How much cash to give as a wedding gift?

Robineen · 23-01-2017 12:44PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

Seriously, have you actually booked outside of the hotel where the wedding was being held because it wasn't good enough? I've heard of people opting for cheaper accommodation options but never the other way around. Surely at a wedding you want to stay up for the party and then just have somewhere to lay your head after.

Ha, yes!

I'm so drunk at the end of weddings usually that any bed will do.

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 12:46PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

Seriously, have you actually booked outside of the hotel where the wedding was being held because it wasn't good enough? I've heard of people opting for cheaper accommodation options but never the other way around. Surely at a wedding you want to stay up for the party and then just have somewhere to lay your head after. We always stay at the venue because we want to be close to the action - not really our business where that is! Sure, some places are not those that I would choose when booking a weekend away myself, but still.

I still don't like looking at it in terms of the cost. If its a wedding I want to attend (because of my/my partners relationship to the couple) I'll be there, typically with €200 in a card. I'm never bothers by the venue, and it certainly doesn't influence my gift.

Sure, there are certain venues that I've been excited to see more than others, but €200 is my standard gift regardless. If the B&G want to be opulent in their choices, then its their money to spend, but I would hate to think I'm only there to cover costs.

Only did it once and it was a wedding abroad we were staying for a few days either side of the wedding as well , the 3* it was on in would not have been the type of place we stay on holidays at all, very basic , so we did book a 5* about 10 minutes down the road , we stayed for the full party and that, the day of the wedding just got a taxi back to our hotel afterwards. I would consider doing it here , if it had of been an option with the hotel in Carlow we probably would have stayed else where but there were no other hotels.

There's a good few people not staying in our hotel for the night of the wedding because its too expensive i don't see any difference to be honest.

SarahMollie · 23-01-2017 12:50PM

Walter H Price wrote: »

Only did it once and it was a wedding abroad we were staying for a few days either side of the wedding as well , the 3* it was on in would not have been the type of place we stay on holidays at all, very basic , so we did book a 5* about 10 minutes down the road , we stayed for the full party and that, the day of the wedding just got a taxi back to our hotel afterwards. I would consider doing it here , if it had of been an option with the hotel in Carlow we probably would have stayed else where but there were no other hotels.

There's a good few people not staying in our hotel for the night of the wedding because its too expensive i don't see any difference to be honest.

Well, for an extended stay I can see how that makes sense, but in Ireland where you're typically just staying for the night of the wedding itself, I'd be thinking that once a place is clean and up to minimum standards, then thats grand.

It is a bit different when people genuinely can't afford the expensive option, but I'd feel a bit bad leaving everyone behind to go stay in luxury elsewhere if that was purely out of choice.

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 12:54PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

Well, for an extended stay I can see how that makes sense, but in Ireland where you're typically just staying for the night of the wedding itself, I'd be thinking that once a place is clean and up to minimum standards, then thats grand.

It is a bit different when people genuinely can't afford the expensive option, but I'd feel a bit bad leaving everyone behind to go stay in luxury elsewhere if that was purely out of choice.

No i wouldn't feel a bit bad at all like , even if it was for one or two nights and there was a better option we'd book that , like we looked for somewhere else for that wedding in Carlow but there was nothing close enough ... if i was at another wedding in Killarey id probably still stay in The Malton or Muckross Park regardless where the wedding was on. Neither of us a massive drinkers so not usually a case of falling into bed or whatever.

Sure one of the best things about it is the night away, might as well be a night somewhere really nice. Like i said our gift would reflect that.

23-01-2017 12:55PM

Robineen wrote: »

That's another one I don't really understand. It's hard to say no when asked to be a groomsman or bridesmaid but that doesn't mean you can afford a bigger gift. And the groomsmen and bridesmaids often help out in other ways so I don't understand why they should be expected to give a bigger gift on top of that. Especially as they didn't have a choice in being asked to be part of the wedding party. They could say no to being part of it but then noses could be put out of joint. I've never given a larger gift as a bridemaid.

Oh and €200 isn't standard.

I take great honour in being asked to be part of the wedding and would always give a larger present as would my gf when she is asked. I don't know if you would say its expected but its the done thing in my experience but that's not why I do it I do it as I feel I should contribute more as I'm not just any old guest.

As for 200 euro being standard it is for me and my gfs and our circle of friends, my parents and their friends etc would be the same (in fact 300 is nearly more standard for my parents to give).

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 12:56PM

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

I take great honour in being asked to be part of the wedding and would always give a larger present as would my gf when she is asked. I don't know if you would say its expected but its the done thing in my experience but that's not why I do it I do it as I feel I should contribute more as I'm not just any old guest.

As for 200 euro being standard it is for me and my gfs and our circle of friends, my parents and their friends etc would be the same (in fact 300 is nearly more standard for my parents to give).

Fully agree

foxatron · 23-01-2017 01:13PM

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

Robineen · 23-01-2017 01:14PM

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

I don't know if you would say its expected but its the done thing in my experience.

Well, that's just another way of saying it's expected. I don't think it should be, it's a lot of pressure to put on people and saying no to being in the wedding party if concerned about the expense involved could make things awkward. Would you be put out if any groomsman of yours didn't give you more than a normal wedding gift?

lawred2 · 23-01-2017 01:18PM

shopper2011 wrote: »

â‚¬200 per couple. If single â‚¬100. Just covers the costs really. If cash is tight, then give a thoughtful present.

Very few meals cost more than 100 per head

Very few.... the average would be half that. 100 a head is well into profit territory.

Unless you think that guests should be paying for the band, the DJ, the dress, the limo, the honeymoon, the bridal suite etc

lawred2 · 23-01-2017 01:20PM

foxatron wrote: »

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

We had our's abroad... we didn't look for gifts from anyone. Stated it in the invitation.

Some people still gave something however and some others didn't. We were happy both ways.

lawred2 · 23-01-2017 01:23PM

SteM wrote: »

No offence to the posters but it's everything that's wrong with Irish weddings right there. Whatever happened to inviting family and friends for a nice day out and spending within your means so other people don't have to pay for your big day?

100%

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 01:25PM

foxatron wrote: »

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

i'd base it the same to be honest , i wouldn't really take the flights or that into consideration ... love foreign weddings always take a few cheeky days either side.

if its a nice hotel and were staying there about €200 , not so nice a hotel and were staying somewhere else €100 - €150 depending.

23-01-2017 01:28PM

foxatron wrote: »

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

Similar gifts, I have a wedding abroad this year where I am groomsman and plan to give the same as if I was groomsman to a wedding at home.

Robineen wrote: »

Would you be put out if any groomsman of yours didn't give you more than a normal wedding gift?

The people I would have as groomsmen I would have been groomsman for so very unlikely they wouldn't return the same gift.

Paulieniceguy · 23-01-2017 01:31PM

Definitely would only give €100

Robineen · 23-01-2017 01:32PM

foxatron wrote: »

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

I'm not sure really. There are so many extra costs to a wedding abroad. As well as flights, there would be extra accommodation as you'd stay more than one night, whereas in Ireland, it'd usually just be the one night. Taxis, meals out etc. the costs rack up. So I'd say less than if you were going to a wedding at home. Maybe half the amount? Or give if you don't want to give cash if it's going to be so much less, give a voucher for a nice restaurant near them or a blue book voucher that they can use on a choice of accommodations.

hotmatottie10 · 23-01-2017 01:33PM

lawred2 wrote: »

Very few meals cost more than 100 per head

Very few.... the average would be half that. 100 a head is well into profit territory.

Unless you think that guests should be paying for the band, the DJ, the dress, the limo, the honeymoon, the bridal suite etc

ours are coming in at 75 per head not 50. Thats without all canapes and wine and so on. Again i suppose it depends on the venue if you have large crowds you may get it cheaper.

Robineen · 23-01-2017 01:36PM

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

The people I would have as groomsmen I would have been groomsman for so very unlikely they wouldn't return the same gift.

Aarrgh, I'm going to have to leave this thread. There are so many stupid stipulations for gifts. If you're expecting the same amount back that you gave them, isn't it just a loan? And again, it's putting pressure on people. You've no idea what state people's finances are in or if they can give you the same amount. There is just so much pressure and politics around wedding gifts in this country. It's terrible.

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 01:38PM

hotmatottie10 wrote: »

ours are coming in at 75 per head not 50 so thats not true

Definitly agree , Our package was €106 a head but that includes, hot canapes at the pre reception , a 5 course meal , Cheesboard per table , 2 glasses of wine (1 chapagne for a pre meal toast and a glass of Red for with the cheese board) and evening hot food buffet

Felt that was good value to be honest.

baby and crumble · 23-01-2017 01:41PM

Ah lads, basing your gift on the cost of the meal/ package is just so odd. So if someone has a DIY BBQ where all the family make/bake something means they get less of a present? If I give a present for a wedding it's to help with MARRIED life, not a wedding day.

City/ Dublin wedding packages are often pricier- does that mean I deserve a bigger present than my brother who got married in Dingle?

This is so weird.

hotmatottie10 · 23-01-2017 01:45PM

Walter H Price wrote: »

Definitly agree , Our package was €106 a head but that includes, hot canapes at the pre reception , a 5 course meal , Cheesboard per table , 2 glasses of wine (1 chapagne for a pre meal toast and a glass of Red for with the cheese board) and evening hot food buffet

Felt that was good value to be honest.

Yeah rounding it up it will be near €95 with all that you said. But its good quality so i dont mind paying that.

Walter H Price · 23-01-2017 01:49PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

Ah lads, basing your gift on the cost of the meal/ package is just so odd. So if someone has a DIY BBQ where all the family make/bake something means they get less of a present? If I give a present for a wedding it's to help with MARRIED life, not a wedding day.

City/ Dublin wedding packages are often pricier- does that mean I deserve a bigger present than my brother who got married in Dingle?

This is so weird.

i wouldn't see that as odd at all like , you have to base it off something to be honest ... always look at it as what would i pay for this day out if it wasn't a wedding.

Back yard DIY BBQ probably bring a bottle of quality Gin and €50 in a card , 5 course meal in a top hotel or restaurant with entertainment and the rest definitely €200-€300 quid , because its what you pay for it if it wasn't a wedding if you know what i mean.

It all depends on the hotel a top hotel outside Dublin will cost more then a standard hotel in Dublin so its hard to just say have a Dublin Vs Country general rule. Since moving our wedding to Killarney from Dublin our cost per head actually went up €26 a head but with more included

Diemos · 23-01-2017 02:04PM

SteM wrote: »

No offence to the posters but it's everything that's wrong with Irish weddings right there. Whatever happened to inviting family and friends for a nice day out and spending within your means so other people don't have to pay for your big day?

I think you are being unfair to the vast majority of Irish couples. As someone who got married relatively recently, this thought process was never in our minds. If anyone is planning on their guests paying for their wedding then they are on a hiding to nothing.
I genuinely think that very few couples have this approach.

There are numerous reasons why a guest (due to circumstances beyond their control, illness, jobs, debt etc.) would be in no position to give a gift.

Robineen · 23-01-2017 02:12PM

Yeah, you do have a point. There is all this politics around how much to give as a gift and it often has nothing to do with the couple!

beertons · 23-01-2017 02:15PM

SteM wrote: »

No offence to the posters but it's everything that's wrong with Irish weddings right there. Whatever happened to inviting family and friends for a nice day out and spending within your means so other people don't have to pay for your big day?

Alot of people don't spend within their means though. They get carried away with the whole occasion. Sad, but true.

Robineen · 23-01-2017 02:21PM

beertons wrote: »

Alot of people don't spend within their means though. They get carried away with the whole occasion. Sad, but true.

I do think sometimes too that people might be under pressure to have a big wedding and it's not always easy to say no to that, as logical as it seems. The wedding machine is a powerful one in Ireland! But I just hate the thoughts of people feeling under pressure to give a gift that they might not be able to afford.

SarahMollie · 23-01-2017 02:25PM

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

The people I would have as groomsmen I would have been groomsman for so very unlikely they wouldn't return the same gift.

But then its a zero sum game.... so whats the point in being extravagant?

If you give €x and get €x, no one is better or worse off - its just like passing money around, rather than giving a gift.

ted1 · 23-01-2017 02:30PM

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

200 would be standard, 300 if its a very close friend/one of us a groomsman or bridesmaid.

No that would've far from standard

sillysmiles · 23-01-2017 02:32PM

Walter H Price wrote: »

Would definitely say judge based on the the venue, 5* hotel €150-€200 , 4* €125 - €150, 3* or under €100 is loads.

I don't know, if a B&G can afford to pay for a wedding in a 5* place, the chances are they have more disposable income and don't need the gift as much as a couple who are trying to keep the costs down and not spend beyond their means. But to them an extra few quid would mean a hugh difference.

Everyone has a different take on it.

freshpopcorn · 23-01-2017 02:35PM

In my area if a couple were asked to their friends wedding €200 would be about average, if they were asked to the whole wedding and attend it. If they were asked just to afters(not the meal)about €100.
If they were part of the bridal party they seem to give more. My sister was brides maid before so at the time she paid for her own dress and gave a gift.

ted1 · 23-01-2017 02:36PM

Walter H Price wrote: »

Definitly agree , Our package was €106 a head but that includes, hot canapes at the pre reception , a 5 course meal , Cheesboard per table , 2 glasses of wine (1 chapagne for a pre meal toast and a glass of Red for with the cheese board) and evening hot food buffet

Felt that was good value to be honest.

Ours was less, but it included a 12 course meal in a michilin star restraurant, free bar, canapés on arrival, and more good later in the day.
Do you think that we should have left a bill on the table sivth guests know how much to pay, sorry gift.

100 a couple is plenty, don't forget guests already went to a stag/ hen and got a new outfit and hair and make up and most likely have to pay for accommodation. And if it's a weekday they are taking one or two days off work.

If you think a guest should cover their meal , you need to change the venue to one where you can afford to pay.

How much cash to give as a wedding gift?

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