Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/.
If we do not hit our goal we will be forced to close the site.

Current status: https://keepboardsalive.com/

Annual subs are best for most impact. If you are still undecided on going Ad Free - you can also donate using the Paypal Donate option. All contribution helps. Thank you.
https://www.boards.ie/group/1878-subscribers-forum

Private Group for paid up members of Boards.ie. Join the club.

How come Tinder is so difficult?

1…1819202123

Comments

  • #662
    zulutango
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,887 ✭✭✭zulutango


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Yeah, I think you can TBH. If a guy's second conversational message is asking about a woman's nipples, he's got the social understanding of a house brick and/or is slower of brain than a sloth on valium. Neither good. IMHO life is too short to be dealing with that level of thick.


    To be fair, the poster above should give us the full dialogue before we cast judgement ..


  • #663
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,841 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    zulutango wrote: »
    To be fair, the poster above should give us the full dialogue before we cast judgement ..

    What does the first line of dialogue have to be to make a follow up about her nipples acceptable?

    Why do you want to defend moronic behavior?


  • #664
    zulutango
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,887 ✭✭✭zulutango


    SarahMollie wrote: »
    What does the first line of dialogue have to be to make a follow up about her nipples acceptable?

    Why do you want to defend moronic behavior?

    There's a difference between defending and looking for context.


  • #665
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,300 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Context: complete stranger hoping(presumably) to impress/entice, in second message asks about her nipples. Sounds like a bit of a cretin.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #666
    zulutango
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,887 ✭✭✭zulutango


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Context: complete stranger hoping(presumably) to impress/entice, in second message asks about her nipples. Sounds like a bit of a cretin.

    That's incomplete though. It's missing the initial exchange between the two people.

    Or maybe we should just all agree that the guy she briefly chatted with on Tinder is a perverted loser, cretin, etc.


  • Advertisement
  • #667
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    If it actually happened then yes he's a tool and cretin with no social skills.
    Even if I was sexting my fella it would take more than the second message to get as far as my tits TBH


  • #668
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,841 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    zulutango wrote: »
    There's a difference between defending and looking for context.

    We have the context. It was a 2nd message between strangers. There is no opening line that could make that follow up ok.


  • #669
    zulutango
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,887 ✭✭✭zulutango


    SarahMollie wrote: »
    We have the context. It was a 2nd message between strangers.

    Eh, that's not context.
    SarahMollie wrote: »
    There is no opening line that could make that follow up ok.

    What if she had referred to her nipples in her message to him?


  • #670
    GingerLily
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,766 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    silverharp wrote: »
    I saw this on twitter yday, a guy being dragged through hot coals for being a little off point :D

    Cz_U30bUUAAYie2.jpg

    I don't know how to interpret "illegal fun" in a non-rapey context here.


  • #671
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,841 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    zulutango wrote: »
    Eh, that's not context.

    Context - the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood.

    Context does not equal Transcript.

    The context is that this was the 2nd message between strangers on a dating site.
    zulutango wrote: »
    What if she had referred to her nipples in her message to him?

    Stop scraping the bottom of the barrel. Why would she have raised this as an issue here if that were the case.


  • Advertisement
  • #672
    zulutango
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,887 ✭✭✭zulutango


    SarahMollie wrote: »
    Stop scraping the bottom of the barrel. Why would she have raised this as an issue here if that were the case.

    God knows. But equally why would a stranger say such a thing to her? The reasons people say things aren't always clear cut. That applies to his message and her reporting of it here. It's far too easy to rush to judgement and say he's a cretin, when it's possible there was some nuance in those opening exchanges. Maybe he is indeed a cretin, or maybe she seeks validation by posting on boards about how awful guys are. I'm not saying either is true, because I don't know the slightest about anybody in this, but there are always many possibilities in these things.


  • #673
    Potatoeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,772 ✭✭✭Potatoeman


    You have to remember it is a hookup app even though it's being used as a dating app now. A friend of mine got nudes from a woman (without asking) after a few messages.


  • #674
    silverharp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,853 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    GingerLily wrote: »
    I don't know how to interpret "illegal fun" in a non-rapey context here.

    leaving aside the lack of any context info available here, from his viewpoint he looks like he was trying to complement her on her age while being flirty and suggestive, by definition pretty much anything would be illegal with "jail bait". The guy is clearly shocked by how the conversation turned.
    For all we know he tried this line before and got a better reaction. Cant say Im not surprised it fell flat when used on a hardcore feminist. :pac:

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



  • #675
    Carlos Orange
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,499 ✭✭✭Carlos Orange


    silverharp wrote: »
    Cant say Im not surprised it fell flat when used on a hardcore feminist. :pac:

    Gotta know your audience. Obviously not a great line for a feminist or someone overly literal.

    I have never actually heard someone say something like that but I'm pretty sure I have come across it in various media (tv/movies) , possibly years ago. Don't think it was ever portrayed as meaning rape.


  • #676
    silverharp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,853 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    psinno wrote: »
    Gotta know your audience. Obviously not a great line for a feminist or someone overly literal.

    probably not a bad idea to have some line that would smoke a feminist out although I don't think the guy was thinking that way :D

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



  • #677
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    zulutango wrote: »
    Eh, that's not context.



    What if she had referred to her nipples in her message to him?

    I missed all these replies. His first message was 'are your breasts real?' and I said 'yes why would I go around getting boob jobs done' then the second message was asking me what my nipples were like. I don't know who said I encouraged it but to be frank, no I didn't.


  • #678
    zulutango
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,887 ✭✭✭zulutango


    I don't think anybody said you encouraged it. Thanks for providing context. Hard to know what the guy's game was in that situation. I can't see it working even if he's just looking for a hook-up, unless he's ridiculously good looking and has a bio that suggests he's smart or interesting.


  • #679
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    zulutango wrote: »
    I don't think anybody said you encouraged it. Thanks for providing context. Hard to know what the guy's game was in that situation. I can't see it working even if he's just looking for a hook-up, unless he's ridiculously good looking and has a bio that suggests he's smart or interesting.

    I barely even looked at him. I did reply though and was friendly to him but stopped responding then as I didn't think it deserved a reply.


  • #680
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,740 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    zulutango wrote: »
    I don't think anybody said you encouraged it. Thanks for providing context. Hard to know what the guy's game was in that situation. I can't see it working even if he's just looking for a hook-up, unless he's ridiculously good looking and has a bio that suggests he's smart or interesting.

    How the frak could someone who sends minus IQ messages have a bio that suggests he is smart or interesting?!


  • #681
    SarahMollie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,841 ✭✭✭SarahMollie


    Deleted User wrote: »
    How the frak could someone who sends minus IQ messages have a bio that suggests he is smart or interesting?!

    Ha, "minus IQ messages" is a pretty accurate description :D


  • Advertisement
  • #682
    zulutango
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,887 ✭✭✭zulutango


    Surreptitious wrote: »
    I barely even looked at him. I did reply though and was friendly to him but stopped responding then as I didn't think it deserved a reply.

    You just sent one message in total?


  • #683
    GingerLily
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,766 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    silverharp wrote: »
    leaving aside the lack of any context info available here, from his viewpoint he looks like he was trying to complement her on her age while being flirty and suggestive, by definition pretty much anything would be illegal with "jail bait". The guy is clearly shocked by how the conversation turned.
    For all we know he tried this line before and got a better reaction. Cant say Im not surprised it fell flat when used on a hardcore feminist. :pac:

    It's a bloody creepy thing to say, nothing "feminist" about not liking underage s*x jokes.


  • #684
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    zulutango wrote: »
    You just sent one message in total?

    That's all.


  • #685
    zulutango
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,887 ✭✭✭zulutango


    Surreptitious wrote: »
    That's all.

    I wonder if that works for him sometimes. What age was he? Was he good looking?


  • #686
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    He's 29 and very good looking but has poor punctuation and grammar. I don't mind anyway, it's just someone else to ignore.


  • #687
    zulutango
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,887 ✭✭✭zulutango


    Surreptitious wrote: »
    He's 29 and very good looking but has poor punctuation and grammar. I don't mind anyway, it's just someone else to ignore.

    I'm a stickler for punctuation and grammar too, and these would certainly be major factors in deciding if I was interested in somebody or not. But, against that, I've learned that there are some great people who are just terrible at writing. I once got a query about a room I was renting out that written in text speak, only a few words long, no greeting, politeness, etc. It was definitely one to ignore, but against my better judgement I decided to let this guy view the room. He came over and, to cut a long story short, he was a really nice guy, very smart and chilled out too, and I rented him the room. That was 6 years ago and we're best friends now. And I guess when it comes to Tinder dating we have to be careful that we don't make too hasty judgements about people. At the end of the day, it's us that could be missing out. (I'm not saying that the guy who sent those ****ty messages falls into this category)


  • #688
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,740 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I rarely received those type of messages but I would ignore them. Even if I was just looking for a casual thing the type of man who thinks he's being funny or whatever by sending them wouldn't be for me. I might just want to sleep with you but I would still prefer you to be interesting!

    My views of online dating have changed. It's been interesting for me and I had a lot of great experiences but it can be hard. The same auld profiles appearing, same bland messages, individuality sorely lacking, no response to any messages I send. I'm robust enough in myself to take it but my heart is far from made of stone.


  • #689
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    zulutango wrote: »
    I'm a stickler for punctuation and grammar too, and these would certainly be major factors in deciding if I was interested in somebody or not. But, against that, I've learned that there are some great people who are just terrible at writing. I once got a query about a room I was renting out that written in text speak, only a few words long, no greeting, politeness, etc. It was definitely one to ignore, but against my better judgement I decided to let this guy view the room. He came over and, to cut a long story short, he was a really nice guy, very smart and chilled out too, and I rented him the room. That was 6 years ago and we're best friends now. And I guess when it comes to Tinder dating we have to be careful that we don't make too hasty judgements about people. At the end of the day, it's us that could be missing out. (I'm not saying that the guy who sent those ****ty messages falls into this category)

    My OH has everything from poor to atrocious punctuation in writing depending on the day. He just couldn't give a damn about it in casual circumstances, text messages, emails and chats with friends etc. He'd polish it up for formal work-related stuff, but honestly I would've rolled my eyes and discounted him as an utter moron if he'd messaged me on a dating site as I'm a particular stickler for that kind of thing - I'm a journalist so the written word is kind of my thing!

    Like your friend, it'd have been a serious misjudgement had we not met and worked together first and I'd never have known that in person he's sharp as a tack and probably one of the wittiest people you'll meet. It's just less of a priority to him. He's an engineer so his brain works in numbers rather than letters and languages like mine. Again, something that you'll never allow for as you're swiping through hundreds of profiles and making swift judgements that often case will be the wrong ones and you'll never know about it.

    On the whole "NICE TITS" malark - I can't remember experiencing too much of that on tinder, but certainly in my early days of online dating with the likes of POF etc, there was always a bit of that. Some guys get a thrill out of saying shocking/gross/nasty things to women just because they can get away with it online as opposed to real-life where they'd probably get a hiding. I'd view it more as a symptom of internet culture in general rather than some big misogynistic problem with it as a premise - those kind of arseholes are all over youtube, twitter, instagram etc too.


  • #690
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    zulutango wrote: »
    I'm a stickler for punctuation and grammar too, and these would certainly be major factors in deciding if I was interested in somebody or not. But, against that, I've learned that there are some great people who are just terrible at writing. I once got a query about a room I was renting out that written in text speak, only a few words long, no greeting, politeness, etc. It was definitely one to ignore, but against my better judgement I decided to let this guy view the room. He came over and, to cut a long story short, he was a really nice guy, very smart and chilled out too, and I rented him the room. That was 6 years ago and we're best friends now. And I guess when it comes to Tinder dating we have to be careful that we don't make too hasty judgements about people. At the end of the day, it's us that could be missing out. (I'm not saying that the guy who sent those ****ty messages falls into this category)

    I'm not judging him at all on that. I have gone out with loads of people who can barely spell. It was the content of the message I had a problem with. I know not everyone cares about grammar. I just mentioned it as you specifically asked about his bio.


  • Advertisement
  • #691
    Alpha_zero
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 907 ✭✭✭Alpha_zero


    Surreptitious wrote: »
    I'm not judging him at all on that. I have gone out with loads of people who can barely spell. It was the content of the message I had a problem with. I know not everyone cares about grammar. I just mentioned it as you specifically asked about his bio.

    You likes the man who cant speel, wannaq huuk up?


Advertisement