Civil Wedding - Our Right To A Good Day?

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 07:42PM #1

Without going into too much detail, a huge family rift has occured through slanderous lies being spread about myself and my OH (on my OH's side). One family member on his side swore to ensure that none of the other family members (immediate or extended) would attend the wedding if it wasn't resolved in his favour. We've since discovered that a large number of guests have cancelled rooms in the hotel and we have not been contacted - not even on Facebook.
This is obviously a sincere effort to ruin our day and since it is a civil wedding and therefore technically open to the public, we're starting to become genuinely worried that more efforts will be taken on the day to ruin it. Do we have any rights at all regarding refusing entry or protecting our ceremony?

JuliusCaesar · 28-08-2016 08:10PM

Yes of course you do. Where are you having your wedding? In the Registrars Office or a hotel?

fits · 28-08-2016 08:16PM

Thats awful Sha Sha. Just awful. Can you move location and not tell the people concerned?

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 08:16PM

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Yes of course you do. Where are you having your wedding? In the Registrars Office or a hotel?

At a hotel. The hotel themselves told us they have to post notice that the ceremony will be occuring and technically no-one is refused entry and any member of the public has the right to attend. It's only going to be the basic 10 minute ceremony, but I've become super aware that all it takes is one person to gain entry and do one simple thing to ruin it before being escorted out.

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 08:16PM

fits wrote: »

Thats awful Sha Sha. Just awful. Can you move location and not tell the people concerned?

Unfortunately not at this stage - the wedding is in less than a fortnight.

fits · 28-08-2016 08:17PM

Wow what is it about weddings that drives people crazy? When did this blow up? Is there any chance it could settle down in another couple of days?

December2012 · 28-08-2016 08:19PM

Have a chat with your registrar and see what can be done. Can you have a security person remove anybody causing trouble or not on a list?

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 08:21PM

fits wrote: »

Wow what is it about weddings that drives people crazy? When did this blow up? Is there any chance it could settle down in another couple of days?

It started 4 weeks ago and while very severe at that stage, it was nothing compared to where it's gotten now. I highly doubt it will blow over - our ability to parent was called into question and my partner was falsely accused of a level of assault that could easily lose him his position if it were vocalised more (for the record, I was present when the so called assault occured, so I not only believe my OH out of trust and faith, I really know it didn't happen!).

We're at a loss. The people most responsible are the people closest to my OH - all immediate family. Terrified they'll show up on the day and make it worse, knowing I can't prepare for it.

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 08:23PM

December2012 wrote: »

Have a chat with your registrar and see what can be done. Can you have a security person remove anybody causing trouble or not on a list?

Im not sure if we can have people removed for disturbing things, but we were told that the ceremony is lawfully open to the public. What I'm worried about is that someone will gain entry as they are legally allowed to and then make a move to destroy or taint things knowing full well they could be removed. My mind is going overboard and I know its pure paranoia but I wouldn't put it past this person to do something that could be easily explained as an accident or a fluke so we're powerless.

intheclouds · 28-08-2016 08:30PM

Why don't you pull the ceremony back by a couple of hours and just have a small ceremony with witnesses and no one else then carry on and have reception at the agreed time?

Genuinely, if anyone shows up and misbehaves during the ceremony it is only themselves who will come off looking bad.

Aineoil · 28-08-2016 08:34PM

Is there a family member willing to mediate between parties? I know it's a long shot.

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 08:35PM

intheclouds wrote: »

Why don't you pull the ceremony back by a couple of hours and just have a small ceremony with witnesses and no one else then carry on and have reception at the agreed time?

Genuinely, if anyone shows up and misbehaves during the ceremony it is only themselves who will come off looking bad.

I don't think we can change the time now as it's done through the HSE and the solemniser is travelling from Cavan. I'd hazard that 12 days is probably a bit short notice to be giving them to alter it and then we'd have to contact all of the guests we DO want there to tell them of the change.

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 08:38PM

Aineoil wrote: »

Is there a family member willing to mediate between parties? I know it's a long shot.

Nope. My family members have been directly targeted by some of the rumours. And everyone on his side of the family is of the belief that we are in the wrong and refuse to speak to us. The person instigating the trouble rang a friend of my partner's demanding he make my OH fix this and he considered offering to mediate until my OH's family called him a "despicable interfering liar with mental health issues" when he told them what had been said to him over the phone. He's since decided he will have nothing more to do with them.

I can't really give more info without making myself identifiable, but please rest assured that what is being said about us couldn't possibly be ANY more offensive and dangerous to our reputation as parents and as professionals.

intheclouds · 28-08-2016 08:41PM

Then hire a couple of security guys to sit in on the ceremony and nip any misbehaviour in the bud before it escalates.

They can restrain or throw someone out if necessary. Just get them to wear suits and act like guests. You'll no doubt find a couple of guys to do a daytime nixer by asking local bouncers or shop security guards.

What exactly do you think someone will do? A bit of shouting? Physical violence?

fits · 28-08-2016 08:41PM

Im really sorry this is happening ShaSha. It sounds horrendous.

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 08:46PM

intheclouds wrote: »

Then hire a couple of security guys to sit in on the ceremony and nip any misbehaviour in the bud before it escalates.

They can restrain or throw someone out if necessary. Just get them to wear suits and act like guests. You'll no doubt find a couple of guys to do a daytime nixer by asking local bouncers or shop security guards.

What exactly do you think someone will do? A bit of shouting? Physical violence?

I would easily expect shouting and obscenities, and wouldn't by any means rule out an attempt at violence. I didn't know I was able to hire security for a civil wedding and have them put people out. That's why I was asking - to find out how much control I have over this whole "open to the public thing". Like at what point they can't get away with it, in which case the damage will likely have been done

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 08:50PM

Loveinapril wrote: »

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Is there any way you could contact the officient and ask their advice? They may be able to give you options or be flexible with their timing.

We do have to attend to change our witness. Ironically the person that kicked most of this off :rolleyes: so I will indeed ask what they think. I'll get the OH to mention it though, I'd be a blubbering wreck.

Aineoil · 28-08-2016 08:50PM

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Nope. My family members have been directly targeted by some of the rumours. And everyone on his side of the family is of the belief that we are in the wrong and refuse to speak to us. The person instigating the trouble rang a friend of my partner's demanding he make my OH fix this and he considered offering to mediate until my OH's family called him a "despicable interfering liar with mental health issues" when he told them what had been said to him over the phone. He's since decided he will have nothing more to do with them.

I can't really give more info without making myself identifiable, but please rest assured that what is being said about us couldn't possibly be ANY more offensive and dangerous to our reputation as parents and as professionals.

No, certainly don't give out any more info. Ireland is too small and you might be identified.

I honestly don't know how to advise you. It sounds like a complete nightmare.

Best of luck to you.

intheclouds · 28-08-2016 08:54PM

Well being open to the public doesn't mean people can breach the peace!

A concerned citizen (your private security) would certainly be within their rights to restrain/remove someone breaking the law until the guards were called.

That's why you're better off hiring someone who will actually just restrain/remove someone and won't get in a physical fight like a friend or relative might.

If I walked into a public park and started shouting at someone or threatening violence the Guards would be called. Same thing except in this case you have someone get them out of the room. The mere sight of 2 large men approaching might put a stop to someone's gallop anyway.

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 08:56PM

intheclouds wrote: »

Well being open to the public doesn't mean people can breach the peace!

A concerned citizen (your private security) would certainly be within their rights to restrain/remove someone breaking the law until the guards were called.

That's why you're better off hiring someone who will actually just restrain/remove someone and won't get in a physical fight like a friend or relative might.

If I walked into a public park and started shouting at someone or threatening violence the Guards would be called. Same thing except in this case you have someone get them out of the room. The mere sight of 2 large men approaching might put a stop to someone's gallop anyway.

That's very, very true. A guest at the wedding used to be in that line of business so he might be able to point me in the right direction. At this stage I am very much aware of becoming a bridezilla over pure paranoia but I would feel better knowing someone trained to spot trouble before it happens is keeping an eye on things - don't know why I never thought of it!

intheclouds · 28-08-2016 08:58PM

I do think it's unlikely someone would interrupt your wedding in this manner. They would be on camera and you'd be able to prosecute them for harassment, breach of the peace, possibly public intoxication etc...

Another alternative would be to fly somewhere you can get married with no notice next weekend (like Vegas) come back secretly married and cancel the HSE ceremony and just have the reception.

liquoriceall · 28-08-2016 09:00PM

I will be honest if the person has said dangerous lies about you would you not just go to the guards?

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 09:02PM

intheclouds wrote: »

I do think it's unlikely someone would interrupt your wedding in this manner. They would be on camera and you'd be able to prosecute them for harassment, breach of the peace, possibly public intoxication etc...

Another alternative would be to fly somewhere you can get married with no notice next weekend (like Vegas) come back secretly married and cancel the HSE ceremony and just have the reception.

They are extremely spiteful, but not very clever.
I'd not really like to do that if I'm totally honest. I'd be more inclined to completely cancel and reschedule rather than do that, I really do want my family and our friends there, especially my kids.

Aineoil · 28-08-2016 09:02PM

intheclouds wrote: »

I do think it's unlikely someone would interrupt your wedding in this manner. They would be on camera and you'd be able to prosecute them for harassment, breach of the peace, possibly public intoxication etc...

Another alternative would be to fly somewhere you can get married with no notice next weekend (like Vegas) come back secretly married and cancel the HSE ceremony and just have the reception.

I thought the same. Get married somewhere else and still proceed with the reception. Timing is tight though and the stress of it would have me demented.

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 09:03PM

liquoriceall wrote: »

I will be honest if the person has said dangerous lies about you would you not just go to the guards?

We have met with a solicitor on the subject and have started recording all calls but unfortunately with regards to words said, it's our word against theirs and they are very quick to deny completely when confronted. We'd probably be told it was a civil matter at this stage.

Pro Hoc Vice · 28-08-2016 09:05PM

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Nope. My family members have been directly targeted by some of the rumours. And everyone on his side of the family is of the belief that we are in the wrong and refuse to speak to us. The person instigating the trouble rang a friend of my partner's demanding he make my OH fix this and he considered offering to mediate until my OH's family called him a "despicable interfering liar with mental health issues" when he told them what had been said to him over the phone. He's since decided he will have nothing more to do with them.

I can't really give more info without making myself identifiable, but please rest assured that what is being said about us couldn't possibly be ANY more offensive and dangerous to our reputation as parents and as professionals.

It seems the family member is defaming both you and OH. Might be worth having a chat with a solicitor maybe section 33 of the defamation act 2009, might be of assistance.

Aineoil · 28-08-2016 09:06PM

ShaShaBear wrote: »

They are extremely spiteful, but not very clever.
I'd not really like to do that if I'm totally honest. I'd be more inclined to completely cancel and reschedule rather than do that, I really do want my family and our friends there, especially my kids.

Might be a good idea to cancel. It may set a marker out that you won't be pushed around.

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 09:07PM

Aineoil wrote: »

Might be a good idea to cancel. It may set a marker out that you won't be pushed around.

Id be more worried that it would set the marker that they can get what they want if they push hard enough. No wedding is precisely what they are hoping for here

intheclouds · 28-08-2016 09:09PM

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Id be more worried that it would set the marker that they can get what they want if they push hard enough. No wedding is precisely what they are hoping for here

Why don't you announce that you've been to Vegas and got married and that reception will still go ahead on date as planned.

Then secretly tell select few that ceremony is still on and to be there.

uck51js9zml2yt · 28-08-2016 09:11PM

Aineoil wrote: »

Might be a good idea to cancel. It may set a marker out that you won't be pushed around.

Would cancelling not say that they had won!!

ShaShaBear · 28-08-2016 09:12PM

intheclouds wrote: »

Why don't you announce that you've been to Vegas and got married and that reception will still go ahead on date as planned.

Then secretly tell select few that ceremony is still on and to be there.

That's actually an infallible idea. Thank you!

Civil Wedding - Our Right To A Good Day?

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