How much cash to give as a wedding gift?

bigbrotherfan

I'm attending a wedding soon with my plus 1. I don't know the wedding couple very well but was thinking of giving cash rather than a present they might not want.

How much would a couple attending a wedding be expected to give as a cash gift? I have an amount in my head which I have given before but would like to know what others think. Obviously, the amount would be higher or lower, depending on how well you know the couple.

Stravos Murphy

€150 anyway.

allthedoyles

I give a hundred to relations , but if you don't know them very well , i suggest 75

Muppet Man

At a very minimum, Enough to cover the cost per head for the meal... But I would think 75 each is about right if you don't know them that well...

Bellview

Muppet Man wrote:

At a very minimum, Enough to cover the cost per head for the meal... But I would think 75 each is about right if you don't know them that well...

75 For two people? That wouldn't cover the dinner never mind a glass of wine

Alkers

Depends on your own financial situation, how well you know the people and if you're going to the full reception or just the afters...

Stravos Murphy

Bellview wrote: »

75 For two people? That wouldn't cover the dinner never mind a glass of wine

Muppet man said 75 each, thus 150.

Toots

There's a gift thread stickied at the top of the forum which might give you some ideas http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057696548

I've only just done the poll for this year, but the links to the threads for the last 2 years are in the first post, so you'll be able to see how people voted there.

shopper2011

€200 per couple. If single €100. Just covers the costs really. If cash is tight, then give a thoughtful present.

Robineen

€150 is loads for a couple.

beertons

Depends on the venue and what day of the week is on. €100 could cover the dinner for a couple.

SteM

Muppet Man wrote: »

..Enough to cover the cost..

Bellview wrote: »

..cover the dinner..

shopper2011 wrote: »

..Just covers the costs really..

beertons wrote: »

..cover the dinner for a couple..

No offence to the posters but it's everything that's wrong with Irish weddings right there. Whatever happened to inviting family and friends for a nice day out and spending within your means so other people don't have to pay for your big day?

hotmatottie10

i would say €75 each is fine. Certainly not under €100 for both of you.

Robineen

beertons wrote: »

Depends on the venue and what day of the week is on. €100 could cover the dinner for a couple.

I don't really agree with this. The gift is to show I value my friends or family members getting married, I'd give the same amount to all and the amount they have decided to spend per guest doesn't really matter. The gift is a show of love and friendship.

Walter H Price

Would definitely say judge based on the the venue, 5* hotel €150-€200 , 4* €125 - €150, 3* or under €100 is loads.

Think the general consensus is cover the cost of your meal if your going cash

Robineen

Walter H Price wrote: »

Would definitely say judge based on the the venue, 5* hotel €150-€200 , 4* €125 - €150, 3* or under €100 is loads.

Think the general consensus is cover the cost of your meal if your going cash

But just because someone has chosen a more expensive venue, doesn't mean everyone can afford to give a correspondingly bigger gift. Going for a plush location is elective. The gift given should to my mind be independent of the event. It's to celebrate a marriage, not a wedding day.

Walter H Price

Robineen wrote: »

But just because someone has chosen a more expensive venue, doesn't mean everyone can afford to give a correspondingly bigger gift. Going for a plush location is elective. The gift given should to my mind be independent of the event. It's to celebrate a marriage, not a wedding day.

I'm just talking from a personal point of view , Cash is no issue for me and my OH so we would always gift according to the Venue because you know the couple have spent a bit more on having a nice venue and more expensive food.

We were at two weddings two weeks apart last year one was her cousins it was a very standard hotel in Carlow , they didn't have a band or that so we gave €100 , my friend from work got married two weeks later in Rathsallagh , amazing venue great food they had a band , DJ all that craic so no issue giving them €200 as we felt that's what the day out was worth.

Obviously if money is an issue for you then the question somewhat doesn't apply as you should obviously just give what you can afford

200 would be standard, 300 if its a very close friend/one of us a groomsman or bridesmaid.

Robineen

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

200 would be standard, 300 if its a very close friend/one of us a groomsman or bridesmaid.

That's another one I don't really understand. It's hard to say no when asked to be a groomsman or bridesmaid but that doesn't mean you can afford a bigger gift. And the groomsmen and bridesmaids often help out in other ways so I don't understand why they should be expected to give a bigger gift on top of that. Especially as they didn't have a choice in being asked to be part of the wedding party. They could say no to being part of it but then noses could be put out of joint. I've never given a larger gift as a bridemaid.

Oh and €200 isn't standard.

Walter H Price wrote: »

I'm just talking from a personal point of view , Cash is no issue for me and my OH so we would always gift according to the Venue because you know the couple have spent a bit more on having a nice venue and more expensive food.

That's fine and if that's what you and your OH like to do, fair enough. I just don't think it should be a rule or an expectation.

SarahMollie

Walter H Price wrote: »

I'm just talking from a personal point of view , Cash is no issue for me and my OH so we would always gift according to the Venue because you know the couple have spent a bit more on having a nice venue and more expensive food.

We were at two weddings two weeks apart last year one was her cousins it was a very standard hotel in Carlow , they didn't have a band or that so we gave €100 , my friend from work got married two weeks later in Rathsallagh , amazing venue great food they had a band , DJ all that craic so no issue giving them €200 as we felt that's what the day out was worth.

I'd give the opposite advice. We typically give €200 for every wedding regardless of what the wedding entails. I'd throw in a bit more for very close friends of if I'm in the bridal party and our accommodation has been covered for example.

From the approach outlined above, its like the B&G are somehow entitled to expect more when they've chosen a more expensive venue, which I don't feel is right.

We've chosen a pretty expensive venue but thats just because its what we wanted. We're also having pretty small numbers by Irish standards, so our gifts covering the cost of the wedding is pretty much a non runner, and we're grand with that.

Walter H Price

Robineen wrote: »

That's another one I don't really understand. It's hard to say no when asked to be a groomsman or bridesmaid but that doesn't mean you can afford a bigger gift. And the groomsmen and bridesmaids often help out in other ways so I don't understand why they should be expected to give a bigger gift on top of that. Especially as they didn't have a choice in being asked to be part of the wedding party. They could say no to being part of it but then noses could be put out of joint. I've never given a larger gift as a bridemaid.

Oh and €200 isn't standard.



That's fine and if that's what you and your OH like to do, fair enough. I just don't think it should be a rule or an expectation.

SarahMollie wrote: »

I'd give the opposite advice. We typically give €200 for every wedding regardless of what the wedding entails. I'd throw in a bit more for very close friends of if I'm in the bridal party and our accommodation has been covered for example.

From the approach outlined above, its like the B&G are somehow entitled to expect more when they've chosen a more expensive venue, which I don't feel is right.

We've chosen a pretty expensive venue but thats just because its what we wanted. We're also having pretty small numbers by Irish standards, so our gifts covering the cost of the wedding is pretty much a non runner, and we're grand with that.

Just to clear up I think its the height of rudeness and a a show of absolutely zero class for any B&G to take issue with any gift or gift amount they receive. if a B&G are relying on wedding gifts to cover the costs of the day they have planned that for me would be an indicator that they cannot afford it and its a major case of all fur coat and no knickers.

Like you Sarah we have chosen a nice expensive venue, pleanty of good food , entertainment , wedding favors etc... however we are not expecting our guests to cover any costs it will all be paid for well in advance , an what we get on the day will be what it is we wont be in need of gifts to cover costs.

Just from a personal point of view when attending others weddings i would always go cash and i would always base it based on the quality of the day being provided as i think that's the fairest way of doing it. Id always look at being asked to be a member of the wedding party , i.e. a groomsman / best man as a real honor and would definitely go up to €500 depending on who it was. But again if others arnt in that financial position obviously dont give what you cannot afford.

baby and crumble

Walter H Price wrote: »

Just

Just from a personal point of view when attending others weddings i would always go cash and i would always base it based on the quality of the day being provided as i think that's the fairest way of doing it. Id always look at being asked to be a member of the wedding party , i.e. a groomsman / best man as a real honor and would definitely go up to €500 depending on who it was. But again if others arnt in that financial position obviously dont give what you cannot afford.

On whose judgement though? I get where you're coming from, but what's amazing entertainment and a great day for one person might be a total nightmare for someone else, even if both are great friends of the couple getting married.

Seems a weird way to do it really. I have a wedding coming up in a month or so and it's actually the first wedding myself and my OH are in a position to gift money- previous weddings we attended were while we were both broke so giving a gift that we could find for a price that suited us (even if it meant taking time to find it- we had loads of time for that, what with not having a job!!) was what we did. I'm so baffled as to what to give now. I really think there's something to be said for having a gift registry these days...

mcgiggles

Our general rule (between 2 of us) is 150 if you aren't very close to the couple, 200 if friends and then more if its family.. We give the same amount to people regardless of where it is or what the day is like. If they want to have it in a 2 star hotel or a 5 star hotel, that's their choice.. they are still getting the same from us, especially as if its 5 star we'd most likely be spending 5 star prices for everything on the day! (drinks/ room etc)

Robineen

Walter H Price wrote: »

Just from a personal point of view when attending others weddings i would always go cash and i would always base it based on the quality of the day being provided as i think that's the fairest way of doing it.

Thats fair enough and your call. Thing is, though, how do you know beforehand? I honestly would not have a clue what the top venues in Ireland are outside of a few that get a lot of mentions in the media. I don't really know what a wedding day is going to be like in advance of attending it usually.

On the being in the wedding party thing, that's again totally your call if you want to give more when asked to be in it. I just have a problem with it being an expectation that a wedding party member should give more. But, to be honest, I have no idea if that is a commonplace expectation in Ireland.

baby and crumble

Robineen wrote: »

On the being in the wedding party thing, that's again totally your call if you want to give more when asked to be in it. I just a problem with it being an expectation that a wedding party member should give more. But, to be honest, I have no idea if that is a commonplace expectation in Ireland.

I'm getting married in November and tbh I'd be mortified if my party gave me that sort of money, or even if they felt they had to give more than anyone else. They shouldn't even give us a present, they're doing so much for us just by being part of the party!

theteal

It must be that time of year again when these threads start to pop up!

There's no set amount. Give/don't give what you can. Paying for the meal is not your concern as a guest. You were asked to attend as the couple wants you to be part of their big day.

We asked for no gifts as we were dragging people over to Spain.

Walter H Price

baby and crumble wrote: »

On whose judgement though? I get where you're coming from, but what's amazing entertainment and a great day for one person might be a total nightmare for someone else, even if both are great friends of the couple getting married.

Seems a weird way to do it really. I have a wedding coming up in a month or so and it's actually the first wedding myself and my OH are in a position to gift money- previous weddings we attended were while we were both broke so giving a gift that we could find for a price that suited us (even if it meant taking time to find it- we had loads of time for that, what with not having a job!!) was what we did. I'm so baffled as to what to give now. I really think there's something to be said for having a gift registry these days...

I suppose me and My OH are into very similar things , so the type of wedding we would really rate would be quite similar , just always the way we've done it , looked at the quality of the hotel and based the gift on that more so than anything else, unless either one of us is in the wedding party.

Like if a hotel is not particularly nice you might end up with the added cost of booking in somewhere else or that so just seems kind of obvious to gift less , similarly you don't pay the same for a meal in a 3* hotel ans you do for one in a 5* hotel or a nice restaurant so again the gift would reflect that.

Robineen

baby and crumble wrote: »

I'm getting married in November and tbh I'd be mortified if my party gave me that sort of money, or even if they felt they had to give more than anyone else. They shouldn't even give us a present, they're doing so much for us just by being part of the party!

That would my view too, they do so much to help the day and lead up run smoothly!

SarahMollie

Walter H Price wrote: »

Like if a hotel is not particularly nice you might end up with the added cost of booking in somewhere else or that so just seems kind of obvious to gift less , similarly you don't pay the same for a meal in a 3* hotel ans you do for one in a 5* hotel or a nice restaurant so again the gift would reflect that.

Seriously, have you actually booked outside of the hotel where the wedding was being held because it wasn't good enough? I've heard of people opting for cheaper accommodation options but never the other way around. Surely at a wedding you want to stay up for the party and then just have somewhere to lay your head after. We always stay at the venue because we want to be close to the action - not really our business where that is! Sure, some places are not those that I would choose when booking a weekend away myself, but still.

I still don't like looking at it in terms of the cost. If its a wedding I want to attend (because of my/my partners relationship to the couple) I'll be there, typically with €200 in a card. I'm never bothers by the venue, and it certainly doesn't influence my gift.

Sure, there are certain venues that I've been excited to see more than others, but €200 is my standard gift regardless. If the B&G want to be opulent in their choices, then its their money to spend, but I would hate to think I'm only there to cover costs.

mcgiggles

I second all of what you said there SarahMollie! :)

kingtut

€200 - €300 per couple. No need to be stingy

Robineen

SarahMollie wrote: »

Seriously, have you actually booked outside of the hotel where the wedding was being held because it wasn't good enough? I've heard of people opting for cheaper accommodation options but never the other way around. Surely at a wedding you want to stay up for the party and then just have somewhere to lay your head after.

Ha, yes! I'm so drunk at the end of weddings usually that any bed will do.

Walter H Price

SarahMollie wrote: »

Seriously, have you actually booked outside of the hotel where the wedding was being held because it wasn't good enough? I've heard of people opting for cheaper accommodation options but never the other way around. Surely at a wedding you want to stay up for the party and then just have somewhere to lay your head after. We always stay at the venue because we want to be close to the action - not really our business where that is! Sure, some places are not those that I would choose when booking a weekend away myself, but still.

I still don't like looking at it in terms of the cost. If its a wedding I want to attend (because of my/my partners relationship to the couple) I'll be there, typically with €200 in a card. I'm never bothers by the venue, and it certainly doesn't influence my gift.

Sure, there are certain venues that I've been excited to see more than others, but €200 is my standard gift regardless. If the B&G want to be opulent in their choices, then its their money to spend, but I would hate to think I'm only there to cover costs.

Only did it once and it was a wedding abroad we were staying for a few days either side of the wedding as well , the 3* it was on in would not have been the type of place we stay on holidays at all, very basic , so we did book a 5* about 10 minutes down the road , we stayed for the full party and that, the day of the wedding just got a taxi back to our hotel afterwards. I would consider doing it here , if it had of been an option with the hotel in Carlow we probably would have stayed else where but there were no other hotels.

There's a good few people not staying in our hotel for the night of the wedding because its too expensive i don't see any difference to be honest.

SarahMollie

Walter H Price wrote: »

Only did it once and it was a wedding abroad we were staying for a few days either side of the wedding as well , the 3* it was on in would not have been the type of place we stay on holidays at all, very basic , so we did book a 5* about 10 minutes down the road , we stayed for the full party and that, the day of the wedding just got a taxi back to our hotel afterwards. I would consider doing it here , if it had of been an option with the hotel in Carlow we probably would have stayed else where but there were no other hotels.

There's a good few people not staying in our hotel for the night of the wedding because its too expensive i don't see any difference to be honest.

Well, for an extended stay I can see how that makes sense, but in Ireland where you're typically just staying for the night of the wedding itself, I'd be thinking that once a place is clean and up to minimum standards, then thats grand.

It is a bit different when people genuinely can't afford the expensive option, but I'd feel a bit bad leaving everyone behind to go stay in luxury elsewhere if that was purely out of choice.

Walter H Price

SarahMollie wrote: »

Well, for an extended stay I can see how that makes sense, but in Ireland where you're typically just staying for the night of the wedding itself, I'd be thinking that once a place is clean and up to minimum standards, then thats grand.

It is a bit different when people genuinely can't afford the expensive option, but I'd feel a bit bad leaving everyone behind to go stay in luxury elsewhere if that was purely out of choice.

No i wouldn't feel a bit bad at all like , even if it was for one or two nights and there was a better option we'd book that , like we looked for somewhere else for that wedding in Carlow but there was nothing close enough ... if i was at another wedding in Killarey id probably still stay in The Malton or Muckross Park regardless where the wedding was on. Neither of us a massive drinkers so not usually a case of falling into bed or whatever.

Sure one of the best things about it is the night away, might as well be a night somewhere really nice. Like i said our gift would reflect that.

Robineen

Robineen wrote: »

That's another one I don't really understand. It's hard to say no when asked to be a groomsman or bridesmaid but that doesn't mean you can afford a bigger gift. And the groomsmen and bridesmaids often help out in other ways so I don't understand why they should be expected to give a bigger gift on top of that. Especially as they didn't have a choice in being asked to be part of the wedding party. They could say no to being part of it but then noses could be put out of joint. I've never given a larger gift as a bridemaid.

Oh and €200 isn't standard.

I take great honour in being asked to be part of the wedding and would always give a larger present as would my gf when she is asked. I don't know if you would say its expected but its the done thing in my experience but that's not why I do it I do it as I feel I should contribute more as I'm not just any old guest.

As for 200 euro being standard it is for me and my gfs and our circle of friends, my parents and their friends etc would be the same (in fact 300 is nearly more standard for my parents to give).

Walter H Price

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

I take great honour in being asked to be part of the wedding and would always give a larger present as would my gf when she is asked. I don't know if you would say its expected but its the done thing in my experience but that's not why I do it I do it as I feel I should contribute more as I'm not just any old guest.

As for 200 euro being standard it is for me and my gfs and our circle of friends, my parents and their friends etc would be the same (in fact 300 is nearly more standard for my parents to give).

Fully agree

foxatron

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

Robineen

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

I don't know if you would say its expected but its the done thing in my experience.

Well, that's just another way of saying it's expected. I don't think it should be, it's a lot of pressure to put on people and saying no to being in the wedding party if concerned about the expense involved could make things awkward. Would you be put out if any groomsman of yours didn't give you more than a normal wedding gift?

lawred2

shopper2011 wrote: »

€200 per couple. If single €100. Just covers the costs really. If cash is tight, then give a thoughtful present.

Very few meals cost more than 100 per head

Very few.... the average would be half that. 100 a head is well into profit territory.

Unless you think that guests should be paying for the band, the DJ, the dress, the limo, the honeymoon, the bridal suite etc

lawred2

foxatron wrote: »

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

We had our's abroad... we didn't look for gifts from anyone. Stated it in the invitation.

Some people still gave something however and some others didn't. We were happy both ways.

lawred2

SteM wrote: »

No offence to the posters but it's everything that's wrong with Irish weddings right there. Whatever happened to inviting family and friends for a nice day out and spending within your means so other people don't have to pay for your big day?

100%

Walter H Price

foxatron wrote: »

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

i'd base it the same to be honest , i wouldn't really take the flights or that into consideration ... love foreign weddings always take a few cheeky days either side.

if its a nice hotel and were staying there about €200 , not so nice a hotel and were staying somewhere else €100 - €150 depending.

foxatron

foxatron wrote: »

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

Similar gifts, I have a wedding abroad this year where I am groomsman and plan to give the same as if I was groomsman to a wedding at home.

Robineen wrote: »

Would you be put out if any groomsman of yours didn't give you more than a normal wedding gift?

The people I would have as groomsmen I would have been groomsman for so very unlikely they wouldn't return the same gift.

Paulieniceguy

Definitely would only give €100

Robineen

foxatron wrote: »

Just on this topic, how much do people give if the wedding is abroad and the guests have to pay for flights and accommodation?

I'm not sure really. There are so many extra costs to a wedding abroad. As well as flights, there would be extra accommodation as you'd stay more than one night, whereas in Ireland, it'd usually just be the one night. Taxis, meals out etc. the costs rack up. So I'd say less than if you were going to a wedding at home. Maybe half the amount? Or give if you don't want to give cash if it's going to be so much less, give a voucher for a nice restaurant near them or a blue book voucher that they can use on a choice of accommodations.

hotmatottie10

lawred2 wrote: »

Very few meals cost more than 100 per head

Very few.... the average would be half that. 100 a head is well into profit territory.

Unless you think that guests should be paying for the band, the DJ, the dress, the limo, the honeymoon, the bridal suite etc

ours are coming in at 75 per head not 50. Thats without all canapes and wine and so on. Again i suppose it depends on the venue if you have large crowds you may get it cheaper.

Robineen

Elsa Sparse Yokel wrote: »

The people I would have as groomsmen I would have been groomsman for so very unlikely they wouldn't return the same gift.

Aarrgh, I'm going to have to leave this thread. There are so many stupid stipulations for gifts. If you're expecting the same amount back that you gave them, isn't it just a loan? And again, it's putting pressure on people. You've no idea what state people's finances are in or if they can give you the same amount. There is just so much pressure and politics around wedding gifts in this country. It's terrible.

Walter H Price

hotmatottie10 wrote: »

ours are coming in at 75 per head not 50 so thats not true

Definitly agree , Our package was €106 a head but that includes, hot canapes at the pre reception , a 5 course meal , Cheesboard per table , 2 glasses of wine (1 chapagne for a pre meal toast and a glass of Red for with the cheese board) and evening hot food buffet

Felt that was good value to be honest.

baby and crumble

Ah lads, basing your gift on the cost of the meal/ package is just so odd. So if someone has a DIY BBQ where all the family make/bake something means they get less of a present? If I give a present for a wedding it's to help with MARRIED life, not a wedding day.

City/ Dublin wedding packages are often pricier- does that mean I deserve a bigger present than my brother who got married in Dingle?

This is so weird.

hotmatottie10

Walter H Price wrote: »

Definitly agree , Our package was €106 a head but that includes, hot canapes at the pre reception , a 5 course meal , Cheesboard per table , 2 glasses of wine (1 chapagne for a pre meal toast and a glass of Red for with the cheese board) and evening hot food buffet

Felt that was good value to be honest.

Yeah rounding it up it will be near €95 with all that you said. But its good quality so i dont mind paying that.