

I find a lot of things said here fairly shocking to be honest. I know if I had a 15 year old daughter she firstly wouldn't even be going to a disco and secondly there is no way she would be having sex. I can't believe any responsible, loving father would accept that their 14/15 year old daughters are sexually active.

There's plenty of time for that stuff when they're a little older and more capable of making good decisions and less pressurised into making bad ones. I honestly feel some people these days are using statements like 'this is not the dark ages' or anti-church rhetoric as an excuse to be lazy parents and let them do what they want.

I see where you're coming from however there's nothing wrong with going to a disco at 15. You can't keep them locked up at home in an ivory tower because someone may look at them and want to have sex with them or worse still they might want to have sex with someone else. You just have to let them go and hope that they have the social wherewithal to know better. I know girls who were banned from discos until they were 18 and then they went totally mad altogether and used to make shows of themselves, whereas a lot of us had most of that energy out of our systems at that stage.

jimgoose · 17-02-2017 12:07PM

anna080 wrote: »

...I know girls who were banned from discos until they were 18 and then they went totally mad altogether and used to make shows of themselves, whereas a lot of us had most of that energy out of our systems at that stage.

This is precisely the thing. There is no "switch" that goes off suddenly when people turn 18 that makes them sensible, whatever that means. The number "18" is entirely arbitrary, and some are quite mature by then, others quite mature by 15, and yet others still not mature at 28. This is something that happens gradually.

X6.430macman · 17-02-2017 12:09PM

Minderbinder wrote:

I find a lot of things said here fairly shocking to be honest. I know if I had a 15 year old daughter she firstly wouldn't even be going to a disco and secondly there is no way she would be having sex. I can't believe any responsible, loving father would accept that their 14/15 year old daughters are sexually active.

Don't let your 15 year old child to a disco (if one had one) if they wanted to. That's not going to solve anything either. They'll figure out ways and then keep stuff from you that they may be doing that they know you wouldn't approve of

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-02-2017 12:21PM

I read a comment upthread earlier about kids dressing like prostitutes therefore deserve to be treated like a prostitute. What a dispicable thing to say. I think it's that attitude that people need to change a lot more urgently than a young girl needs to change her clothes. It doesn't matter what someone is wearing, young or old, promiscuous or conservative - they deserve to be treated with respect. If men can't help but feel sexual urges when he sees a pair of legs or a bit of cleavage, then I suggest he gets help rather than blaming a teenager for what she was wearing.

Although clothes today are quite revealing, it was the same (though much less stylish) when I was a teenager, at underage discos/raves the girls wore tiny belt like skirts, micromini skirts or those tiny rara skirts and those awful boob tube tops with knee high boots usually white.
School skirts were taken up or rolled up at the waist, and the school had to bring in a different style of skirt that puffed out if you attempted to roll it up. This is not a new thing, generations have been doing it.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 17-02-2017 12:29PM

Minderbinder wrote: »

I find a lot of things said here fairly shocking to be honest. I know if I had a 15 year old daughter she firstly wouldn't even be going to a disco and secondly there is no way she would be having sex. I can't believe any responsible, loving father would accept that their 14/15 year old daughters are sexually active.

There's plenty of time for that stuff when they're a little older and more capable of making good decisions and less pressurised into making bad ones. I honestly feel some people these days are using statements like 'this is not the dark ages' or anti-church rhetoric as an excuse to be lazy parents and let them do what they want.

So what? All her friends are going to a disco and you're going to be the parent that says no? How is she going to trust you or feel comfortable talking to you if you're not listening to her or she feels like you're ruining her life/her fun.

I was 14/15 in 2003 (I think!) 2nd year and some of my friends would have started sleeping with their boyfriends. One girl in my class was pregnant in 2nd year. What can you do? Everyone seems to think it won't happen to their kids but if you make yourself too unapproachable don't expect your teen to comply or come to you for help if he or she needs it.

Educate your kid, trust that she'll make good decisions. Understand that she may not, she may be sexually active at 15 but if she needs to go on the pill or needs advice if a condom broke, that she can feel safe that she can ask you without the fear of never being left outside the house again.

You cannot mold someone into who you want them to be. You try your best to give them all the facts, all the advice, treat them like they're their own person and hope that they listen or at least know you'll be there to support them

silverharp · 17-02-2017 12:48PM

I wouldn't see the point of not letting my daughter go to a dicso at ~14 but I will certainly be dropping her off and picking her up, there wont be any "im staying in "Mary's"" "who is Mary?" "Mary, you know" "erm no I don't, Mary can stay here if she wants".

Teenage Disco bans inappropriate outfits

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