Immigration of step children

I don't know if immigration will approve a visa but I can see things from his point of view, theyre his children regardless of how long its been since he's seen them, he probably feels they'll have a better future and more opportunities available to them in Ireland. If they are to work or go to university in Ireland they'll stand a better chance with an Irish leaving cert so perhaps his reasoning for them coming over before they finish secondary school in Africa is so they can do a leaving cert course here.
The living situation may only be temporary, his children are old enough and will probably find their own accommodation once they get settled.
Regardless of his two kids coming over your apartment doesnt sound appropriate as it is, your youngest kids will be getting bigger and you'll be required to move at some stage to a bigger place anyway, you cant expect your two youngest to sleep in your room or living room until they turn 18 so maybe trying to get somewhere with more space would be beneficial for all involved. You don't say where you live but if youre in Dublin or its surrounding towns I can see your predicament as rents are insane but really Dublin is unaffordable for many people on a good wage, I don't know how unemployed people or minimum wage workers handle it so relocating somewhere more affordable might be the only option, its annoying, stressful and a huge hassle to have to do but its just how it is, thousands of families in expensive areas have had to relocate, your small one bed apartment will not suit your growing family with or without your husbands extra children.
His priorities are with his kids, as they should be and that won't ever change regardless of how you feel about it. If your earnings are low you should be entitled to government financial assistance so id ask in your local Intreo centre for advice, also once his children either find employment or get social welfare or some other financial assistance you can expect them to pay towards rent, bills and food.

beanbag68 wrote: »

My spouse now an Irish citizen is applying for a join family visa for his children by a previous relationship. They are 17 and 18 this summer. They currently live in Africa. My spouse has been living in Ireland for more than 7 years. He now wants to bring them to Ireland to live and work. We are living in a one bedroom apartment with two small children 6 and 3. I have objected to them coming as we barely get by each month. Have no potential to save to move on. He is insisting they come and is getting a loan from a family member in Africa to pay for their trip. He's on a low wage. He is not thinking of how this will impact our lives financially and we don't have room for them. He has told me he will go ahead without me. I feel bullied into accepting a situation I don't want to be part of in order to save my marriage. He hasn't been with his children in 7 years only briefly on holidays twice and now he wants to bring them into a situation of a squashes one bedroom apartment no money to support them and removing them from secondary school before they complete their final year. Will immigration approve a visa?

I understand your husband wanting to give his older children a better future. Have you met them before? What is their standard of education and would they be able to get into an Irish school to do the Leaving Cert? They may need to do this if he wants them to attend university in Ireland. Is he willing to sit down and do a budget for household expenses, school uniform costs etc.? Has he considered how his children will integrate and settle into a new country with different climate, food, language etc.? Their school English may be excellent but settling into a country where English is main language could still be a challenge for them.

He seems to be determined to go ahead with bringing his older children over. If he isn't willing to take your feelings and those of his younger children into account life in a one bedroom apartment may be too cramped for you all. Co-operation is paramount when you are living in a small space.

People may have lived in far smaller spaces 50 years ago but children tended to leave home and/or and start work at a younger age, say 15 or 16. You wouldn't have children of 17 and 18 still dependent on their parents. Ireland has moved on as a society since then.

May I ask how long is your spouse an Irish citizen? I may be mistaken but this might have some bearing on how soon his children would be able to get join family visas.

I wanted to ask OP. Why does your husband pay only 40% of his salary into the house? Is he the only one paying his children's school fees or is it a joint expense? What happens to the remaining 60%?

I think you need to show your husband a visual as to why the children cannot come yet. Draw up a budget showing all your outgoings. Walk him round your apartment and show him the space you have and ask him where his teenage children (one a girl) are going to sleep, do their homework, entertain their friends?

When (if) they get here, more expenses are going to be incurred. Coming from Africa, they will need a suitable wardrobe, and suitable footwear. Then there's expense of school uniforms, books, lunches and after school activities. Not to mention your everyday expenses - rent, utilities, travel expenses, food. AND you have your own family to care for as well. Where is the money for all that going to come from? Not to mention the extra stress on you in getting to know the children, assimilating them into your own family and helping them to adjust to a whole new culture. Enough of a shock in itself.

I think you need to talk to him again. Get him at a quiet time, gather your evidence and SHOW him this is not going to work with your present circumstances.

I hope it works out for you. Good luck!

beanbag68 wrote: »

Thanks for your honesty.. I am at home with the children my youngest has just started creche. I am currently looking for a job..culturally there are a lot of things he doesn't help with housekeeping or shopping. He is still living like an African man in Ireland
I make very few decisions....I own the home. So he would leave if that was the way it should go..if his children coming from Africa are more important than the small ones in Ireland... He may have regrets about not being there for his children in Africa One of their mothers died a decade ago...the other mother ran away..

You don't need to answer this, more just think about it yourself, are you any worse off being alone?

As it stands he is not really contributing, you are caring for the children and keeping the home in order. What is he contributing? 40% of his salary and a **** load of stress right now.

If you leave him are you in a worse off situation? If you stay he is imposing this change on you and you are supporting his two kids alongside all the other things you are doing now.

I am not saying leave him, but you seem to be under a lot of stress and you seem to be very unhappy and I am wondering is it the fear of being alone moreso than the fear of losing him/your relationship. Maybe I'm reading it all wrong though. Just my 2 cents.

Edit to add: as I said, I'm aware of the cultural differences, and a lot of African men are set in their ways regarding gender roles in the family, but so are a lot of Irish men and other nationalities too and you need to be honest with yourself and decide if that's what you want. It's all well and good saying that it is normal in his culture, but that does not mean it is what you have to accept from your relationship. It is perfectly ok to say "that is his culture but it is not what I want in a relationship". It is the man you're going to be spending your life with, so if it's not making you happy then you don't need to remain in that relationship.

beanbag68 wrote: »

Thanks for your honesty.. I am at home with the children my youngest has just started creche. I am currently looking for a job..culturally there are a lot of things he doesn't help with housekeeping or shopping. He is still living like an African man in Ireland
I make very few decisions....I own the home. So he would leave if that was the way it should go..if his children coming from Africa are more important than the small ones in Ireland... He may have regrets about not being there for his children in Africa One of their mothers died a decade ago...the other mother ran away..

As your husband he is entitled to 50% of your home even if you bought it and if he contributed nothing towards the cost of it.

It doesn't matter where your husband comes from or what his background is. If he was the boy next door I would be saying exactly the same thing. Your relationship is not one of equals. He is making all the decisions. I don't know what would happen if he were to leave and make himself voluntarily homeless (highly unlikely) but would you be any worse off if you were on your own?

I find it a bit strange that he only met one of his children for the first time when that child was 10.

Is he so determined that they come over now before they finish school because they might not qualify for a join family visa when they have finished school? It would make far more sense for them to come over after they have finished school.

I think you should get legal advice about the situation with his children and more importantly, your own position in all of this. You could lose everything you have, if not half.

neonsofa wrote: »

See, cultural differences are at play here and that is why people are referencing where he came from. There are certain cultural norms, that's not to say they are correct or they excuse certain behaviour but it is not a case of the husband just one day behaving this way, it is due to the way he has grown up to believe it should be. Doesn't make it right though. And the point on meeting the child at 10 years of age just highlights the cultural differences. I know a lot of African parents who have older children back home with family members, they send money over but wouldn't necessarily see the children that often, especially if they were young having the children.

I know some Eastern Europeans who had children young and leave the children with grandparents while they work and send money home. They would fly over once every 6 weeks or so to see them so it isn't the same but then again Eastern Europe isn't as far away as Africa.

I am concerned at the way he is ignoring the OP's feelings in all of this. I am also sure he is well aware of Irish marriage law and knows full well that he has a right to 50% of the OP's property.