In search of queer friendly housing in Dublin

weelilbit · 27-01-2017 05:21AM #1

Hiya, I'm Corinne, I'm 24, I'm a queer woman, and I'm looking for how in creation I find housing in Dublin that'll be safe/welcoming/fulfilling.

I'm moving from the US in 3 months and over here we use Craigslist and people are very upfront about keywords like gay and queer, as well as giving a lot of information about current roommates when advertising a room. Daft & MyHome aren't giving me enough information, so how do all y'all do this?

Anyone have any contacts, recommendations, tips? Would a real estate agent be able to help me?
Thanks!

Goodshape · 27-01-2017 05:56PM

Hey Weelibit!

Unfortunately Daft and MyHome (to a lesser extent) have a bit of a monopoly on the rental market in Dublin. Even the estate agents have become little more than Daft account managers. You may have to make do with the information they offer!

It's not entirely uncommon to see a room or house listed as "gay friendly" on Daft, but it wouldn't be the norm (even when it's true).

To be honest I'd prefer to assume that any house or room-share is "gay friendly" by default (i.e. not homophobic, which may exclude personality clashes but that's a different matter). I'd be a bit appalled if someone were to make it an issue.

If it's a serious concern for you then I wouldn't hesitate to ask the question in your introduction message to perspective housemates.

Neon_Lights · 27-01-2017 06:00PM

Can you define what you mean by friendly, is it that you're safe from abuse or that you're free to diddle a few tasty Mott's that you've picked up while on the lash?

weelilbit · 27-01-2017 06:13PM

Thanks for the replies. When I was living in Boston it was easy to find homes that entirely consisted of queer people and queer activists. It was an explicitly and intentionally queer space. As I'll be moving from the US by myself, I'd like a soft a landing as possible because it's gonna be hard no matter what.

Am looking to only live with LGBTQ people for safety of body and mind and for building a community for myself.

Goodshape · 27-01-2017 08:58PM

The Outhouse is an LGBT community and resource centre in Dublin. I don't see anything listed specifically about house shares or housemate matching, but it might be worth getting in touch with them for some information – http://outhouse.ie/

Good luck!

cgcsb · 28-01-2017 12:16AM

You won't find a house share ad with 'gay-only' on it on DAFT, there's laws against that kind of thing. But you might find it on gaire.com
When you say for safety, in Ireland gay friendly is basically the default setting. Straight people will more/less be universally gay-friendly in Dublin anyway. Irish gays don't refer themselves as 'queer' either.

LegacyUser · 28-01-2017 12:46AM

cgcsb wrote: »

Irish gays don't refer themselves as 'queer' either.

What? Not all, for sure, but I and many others I know do. Like LGBT communities elsewhere.

Annasopra · 28-01-2017 01:13AM

I know a fair few Irish people who call themselves queer.

Euphoria Intensifies · 28-01-2017 01:20PM

There's a couple of groups on Facebook for finding flatmates/houseshares in Dublin. I actually think there's an LGBT specific one too. I don't live in Dublin so haven't used them myself though.

Edit: also I know loads of people who self-identify as queer. I think it's more prevalent amongst younger generations.

JupiterKid · 29-01-2017 03:03AM

weelilbit wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. When I was living in Boston it was easy to find homes that entirely consisted of queer people and queer activists. It was an explicitly and intentionally queer space. As I'll be moving from the US by myself, I'd like a soft a landing as possible because it's gonna be hard no matter what.

Am looking to only live with LGBTQ people for safety of body and mind and for building a community for myself.

You will find that most Irish people will be tolerant/accepting of LGBT House/flat mates, particularly in your age group. But in terms of exclusive "queer" communities, none such exist to the best of my knowledge. Your best bet is to get in touch with Outhouse or Gaire and see if you can access accommodation where all housemates are LGBT.

Can I ask why living in an exclusively queer community is so important to you? Just curious.

wakka12 · 29-01-2017 03:56PM

I don't really know what the atmosphere toward the lgbt community is like where you are form but the majority of people will be very accepting and comfortable with your sexuality here in Dublin. Obviously I cant guarantee that you wont face any prejudice but overall you will have a good experience in that regard, many parts of Dublin had a yes turnout vote in the gay marriage referendum in the high seventies and over 95% of college students from Dublin's two biggest universities voted yes in the gay marriage referendum also.

cgcsb · 29-01-2017 06:09PM

Its sort of a sad symptom of how fractured American society is when a US American travels all the way across the Atlantic and only wants to be around other gay people. I hope the OPs trip to Europe broadens her horizons

SteoL · 29-01-2017 10:39PM

GCN used to have an accommodation section. Does that publication still exist (I haven't been around the scene - pubs or otherwise in over 10 years)?

J_E · 29-01-2017 11:31PM

cgcsb wrote: »

You won't find a house share ad with 'gay-only' on it on DAFT, there's laws against that kind of thing. But you might find it on gaire.com
When you say for safety, in Ireland gay friendly is basically the default setting. Straight people will more/less be universally gay-friendly in Dublin anyway. Irish gays don't refer themselves as 'queer' either.

You're definitely wrong there. Queer is it's own state of mind and a distinct identity.

It's not really right to assume straight people will always be gay-friendly either in living quarters.

newacc2015 · 30-01-2017 12:10AM

cgcsb wrote: »

You won't find a house share ad with 'gay-only' on it on DAFT, there's laws against that kind of thing. But you might find it on gaire.com

There are laws against landlords or estate agents doing it. When it is your own home or a house share in the form of a sublet, you can discriminate against whoever you like based on whatever you like.

cgcsb · 30-01-2017 12:11AM

J_E wrote: »

You're definitely wrong there. Queer is it's own state of mind and a distinct identity.

How so?

J_E wrote: »

It's not really right to assume straight people will always be gay-friendly either in living quarters.

It is almost universally true though in my experience and the experience of my gay friends and family. Even people who harbour homophobic prejudice will invariably keep it to themselves.

Annasopra · 30-01-2017 11:57AM

cgcsb wrote: »

How so?

It is almost universally true though in my experience and the experience of my gay friends and family. Even people who harbour homophobic prejudice will invariably keep it to themselves.

Why do you assume your experience is everybodys?

cgcsb · 30-01-2017 01:00PM

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Why do you assume your experience is everybodys?

I don't, the op asked for advice based on our collective experience and I'm offering mine.

cursai · 30-01-2017 01:11PM

This thread is very silly. Just go live with normal people. Never mind categorising them and you.

eviltwin · 30-01-2017 01:32PM

I think it's going to be near impossible to find a place that is exclusively gay and that ticks all your other boxes such as price, location etc. As has been said Ireland is very much gay friendly. While there are individuals who would have a problem sharing with a gay housemate most people won't mind. Perhaps the OP's experience in her home country has been a bad one hence her question but hopefully this thread will reassure you that its not really an issue here.

learn_more · 31-01-2017 12:14AM

weelilbit wrote: »

Hiya, I'm Corinne, I'm 24, I'm a queer woman, and I'm looking for how in creation I find housing in Dublin that'll be safe/welcoming/fulfilling.

I'm moving from the US in 3 months and over here we use Craigslist and people are very upfront about keywords like gay and queer, as well as giving a lot of information about current roommates when advertising a room. Daft & MyHome aren't giving me enough information, so how do all y'all do this?

Anyone have any contacts, recommendations, tips? Would a real estate agent be able to help me?
Thanks!

When I house shared in Dublin it never crossed my mind to tell them in advance that I was gay. It wasn't a concern for me whatsoever.

Your post reads like you think most ppl are homophobic. Most ppl in house shares do their own thing, it's not like your expected to socialise with each other.

If your looking to be friends with your housemates then that's different so I'd suggest you advertise. I'm sure googling 'gay houseshare dublin' should get you some results.

Del2005 · 31-01-2017 12:24AM

newacc2015 wrote: »

There are laws against landlords or estate agents doing it. When it is your own home or a house share in the form of a sublet, you can discriminate against whoever you like based on whatever you like.

Why do you assume that the law only applies to landlords or estate agents? The law says that you can't discriminate on 8 grounds and if you are subletting and use one of them as a reason not to rent then you are guilty.

Annasopra · 31-01-2017 12:34AM

Del2005 wrote: »

Why do you assume that the law only applies to landlords or estate agents? The law says that you can't discriminate on 8 grounds and if you are subletting and use one of them as a reason not to rent then you are guilty.

Does it? My understanding is there are a number of housing exemptions in the Equal Status Acts. And there are 10 grounds in relation to housing discrimination by the way.

Annasopra · 31-01-2017 12:35AM

cursai wrote: »

This thread is very silly. Just go live with normal people. Never mind categorising them and you.

learn_more wrote: »

Your post reads like you think most ppl are homophobic.

Can we all stick to giving helpful advice instead of judging the OP in future posts please

Peregrinus · 01-02-2017 04:00AM

Del2005 wrote: »

Why do you assume that the law only applies to landlords or estate agents? The law says that you can't discriminate on 8 grounds and if you are subletting and use one of them as a reason not to rent then you are guilty.

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Does it? My understanding is there are a number of housing exemptions in the Equal Status Acts . . .

Joey is correct. If you're letting out accommodation in your own home, or in the home of a near relative of yours, you have a general exemption from the non-discrimination requirements of the Equal Status Act. It's in s.6(2)(d) of the Act.

So it's lawful to offer a room in your house to a woman only, or to a man only, or to an unmarried person only, or to a married couple only, or to a Christian/Jew/atheist only, or to someone who is gay or who is straight.

weelilbit · 01-02-2017 04:58AM

JupiterKid wrote: »

Can I ask why living in an exclusively queer community is so important to you? Just curious.

I live with bipolar II disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I'm moving across an ocean to a country I've only ever visited and in which I'll know three people: my aunt, uncle, and 26-year-old cousin. I need to build a community for myself. And whereas I'd love to be able to peruse ads like I'm used to in Boston or NYC in which roommates post 3-4 sentences about themselves and 3-4 sentences about what they're looking for in a roommate, this doesn't seem to be the case here. Going for queer helps cut some of the unnecessary weeding out.
Also, it's a personal safety preference. I don't want to live with straight cismen and don't want to be in the position of telling a straight female roommate that their straight cismale significant other staying the night makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps not something you'd like to hear, but phobias are what they are.
cgcsb, I so appreciate the nuance and careful consideration which you applied to your response. Clearly when seeking accommodations which make one comfortable, one is also seeking to never leave one's home or immediate vicinity and to only ever socialize with one's roommates. Clearly. My horizons are plenty freaking broad, thanks very much, but my personal safety and mental state is of the utmost importance to me and so I'll be living with queer people. As someone about to move cross-Atlantic to a country with basically no network whatsoever, I'd prefer for home to not be a place in which my queerness and other identities are not tolerated or aren't merely free from judgment, but which are celebrated and enthused over as a shared state. It's like not wanting to live with someone who's a major partier when I'm more of a homebody and board game geek, it's all to do with sharing. But again, thanks for the care.

JustAThought · 01-02-2017 06:20AM

To be honest its not your sexual preferences that will be the biggest problem but your mental health and how this affects your attitude towards other people/flatmates. Your last post is frankly worrying. As a suggestion leave the whole who I have sex with out of it, and get onto daft.ie and rent (if you can) a single appartment. Keep your homelife as stress free and simple as possible & then joing some GLBT groups on meetup.com or get down to Outhouse or to the George for bingo on a sunday & make some GLBT friends there & have your homespace private. Best of both worlds & far less fraught with the dramas over sexuality & anxiety and rules you are making up already over housemates being unsafe or not allowed to sleep over & all the rules for others that are in your head already. At that rate of controlling and problem creating you could be asked to leave by your flatmates - nobody needs the drama & most peoplehere are relaxed & friendly and like to do their own thing in an adult houseshare.
Normally I would suggest taking a 2 bedder and quietly subletting but tbh I think friends outside of home & a calm quiet place you can totally control would be far better for your anxiety and mental health needs. You can then invite people over to sleep, or hangout, of for gaming nights or meals or get-togethers & tell them to leave as it suites you.

O. And of the people I know only one occasionally refers to himself as queer and usually to be confrontational or pick a defiant fight.

uck51js9zml2yt · 01-02-2017 07:50AM

Have you spoken to your mental health clinician about the move?
How do you plan access the mental health system hear to have your bipolar monitored and I assume medicated?
These would be a bigger issue for you than the sexuality of housemates.
Based on your last post I'd honestly advise you to stay at home...It's safer.

Lady is a tramp · 01-02-2017 08:25AM

I think gay-friendly may mean something different here in Ireland than it does to you.

I've lived in accommodation advertised as gay-friendly before. I'm straight, and had a fiancé at the time who occasionally stayed over. As did the male owners occupier's fiancé.

All the gay-friendly bit meant was that he didn't want some homophobe judging him in his own home, sure who needs that ****e. I imagine most places advertised gay-friendly are similar - that they don't really care about your sexual preference so long as you don't care about theirs.

What you mentioned above about having a problem with them having male partners over - that's what you might have a problem with. You demand an environment where you won't be discriminated against based on your own sexuality, yet are blatantly discriminatory when it comes to your potential flatmates ...?

Peregrinus · 01-02-2017 08:54AM

People, do I have to point out that, just as we are uncomfortable with discrimination on the grounds of sex or sexual orientation, so we are uncomfortable with discrimination on the grounds of health and/or disability?

The OP is frank and open about her mental health challenges, and I think she deserves a supportive response from boardies. "I'd advise you to stay and home" and "you're being blatantly discriminatory" are not that response.

OP, obviously if you suffer from bipolar disorder and generalised anxiety, moving to another country will be a real challenge for you, and I'm quite sure it's not something you have decided on lightly, or without a lot of thought and without the advice and support of people who know you and your condition better than we do. I applaud your courage in taking on the challenge. I entirely get that you don't want to magnify that challenge unnecessarily, and you may find the transition easier if you can make a home with a bunch of people who share some experiences and values and attitudes with you, and who will create an environment that you find familiar and comfortable. You will have enough changes and challenges to deal with as it is. Nobody would blink if you said you wanted to share a house with, e.g., other women, or other foreign students. I think it's perfectly reasonable of you to want to share a house with people who identify as queer, or who are positively supportive of that identification.

Reasonable but, as others have said, not easy to arrange, especially from a distance. For a variety of reasons, some of which have already been touched on in this thread, there is no great tradition in Ireland of advertising for queer housemates in the way that is evidently familiar to you. This is partly because of the legal climate; while individuals sharing homes are free to discriminate in the selection of their housemates, people providing accommodation by way of business, and related businesses like estate agencies and advertising providers, are not. Thus while you're welcome to prefer the gay applicant for that empty room in the house, it's not so easy to advertise for the gay applicant; the agencies, etc, won't carry the ad. ("Gay-friendly" is acceptable in advertising, but that just underlines that gay applicants are welcome. It does not suggest that they are preferred, and if you apply to a house that is advertised as gay-friendly, you may find that that most or all of the people living there are straight.)

Gay/queer preferring households do exist, but they are not numerous. And you largely hear about them through networks and personal/social contacts. Which means you have to be here, and integrated into the community, and then you let it be known what you are looking for, and hope to be told about someone who is looking to provide it.

Your best bet may be what others have suggested; plan on solo accommodation initially, 'til you can make connections in the LGBTQ community, and hope to find something more to your taste.

Hunchback · 01-02-2017 09:15AM

OP,

I think the above post is excellent, offering a realistic reflection of the rental situation. I think that if you combine the above advice with maybe trying/exhausting the online resources mentioned in previous posts you will be going in the right direction.

All the very best in your endeavours - I hope you settle in well and develop a network. Welcome to Ireland, in advance.

In search of queer friendly housing in Dublin

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