Coming home? Are you thinking about it?

MidnightMurphy wrote: »

I was away for 15 years in the Netherlands.

I returned last year.

I thought I was prepared for the change, but I was absolutely shell-shocked for almost a year. Nothing to do with Ireland, it was down to myself, not knowing if I fit in, grief for the life I had left ((although I had wanted to come home); re-acclimatising to the Irish way of life.

It's settled now, but coming home was so much more difficult than leaving. You expect that you will fit in because you're home, But you don't. You have to learn it.
You think the friendships you maintained while away will continue. Some do, but some fall away - once you are back the novelty of a twice yearly visit wears off for them. They are not being mean, but people are involved in their own lives, which continued after you left. Therefore you are the one who needs to adjust to their lives. Some people are great, but other long friendships simply fade away through no-one's fault.

And you should avoid talking too much about your old life - even if you are desperate to do so. People quickly tire of it and think you are being critical.

I'm glad I came back, and it is getting easier, but be prepared for a complete shock.

If you are coming home with a partner it is easier.

Perfectly sums up how I feel/felt. Moved back 4 years ago. Some of my friends I saw more often when I was abroad because I'd go "Im coming home in June and we can organise pints". Now, its a case of "We should do pints some evening", and some evening never arrives.

Im consciously aware of pre-pending the phrase "Back when I lived abroad.." to sentences when I'm criticizing something in Ireland. That starts to annoy people.

My main reason for coming home was to be closer to a relative. She died 2 years ago and Im glad i came home when I did. Before she died there was a couple of incidents when she was taken to hospital. The first time I was an hour away by train, the second time I was a luas then a short bus ride away. Had I been abroad it would have been a 2 hour bus journey to a city that flew directly to Dublin, then a 2 hour flight, plus wait times etc, it would have been 6-7 hours before I could have been there.

Im earning a lot more now than I was when abroad but I find it a lot harder to make ends meet here. Before I went away I was on about 40k and lived a relatively financial-carefree lifestyle - living in the city centre, ate out alot, got takeaways alot. I came back and was earning 50k and felt like I was on the breadline some months. Rent had shot up. The prices of everything felt like they had gone up. Now we eat out about once a month. One takeaway per month. Have swapped shopping in Donnybrook fair to shopping in Aldi. Can't afford to live anywhere near Donnybrook fair. The price of alcohol is shocking and the lack of availability is annoying. I got paid late Thursday night last week and went to tesco for a weekly shop on Friday morning, early before work. Couldnt buy wine for friday nights dinner because they can't sell alcohol before 9.30am. :rolleyes: Over there, if I wanted to buy a single shot, or even a bottle of vodka at 5am from the kiosk by the tram stop I could. And if I got wasted and was drunk and disorderly and frightening other commuters I would be promptly arrested and put in a drunk tank. I didnt get drunk and disorderly and so never got to see the inside of a Czech drunk tank, but I can't imagine it would be a cozy environment. No X-boxes, no camomile tea, no pillows.

Also when you come back you will inevitably leave a lot of things behind and it costs money to replace them when you do come back. I left behind my hibachi grill, various cookware, my 42" TV, an ikea kitchen table and the worlds largest fridge. Four years on I still havent replaced them all.

Unlike a lot of people I don't miss the sweltering heat of the summer, and I do miss the sub zero temperatures in winter, but no-one moves to Ireland for the weather and for good reason.

Another con of moving back, aside from the weather, is abysmal public transport. Theres a furious debate raging in the Transport thread on why is public transport in Dublin so poor, and theres a couple of posters defending the state of public transport using excuses that the Real Time Information doesnt use crystal balls and that accurate iinformation is impossible to deliver. Well, they managed it where I was. You looked at the timetable, and the timetable was for that stop, and told you what time that particular bus or tram would be at that particular stop. None of this simply telling you what time the bus leaves the terminus leaving you to work it out yourself malarky. And if the bus was late by about 5 minutes, you checked the website and it would tell you that the bus has been delayed, and if you entered what bus stop you were at, it would say "Arrival time in 6 minutes" and it was pretty much always bang on.

Things I never had to pay for abroad I have to pay for here. Where I was, bin collection was paid for from metropolitan taxes, so I didnt have to buy bin tags or stickers or anything, I just put the rubbish out and it got picked up every 2 days. I didnt need a TV license.

I dont have a pet but I'd love a dog. Ireland is surprisingly unfriendly when it comes to dogs or cats. Its hard enough finding somewhere decent to live in, trying to find somewhere that will allow you to have a dog, is near impossible. Over there, you can bring your muzzled dog anywhere, restaurants, public transport, pubs. Many of the pubs had dog food on the menu for your hound to enjoy, and in some places the dog food was complimentary.

This is turning into a novel rather than a post.

Will I stay? I'll stay at least until my father dies. He'll be 80 on Friday. And then I'll stay for my mother, so I'll be here for 20+ years anyway, all going well. By then I'll either have a large house in the country where I can do what I want without all the bureaucracy and hassle of city life in an Irish city, or I'll consider moving again. Rural france maybe. Or Canada.

A final point on language. I learnt enough language to get by. Ordering in a restaurant, asking for directions, You have beautiful eyes, etc etc. I work in IT and all the natives in my places of work spoke good english, and most of the other immigrants I worked with, Ukranian, Macedonian, spoke good Czech and English. There was a time when I regretted not speaking more. I was getting a taxi to pick up my father, and I was having a chat with the taxi driver and he was asking where am I from, I said Ireland, and he said they make good whiskey in Ireland and I agreed, and then I thought, "I should tell him why my father is coming here. He's here to visit a company in Ostrava, who sells barley which he hopes to buy to be used in a new whiskey distillery". So I started Moja Tato je tady... And then I thought, I can't translate all of that in my head. So instead we swapped names of good whiskies.

Sorry for the ramble.