Hats stipulated on wedding invite

Addle · 25-11-2016 03:15PM

I love hats and will always take advantage of a wedding to wear one.
I don't like facinators.
And I don't like to be told, or advised, what to wear.
Seeing a direction like that on an invite would be a turn off for me.

cailinoBAC · 25-11-2016 08:01PM

Most weddings I go to everybody seems to be wearing a hat/fascinator anyway. I have never worn one and would feel awkward wearing one to be honest so would hate seeing that on an invite. I think if she knows her friends/relatives she should be able to say it to them that she'd love to see people wearing hats if they wanted to and the word will spread.

pwurple · 26-11-2016 10:20AM

_Jamie_ wrote: »

Seriously, I don't think many people are saying they don't like hats or that they judge people for wearing them. Just that to demand or firmly suggest they be worn is a bit much. And people don't have to like them just because you do and your greatgrandmother made them. No need to be so defensive!

So you didn't read the comments where people call them tacky, dated, making people look old and only suitable for paddocks then.

(And yet fake tan and plastic looking nails are deemed non-tack by the same people, lmfao. )

If that's not a lot of judgemental nonsense, then I don't know what it is.

I was adding a bit of balance to the hat opinions. You know, so the hat killjoys don't think they are the only show in town.

My very first statement was that it should NOT be on an invite. So I don't disagree there.

pwurple · 26-11-2016 10:27AM

_Jamie_ wrote: »

Seriously, I don't think many people are saying they don't like hats or that they judge people for wearing them. Just that to demand or firmly suggest they be worn is a bit much. And people don't have to like them just because you do and your greatgrandmother made them. No need to be so defensive!

So you didn't read the comments where people call them tacky, dated, making people look old and only suitable for paddocks then.

If that's not a lot of judgemental nonsense, then I don't know what it is.

I was adding a bit of balance to the hat opinions. You know, so the killjoys don't think they are the only show in town.

My very first statement was that it should NOT be on an invite. So I don't disagree there.

But yeah.. there are some fab irish milliners out there, how is this tacky?

fits · 26-11-2016 10:33AM

Janey people get worked up.over nothing. 'hats welcome' is not a demand.

meeeeh · 26-11-2016 12:39PM

pwurple wrote: »

But yeah.. there are some fab irish milliners out there, how is this tacky?

There are but they are not that easy to get to for everyone and can be fairly expensive. I do my dress shopping online and you can't do that buying a hat. It also ads to the cost of outfit quite a bit. Personally I also don't go for dresses that demand shapewear or hairstyles that need loads of pins and hair spray. Shapewear drives me nuts and I start shedding pins the moment I leave hairdresser's. Hat is usually just another restrictive element. They are not necessarily old-fashioned but some are definitely more suited to the times when ladies didn't move as much.

_Jamie_ · 26-11-2016 03:23PM

pwurple wrote: »

So you didn't read the comments where people call them tacky, dated, making people look old and only suitable for paddocks then. (And yet fake tan and plastic looking nails are deemed non-tack by the same people, lmfao. )

If that's not a lot of judgemental nonsense, then I don't know what it is.

They were very few.

pwurple · 26-11-2016 03:43PM

meeeeh wrote: »

There are but they are not that easy to get to for everyone and can be fairly expensive. I do my dress shopping online and you can't do that buying a hat. It also ads to the cost of outfit quite a bit. Personally I also don't go for dresses that demand shapewear or hairstyles that need loads of pins and hair spray. Shapewear drives me nuts and I start shedding pins the moment I leave hairdresser's. Hat is usually just another restrictive element. They are not necessarily old-fashioned but some are definitely more suited to the times when ladies didn't move as much.

So don't wear one.

bee06 · 26-11-2016 03:51PM

fits wrote: »

Janey people get worked up.over nothing. 'hats welcome' is not a demand.

I would interpret "Hats welcome" on an invite as "if you want to wear a hat, work away".

But "Hats appreciated" I would read as "hats are preferred" and I would feel obliged to wear a hat when I wouldn't particularly want to.

I'd say spreading the word face to face with friends, family would be the better way to go. Always less misinterpretation face to face than written down.

pwurple · 26-11-2016 03:53PM

_Jamie_ wrote: »

They were very few.

There were plenty, and whatever qty, they were still there, and I replied. Ya know, because this is a message board, and that's what this is for.

Are you the self-appointed opinion police?

meeeeh · 26-11-2016 03:58PM

pwurple wrote: »

So don't wear one.

I don't. I wear more informal stuff sometimes (not for weddings). I don't mind people wearing hats, some can be lovely but I wouldn't be overly enthusiastic if I "had" to get one.

Lady Chatterton · 26-11-2016 06:48PM

I received a wedding invite about 10 years and it said 'Ladies should wear ankle length attire'.

I reckon a lot of the guests were p1ssed off by the request because there was a lot of flesh on show on the day - short dresses and plunging necklines

Toots · 26-11-2016 07:14PM

Mod Note
Can we stop the sniping please? If you can't contribute without being argumentative, then please don't post in the thread.

looksee · 26-11-2016 08:03PM

I imagine the poor bride simply meant 'I love to see hats at a wedding, gives it a bit of occasion. But some people think only the bridal party should wear hats these days, so - hats are welcome'.

The poor woman, doesn't sound bridezilla at all, just enthusiastic.

_Jamie_ · 27-11-2016 06:20AM

pwurple wrote: »

There were plenty, and whatever qty, they were still there, and I replied. Ya know, because this is a message board, and that's what this is for.

Are you the self-appointed opinion police?

Of course not, as you said, it's a discussion board, I'm discussing, as are you. And if people find hats dated or tacky or whatever, that's up to them! You can't tell someone they are wrong to think that. It's their opinion. And it won't affect your wearing of and fondness for hats. Why does it matter to you if others don't like hats?

mansize · 27-11-2016 07:15AM

If she likes hats, whats the issue???

Some people look to be offended imho

DM addict · 27-11-2016 08:13AM

Personally it's not something an invitation, as I don't like to be prescriptive about dress codes, and some people will stress about it/take it as instruction when they'd rather not.

I'd mention it to friends/family instead. Or for whimsy and competition, tell them you'll be offering a hat prize

mansize · 27-11-2016 08:15AM

Are wedding invitations Safe Spaces™

Addle · 27-11-2016 09:16AM

Are guests ever told not to wear hats/headpieces?

dr.fuzzenstein · 27-11-2016 09:30AM

mansize wrote: »

If she likes hats, whats the issue???

Some people look to be offended imho

This is Boards, it doesn't reflect real life. If Ireland was like Boards, there would be mass brawls on every street corner. We simply have to accept that the loons crawl out from their holes, log on and start arguing over, well, anything. Some people are sad and filled with rage which they project onto their surroundings. If anyone started a thread that the sky is blue (well, sometimes), you'd get people arguing.
Also, today's online world has no shades of grey. You pick a side and start lobbing logical grenades at the other side who do the same. There is no point trying to argue the topic or find common ground, the aim is to prove the other side wrong, no matter what.

On topic:
If she likes hats, sure, anyone who gets offended at "appreciated" or "welcome" is a quarehog who I wouldn't want at one of my parties either. They might get offended at the way the napkins are folded.

hollymartins · 27-11-2016 09:32AM

But I don't understand why put it into the invite? People who want to wear hats or fascinators will, it's fairly common practice. It just seems like the bride is over thinking the whole thing.

stinkle · 27-11-2016 09:59AM

looksee wrote: »

I imagine the poor bride simply meant 'I love to see hats at a wedding, gives it a bit of occasion. But some people think only the bridal party should wear hats these days, so - hats are welcome'.

The poor woman, doesn't sound bridezilla at all, just enthusiastic.

Most likely this. And if wedding isn't "traditional" religious affair, then guests might assume it's more relaxed and not think a hat is welcome (cos church=hats apparently according to some folks). No idea from OP if that's that case, but it could be, and bride just wants to make sure people know it's a more formal than relaxed occasion.

I've only been to my own wedding and friends' weddings, so I can see how if youre not in the immediate family/bridal party, you might not want to risk (or splash out on) a ginormous hat and draw attention to yourself if you're unsure of the tone of the day/size of crowd/different family dynamics. "Hats encouraged" to me sounds like a decent thing to say on the invites, but the best thing really is to spread that by word of mouth and ensure no one is to feel obliged to wear/buy something they arent comfy with.

Big Bag of Chips · 27-11-2016 10:22AM

hollymartins wrote: »

But I don't understand why put it into the invite? People who want to wear hats or fascinators will

My reading of the OP's post is that the bride wants people to wear hats. So even people who wouldn't normally she would like if they did. Hence the reason to nudge people in that direction by putting it on the invitation.

hollymartins · 27-11-2016 08:13PM

Big Bag of Chips wrote:

My reading of the OP's post is that the bride wants people to wear hats. So even people who wouldn't normally she would like if they did. Hence the reason to nudge people in that direction by putting it on the invitation.

I see. Personally I don't wear hats so it would just seem to me like hassle to go hat hunting and additional cost. I've reached a point in my life (my thirties!) where I have a handful of outfits for weddings which I shuffle rather than forking out for a new outfit, no expense or shopping trips required

I think the idea to spread it through word of mouth is the best way to approach it, people won't feel obliged no matter how gentle the hint is on an invite.

mansize · 27-11-2016 09:46PM

hollymartins wrote: »

I see. Personally I don't wear hats so it would just seem to me like hassle to go hat hunting and additional cost. I've reached a point in my life (my thirties!) where I have a handful of outfits for weddings which I shuffle rather than forking out for a new outfit, no expense or shopping trips required I think the idea to spread it through word of mouth is the best way to approach it, people won't feel obliged no matter how gentle the hint is on an invite.

So don't wear one...???

meeeeh · 28-11-2016 12:53AM

mansize wrote: »

So don't wear one...???

In the same way ot could be said don't put it on the invitation. And btw if someone close would ask me to wear a hat I would but I would also roll my eyes. Someone not overly close would be ignored. Luckly most people do not put silly outfit requests on the invitations.

Btw I got the same reply before too so you are not exactly original in your snipping. The question in the op was not 'do you wear a hat'. It was what we think about putting the request on the invitation. Some of us were replying why that kind of request would be a hassle.

mansize · 28-11-2016 01:11AM

meeeeh wrote: »

In the same way ot could be said don't put it on the invitation. And btw if someone close would ask me to wear a hat I would but I would also roll my eyes. Someone not overly close would be ignored. Luckly most people do not put silly outfit requests on the invitations.

Btw I got the same reply before too so you are not exactly original in your snipping. The question in the op was not 'do you wear a hat'. It was what we think about putting the request on the invitation. Some of us were replying why that kind of request would be a hassle.

She obviously likes hats and would love her guests to wear ones - and left it optional for the stick-in-the-muds. Its her wedding tbf!!!

Rolling eyes, are you like 15?

28-11-2016 01:14AM

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

My reading of the OP's post is that the bride wants people to wear hats. So even people who wouldn't normally she would like if they did. Hence the reason to nudge people in that direction by putting it on the invitation.

Even if it's put very politely and gently and not at all insistently, I think it's a little rude of her to suggest what she would prefer people to wear. A little control-freaky even.

Most if not all people will be dressed perfectly appropriately and will either want to wear a hat or not. Her preferences on guests clothing are unlikely to make them change their minds. They'll probably just find it slightly presumptuous and irritating.

mansize · 28-11-2016 01:18AM

Candie wrote: »

Even if it's put very politely and gently and not at all insistently, I think it's a little rude of her to suggest what she would prefer people to wear. A little control-freaky even.

Most if not all people will be dressed perfectly appropriately and will either want to wear a hat or not. Her preferences on guests clothing are unlikely to make them change their minds. They'll probably just find it slightly presumptuous and irritating.

Rude? A suggestion?? At her own wedding??? Jesus wept

28-11-2016 01:20AM

mansize wrote: »

Rude? A suggestion?? At her own wedding??? Jesus wept

I think it would be rude if I invited you to a party, and suggested what you wear!

I know the bride wants everything all lovely and the way she likes it on her wedding day, I get that. I don't think it's a nice thing to be suggesting people wear certain things though. Let people dress themselves and not feel they're being pressured by 'suggestions'.

Hats stipulated on wedding invite

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