LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Joe Musashi wrote: »

I am a very bad depressive. The only enjoyment I get out of a day is 5/10 seconds when I wake up and don't realise where it is I am, but then the constant sense of misery sets back in.

I do take antidepressants and have tried a number of different types in varying doses but nothing seems to have helped me thus far. The most debilitating part is the constant feeling of fatigure and tiredness. Over the weekend, on one day I slept for 8-9 hours, woke up, felt exhausted but kept awake for another 6 hours and then went back to sleep for another 8 hours after that. I do not understand why it is that I feel tired all the time, but that feeling, and the thought of not being able to do get anything done or do the basic things in life like feeding yourself adequately brings me to the edge, honestly. I know there are people with things way worse then me but I just feel incapable of leading a normal, healthy life and developing the social relationships that others have. I live in almost complete isolation at this point. I have almost no interpersonal skills, I do not know how to approach or interact with people most days but then there are very rare occasions where I feel able to approach anyone in the room and make a really good impressio

I have been able to get away with being this depressed thus far mainly due to being a student. If I miss a day nobody notices or cares very much. If I was in a permanent job and felt this way I am not sure I would be able to manage.

I have started drinking heavily in the last few weeks. Last weekend I had a particularly bad/ dangerous weekend where I drank a lot of vodka (alone, of course), went out at around 2:30 and fell asleep on a park bench in the city centre for 2 and a half to 3 hours. Nothing happened to me, thank God, but a couple of days on I really feel like things are going out of control and getting much worse. For some people that may be a laugh amongst friends but for me it was more a sign of how things are deteriorating. I am not ordinarly I heavy drinker and have only been drunk maybe 4 times in my entire life by the way. I have started drinking by choice as it seems to be the only way to get me up, give me energy and get me going. Alcohol seems to remove that constant feeling of lethargy I have for a few hours at least.

I should have probably written this post anonymously given that there a few people on here who know me in real life, but **** it I have nothing to be ashamed of. I am depressed, alone, miserable, feel incapable of doing the basics, I am isolated from other people I may something in common with (Irish abroad etc) and I feel like things cannot get much worse for me.

I used to hate waking up. That was assuming to got any sleep (I had terrible insomnia at one time). Many a time I would go on a bender or take some tablets while drinking geniunley wishing I wouldn't wake up.

I used to think that my life was worthless, that I was a waste of space and that my life would never change. That there might be a solution to everybody on this planet. . . But it would somehow not work on me.

There was a time I was on anti depressants, sleeping tablets, zanex and still having a few drinks each week. My nerves were shattered (terrible anxiety) and I was constantly depressed to the point where I felt I couldn't go outside my house or do my job because I dreaded interacting with people.

I am typing this from an Applegreen garage. Spent the last hour and half doing some work on my laptop for a client of mine and after I type this I am going to a specific support group that I frequent weekly.

I only take a low dosage of a medication to help me sleep, don't drink, lost weight, get regular exercise, attend support groups, goto therapy when I need it and have a relationship with friends/family that I never imagined I could have.

Sharing my feelings on this thread really helped but to be frank I could only take really small bits in at the start because my mind was racing. It was also wired to always presume the worst and expect disappointment. In a way I was more comfortable with sadness/anxiety and expecting the worst, then I was with actually enjoying any snippet of happiness that I might be lucky to get any given day.

Taking action and steps was where it really started for me. Talking and thinking about my situation was only one stage of my recovery from the depths of despair to a really happy meaningful, peaceful life.

I lost my dad in march and there was a time when I never could of imagined being able to deal with that tragedy. It still hurts today but I have learned to much better deal with the knocks in life.

Going to CBT group (Aware do group sessions, I found them great), really helped. Confiding in my doctor (hes a good doctor) helped. Going to therapy helped. Talking with friends family helped. I learned that some friends/family are better at support then others, but that doesn't mean that the ones who don't support me don't care. They may just not know what to do or say.

If you feel isolated, by posting here you are reaching out and taking action to try and change that situation. I know what turning to alcohol did for me and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Its scary because I got lost in the kind of world you are talking about and the saddest thing is that I was the last person to figure out what my problem was. But, I got help, support and listened to professional advice.

My ego and lack of humility prevented me from changing and learning new ways of living. The old "I know better" or "I don't like that " used to suppress my growth. Letting go of what I thought and believed and learning a new way of living and thinking has made my life unrecognizable from what it was 5 years ago. On paper the material things and physical things are the same (I didn't become rich) but emotionally I have a life beyond my wildest dreams.

PM me if you would like to talk one to one, otherwise keep posting here if you get something positive from it. Life is hard enough with support, but without any help, I know the depths of despair that used to haunt me. It took so much from me, including time I wont get back with my children or dad. You are still young and can turn things around because you have quickly identified a problem. Its not easy Joe, if it was everybody would be happy, but I believe if I can turn things around , people who have suffered like me can do it aswell.