Hats stipulated on wedding invite

GingerLily · 23-11-2016 01:03PM

_Jamie_ wrote: »

Whoa whoa whoa. I am just saying how I would intrepret an invitation that said that! Is it MY invitation? No, so don't be raging at me about it.

The good thing about the wedding forum is you'll find out what's controversial, not everyone agrees!!! Lol

_Jamie_ · 23-11-2016 01:27PM

GingerLily wrote: »

The good thing about the wedding forum is you'll find out what's controversial, not everyone agrees!!! Lol

Oh yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's a totally daft thing to put on a wedding invitation.

I was just trying to imagine how I'd interpret it if I got that invitation through my door.

05eaftqbrs9jlh · 23-11-2016 01:31PM

Some other uniformity considerations:

"Yellow bracelet mandatory on every guest please"
"Back of neck bar code tattoo expected or provided on arrival"
"Guests with left eyebrow shaved receive free prosecco"

What business is it of the bridal party what everyone else wears, unless they're Adolf Hitler and he's awarding stars?

hollymartins · 23-11-2016 01:49PM

I just don't understand why the bride feels she needs to mention it in the invitation? Any weddings I've gone to in the past there has always been a decent amount of women who attend wearing hats or fascinators so why the concern? Does she want a certain aesthetic for her day? If so I think she should just accept that each guest will dress as they deem appropriate for a wedding, I know I wouldn't appreciate her hint in the invitation, no matter how subtle or friendly the wording.

minikin · 23-11-2016 01:51PM

fits · 23-11-2016 01:52PM

I have a nice hat which i have decided not to wear to some weddings in the past because i felt it might not be appropriate for someone who wasnt close family. So if i saw this on an invite id be like great! Others will be wearing hats so i can wear my hat. ! I wouldnt feel obliged to, it just says that they are welcome.

Big Bag of Chips · 23-11-2016 02:03PM

snickerpuss wrote: »

A friend of mine is getting married soon and is keen to have the female guests wear hats to the wedding.

Even though it's not mandatory (obviously, she's not going to have bouncers at the door turning away women who aren't wearing one!) - it kind of is! She is "keen" to have people wear them which means she wants people to wear them.

I just think it's one more thing to add to your list. So you might have an outfit, or you might have to buy one, then you find out the bride is "keen" to have you accesorise your outfit with a coordinated hat/fascinator. So you have to traipse around finding something that matches/coordinates with your dress/shoes/bag? I don't know. I have never worn one. I might some day! But if I wasn't planning on wearing one anyway, I would just skip over the "hats/fascinators welcome" bit because I would assume it was meant for people who were confused about some new fangled wedding etiquette about whether or not they were allowed wear one! I would think it doesn't apply to me because I wasn't planning on wearing one anyway.

If she is 'keen' to have women wear hats, then she is going to have to be more direct than that. As in hats "required" or something.

But if she does that expect a lot of tutting And eye rolling to go on, and maybe a few declines too!

seamus · 23-11-2016 02:09PM

If there's a specific reason why she's keen - i.e. they're big horsey people or they're going with a horsey theme - then maybe including that reason might be a good idea. Then people who otherwise may not be bothered about hats might be more inclined to want to get into the spirit.

But if it's a "I think it would be really nice" thing, then leave it off. It's weird. You don't really get to decide what your guests wear at your wedding. Even putting "black tie" is a bit much, but it's a theme. Themes are fine so long as you don't get pissy when someone doesn't go along with it.

GingerLily · 23-11-2016 02:25PM

Suggestion - and this might be totally out there but - could you look into a fascinator / hat decorating craft experience as part of the hen? The guests will definitely get the hint and the Bride will be able to quench her love of wedding headpieces!

Electric Sheep · 23-11-2016 04:02PM

meeeeh wrote: »

Vast majority of hats and all fascinators are ugly in my opinion. I certainly wouldn't want to trawl the country and spend an enormous amount to find something I find acceptable. It might not bother you but I would find it very much off putting.

Yes, they are, and like many aspects of Irish weddings, they smack of trying too hard. In this case, it sounds like the bride is trying too hard to make her guests look like they are trying too hard.:rolleyes:

Faith · 23-11-2016 09:03PM

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

No wonder I hate them. The formula, the boredom, the starvation, the hanging around, and we are supposed to be DELIRA! And then be told about fekkin hats/fascinators.

It is just gettig ridiculous now. So I choose to ignore it all. Apart from VERY close family. Delightful.

I will never understand why people who apparently hate weddings voluntarily read and post in the Weddings forum

.

_Jamie_ · 23-11-2016 10:49PM

Faith wrote: »

I will never understand why people who apparently hate weddings voluntarily read and post in the Weddings forum .

There seems to be some kind of perverse enjoyment for some in kvetching about weddings!

Jentle Grenade · 24-11-2016 12:40PM

I have this amazing mental image of a whole rake of people awkwardly sitting in church pews accidentally hitting off each other with their huge hats.

Malari · 24-11-2016 12:44PM

If it's a winter wedding, I have some snug woolly hats. If it's a summer wedding...baseball cap or straw hat

Be careful what you ask for.

Seriously, I do have a couple of fedora style hats, which I often wear in autumn/winter but I wouldn't be buying a fascinator or new hat for a wedding. The wording wouldn't bother me but it's definitely unusual.

mcgiggles · 24-11-2016 12:45PM

Jentle Grenade wrote: »

I have this amazing mental image of a whole rake of people awkwardly sitting in church pews accidentally hitting off each other with their huge hats.

And people trying to peep over shoulders between hats to see whats going on up front

mcgiggles · 24-11-2016 12:54PM

My sister was invited to a real fancy wedding years ago (like at least 10 years) that stipulated that you had to wear a hat, it was some high falutin' loadsa money kinda wedding.. we all laughed at it, she just wore a wee hairband fascinator thing, that's the only time I've ever heard of it being on an invite! (I cant remember how it was worded either)

ted1 · 24-11-2016 12:58PM

It's a crazy thing to put in an invite, maybe she was at a wedding were they were not allowed (might have blocked photographers view)

Shop40 · 24-11-2016 01:24PM

I would read it as "You are required to wear a hat/fascinator". And then I wouldn't go.

Bandana boy · 24-11-2016 01:55PM

I would use encouraged or appreciated , I know lots of people who would not wear a hat as it might be seen as trying to upstage the day or because they are a little shy at standing out but would love to wear one on the day.

All the people who would ignore the wedding day of a friend or family member because of a suggestion to wear a hat ,well you sound fun I guess you will not be missed !

dee_mc · 24-11-2016 02:34PM

I would just leave it off the invitation.
Some people are comfortable and happy wearing a hat to a wedding, while others would hate the thought of it and wearing something on their head could make them feel uncomfortable and silly. I'm sure this bride doesn't want any of her guests feeling that way on her big day, so she should just keep the invitation traditional and avoid making demands /suggestions like this.
If she wants photos of her friends wearing hats, I'm sure there'll be a few who wear them because they want to anyway, and if it's that important to her maybe she can build it in to the hen party as a theme or something.

Electric Sheep · 24-11-2016 02:49PM

Surely if the bride is inviting people to the wedding she must know them well enough to just say in a face to face conversation that she would like guests to wear hats, then leave it up to them?

_Jamie_ · 24-11-2016 03:04PM

Jentle Grenade wrote: »

I have this amazing mental image of a whole rake of people awkwardly sitting in church pews accidentally hitting off each other with their huge hats.

Ha, yeah!

And that's the thing, a wedding where every second attendee is wearing headgear would make things awkward. I'd say at any given wedding, around half the ladies will be wear a hat or fascinator and, honestly, I think that's the perfect amount! A quarter or so of the congregation.

matrim · 24-11-2016 03:05PM

Maybe you could make it into a bit of a game and offer a prize for the best hat.

Thoie · 24-11-2016 03:15PM

Wow, a lot of people seem to hate hats!

The first weddings I went to all involved hat hire. Then the fashion moved towards fascinators. But for the last few years I've taken to going bare headed, as no-one else was wearing any.

I think hats at a wedding are a nice thing - they make the day that bit more "special" in my mind, particularly when looking back at the photos later.

If I saw "hats appreciated" on the invite I'd think "cool, I can wear a hat if I want to".

The Draugan · 24-11-2016 03:18PM

I don't quite get it , does you're friend want people to wear them , like would rather people wear them for photos or whatever ?

If so why not just make it mandatory

The wording to me would just suggest there allowed rather than wanted

pwurple · 25-11-2016 08:03AM

Yes leave it off the invite, and that's as someone who LOVES hats!

I always find out the bride / guests feelings on hats before I go, because you know what? I never get to wear them normally, and they are great fun! It's literally any excuse for me.

Boring black dress with beautiful vibrant hat, awesome!
Plus, my greatgrandmother was a milliner, and I really like the opportunity to wear the small few bits I have left from her.

Get over yerselves with the horse references. Look at any wedding photo up to the 50's and it is hat central. It's only recently people got notions about them not being "cool" enough for them.

So yeah, not on the invite, but defo let people know in person.

pwurple · 25-11-2016 08:05AM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Yes, they are, and like many aspects of Irish weddings, they smack of trying too hard. In this case, it sounds like the bride is trying too hard to make her guests look like they are trying too hard.:rolleyes:

God forbid anyone makes an effort.

Jeans and a grotty t shirt is way cooler I'm sure.

Big Bag of Chips · 25-11-2016 12:11PM

I just think it's akin to being "keen" for all your female guests to wear a strapless dress or something. Some people will be comfortable with it, some will be very uncomfortable and fidgeting at it!

People can generally be trusted to "make an effort" without need for a hat. There's plenty of wiggle room between a hat to show you've made an effort or jeans and a grotty t-shirt!!

SarahMollie · 25-11-2016 02:45PM

Completely agree BBOC.

I always make an effort for weddings but I wouldn't dream of wearing a hat or fascination. I just don't believe they look good - at best dated and at worst quite tacky. Possibly it's generational, but I also think they can be aging on younger women, and are best left to the mothers of the bride/groom IMO. I wouldn't appreciate being told to wear one.

I typically buy a new outfit, get my hair and make up done professionally, and might also get tan and nails - hardly a grotty jeans and t-shirt equivalent.

_Jamie_ · 25-11-2016 03:10PM

Thoie wrote: »

Wow, a lot of people seem to hate hats!

pwurple wrote: »

Get over yerselves with the horse references. Look at any wedding photo up to the 50's and it is hat central. It's only recently people got notions about them not being "cool" enough for them.

pwurple wrote: »

God forbid anyone makes an effort.

Jeans and a grotty t shirt is way cooler I'm sure.

Seriously, I don't think many people are saying they don't like hats or that they judge people for wearing them. Just that to demand or firmly suggest they be worn is a bit much. And people don't have to like them just because you do and your greatgrandmother made them. No need to be so defensive!

Hats stipulated on wedding invite

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