Hats stipulated on wedding invite

snickerpuss

A friend of mine is getting married soon and is keen to have the female guests wear hats to the wedding. It's not going to be mandatory but she wants people to know that it would be welcomed.

She wants to write - 'Hats and fascinators welcome' on the wedding invitation. If you read this would you see it as an option or feel that you were kind of expected to wear one to the wedding?

clint_silver

snickerpuss wrote: »

A friend of mine is getting married soon and is keen to have the female guests wear hats to the wedding. It's not going to be mandatory but she wants people to know that it would be welcomed.

She wants to write - 'Hats and fascinators welcome' on the wedding invitation. If you read this would you see it as an option or feel that you were kind of expected to wear one to the wedding?

Id read it as optional, someone else may not.

"Hats and fascinators welcome but optional"

MarkR

If they want to have hats, I'd go with "appreciated", rather than welcomed, if they are actually looking for people to wear them?

pilly

To be honest if I received that invite I would be entirely put off going. Would just make me think it's a stuffy wedding. Surely we're not at the stage where we decide what our guests wear to our event? Why does it matter?

GingerLily

pilly wrote: »

To be honest if I received that invite I would be entirely put off going. Would just make me think it's a stuffy wedding. Surely we're not at the stage where we decide what our guests wear to our event? Why does it matter?

I think there could be a lot of people that would feel this way. The guests might get a whiff of Bridezilla off of it!

meeeeh

I'd roll my eyes and go without some dead bird in my hair. If she would write "appreciated" then I would roll my eyes, complain but wear a hat. In any case it wouldn't go down well but at least with clear instructions I would try accomodate her wishes.

sullivk

I would leave it off the invite entirely, seems like a really strange thing to put on a wedding invitation or to even be thinking about while planning your wedding.
If people want to wear hats or fascinators I'm sure they can make that decision themselves.

pilly

snickerpuss wrote: »

A friend of mine is getting married soon and is keen to have the female guests wear hats to the wedding. It's not going to be mandatory but she wants people to know that it would be welcomed.

She wants to write - 'Hats and fascinators welcome' on the wedding invitation. If you read this would you see it as an option or feel that you were kind of expected to wear one to the wedding?

Even the fact that OP says it's not going to be mandatory scares me. It's been a long time since I went anywhere where it was compulsory to wear something and I have no interest in going to any such place.

rawn

snickerpuss wrote:

She wants to write - 'Hats and fascinators welcome' on the wedding invitation. If you read this would you see it as an option or feel that you were kind of expected to wear one to the wedding?

Strange, I was very tempted to write 'no fascinators welcome' on my invites

Spanish Eyes

What about the men? Are hats appreciated on them too? LOL

This has to be a wind up, sorry. I hate hats on me, not to mention the horrible "hat head" that would ruin my blow dry for the occasion!

So I would leave it out. As others have said if I saw anything approaching a royal summons on a wedding invite, I just wouldn't go!

Dial Hard

I have to say, I wouldn't have any problem with the wording of "Hats & fascinators welcome" or "appreciated" at all. Neither are prescriptive or demanding in anyway way.

Galway K9

"Boutique outfits welcomed, Pennys not!"

Toots

I'd leave it off the invite if it were me. It just comes across as weird. If someone wants to wear one, they will anyway, reardless of whether or not it's suggested in the invitation.

ozt9vdujny3srf

pilly wrote: »

Surely we're not at the stage where we decide what our guests wear to our event? Why does it matter?

I think it does matter - most people would agree that wearing runners at a black tie wedding would be inappropriate, for example.

The hat thing is not that big of a deal - and I think it's no harm to encourage it if that's what you'd like. I certainly wouldn't be thinking "bridezilla" based off one little thing like that in isolation.

SarahMollie

This is a really weird one....why does she even care what her guests are wearing once their outfits are appropriate.

IMO, all you can really specify is if theres a specific dress code like black tie or casual etc, but otherwise just trust that your guests have the good sense to turn up dressed appropriately.

Seriously, your friend has little to worry about if she has time to trouble herself with whether or not her guests are going to wear hats.

pilly

Arielle Juicy Oceanographer wrote: »

I think it does matter - most people would agree that wearing runners at a black tie wedding would be inappropriate, for example.

The hat thing is not that big of a deal - and I think it's no harm to encourage it if that's what you'd like. I certainly wouldn't be thinking "bridezilla" based off one little thing like that in isolation.

Yes, most people would agree that wearing runners at a black tie wedding is not appropriate but would you put it on an invite? No. You trust that the people you bother to invite to your wedding have sense.

Dial Hard

pilly wrote:

Yes, most people would agree that wearing runners at a black tie wedding is not appropriate but would you put it on an invite? No. You trust that the people you bother to invite to your wedding have sense.

But all she's saying is that hats are welcome/appreciated? I really don't see the big deal here.

Mrs OBumble

If I saw that i'd assume that they were some kind of ultra religious traditionalists, and thus wanted to make sure that all the women have their heads covered.

PhoenixParker

I'd probably just use word of mouth rather then put anything on the invite.

If she's determined to put it on the invite maybe : hats and fascinators encouraged.

endacl

'Socks and jocks recommended' is about as much as I'd accept...

snickerpuss

Hah, thanks for those replies all. I was a little worried that it would seem odd and most of the replies seem to confirm that. Personally if I wanted to wear a hat I wouldn't feel like I needed permission from an invite! Good to get (many) second opinions.

GingerLily

snickerpuss wrote: »

Hah, thanks for those replies all. I was a little worried that it would seem odd and most of the replies seem to confirm that. Personally if I wanted to wear a hat I wouldn't feel like I needed permission from an invite! Good to get (many) second opinions.

No harm in getting a second opinion on things, hope the bride gets loads of voluntary ladies in hats and fascinators!!

meeeeh

Arielle Juicy Oceanographer wrote: »

I think it does matter - most people would agree that wearing runners at a black tie wedding would be inappropriate, for example.

The hat thing is not that big of a deal - and I think it's no harm to encourage it if that's what you'd like. I certainly wouldn't be thinking "bridezilla" based off one little thing like that in isolation.

Vast majority of hats and all fascinators are ugly in my opinion. I certainly wouldn't want to trawl the country and spend an enormous amount to find something I find acceptable. It might not bother you but I would find it very much off putting.

rainbowtrout

Dial Hard wrote: »

But all she's saying is that hats are welcome/appreciated? I really don't see the big deal here.

But people will wear them if they want to wear them, regardless of invites. And if it's not mandatory as the OP says then why is there is a need to put it on the invite. If I got that invite in the post my initial thought would be bridezilla as that is what I thought when I read the OP.


I've never worn a hat/fascinator to a wedding. It would just annoy me for the day, and it's another unnecessary expense on what can be an expensive day.

scarbouro

Weddings are expensive enough as it is for guests without wanting them to buy a hat /fascinator too. They don't come cheap and they're normally taken off before dinner. Then you're left with horrible flat hair! It's a strange request!

rawn

scarbouro wrote: »

Weddings are expensive enough as it is for guests without wanting them to buy a hat /fascinator too. They don't come cheap and they're normally taken off before dinner. Then you're left with horrible flat hair! It's a strange request!

Penney's best darlin'!

_Jamie_

I'd think that maybe the couple was letting people know that headgear isn't just restricted the mothers and bridal party and that people should feel free to wear head adornment. But I wouldn't think from the OP's wording that it was preferred by the couple that female guests wear headgear.

Spanish Eyes

No demands = great wedding.

Everyone will dress appropriately, some will have headgear, some will not.

But not by royal decree either!

I fekkin hate weddings as a general rule, and will only go to those of close (really close) family. To be asked in a passive aggressive way to wear a hat would be another off the list TBH.

Wonder why this is such a thing for the bridie?

Unless the OP is a wind up. Just saying..... it happens.

Spanish Eyes

_Jamie_ wrote: »

I'd think that maybe the couple was letting people know that headgear isn't just restricted the mothers and bridal party and that people should feel free to wear head adornment. But I wouldn't think from the OP's wording that it was preferred by the couple that female guests wear headgear.

Look here, sorry, who needs to be told whether or not headgear is important or mandatory or whatever.

People will wear them or not. Who really cares?

Jeez. Weddings.

No wonder I hate them. The formula, the boredom, the starvation, the hanging around, and we are supposed to be DELIRA! And then be told about fekkin hats/fascinators.

It is just gettig ridiculous now. So I choose to ignore it all. Apart from VERY close family. Delightful.

Gatica

If it's optional then there's no reason to mention it. Most women would make a call as to whether to wear a hat themselves anyway. Saying it will only make people feel awkward for not honoring the couple's wishes, and therefore the optional suggestion becomes somewhat mandatory...

_Jamie_

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Look here, sorry, who needs to be told whether or not headgear is important or mandatory or whatever.

People will wear them or not. Who really cares?

Jeez. Weddings.

Whoa whoa whoa. I am just saying how I would intrepret an invitation that said that! Is it MY invitation? No, so don't be raging at me about it.

GingerLily

_Jamie_ wrote: »

Whoa whoa whoa. I am just saying how I would intrepret an invitation that said that! Is it MY invitation? No, so don't be raging at me about it.

The good thing about the wedding forum is you'll find out what's controversial, not everyone agrees!!! Lol

_Jamie_

GingerLily wrote: »

The good thing about the wedding forum is you'll find out what's controversial, not everyone agrees!!! Lol

Oh yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's a totally daft thing to put on a wedding invitation. I was just trying to imagine how I'd interpret it if I got that invitation through my door.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

Some other uniformity considerations:

"Yellow bracelet mandatory on every guest please"
"Back of neck bar code tattoo expected or provided on arrival"
"Guests with left eyebrow shaved receive free prosecco"

What business is it of the bridal party what everyone else wears, unless they're Adolf Hitler and he's awarding stars?

hollymartins

I just don't understand why the bride feels she needs to mention it in the invitation? Any weddings I've gone to in the past there has always been a decent amount of women who attend wearing hats or fascinators so why the concern? Does she want a certain aesthetic for her day? If so I think she should just accept that each guest will dress as they deem appropriate for a wedding, I know I wouldn't appreciate her hint in the invitation, no matter how subtle or friendly the wording.

minikin

fits

I have a nice hat which i have decided not to wear to some weddings in the past because i felt it might not be appropriate for someone who wasnt close family. So if i saw this on an invite id be like great! Others will be wearing hats so i can wear my hat. ! I wouldnt feel obliged to, it just says that they are welcome.

Big Bag of Chips

snickerpuss wrote: »

A friend of mine is getting married soon and is keen to have the female guests wear hats to the wedding.

Even though it's not mandatory (obviously, she's not going to have bouncers at the door turning away women who aren't wearing one!) - it kind of is! She is "keen" to have people wear them which means she wants people to wear them.

I just think it's one more thing to add to your list. So you might have an outfit, or you might have to buy one, then you find out the bride is "keen" to have you accesorise your outfit with a coordinated hat/fascinator. So you have to traipse around finding something that matches/coordinates with your dress/shoes/bag? I don't know. I have never worn one. I might some day! But if I wasn't planning on wearing one anyway, I would just skip over the "hats/fascinators welcome" bit because I would assume it was meant for people who were confused about some new fangled wedding etiquette about whether or not they were allowed wear one! I would think it doesn't apply to me because I wasn't planning on wearing one anyway.

If she is 'keen' to have women wear hats, then she is going to have to be more direct than that. As in hats "required" or something.

But if she does that expect a lot of tutting And eye rolling to go on, and maybe a few declines too!

seamus

If there's a specific reason why she's keen - i.e. they're big horsey people or they're going with a horsey theme - then maybe including that reason might be a good idea. Then people who otherwise may not be bothered about hats might be more inclined to want to get into the spirit.

But if it's a "I think it would be really nice" thing, then leave it off. It's weird. You don't really get to decide what your guests wear at your wedding. Even putting "black tie" is a bit much, but it's a theme. Themes are fine so long as you don't get pissy when someone doesn't go along with it.

GingerLily

Suggestion - and this might be totally out there but - could you look into a fascinator / hat decorating craft experience as part of the hen? The guests will definitely get the hint and the Bride will be able to quench her love of wedding headpieces!

Electric Sheep

meeeeh wrote: »

Vast majority of hats and all fascinators are ugly in my opinion. I certainly wouldn't want to trawl the country and spend an enormous amount to find something I find acceptable. It might not bother you but I would find it very much off putting.

Yes, they are, and like many aspects of Irish weddings, they smack of trying too hard. In this case, it sounds like the bride is trying too hard to make her guests look like they are trying too hard.:rolleyes:

Faith

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

No wonder I hate them. The formula, the boredom, the starvation, the hanging around, and we are supposed to be DELIRA! And then be told about fekkin hats/fascinators.

It is just gettig ridiculous now. So I choose to ignore it all. Apart from VERY close family. Delightful.

I will never understand why people who apparently hate weddings voluntarily read and post in the Weddings forum .

_Jamie_

Faith wrote: »

I will never understand why people who apparently hate weddings voluntarily read and post in the Weddings forum .

There seems to be some kind of perverse enjoyment for some in kvetching about weddings!

Jentle Grenade

I have this amazing mental image of a whole rake of people awkwardly sitting in church pews accidentally hitting off each other with their huge hats.

Malari

If it's a winter wedding, I have some snug woolly hats. If it's a summer wedding...baseball cap or straw hat Be careful what you ask for.

Seriously, I do have a couple of fedora style hats, which I often wear in autumn/winter but I wouldn't be buying a fascinator or new hat for a wedding. The wording wouldn't bother me but it's definitely unusual.

mcgiggles

Jentle Grenade wrote: »

I have this amazing mental image of a whole rake of people awkwardly sitting in church pews accidentally hitting off each other with their huge hats.

And people trying to peep over shoulders between hats to see whats going on up front

mcgiggles

My sister was invited to a real fancy wedding years ago (like at least 10 years) that stipulated that you had to wear a hat, it was some high falutin' loadsa money kinda wedding.. we all laughed at it, she just wore a wee hairband fascinator thing, that's the only time I've ever heard of it being on an invite! (I cant remember how it was worded either)

ted1

It's a crazy thing to put in an invite, maybe she was at a wedding were they were not allowed (might have blocked photographers view)

Shop40

I would read it as "You are required to wear a hat/fascinator". And then I wouldn't go.

Bandana boy

I would use encouraged or appreciated , I know lots of people who would not wear a hat as it might be seen as trying to upstage the day or because they are a little shy at standing out but would love to wear one on the day.

All the people who would ignore the wedding day of a friend or family member because of a suggestion to wear a hat ,well you sound fun I guess you will not be missed !

dee_mc

I would just leave it off the invitation.
Some people are comfortable and happy wearing a hat to a wedding, while others would hate the thought of it and wearing something on their head could make them feel uncomfortable and silly. I'm sure this bride doesn't want any of her guests feeling that way on her big day, so she should just keep the invitation traditional and avoid making demands /suggestions like this.
If she wants photos of her friends wearing hats, I'm sure there'll be a few who wear them because they want to anyway, and if it's that important to her maybe she can build it in to the hen party as a theme or something.