Liveline thread 28/09/16 to date

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Me Weekly Column, by me, Joe Duffy so to speak.

Anudder week, anudder €8.5k and I didn't do nottin' fur it dis week, so to speak. After a hard few 6 hour weeks back to back so to speak, Mrs. D and me decamped to de gaff in France for anudder breakeen so to speak - not my mane holiday now by any means. On top of me usual 100 days hollier days dis year I did wurked on Easter Monday - a bank holiday and dat. As I did de 75mins dat day, I got anudder 20 days holliers on top a de 100 ta take it to 112, 103, 139, more dan 100. Now I'ver hurded some of de cynics dat troy to take me dowin have called it me gaff in France me "Shatt-Oh" and it's not, not, not, not not, not a chateau at all - it's a castle so to speak. Anyway, we took de usual vittles (de Lyons Tea and de Superquinn sausages), some wurkings for me new buke and dat and de Complete Fair City Box Set on DVD and headed off to France last weekend for de week. I left strict instructions for Fill-in de full time host (sure let him tink he is dat if it makes him happy so to speak, he woodn't be on a turd of what I'm on doncha know) to only cover death when I was away and I'll be checkin' with Yew in de mornin' ta see if he stuck ta me instructions so to speak. For dose of you dat do be do be do be do be wunderin' where me castle is, it's in Berger-rack in France. Dat's Berger-rack de town now and not dis fella:


I was fierce disappointed ta hear de don't make de paint dare anymore so to speak as I could do wit some cheap paint for me paintins and dat.


I went ta de Carry Fooher when I did landed and got some champagne, vino blanko and cheese and dat so to speak. Dat's how you say white wine in France, veeno blank-oh. Also I find when I duz be doin' de shoppin' and dat in France if you call everyone "Garr-son" day love it. Day have terribull English dough so you have to speak really slowly and loudly so to speak but eventually day get it. Wan fella said "sack de merde" ta me when I was walkin' around de village and dat last week and he tipped his hat and smiled at me so he did so it must be a new way a sayin' hello ta de fameiz peeple and dat. He probably recognised me from wan a me bukes. So now I say it to everywan I see, but slowly and loudly so day can understand me. Day really need ta brush up on dare language skills dough. I tell ya it was a good job I wasn't born in France as I can't speak a word of Francetalk so to speak. Dare lucky somewan like me can help dem wit English so to speak. I speak it good best, so to speak. I also axed de manager of de Carry Fooh-er did he have many celebrities in his shop and dat. He said "non" so I set him straight so to speak. After telling him me life story he promised he'd take a few copies of de buke and dat if I left toot sweet so to speak. Toot sweet means "you're amazing Mr. Duffy" in Francetalk I believe. I'll have a stand dare soon at de rate I'm goin'.

Now yisser all know me and me strive ta better meself all de toyme so to speak. Some a de yung peeples day do be goin' back ta college ta do de furder education. Me meself is doin de hard sums course privately so to speak. I mean I couldn't possibly find a few ours a week ta do it on some timetable designed for de masses so to speak so I had ta take wan a de bukes from de private teacher wit me ta France. Now dose of you dat know me well know I don't ever do de free plugs and dat but I'm enjoyin' dis buke so much I'll make an exceptin so to speak. Here is de buke:


But nun a yous would be able for dat so don't try it unless you're very clever like me so to speak. After all, I'm de only person in Ireland ever ta go ta college. I suppose you could cheat so to speak and use de calculator on your smart fone or on de EYE Pad if you have wan a dem so to speak? After a week I'm on page 4. I'm as good at Matty Maticks as I am at de English so to speak.

I missed all de stories a de death and misery wen I was away. I hurd dat a stairs fell down in Tayto Park but no-wan did doyed. Dare was a buke in dat so to speak.....De Chiolders Dat Did Doyed in Tayto Park, So To Speak, wan in a series of buke abour de detah of de childers so to speak. I love childers and I love death, but I likes it de most wen I can comboyne de two profitably so to speak.

I may be back tamarra, I haven't decided yet so to speak. If I do dare'll be no mention of me unannounced week away so to speak but I can promise it'll be straight back ta death and misery, hopefully wit a bit of de sewihcoyde trown in for good measure. Only have ta wurk 6.25 hours dis week and den it's anudder day off for de bank holiday next week! But good news too for all de comedy fans out dare so to speak, I mite do a Funny Friday dis week too!

'Til next week, keep de faith so to speak.

Bellerstring wrote: »

Someone actually sat down and wrote all that....!

snubbleste wrote: »

*As imagined by Eilis O'Hanlon
Poor Butterssuki bocht, his creative talent is being plagiarised left, right and centre