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Mate's wife is cheating on him, should I tell him?

245

Comments

  • #32
    SteM
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,773 ✭✭✭SteM


    Oodoov wrote: »
    He'll get over it. The majority of married women are cheating be it once at the Xmas party or on a regular basis.

    Ah, would you stop.


  • #33
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,748 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    gifted wrote: »
    Has it occurred to anyone here that it could be our wife????....hope I don't get a phone call off me best mate today lol l

    Erm... sorry, would you prefer a PM?

    By the way, we still up for drinks at the weekend?


  • #34
    gifted
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,203 ✭✭✭gifted


    Avatar MIA wrote: »
    Erm... sorry, would you prefer a PM?

    By the way, we still up for drinks at the weekend?

    You buying??? Lol lol


  • #35
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,748 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    Oodoov wrote: »
    He'll get over it. The majority of married women are cheating be it once at the Xmas party or on a regular basis.

    Just because... ah, won't go there.

    However, when men do it I think they want it kept secret. Whereas, a significant amount of women want it discovered. No scientific basis for that opinion.


  • #36
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,748 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    gifted wrote: »
    You buying??? Lol lol

    What would be any different about this weekend? :pac:


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  • #37
    Badly Drunk Boy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 7,316 ✭✭✭Badly Drunk Boy


    gifted wrote: »
    Has it occurred to anyone here that it could be our wife????....hope I don't get a phone call off me best mate today lol l
    I think I'm safe enough. Don't have a wife and don't have a 'best mate'. I have a nice kettle, though...


  • #38
    The flying mouse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,915 ✭✭✭The flying mouse


    You should tell him if you no for sure, but expect a drilling, not from the wife from the husband.


  • #39
    Colser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,572 ✭✭✭Colser


    The flying mouse wrote:
    You should tell him if you no for sure, but expect a drilling, not from the wife from the husband.


    I agree..don't give him half a story.Seeing his wife with someone isn't proof of anything unless you can back it up with definitive facts otherwise you will just wreck his head and probably end up as the bad guy in all this.


  • #40
    Zulu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    If you were a friend, you'd tell him.


  • #41
    Car99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,531 ✭✭✭Car99


    Complicated one to decide on what's best . The right thing to do is tell your mate but is that the best thing to do for the good of all involved.
    Alot to weigh up especially with kids involved.


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  • #42
    Supergurrier
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,295 ✭✭✭Supergurrier


    Buy cheap payg phone
    Txt what you know (Nicely!)
    Burn phone

    If your friend has kids you will always be associated with it subconsciously by them.


  • #43
    SteM
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,773 ✭✭✭SteM


    Supergurrier wrote: »
    Buy cheap payg phone
    Txt what you know (Nicely!)
    Burn phone

    If your friend has kids you will always be associated with it subconsciously by them.

    Do you not think part of the definition of a friend would be someone that helps this person through his troubles? You can't do that if you've told him anonymously. I don't see how texting anonymously and then leaving him to wonder if it's true or a sick prank is being a friend.

    OP tell him to his face, break it as gently as possible and then try and help him through this difficult period in his life. That's if he is your friend and not just some random acquaintance you see down the pub from time to time.


  • #44
    Four Phucs Ache
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,016 ✭✭✭Four Phucs Ache


    This never goes well for the messenger.

    You will be always be remembered as the bringer of bad news .The friend will always feel stupid to a point that they never noticed the signs and along comes a friend that knows more than the person living with them 24/7.

    I've no direct experience within my circle but witnessed it with neighbours years ago.

    The messengers car was never around anymore.

    If you use anon email or text as the friend you may be the top of the list to be approached anyway for advice and maybe suspicion of said email or text.


  • #45
    riclad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,184 ✭✭✭riclad


    Buy a sim card ,put it in your phone,
    say from a friend ,your wife is cheating on you .
    whether you name him is up to you.
    sim cards cost 20 euro,.
    or send him an email from a new email account joe77@gmail.com


  • #46
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 22,384 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Oodoov wrote: »
    He'll get over it. The majority of married women are cheating be it once at the Xmas party or on a regular basis.

    You again?

    You going to start another thread about women and chore sex with partners?


  • #47
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,297 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    I always have trouble believing these new posters that come on with shock stories.


  • #48
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Stay out of it.

    He may know already.


  • #49
    andekwarhola
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,682 ✭✭✭andekwarhola


    Horrible situation. Nobody wants to see a friend in that situation but exposing it can lead to all kinds of mayhem, some of which may engulf you.


  • #50
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,344 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    md403 wrote: »
    Would you tell someone if you knew for certain that their OH was cheating on them?

    If I knew for "certain" then I likely would yes. Unless I knew him to be someone who would rather not know. After all you likely know your "Mate" better than we do - so we can not comment on that.

    I would likely approach the cheater first however and give him/her the chance to explain or come clean themselves.

    And as you say "I know that if I was in his shoes , i would want to know." so you can justifiably pull the "Golden Rule" on this one too.

    I certainly know that I would want to know if I was being cheated on too. And I can not justifiably expect _my_ friends to tell _me_ if I myself would not act in that fashion. I can not expect it to be one rule for me - and one for everyone else.


  • #51
    Irishcrx
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,861 ✭✭✭Irishcrx


    100% tell him , come on what kind of friend would you be if you didn't. If I found out one of my mates knew something like tis and didn't have the gall or respect to tell me I'd be far angrier with them than if they told me the truth any decent mate will respect that.
    Get it done OP


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  • #52
    Colser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,572 ✭✭✭Colser


    Mr. Incognito wrote:
    He may know already.


    He may know but can't prove it which is a complete head wreck...if the evidence is real and not hear say rubbish then I'd advise telling him or anon text/email.


  • #53
    MeatTwoVeg
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 861 ✭✭✭MeatTwoVeg


    It's none of your business what goes on between two people in their marriage, stay out of it.

    Far too many people like to elect themselves as the moral arbiter of others.

    He may already know, he may not know, he may not want to know.

    Either way, keep your beak out of it.


  • #54
    Jelle1880
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,496 ✭✭✭✭Jelle1880


    Tell him.

    If you don't tell him now and he later finds out that not only you knew but said nothing you'll lose him as a mate anyway.

    If he takes it bad and drops you as a friend then so be it, at least you did the right thing.


  • #55
    murpho999
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,937 ✭✭✭✭murpho999


    How would you risk losing a friend by telling him the truth?

    I think you should just say it straight up if you are 100% certain as he would feel sick if he finds out later that everybody knew but he didn't.


  • #56
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    MeatTwoVeg wrote: »
    It's none of your business what goes on between two people in their marriage, stay out of it.

    Far too many people like to elect themselves as the moral arbiter of others.

    He may already know, he may not know, he may not want to know.

    Either way, keep your beak out of it.
    Worst advice ever


  • #57
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 22,384 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    murpho999 wrote: »
    How would you risk losing a friend by telling him the truth?

    I think you should just say it straight up if you are 100% certain as he would feel sick if he finds out later that everybody knew but he didn't.

    Very obviously and easily.

    Most people are closer to their wives than their friends. Or they should be, contract for life, mother of the kids etc. So if a friend says the wife was bad, and the wife convinces her husband she wasn't, then the friend goes...a troublemaker, why would he say that etc.

    I'm not saying he shouldn't tell, I'm simply saying often the messenger gets shot and there is a very simple explanation.


  • #58
    irelandrover
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,090 ✭✭✭irelandrover


    I'd say it to her and give her one week to tell him, otherwise you will.

    If she tells him then they have a chance to work through it.


  • #59
    screamer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,201 ✭✭✭screamer


    There are plenty of marriages that are far from normal and they work as those in them accept the unusual parameters. It's not your marriage and it's not your business TBH. He may well know she's seeing someone else and you telling him you know would just be embarrasing. Youd also be limiting his options. Faced with knowing his wife is cheating (and his friends knowing)hhe may feel that he has no choice but to leave. If you tell him and they split up then you've taken the high moral ground and the kids lose. If you tell him and they stay together I guarantee the wife will turn on you and you'll lose the husbands friendship. Stay out of it. Support your friend and maybe try and encourage him to spend more time with his wife etc.


  • #60
    Widdershins
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Very obviously and easily.

    Most people are closer to their wives than their friends. Or they should be, contract for life, mother of the kids etc. So if a friend says the wife was bad, and the wife convinces her husband she wasn't, then the friend goes...a troublemaker, why would he say that etc.

    I'm not saying he shouldn't tell, I'm simply saying often the messenger gets shot and there is a very simple explanation.

    I think some people think it's like telling a school friend their girlfriend shifted someone else at that disco


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  • #61
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,547 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    Any newbie that posts a thread like this should be obliged to report back here on what happens, otherwise I call bullshít.

    PS - I think you should tell him, but make sure you have proof in case she denies it and he starts to lean towards believing her. If you lose a friend, you lose a friend, but you did the right thing.

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



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