Would you let grown up kids continue to live with you?

I blame the Irish mammy. I would move in tomorrow with my in-laws if OH would let me. The glorious food, being spoilt to no end... Stayed one Christmas with them and day after Boxing Day (day we were leaving) our clothes mysteriously reappeared washed and pressed as they didn't want us to have to "work" after we got home. (Half an hour drive) If I had grown up in that house there would be no way I'd be moving out!

Seriously though, my MIL has lost quite a bit of mobility over the past years. Once it becomes too much for my FIL to handle, we will look into combining households if necessary to make sure they are as comfortable as possible.

While I think it's important to teach kids independence and how to stand on their own two feet, there will always be a place to stay in my house if my children ever need it.

If you want to live in a large home as an extended family, why shouldn't you? If you're a young couple starting out and Mom wants to live with you for a couple years to make sure you aren't swamped by your own mistakes and your own babies, and you're grateful and happy, why not? If you are starting a business and Dad is an expert in the field and your consultant, does it make sense for you to spend to maintain two households instead of putting that money into the business? If you are tired and lonely and depressed and isolated, why the hell would you not choose to live with a child or parent whose company you treasure, if they offered? Why not polyfamilies, for that matter, more than one family living in a common space? In some cultures, middle-aged couples without children adopt adults and they have a parent-child relationship.

Now, if your family problems and dysfunctions prevent you from living together in harmony, that's another thing altogether; my grandmother and I adore each other but we know that our bad sides conspire to make us crazy after a week or two of being in the same house. My father was a broken man and a jerk who broke me. My mother was a weak, ineffectual doormat with no particular identity except whichever one she created to suit the company she was keeping. My brother is a Christian fundamentalist who doesn't believe in evolution and thinks I'm going to Hell. My ex thought the answer to an unhappy wife was a pistol barrel held to her head. Some people, some families, simply aren't good for each other.

But my mother-in-law shares my birthday, and yes, she has too much to drink sometimes, but she has taken me to her heart and I think she's the best. My husband's sister and her daughter who lives in Australia are two hilarious and shameless gossips. Some people just do it right. And don't forget, families are made as well as born. What matters is how we treat each other, relations or not.

Jesus. wrote: »

(I left home many years ago but I'm not sure why others staying there should be wrong?)

Like around 2000 years ago? How did that work out for you?



I'm sorry Jesus, I know it's a poor quality pun-central every time you turn up in a thread (or are you in every thread at once, all of the time?) but I just can't help it.

Everybodies situation is different and once it works and everybody is happy with the situation. I don't see the problem. The only thing I'd have an issue with is people sticking their nose in on other people's situation saying they know what their personal lives are like and judging them.

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Just to say, would it be the case that the OP is talking about those who will NEVER leave home and stay with Mam and Dad forever. OP was talking about 30-40 year olds.

If someone is healthy and working, maybe staying with the folks full time from birth to 40 and beyond is a bit of a cop out?

That's what I got from OP, not referring to those who occasionally stay with parents to save, recover from breakup, ill health whatever. Just saying.

Yes, I didn't get the impression he was talking about adults who are going through hard times, more so adults who can't be arsed cutting the apron strings and standing on their own two feet.

Of course my children would be welcome home if they were ever in need, but I have always brought them up to value their independence. I see it as my job to make sure they strive to follow their own paths and lead their own lives as fully functioning adults.

Also, I'm quite looking forward to my empty nest one day and I don't give two figs if that makes me selfish or not! I've spent my twenties, thirties and forties looking after my family and I'd rather like some time just looking after me for a while

flopflop73 wrote: »

I'm struck by the amount of people I know who still live at home.

These are people in their 30's and 40's!

QUOTE]

This is something that has worried me of late, I must admit. I'm 30 and still live at home. I would love to have a place of my own, but I choose not to go down the renting route, due to the cost of renting. And, being single and having friends that are already settled or whatever, forking out over a grand on my own every month just isn't possible at the moment. My goal was to have my own place at 30, but for different reasons, that hasn't worked out.

I was told that there are loads that are 30 or over still living at home, which has made me feel a bit better. Many of these may have had their own homes before, but were unable to keep up payments and were forced to move back home. These are the lucky ones, due to still having a roof over their heads. The unlucky ones are the growing numbers of people that have been made homeless for the above reasons, among others.