On a night out with bf

diddlysquat · 08-10-2016 10:17AM #1

Me, my bf and a few friends were out last night. We were in a bar where you could play pool. Me and my friend went to the bar to get drinks for us all.

When we returned, my bf and his friend were playing against some girl and her friend. The game finished and my bf told me he was going to the bar with this girl and the guy she was with (we had just brought ourselves,my bf and his friend drinks).

Anyway he was gone a while so I went to see if he was ok and I walked up behind him to see the girl he had been playing with, putting her number into his phone. This is someone he had met maybe 15 mins beforehard.

He has a history of doing stupid things when drunk and only recently one of my friends accused him of trying to feel her ass when drunk. It happened a few months back but only came to my attention now.

He said that the guy she was with was her bf (I asked and he wasn't) and he was only taking her number to play pool next week. Given recent events I completely lost it at him.

My head is fried and I don't know if I am being irrational as he has a way of making me feel I am.

I think you would need to be very naive on a night out to be taking a girls number that you have just met and arranging to meet and for her to not think he is hitting on her.

Would anyone in a relationship be ok with this ?

helimachoptor · 08-10-2016 10:20AM

Dump his ass. He's no respect for you

PirateShampoo · 08-10-2016 10:24AM

I don't understand what your confused about. He has no respect for you and is more than likely sleeping around behind your back.

Get some respect for yourself and dump him.

Estrellita · 08-10-2016 11:14AM

Just... No. It doesn't sound right at all. Sounds like your relationship has run its course. Zero respect for you, and that is while you were out with him. I hate to think what he's like when just out with the lads.

You can sit at home worrying if/when he cheats, or you can opt out and find someone that hasn't the cheek to pick up girls in front of you.

diddlysquat · 08-10-2016 12:30PM

We''ve been together for 4 years and live together. I can't get my head around this. When I confronted him last night, he shouted at me in front of our friends.

I haven't spoken him today yet but I know when I do he will try tell me that I was wrong to be annoyed

Ursus Horribilis · 08-10-2016 12:34PM

Do you have kids with him?

freedominacup · 08-10-2016 12:36PM

diddlysquat wrote: »

We''ve been together for 4 years and live together. I can't get my head around this. When I confronted him last night, he shouted at me in front of our friends.

I haven't spoken him today yet but I know when I do he will try tell me that I was wrong to be annoyed

Time to go. Any doubt there's no doubt.

diddlysquat · 08-10-2016 12:40PM

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Do you have kids with him?

No we have no kids

bp · 08-10-2016 12:50PM

I understand you are living together but to shout at you and treat you like this he clearly has no respect and is playing the push the blame on you game to distract away from the issue of him being disrespectful.

Is it really worth it this relationship? Does he make you happy? Would he stay in with you instead of going out with his mates if you were unwell? Does he go out of his way to do things for you?

Estrellita · 08-10-2016 12:52PM

diddlysquat wrote: »

We''ve been together for 4 years and live together. I can't get my head around this. When I confronted him last night, he shouted at me in front of our friends.

I haven't spoken him today yet but I know when I do he will try tell me that I was wrong to be annoyed

You know what he did last night was out of order. The girl, making a show of you in front of friends. If he starts getting p.issy with you now on top of all that.. then you've lost all respect for yourself if you stay with him.

Saying you love him is not a reason to excuse his piggish, bully-boy attitude. If you know what you saw, you remember how he shouted at you last night in front of everyone, then you should pack a bag before he takes his hangover out on you too. You started this thread because you know last night was wrong, deep down.

boobycharlton · 08-10-2016 12:54PM

Sounds ridiculous and you shouldn't put up with that. Acting like that is not acceptable ever, but especially if you are 4 years together. Being drunk is no excuse at all.

Get out before you get stuck with his kids!

mapaca · 08-10-2016 12:55PM

He chatted a girl up, took her number and arranged to meet her again, all while you were right there? No. No, those are not the actions of a loving, respectful partner. Massive red flag, to be honest. Also:
1. The fact that he shouted at you in public
2. You said he has a way of making you feel you're being irrational
3. You already know he will turn it all around on you if you try to talk to him about it
These are more red flags. He sounds manipulative and borderline abusive. You deserve better than that.

Airyfairy12 · 08-10-2016 01:20PM

Run, hes a cheater.. dont waste your time. No man is worth it, leave for your own sake.

Teyla Emmagan · 08-10-2016 01:30PM

I really hope you are breaking up with this guy right now OP.

Ursus Horribilis · 08-10-2016 01:30PM

I'm wondering what else you need to see happen for you to leave? Video footage of him shägging someone? I know you love him and it'll probably lead to you having to find somewhere else to live. But what's the alternative? He has demonstrated by his actions that he has a roving eye - and that's putting it kindly. He has no respect for you or your relationship. Why on earth are you settling for this?

StupidLikeAFox · 08-10-2016 03:24PM

He got caught taking another girls number and lying about her friend being her boyfriend. You had every right to get pissed off over that - but then when you raised it he got thick with you? I'll put it this way OP, he has ****ed up here but is trying to put the blame all back on you. Get the **** out of there.

If this is the way he is acting after 4 years its not gonna suddenly change. It won't be easy of course, after 4 years you have invested a lot of time and effort in the relationship but I will draw you to a favourite quote of mine from Better Call Saul:

The fallacy of sunk cost… It’s what gamblers do. They throw good money after bad thinking they can turn their luck around. It’s like, “I’ve already spent this much money or time… whatever. I got to keep going!” No, there’s no reward at the end of this game.

timmy880 · 08-10-2016 03:27PM

"Play pool with this girl next week?"

Get rid of this guy pronto...... He is an absolute t0sspot

soundcrowd · 08-10-2016 03:31PM

He's taking the piss and he's been caught. Imagine what he would do if you weren't around?

EmmaMurray2016 · 08-10-2016 03:34PM

Time to go. He has no respect for u. You caught him in action what is he doing when you aren't around.

diddlysquat · 08-10-2016 03:35PM

Thanks for all the replies. I know it seems obvious and it is but he is good at twisting things.

He told me it was innocent and that he was just taking her number because there is a meet up group who play there on Wednesdays. Now there is an event on Wednesdays to play pool there and that bit is true but I don't see why he'd need to take her number. That seems more specifally that he is trying to meet her there.

He knows the place, we live near there. And in reality that could easily be a way of trying it on with someone. He makes me feel like a crazy jealous person but I doubt very much anyone would be happy with their bf taking a girl's number that he has just met.

I know he would not be happy if I took some random guys number

juno10353 · 08-10-2016 03:46PM

Get out now before you waste any more time on a manipulative, inconsiderate, bullying, offensive oaf.

Ursus Horribilis · 08-10-2016 03:53PM

What are you asking for from this thread? As in, are you hoping someone will tell you what you want to hear rather than reading him called every sort of name under the sun.

What is it that YOU think happened here?

soundcrowd · 08-10-2016 03:54PM

You're starting to doubt yourself due to his bull. He's good if he has you doubting.
There is absolutely no reason why he would take her number, bar one and I think we all know what he was trying to do.

Airyfairy12 · 08-10-2016 03:59PM

diddlysquat wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. I know it seems obvious and it is but he is good at twisting things.

He told me it was innocent and that he was just taking her number because there is a meet up group who play there on Wednesdays. Now there is an event on Wednesdays to play pool there and that bit is true but I don't see why he'd need to take her number. That seems more specifally that he is trying to meet her there.

He knows the place, we live near there. And in reality that could easily be a way of trying it on with someone. He makes me feel like a crazy jealous person but I doubt very much anyone would be happy with their bf taking a girl's number that he has just met.

I know he would not be happy if I took some random guys number

I went out with a guy like this for 3 years, I always felt something was off, I didnt trust him but he was so manipulative he convinced me I was crazy and jealous. Turned me into someone who wasnt me, I was anxious and paranoid all the time. One day he left his facebook logged in and what ever came over me I couldnt help myself and I snooped, I discovered hed been cheating constantly since we got together with anyone willing, guys like him are morally bankrupt, theyll tell you anything to convince you otherwise but theyre so manipulative, they cant be trusted because all they care about is themselves and their ego. Trust your gut, if you feel like something is wrong then it probably is and stop making excuses for him.

freedominacup · 08-10-2016 03:59PM

soundcrowd wrote: »

You're starting to doubt yourself due to his bull. He's good if he has you doubting.
There is absolutely no reason why he would take her number, bar one and I think we all know what he was trying to do.

To put it bluntly. If you weren't there and the girl in question was up for it your boyfriend would have been balls deep in her. Picture that as you are packing the bags. His or yours is irrelevant. Get rid of him now.

juno10353 · 08-10-2016 04:02PM

It's not just about the telephone number, he left your company on a night out to join another company. He left you and your friend sittting pretty wondering what was going on. He wrangled another womans phone number in front of you. He shouted at you in front of others. He humiliated you in front of friends and strangers, and now will try and convince you that you are wrong to feel the humiliation and anger. This man is wasting your time and your love. He doesn't respect you, and you are disrespecting yourself by not calling time on it. Hold your head up, be proud. You went to bar to buy your boyfriend a drink, and all you got was humiliation. This guy is not worthy of you. Cut ties, and be glad you are free to find love and respect frim someone worthy of you.. good luck moving forward.

charlietheminxx · 08-10-2016 05:23PM

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I went out with a guy like this for 3 years, I always felt something was off, I didnt trust him but he was so manipulative he convinced me I was crazy and jealous. Turned me into someone who wasnt me, I was anxious and paranoid all the time. One day he left his facebook logged in and what ever came over me I couldnt help myself and I snooped, I discovered hed been cheating constantly since we got together with anyone willing, guys like him are morally bankrupt, theyll tell you anything to convince you otherwise but theyre so manipulative, they cant be trusted because all they care about is themselves and their ego. Trust your gut, if you feel like something is wrong then it probably is and stop making excuses for him.

I have had a very similar experience to this and it honestly messed me up for a long time. The worst part is that you end up constantly doubting yourself. I remember having such a sick feeling when my ex did stuff like this but never being sure enough to break up with him. Run. Seriously leave this fella and don't look back, in years to come you'll feel like kicking yourself.

cactusgal · 08-10-2016 06:02PM

diddlysquat wrote: »

He told me it was innocent and that he was just taking her number because there is a meet up group who play there on Wednesdays.

The really great thing about Meetup.com is that it's all online.

Completely.

As in, no phone numbers needed.

We can't convince you to dump him, but I would seriously encourage to raise your standards.

Passtheremote · 08-10-2016 06:07PM

OP, you know this is all wrong. Your gut is screaming at you THIS DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.

Always trust your feelings. They are doing all the work for you.

Airyfairy12 · 08-10-2016 06:36PM

charlietheminxx wrote: »

I have had a very similar experience to this and it honestly messed me up for a long time. The worst part is that you end up constantly doubting yourself. I remember having such a sick feeling when my ex did stuff like this but never being sure enough to break up with him. Run. Seriously leave this fella and don't look back, in years to come you'll feel like kicking yourself.

Exactly, I still catch myself getting upset about it a year after we broke up, the hurt takes a long time to heal and youre left with trust issues long after the relationship has ended. Staying in the relationship only causes more hurt in the long run. Best thing to do is protect yourself and leave. Your self worth should be first priority.

Ursus Horribilis · 08-10-2016 07:06PM

He's openly behaving like this because he knows there are no repercussions. You are the loyal girlfriend living at home who's never going to leave him. Am I right?

On a night out with bf

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