Would you let grown up kids continue to live with you?

flopflop73

I'm struck by the amount of people I know who still live at home.

These are people in their 30's and 40's!

In Dublin the issue seems more pronounced, with rent and house prices being the common excuse as to why a flight from the nest is impossible.
I have one friend who's taken to telling people his mother lives with him! He thinks this makes him sound less like a sad loser and more like a caring guy.

As someone who moved out of home early and values my independence, I find the whole idea very strange indeed. I would certainly be encouraging my kids to stand on their own two feet once they graduate college. There's no way they'll be still living with us in their mid-20's, never mind their mid-40's.

What do others think of this phenomenon?

Speedwell

I think you have a very privileged view of the hardships that other people face, mister let-them-eat-cake.

looksee

Everyone's circumstances are different, and none of them should concern you. Especially as you apparently have no experience beyond your own personal - and apparently fortunate - circumstances.

Smondie

Maybe thier parents need help around the house or has medical issues.

I'm surprised busy bodies have little else to be nosing about. Do you want them to call in to you with a medical certs and an explanation?

Tis well for you OP. I do hope nothing ever happens to change your current state. Like illness or tragedy or a change in financial circumstances.

GLaDOS

Better to be homeless I guess

flopflop73

Speedwell wrote: »

I think you have a very privileged view of the hardships that other people face, mister let-them-eat-cake.

looksee wrote: »

Everyone's circumstances are different, and none of them should concern you. Especially as you apparently have no experience beyond your own personal - and apparently fortunate - circumstances.

Smondie wrote: »

Maybe thier parents need help around the house or has medical issues.

I'm surprised busy bodies have little else to be nosing about. Do you want them to call in to you with a medical certs and an explanation?

Deleted User wrote: »

Tis well for you OP. I do hope nothing ever happens to change your current state. Like illness or tragedy or a change in financial circumstances.

None of the people I know who live at home with their parents are under any kind of financial hardship - it's simple an easier life for them than paying rent or a mortgage in the real-world.

Perhaps you should take your bleeding-heart bolloxology elsewhere?

flopflop73

flopflop73 wrote: »

Perhaps you should take your bleeding-heart bolloxology elsewhere?

I'm quite content here actually.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Smondie

flopflop73 wrote: »

None of the people I know who live at home with their parents are under any kind of financial hardship - it's simple an easier life for them than paying rent or a mortgage in the real-world.

Perhaps you should take your bleeding-heart bolloxology elsewhere?

ah so your privy to both thier and thier parents financial and medical situations?


How does this affect your life?
Perhaps you should get some hobbies for yourself and stop the curtain twitching

jam_mac_jam

So what? If it works for them and they are happy then what harm. I would imagine in some cases that the parents like it as well. Rent is crazy money so if you would prefer to help your parents out and they have the room then what harm. It would not be for me at all but I can see why it would work.

The Backwards Man

It must be great to have little to bother you.

Mr. CooL ICE

flopflop73 wrote: »

None of the people I know who live at home with their parents are under any kind of financial hardship - it's simple an easier life for them than paying rent or a mortgage in the real-world.

Perhaps you should take your bleeding-heart bolloxology elsewhere?

Mod:

If you really wanted to start a thread where people had to agree with you, you should have perhaps started a blog instead.

This is a discussion site. Play nice.

johnnyryan89

Smondie wrote: »

Maybe thier parents need help around the house or has medical issues.

I'm surprised busy bodies have little else to be nosing about. Do you want them to call in to you with a medical certs and an explanation?

This.

I'm in my mid 20's and live with my grandparents who raised me so could technically say they are my parents and reason being my dad is 73 and has copd and finds it hard getting around and couldn't except my mother whose 70 to do everything around the house.

Lux23

I wish I had stayed at home and saved for a mortgage, then I wouldn't be paying so much money for a crappy flat.

Kimbot

flopflop73 wrote: »

None of the people I know who live at home with their parents are under any kind of financial hardship - it's simple an easier life for them than paying rent or a mortgage in the real-world.

Perhaps you should take your bleeding-heart bolloxology elsewhere?

Thats just the people you know

OP i am in my 30's living at home and I have no shame in it, why? Because at 17/18 I moved out and became independent. Just over a year ago I went through a seriously bad patch and for my health and sanity I moved home. I pay my way, help my mother out with work around the place like the garden etc since she is getting on in years. I could easily move out and get my own place again but at the moment I won't because my health is more important than how anyone else views me

looksee

I prefer my children to be independent, and they are. I love them to visit but I am happy to have my house to myself. Any of them are totally welcome to stay with me as long as necessary, and they have done so at various times. If both the parents and the children are happy with the situation, why would you care?

_Brian

Sure what harm are they doing, every family is different and best left to their own devices.
People looking in commenting know nothing that goes on in those homes.

If everyone minded their own business things would be simpler.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

andekwarhola

I would hope that my kids would be independent enough to make their own lives outside of my house, outside of any hardship or curveballs life will throw at them. I love my parents but I couldn't live with them.

That said, my house is my children's home and always will be. The door will never be closed to them.

There's a lot of different reasons why adult children might end up back in the house. Who am I to judge, and I detest parents that have this approach where there's a set time where their kids have to flee the nest, as if rearing kids is a short-term loan arrangement.

nullzero

The reality is, if there was a realistic property market in this country most thirty somethings living at home would not be there. I don't live at home but with rents as they are my family may at some point find ourselves needing a roof over our heads and home is basically the only option.
I do know people who are too lazy/comfortable at home to get off their backsides and get out into the real world, couples in their thirties both living separately in their mammys houses, with parents who'd love to see them start their own lives properly but have come to accept they are too lazy to do so.
It's a complicated situation where every case has different factors at play.

Winterlong

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

And I would hope that if my child was able to move in with me to help with a health problem or something that they would be willing to do so.

You know, what families do, help each other!

livedadream

i own my house. my parents are retired and live in a different county now.

The sold our family home in cork and moved to what was our summer house, they now live there as well as travelling a fair bit, i was living at home to save for a deposit so when they sold i bought my own home in cork (to be fair with a nice parting gift of couches, beds and other furniture and stuff they no longer wanted :-)).

when they are in cork, they stay with me and have their own room etc etc they keep stuff in my house, i like to think of it as their home too.

ie for christmas etc they come stay for a month or so, so we can all be together.

im 30, i love having them around, it doesnt impact on my life, and its nice to have that dynamic in the house. i also have numerous friends stay over regularly and they dont mind my parents being their (they are quiet young spirited parents to be fair as well though).

ALOT of people have commented to them that it would be easier for me to move out and buy my own house, people seem to think my parents own my house and i simply live there rent free.

another friend of mine bought her family home from her parents when they retired and lives there with them...

just because you live in the same home as your parents doesnt mean they own it.

Your Face

I think the OP is hilariously sheltered.
Reminds me of Helen Lovejoy.

Story Bud?

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

What he said.

My home will always be my kid's home.

nhunter100

flopflop73 wrote:

Perhaps you should take your bleeding-heart bolloxology elsewhere?

So don't like the replies you received? * proceeds to through toys out of pram*

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Gerry T

Haven't read all posts, but op will you pay the rent for your kids so they can move out. Allowing them to save or progress in work to a stage when they can.

HensVassal

flopflop73 wrote: »

None of the people I know who live at home with their parents are under any kind of financial hardship - it's simple an easier life for them than paying rent or a mortgage in the real-world.

Perhaps you should take your bleeding-heart bolloxology elsewhere?

It's not bleeding heart anything, Bud. It's the ability to weigh up possibilities rather than just jump to the catch-all, negative conclusion. Can see you're the type of intolerant bloke who steps over a homeless person and snarls "get a job, bum!"

Lollipops23

Technically I still live at home- my folks spend the majority of the year in France, so I have the place to myself. I don't plan on living at home forever, and had planned to move out before I was diagnosed with MS. TBH scraping money together for a deposit has been the last thing on my mind for the last year.

Loving how self righteous and privilaged the OPs mindset is- you know nothing of people's circumstances.

andekwarhola

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Possibly a relief if the kids are a chip off the old block.

Story Bud?

Do you actually have kids OP?

Squall Leonhart

If I had the luxury of living at home to allow me to get ahead on saving a deposit I certainly would, and I'm sure my parents would tolerate me for a while! Unfortunately my home place is hours away from where I could feasibly get a job. So I'm in Cork, paying a lot of rent, spending a lot of money driving 15 hours a week to/from work and getting nowhere on pulling a deposit together for a house. I despair at times.

s4uv3

My mam moved house after I'd already moved out, so I have never technically lived there. Yet I have a bedroom there, and had a wardrobe and half her attic full of my shyte until a couple of years back.
I know that at any time in the future that little box room will be there no matter when or why I show up needing it. It's a lovely feeling, even as a married 34 year old.

OU812

Have three kids and while I'd encourage them to be independent, live away during college, travel etc (especially travel), it's "our" house we live in. Not mine, or their parents, ours as in all of ours.

No matter what their circumstance they'll always have a key to our door and the comfort that within these walls they "can scratch anywhere that itches" (as my grandfather used to say).

Property ownership is temporary. Family is forever.

Dravokivich

flopflop73 wrote: »

None of the people I know who live at home with their parents are under any kind of financial hardship - it's simple an easier life for them than paying rent or a mortgage in the real-world.

Perhaps you should take your bleeding-heart bolloxology elsewhere?

You seem to be someone who is just here to attempt to incite.

I know a few people who've never moved out of their parents house. They've got nice cars and all. But sure I know nothing of what they do or don't contribute to their households.

I know of people who've flown the nest, yet over time had to go back and its by no means due to financial miss management. Not all of us can get into the big bucks.

I'm back in my folks myself because I can't afford to rent and I'm not in a position to get into sharing a place with AN Other. I'm a single working parent and half my wages goes on child care. I'm not even sure I can afford to be accommodated via HAPs even if I'm eligible for it.

livedadream

OU812 wrote: »

Property ownership is temporary. Family is forever.

#goodparentingrightthere

Speedwell

My husband and I don't have kids ourselves, but we both remember being vulnerable at certain times in our lives... without going into it more than necessary, he fell into a deep depression after his father's death, and I was the victim of a violent, criminal ex-husband. He was able to move home with his mother for a while, and I was turned away by parents who felt that my situation was my fault.

We maintain a spare room and any of the children of our extended family are welcome to stay with us for a while if they need to take a time out. At the moment they range from seventeen to due next week, but even when they are adults, we are fine with acting as "spare parents". We've been there.

Story Bud?

Speedwell wrote: »

I was turned away by parents who felt that my situation was my fault.

Jesus Speedwell you poor aul thing

Winterlong

Story Bud? wrote: »

Do you actually have kids OP?

Yes, lots of baby trolls.
OP banned.

nhunter100

Winterlong wrote:

Yes, lots of baby trolls. OP banned.

So not only did he throw his toys out of the pram, but himself aswell.

Speedwell

Story Bud? wrote: »

Jesus Speedwell you poor aul thing

It was twenty-five years ago, it's OK. They were trying to cope with the breakup of their own relationship (they wouldn't have shared it with me) and I think some of the hostility and frustration just slopped over. It was a bad time but we all muddled through. I just don't want any of the kids I love to not have a safe place to be.

BetsyEllen

I wish I had the option of living at home - my parents are in another country though.
I rent a house and it costs me more than a mortgage would...and I don't have enough disposable income to save a deposit. So yes, if I could live at home for a couple of years to save some money I absolutely would.

And I know my parents would be happy with that as I enjoy cooking, gardening, am very clean and tidy so I would be a help to them. And obviously paying my way, which in turn would allow them to save more money and therefore enjoy more holidays, meals out etc.

I would miss being able to wander around naked whenever I want or going to the toilet with the door open but hey, I'm sure I'd get over it

If I am ever lucky enough to be blessed with a child, they will have a place in my home always, never mind their age.

seamus

OU812 wrote: »

No matter what their circumstance they'll always have a key to our door and the comfort that within these walls they "can scratch anywhere that itches" (as my grandfather used to say).

Not normally one for soppy stuff, but there was a good "open letter" on facebook from a woman to her daughter that was moving out saying stuff along the lines of, "I hope you remember that you are always free to walk through the front door without knocking, open the fridge and make yourself something to eat, kick off your shoes, sit on the couch and watch TV, like you never left in the first place."

I totally get people enjoying having the house to themselves when the children have moved out, and I think it's really weird that parents "keep" bedrooms for their children (as opposed to repainting them and taking the crap out).

But the weirdest is people who would practically treat their children as occassional visitors to their house after they move out, in some cases taking away their keys or refusing to let them move back in temporarily. Just bizarre.

Dravokivich

BetsyEllen wrote: »

I would miss being able to wander around naked whenever I want

Dravokivich wrote: »

I'm back in my folks myself because I can't afford to rent and I'm not in a position to get into sharing a place with AN Other.

I've changed my mind :pac:

Jesus.

flopflop73 wrote: »

None of the people I know who live at home with their parents are under any kind of financial hardship - it's simple an easier life for them than paying rent or a mortgage in the real-world.

So what's wrong with it then? It actually sounds quite sensible!

I think someone's pissed off at being up to their tits in debt for their whole life

Winterlong

Jesus. wrote: »

So what's wrong with it then? It actually sounds quite sensible!

I think someone's pissed off at being up to their tits in debt for their whole life

You have been living with your dad for the last 1,984 years ya chancer!

Jesus.

Winterlong wrote: »

OP banned.

Why on earth was he banned?

Jesus.

Winterlong wrote: »

You have been living with your dad for the last 1,984 years ya chancer!

I know but he can be a demanding old git at times...

nhunter100

Jesus. wrote:

Why on earth was he banned?

Thought you knew everything, my beliefs have been shattered.

Speedwell

Jesus. wrote: »

Why on earth was he banned?

He was being intemperate in another thread as well (some political slurs figured heavily in his posts). 12 posts before banning, must be some kind of record.