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Dental plan!

1162163165167168194

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Ms.Hoover: Lisa, what nineteenth-century figure was named 'Old Hickory'?
    Lisa: I don't know. You?
    Ms.Hoover: Lisa, if you'd bothered to do the assignment, you'd know the answer is... (flips to answers) The Battle of New Orleans. I mean... Andrew Jackson.
    Lisa: Well, you're earning your eighteen grand a year.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,554 ✭✭✭paddylonglegs


    Abe: Eber shee a shambidge tha could tay a bihe ouh of you?
    Customer: Ah, damn sandwich took a bit out of me!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,175 ✭✭✭Rawr


    Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.

    Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.

    Marge: That's not what I meant.

    Homer: It was, Marge. Admit it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Rev. Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, be they (points to Ned) Christian, (Krusty) Jew, or (Apu) ... miscellaneous.
    Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
    Rev. Lovejoy: Aw, that's super.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,479 ✭✭✭Comic Book Guy


    Ned: Well, Homer, what a pleasant.....
    Homer: Can't talk now, Flanders. I've got a class to teach.
    Ned: Heh, but you rang my.....


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    What part of 'Diddy Mao' did you not understand?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Ned: Well, I really enjoyed my time here, Superintendent. May the Lord bless and keep you.
    Chalmers: Yeah, take it outside, God-boy.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Lisa: But I urge that guilty person here, under the eyes of God, to come forward -- to confess, and save yourself from the torment of your own personal hell!
    Skinner: Aah! I smelled some marijuana smoke in Vietnam!
    Abe: I was the one who canceled "Star Trek"!
    Hibbert: I left my Porsche keys inside Mrs. Glick!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,479 ✭✭✭Comic Book Guy


    Its not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in 8 hours of TV a day.


  • Registered Users Posts: 82 ✭✭budgie412


    You don't win friends with salad!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,175 ✭✭✭Rawr


    Bart: I must warn you that once this next tape starts, it will not stop. Because that button is broken.

    Milhouse: Let's watch.

    [the tape starts. It's a black-and-white tape of a defense briefing. A general sits at a desk]

    General: If you're watching this tape, you are the President of the United States. Hello, sir, or ma'am. Hopefully sir.

    Bart: Got that right. [high-fives Milhouse]

    General: [walks to a map of Springfield] Springfield has been classified "NWB," for "Nuclear Whipping Boy." In the first moments of a nuclear war, Springfield will be bombed at will by all friendly nations to calibrate their missiles.

    [audience cheers wildly]

    General: Now for total security, I will terminate the cameraman. [pulls a pistol, and shoots the cameraman]

    Cameraman: Argh! Thanks a lot, Steve!

    [falls out of camera range]
    [audience laughs]


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,325 ✭✭✭iLikeWaffles


    Homer there's a man here that thinks he can help you.

    Batman?!

    No, He's a scientist.

    Batman's a scientist.

    It's not Batman!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,459 ✭✭✭Riddle101


    Bart: Hello Mr...... Kurns. I bad want money now. Me sick.
    Homer: Oh, he card read good.
    Bart: So pick please me, Mr Burns.
    Homer: It's Kurns stupid!
    Marge: No it's not!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,783 ✭✭✭P.Walnuts


    Riddle101 wrote: »
    Bart: Hello Mr...... Kurns. I bad want money now. Me sick.
    Homer: Oh, he card read good.
    Bart: So pick please me, Mr Burns.
    Homer: It's Kurns stupid!
    Marge: No it's not!

    Disregard


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Homer: Moe! What are you doing here?
    Moe: I, er, well, I -- I never touched her, Homer. Homer, I swear I never touched her!
    Marge: Here's your water, Moe.
    Moe: I didn't ask her for no water! She's lying, Homer, she's lying. I -- she told me you were dead, that's the only reason I -- I didn't do nothing! (runs out through kitchen window)
    Homer: Bye Moe...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,554 ✭✭✭paddylonglegs


    Next up, E.T phone Homer....... Simpson that is

    It looks like it was a close encounter of the blurred kind

    KBrock on point


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Well, Chief, don't quit your day job, whatever that is.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Mostly Madrigals... Yeah, that might be good. Ooh, ooh, An Evening with Philip Glass. (overacting) Just an evening? Voices of the Elderly Poor. Hmmm...


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,626 ✭✭✭Glenster


    There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest!

    Ya used me Skinner, YA USED ME!


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  • Site Banned Posts: 6,498 ✭✭✭XR3i


    i'm arthur brakin one of my flase teeth, the root nerve is exposed, help


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,009 ✭✭✭✭wnolan1992


    XR3i wrote: »
    i'm arthur brakin one of my flase teeth, the root nerve is exposed, help

    Put the tooth in a plastic tub filled with Coke. Apply a light electric shock to it.

    It won't help your pain, but watching the little town grow might distract you at least.


  • Site Banned Posts: 6,498 ✭✭✭XR3i


    wnolan1992 wrote: »
    Put the tooth in a plastic tub filled with Coke. Apply a light electric shock to it.

    It won't help your pain, but watching the little town grow might distract you at least.

    fnuk off i'm serious


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,941 ✭✭✭✭Realt Dearg Sec


    XR3i wrote: »
    fnuk off i'm serious

    Sounds like you have a case of bonus eruptus


  • Site Banned Posts: 6,498 ✭✭✭XR3i


    Sounds like you have a case of bonus eruptus


    whose your manager; i#m gonna report you for wasting my time


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,941 ✭✭✭✭Realt Dearg Sec


    XR3i wrote: »
    whose your manager; i#m gonna report you for wasting my time

    It appears he's "gone drinkin" sir


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  • Site Banned Posts: 6,498 ✭✭✭XR3i


    It appears he's "gone drinkin" sir


    typical.


  • Registered Users Posts: 419 ✭✭strawdog


    [Bill Clinton is playing the saxophone in a marching parade]
    Moe: Hey Clinton, get back to work.
    Bill Clinton: Make me.


  • Moderators Posts: 3,554 ✭✭✭Wise Old Elf


    Chalmers: You're fired
    Skinner: I'm sorry, did... did you just call me a liar?
    Chalmers: No I said you were fired.
    Skinner: Oh...... that's much worse.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,009 ✭✭✭✭wnolan1992


    XR3i wrote: »
    typical.

    The fingers you have used to type, are too fat.
    To order your free typing wand, please smash the keyboard with your palm now.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,552 ✭✭✭EagererBeaver


    wnolan1992 wrote: »
    The fingers you have used to type, are too fat.
    To order your free typing wand, please smash the keyboard with your palm now.

    Mash the keypad*


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Homer: But how did you find me?
    Marge: Well, I was sure you'd be on foot, because you always say public transportation is for losers. And I was sure you'd head west, because Springfield slopes down that way. And then, I saw the lighthouse, and I remembered how you love blinking lights. Like the one on the waffle iron.
    Homer: Or that little guy on the "Don't Walk" sign.
    ---
    In your face, space coyote!


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,999 ✭✭✭Nerdkiller1991


    corblimey wrote: »
    In your face, space coyote!
    "Space coyote?"


  • Registered Users Posts: 6 SanPel2016


    Lisa takes off a '.' sticker on L.T. Smash's name sign and gasps
    Lisa: Lt. Smash!
    L.T. Smash: Yeah, that's right. Lt. L.T. Smash.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Edna K.: A surprise party for me? In Principal Skinner's office? Well, I don't know, but...all right.
    Skinner: Me? Go to my office? Well, it's highly irregular, but all right.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Mrs Krabappel: Seymour, the children are playing in the hole again


    Principal Skinner: Uh oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The students are overstimulated. Willie! Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.

    Groundskeeper Willie: (shouting) I warned ya! Didn't I warn ya? That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭pumpkin4life


    AWWWWW I THOUGHT THE GENERALS WERE DUE!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭pumpkin4life


    SEX CAULDRON?????

    I THOUGHT THEY SHUT THAT PLACE DOWN!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭pumpkin4life


    IT WASN'T MY FAULT IT WAS THE PERCODAN! THAT STUFF ROTS YOUR BRAIN

    and now a word from our sponsor

    PERCODAN????????


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Ow, my bones are so brittle. But I always drink plenty of... "malk?"

    (now with Vitamin R)


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Soldiers: I don't know, but I've been told
    The Parthenon is mighty old.
    Skinner: How old?
    Men: We don't know.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 163 ✭✭tommyhayes1989


    Homer it's about Christian charity.
    What has it got to do with a porn star!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,554 ✭✭✭paddylonglegs


    Just bought a book on Amazon, and it reminded of the sequence when Lisa rents Al Gore's book from the library. It takes on this x-files style sequence from the scanner to a fax machine in the White House

    Assistant (out of breath) : Sir, someone just bought a copy of your new book
    Al Gore (put the needle on a Kool & The Gang's "Celebration" record): Yes, I believe I will


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,175 ✭✭✭Rawr


    Activist: What do we want!?

    Crowd: The gradual phase-out of animal testing over the next three years!!

    Activist: When do we want it?!

    Crowd: Over the next three years!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,175 ✭✭✭Rawr


    corblimey wrote: »
    Soldiers: I don't know, but I've been told
    The Parthenon is mighty old.
    Skinner: How old?
    Men: We don't know.

    Skinner: Well that's real good, but it needs improvement.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,941 ✭✭✭✭Realt Dearg Sec


    We should have lunch. You like Thai?
    Tie good. You like shirt?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,824 ✭✭✭ShooterSF


    A friend sent me a photo of my doppelganger that's working in his nightclub. He was confused when I replied, "Why am I Mr. Sparkle".




    Sorry that should say, ex-friend :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,941 ✭✭✭✭Realt Dearg Sec


    ShooterSF wrote: »
    A friend sent me a photo of my doppelganger that's working in his nightclub. He was confused when I replied, "Why am I Mr. Sparkle".




    Sorry that should say, ex-friend :D

    You like a-Mr.Sparkle? I send you premium, answer question, hundred per cent!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,325 ✭✭✭iLikeWaffles


    ef - er - e -one - is - tall - GAME - um - Pal -ray -dee- ale - Eh - Tim - mean - N - Y'ALL?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
    ---
    Radio: Seventeen.
    Homer: D'oh!
    Radio: Thirty-two.
    Homer: D'oh!
    Radio: Five.
    Homer: D'oh!
    Radio: Eight.
    Homer: Woo-hoo!
    Radio: Forty-seven.
    Homer: D'oh!


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