Free bar.. Thoughts?

baby and crumble · 09-08-2016 12:00PM

bmwguy wrote: »

What about a subsidised bar? 2 Euro a drink or half price or something and you pick up the balance

Why should a couple have to subside the guests drinking? TBH that seems weirder than an open bar.

all the bais · 09-08-2016 12:01PM

Hard to beat that post-mass pint

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Nope, maybe if your having a quick one in the pub nearest the church before heading to hotel but not the wedding bar itself.
We had hot whiskey and port reception, didn't charge us anything for doing it we just supplied the whiskey and port. Paid for a drink for everyone in the pub between the church and hotel.

GingerLily · 09-08-2016 12:03PM

I personally don't like the idea of subsidised drinks, I think a tab makes a hell of a lot of more sense!

SarahMollie · 09-08-2016 12:22PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

Why should a couple have to subside the guests drinking? TBH that seems weirder than an open bar.

I'll agree with you that subsidising is a little weird to me, but I do believe its only right and proper to look after your guests as well as you can afford.

People give a lot going to weddings (cost of a gift, getting dressed up, their free time etc) so I would view it as my responsibility to do my best to make sure they've a good time, and to be generous towards them as they've been towards me to turn up to my wedding.

My only concern would be that some poeple may over do it and end up in a heap. I wouldnt remotely be concerned about the money aspect. Its only one night out of a lifetime, and if you're close enough to me to be invited, then you're close enough for me to happily buy you some drinks.

You wouldnt invite people over for dinner and then not provide enough wine surely?

baby and crumble · 09-08-2016 01:19PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

I'll agree with you that subsidising is a little weird to me, but I do believe its only right and proper to look after your guests as well as you can afford.
...
You wouldnt invite people over for dinner and then not provide enough wine surely?

TBH like I said earlier, I have an unusual Irish attitude to alcohol in that I don't like it. I do drink occasionally, but I don't need it to have a good time and be comfortable and if I'm 100% totally honest, I do look down on people who do. Sorry to say it but that's how I feel.

I never provide wine if I have people over for dinner. I usually have wine in my house because people insist on buying me bottles of wine even though I do not drink it, so I'll open that if people want one, but why should I have to pay for something I don't actually agree with? The fact that alcohol is tied to EVERY single social occasion in Ireland is something I have a big, big problem with.

However I'm absolutely adamant that there are non-alcoholic options at all points of the wedding. Wherever we are covering the alcohol (like I said, I'm not having a dry wedding, there will be a prosecco/ mulled wine reception and 1/2 bottle of wine for everyone with their dinner) there will be equivalent non booze options. There is nothing worse as someone who doesn't drink much than weddings where there's no option for you except table water or having to buy sugary drinks all night. Why should booze be free but soft drinks not?

My guests will be 100% cared for with food and refreshments but I guess I'm (perhaps stupidly) making a point during my wedding that I won't pay for others peoples alcohol. We've argued with our venue that there will be some particular half price cocktails available all night (as most of our guests are cocktail drinkers rather than wine anyway) and to my mind, a couple of glasses of prossecco and 1/2 bottle of wine EACH is more than enough anyway.

SarahMollie · 09-08-2016 01:34PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

TBH like I said earlier, I have an unusual Irish attitude to alcohol in that I don't like it. I do drink occasionally, but I don't need it to have a good time and be comfortable and if I'm 100% totally honest, I do look down on people who do. Sorry to say it but that's how I feel.

I never provide wine if I have people over for dinner. I usually have wine in my house because people insist on buying me bottles of wine even though I do not drink it, so I'll open that if people want one, but why should I have to pay for something I don't actually agree with? The fact that alcohol is tied to EVERY single social occasion in Ireland is something I have a big, big problem with.

However I'm absolutely adamant that there are non-alcoholic options at all points of the wedding. Wherever we are covering the alcohol (like I said, I'm not having a dry wedding, there will be a prosecco/ mulled wine reception and 1/2 bottle of wine for everyone with their dinner) there will be equivalent non booze options. There is nothing worse as someone who doesn't drink much than weddings where there's no option for you except table water or having to buy sugary drinks all night. Why should booze be free but soft drinks not?

My guests will be 100% cared for with food and refreshments but I guess I'm (perhaps stupidly) making a point during my wedding that I won't pay for others peoples alcohol. We've argued with our venue that there will be some particular half price cocktails available all night (as most of our guests are cocktail drinkers rather than wine anyway) and to my mind, a couple of glasses of prossecco and 1/2 bottle of wine EACH is more than enough anyway.

Sure, I mean fair enough if thats how you feel, but I do think slightly that that attitude is pushing your views and your issue on your guests, when perhaps they feel differently on the subject. FWIW, what you're providing sounds pretty standard for a wedding in Ireland anyway, a free bar is seen as a extra, so I'm not sure anyone will think you're taking an anti alcohol stance anyway. From memory, your venue is in town also, so I'm sure they'll appreciate not having to travel necessarily.

When I invite people to any occasion (be that a wedding, dinner party, whatever) I want to cater for what they want, not what I think they should want, because I'll have a good time if I know my guests are happy. I'm not a vodka drinker at all, but I'll always have some as I've a friend who basically only drinks vodka tonic, and I wouldnt want her left out. Equally, I've a friend who is completely teetotal and I always cater for her specifically too - she especially likes San Pelegrino sparkling water, so I'll make sure I have that in plentiful supply.

I guess, I just think that people attending a wedding have usually spent a fortune to do so and given up their time etc, so I'd want to give them whatever it is to make sure they have a fun night, be that alcohol or otherwise. Like if I were a vegetarian, I wouldnt not have a meat option.

EagererBeaver · 09-08-2016 01:38PM

Precisely - the fact you're not a big fan of drink is irrelevant. If I'm inviting someone over for dinner I'll always have a mix of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks available. They're your guests - you don't invite someone to enjoy your hospitality but only on your terms.

Malari · 09-08-2016 01:52PM

Exactly. You don't invite a vegetarian for dinner and only cook a meat option!

I know that not all our guests drink wine, and maybe most of them would drink either wine or vodka/gin, but I just didn't want any restrictions or disappointments and if people wanted stout or tequila or whiskey, it was available.

Bored_lad · 09-08-2016 02:02PM

All the weddings I've been to have had a free bar. Some only had a free bar until s certain point where the tab ran out which was usually near the end of the night anyway or else a limitless free bar starting before the church and continuing throughout the weekend until celebrations were finished. I think it's only fair if people are coming to your wedding that you provide food and drink for them.

GingerLily · 09-08-2016 02:09PM

Bored_lad wrote: »

All the weddings I've been to have had a free bar. Some only had a free bar until s certain point where the tab ran out which was usually near the end of the night anyway or else a limitless free bar starting before the church and continuing throughout the weekend until celebrations were finished. I think it's only fair if people are coming to your wedding that you provide food and drink for them.

I'm not providing drink after the meal. I'm not putting a tab behind the bar- there will be ample drink before and during the meal, we've booked an amazing band and I'm sorting out buses home for people and a bbq the next day with BYOB and leftover wine.

I am not putting money behind the bar but apparently I'm not being fair on my guests?

completely confused · 09-08-2016 02:10PM

OP here, thanks for all the replies!

To whoever asked I'm not getting married in Cork. Venue is just outside Dublin.

For people saying that it costs so much to attend weddings, I agree but it won't really be the case for mine as majority of guests are also from Dublin and can drive to this place in about 20 mins. They can stay in the hotel down the road from venue or can go home. So not as much expense as having to stay at the hotel etc

I just liked the idea of giving the guests a good hooley and seeing as it's no corkage it seemed like it wouldn't be as extortionate as say a hotel bar would be. We have contacts in the drink industry so could get kegs and spirits for a good price.

It's interesting to see people's views on it though. When I mentioned it to a couple of friends they were really surprised and encouraged me not to do it because of the expense.

In regards to age group we have about 50/50 split between parent type age (fifties/sixties) and our friends who range between mid 20s and 30 mostly.

I'm the first out of my friends to get married and nobody in our family has yet either so I haven't really anything to compare to. Is the drinks reception after the ceremony usually a free for all? Or is it usually just one glass per person?

SarahMollie · 09-08-2016 02:18PM

completely confused wrote: »

I'm the first out of my friends to get married and nobody in our family has yet either so I haven't really anything to compare to. Is the drinks reception after the ceremony usually a free for all? Or is it usually just one glass per person?

I think the standard is a 1x glass of procecco or similar on arrival + half bottle of wine per head at dinner. A good number of will also maybe do 1 round from the bar.

Again, I think a free bar is a great idea and lovely if you can do it. People will really remember it and think you're very generous. My only reservation is people doing themselves a mischief - but sure that can happen even if the bar isnt free.

Regarding cost, for me that wouldnt be an issue, because I'd never want a big wedding, so far small numbers I think its workable. Also, I'd certainly prioritise paying for drinks over other things that I don't think people really appreciate, like wedding favors, or having 5 bridesmaids etc.

baby and crumble · 09-08-2016 02:22PM

I get where everyone is coming from, I guess I find it funny when there's talk like "It's YOUR day, do it YOUR way" for everything else EXCEPT booze. Like, not having a cake is fine, not having a round of drinks bought for you for the toast is "unfair" on the guests? Standing your ground with parents on not having a church ceremony if you feel it's hypocritical is grand- me saying I won't pay for my guests booze is terrible? Why?

Like I've said, I have zero issues with drink at a wedding. I'll have drink flowing before the meal and during, I just don't think it's fair at all to expect it, or to be made feel like you're stingy if you don't put on a free bar.

And maybe I'm off the wall, but I don't understand how and why everyone moans about the expense of going to weddings. If you don't have to get accommodation (which 99% of people won't for mine) how is it more expensive than a regular night out? I honestly don't think I've been mad out of pocket for the weddings I've gone to in the past. If I can't afford to go I just don't go. What's the big deal?

And as for the reception drink, I think it's 1-2 glasses per person. At least that's what we've been recommended by our hotel who are supplying it.

GingerLily · 09-08-2016 02:23PM

For us-
2 glasses of prosecco at the reception,1/2 bottle at dinner plus 1 glass prosecco to toast
We've no corkage too

Malari · 09-08-2016 02:35PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

I get where everyone is coming from, I guess I find it funny when there's talk like "It's YOUR day, do it YOUR way" for everything else EXCEPT booze. Like, not having a cake is fine, not having a round of drinks bought for you for the toast is "unfair" on the guests? Standing your ground with parents on not having a church ceremony if you feel it's hypocritical is grand- me saying I won't pay for my guests booze is terrible? Why?

I certainly didn't come from the point of view that it would be "unfair" not to have a free bar, but we were able to do it and wanted to, so we thought guests would appreciate it. I don't think it's stingy not to have a free bar, I just think doing it because you don't feel like people should need booze to enjoy themselves is a bit odd. It's like not providing a cake or dessert because you don't need a sweet to enjoy dinner, or not providing a buffet because people just eat too much!

And I agree with you on the cost of a wedding as a guest. If we don't need to stay away from home, we never incur more than the cost of a few drinks, taxi and the gift, of course.

SarahMollie · 09-08-2016 02:35PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

I get where everyone is coming from, I guess I find it funny when there's talk like "It's YOUR day, do it YOUR way" for everything else EXCEPT booze. Like, not having a cake is fine, not having a round of drinks bought for you for the toast is "unfair" on the guests? Standing your ground with parents on not having a church ceremony if you feel it's hypocritical is grand- me saying I won't pay for my guests booze is terrible? Why?

Like I've said, I have zero issues with drink at a wedding. I'll have drink flowing before the meal and during, I just don't think it's fair at all to expect it, or to be made feel like you're stingy if you don't put on a free bar.

And maybe I'm off the wall, but I don't understand how and why everyone moans about the expense of going to weddings. If you don't have to get accommodation (which 99% of people won't for mine) how is it more expensive than a regular night out? I honestly don't think I've been mad out of pocket for the weddings I've gone to in the past. If I can't afford to go I just don't go. What's the big deal?

And as for the reception drink, I think it's 1-2 glasses per person. At least that's what we've been recommended by our hotel who are supplying it.

To be fair, I dont think anyone is saying that if the bar isnt free then thats stingey.... like in that case 90% of couples getting married are stingey.

I love the idea of a central Dublin wedding and thats what I'll do just as soon as we get around to it, but they are a bit unusual. I've been to 5 this year (2 out of the country, and 3 outside Dublin) so we had to pay for accommodation in all cases. In Ireland, thats typically €150 per room.

Secondly, most people don't give a gift of €100 per head before they go on a night out, so thats another cost thats not typical of a night out. Finally, people do get more dressed up and will often buy a new outfit. Clearly this is not a requirement, but many people still do it.

Where I'm coming from is that what youre doing is actually completely the norm. What I'm not a huge fan of is the "looking down" on people who "need" drink to have a good time. If you give something, give it freely and without judgement. Just because you have an issue with it, like it or not, but giving someone a drink with their dinner is the norm, so choosing not to is your right, but you cant then expect people not to have an opinion about it.

I think there are 3 things that really impact peoples enjoyment of a wedding, and thats food, drink and music. I'll be focusing my budget in those areas, because I want my guests to think, Wow, SarahMollies wedding was great craic.

lazygal · 09-08-2016 02:52PM

We had a free bar. We still get comments on it. No one will remember your flowers or the Pinterest theme you brought to the table plans or the fancy candles you had during the ceremony. Food, drink and band were our top spends. Only one or two idiots took advantage, but TBH they'd have been hammered regardless of how much we provided. Everyone else just appreciated not having to spend money at our wedding.

EagererBeaver · 09-08-2016 02:56PM

Nobody is calling anybody stingey, however it is logical to expect that if you're having speeches and toasts, you provide your guests something to toast with...

EagererBeaver · 09-08-2016 02:58PM

Also it's generally not "a round of drinks" for the toast - it's generally, by tradition, sparkling wine and is most often some ****e prosecco.

Mightydrumming · 09-08-2016 03:00PM

Same as a few on here, was at a wedding in which there was a free bar. 100 guests give or take.

Started from the end of the ceremony and continued for about 2/3 hours, finished about half an hour before the meal. No one took advantage from what I could see.

Great idea if the bride and groom are able to do it.

baby and crumble · 09-08-2016 03:10PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

Where I'm coming from is that what youre doing is actually completely the norm. What I'm not a huge fan of is the "looking down" on people who "need" drink to have a good time. If you give something, give it freely and without judgement. Just because you have an issue with it, like it or not, but giving someone a drink with their dinner is the norm, so choosing not to is your right, but you cant then expect people not to have an opinion about it.

Fair enough. I think we'll have to agree to disagree. Don't worry, I know well I'm in the minority on this opinion.

GingerLily · 09-08-2016 03:12PM

EagererBeaver wrote: »

Also it's generally not "a round of drinks" for the toast - it's generally, by tradition, sparkling wine and is most often some ****e prosecco.

Oh dear, I hope my guests aren't as picky with their free prosecco as you are, lol

SarahMollie · 09-08-2016 03:19PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

Fair enough. I think we'll have to agree to disagree. Don't worry, I know well I'm in the minority on this opinion.

Indeed. Sure regardless of what your views are, you are providing the normal amount anyway - doubt anyone will pass any comment.

We all pick our battles - anyone who is expecting a candy cart, or a photo booth, or similar from me will be sorely disappointed!

My own controversial wedding opinion (which I try to publicly keep to myself) is that I don't believe in videographers, but sure there ya go!

GingerLily · 09-08-2016 03:21PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

baby and crumble wrote: »

Fair enough. I think we'll have to agree to disagree. Don't worry, I know well I'm in the minority on this opinion.

Indeed. Sure regardless of what your views are, you are providing the normal amount anyway - doubt anyone will pass any comment.

We all pick our battles - anyone who is expecting a candy cart, or a photo booth, or similar from me will be sorely disappointed!

My own controversial wedding opinion (which I try to publicly keep to myself) is that I don't believe in videographers, but sure there ya go!

As in you don't believe they exist?

baby and crumble · 09-08-2016 03:21PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

My own controversial wedding opinion (which I try to publicly keep to myself) is that I don't believe in videographers, but sure there ya go!

*whispers* me neither.

SarahMollie · 09-08-2016 03:23PM

GingerLily wrote: »

As in you don't believe they exist?

LOL, like I know they're not unicorns

I've seen them before in their natural habitat

I'm just not mad about them. I don't like the idea of being filmed all day when I'm trying to relax and enjoy myself. Also, I don't know when I'd ever watch it back.

I'd rather just have 1 photographer.

dball · 09-08-2016 03:26PM

machiavellianme wrote: »

put 500 behind the bar

Just stipulate no ridiculous doubles etc or top shelf drinks to the bar staff .

perfect idea - great idea, I think Ill get married again:pac::pac::pac:

Mightydrumming · 09-08-2016 03:27PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

I'm just not mad about them. I don't like the idea of being filmed all day when I'm trying to relax and enjoy myself. Also, I don't know when I'd ever watch it back.

I'd rather just have 1 photographer.

A relation of mine hated the idea of a wedding video, she never seen the point of it at all. The groom convinced her anyhow and she couldn't believe all of things she missed out on throughout the day.

I suppose the day goes so fast, talking to everyone etc. Point being, her opinion was changed lol

Sure isn't everyone different?

SarahMollie · 09-08-2016 03:33PM

Mightydrumming wrote: »

A relation of mine hated the idea of a wedding video, she never seen the point of it at all. The groom convinced her anyhow and she couldn't believe all of things she missed out on throughout the day.

I suppose the day goes so fast, talking to everyone etc. Point being, her opinion was changed lol

Sure isn't everyone different?

True, but I think myself and himself are on the same page on this one, so I don't see it happening

I'd trust the photographer to capture a few candid shots and hearing stories from all my friends would be enough for me

I'm also just one of the least sentimental people you'd ever meet, so I know that what I'd choose wouldnt necessarily be everyones choice.

Mightydrumming · 09-08-2016 03:35PM

SarahMollie wrote: »

True, but I think myself and himself are on the same page on this one, so I don't see it happening I'd trust the photographer to capture a few candid shots and hearing stories from all my friends would be enough for me

Nothing beats a good photo

Free bar.. Thoughts?

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