Is anyone else a loner???

tomofson · 12-07-2016 08:21AM #1

Okay this isn't one of my usual something pops into my head so make a thread about it sort of thing.... I actually thought for a while whether it was a good idea to make a thread about it then just thought why not... A bunch of people I dont know might judge me on it big deal, maybe I will get through to someone...

I have been a loner, a misfit and an outcast for as long as I remember, I was never in the slightest bit popular and other kids would avoid me partly because of who my parents where, other kids parents would tell their children not to hang around with me (at least that's the impression I got). I am still a loner at 24 and probably will be for the rest of my life. I don't have any real proper friends, and few family that I talk to so I suppose that explains all the dumb threads I have been making....

However judging by the nature of the internet and the way these sort of sites work I could bet a wager on it I am not alone, though I may be one of the only ones who says it on a public forum but I have got to a stage where I don't care if people love me or hate me or even make fun of me. Especially not a bunch of anonymous people I will never meet in my actual life...

Some of you are loners on here I know the characteristics of these sites and this is not about ridicule or societies judgments of you. More just a question of how use all cope??? What do use do to get through the day??? How do use cope with not being particularly liked by anyone?

Feel free to make fun and insult if you want I always enjoy a good laugh, as long as it has a bit of intelligence in it...

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 12-07-2016 08:24AM

tomofson wrote: »

Okay this isn't one of my usual something pops into my head so make a thread about it sort of thing.... I actually thought for a while whether it was a good idea to make a thread about it then just thought why not... A bunch of people I dont know might judge me on it big deal, maybe I will get through to someone...

I have been a loner, a misfit and an outcast for as long as I remember, I was never in the slightest bit popular and other kids would avoid me partly because of who my parents where, other kids parents would tell their children not to hang around with me (at least that's the impression I got). I am still a loner at 24 and probably will be for the rest of my life. I don't have any real proper friends, and few family that I talk to so I suppose that explains all the dumb threads I have been making....

However judging by the nature of the internet and the way these sort of sites work I could bet a wager on it I am not alone, though I may be one of the only ones who says it on a public forum but I have got to a stage where I don't care if people love me or hate me or even make fun of me. Especially not a bunch of anonymous people I will never meet in my actual life...

Some of you are loners on here I know the characteristics of these sites and this is not about ridicule or societies judgments of you. More just a question of how use all cope??? What do use do to get through the day??? How do use cope with not being particularly liked by anyone?

Feel free to make fun and insult if you want I always enjoy a good laugh, as long as it has a bit of intelligence in it...

This. This is the all-freeing survival mechanism.

That said, I don't think there really are true "loners" - just people who haven't found their friends or the right tribe yet. Work out whatever you happen to be into - no matter how weird or niche - and seek out other people who like the same thing. Chances are they're "loners" too.

Snowfire · 12-07-2016 08:27AM

Don't worry bout it hitler and Stalin were loners also and they turned out OK.. Yea...?

tomofson · 12-07-2016 08:28AM

Snowfire wrote: »

Don't worry bout it hitler and Stalin were loners also and they turned out OK.. Yea...?

I think thats a misconception, I dont think loners would have the confidence to stand on stage and address the world with powerful speeches.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 12-07-2016 08:29AM

Snowfire wrote: »

Don't worry bout it hitler and Stalin were loners also and they turned out OK.. Yea...?

They also both had moustaches. Personally, I'd be more worried about that...

Roosterreid · 12-07-2016 08:32AM

tomofson wrote: »

Okay this isn't one of my usual something pops into my head so make a thread about it sort of thing.... I actually thought for a while whether it was a good idea to make a thread about it then just thought why not... A bunch of people I dont know might judge me on it big deal, maybe I will get through to someone...

I have been a loner, a misfit and an outcast for as long as I remember, I was never in the slightest bit popular and other kids would avoid me partly because of who my parents where, other kids parents would tell their children not to hang around with me (at least that's the impression I got). I am still a loner at 24 and probably will be for the rest of my life. I don't have any real proper friends, and few family that I talk to so I suppose that explains all the dumb threads I have been making....

However judging by the nature of the internet and the way these sort of sites work I could bet a wager on it I am not alone, though I may be one of the only ones who says it on a public forum but I have got to a stage where I don't care if people love me or hate me or even make fun of me. Especially not a bunch of anonymous people I will never meet in my actual life...

Some of you are loners on here I know the characteristics of these sites and this is not about ridicule or societies judgments of you. More just a question of how use all cope??? What do use do to get through the day??? How do use cope with not being particularly liked by anyone?

Feel free to make fun and insult if you want I always enjoy a good laugh, as long as it has a bit of intelligence in it...

Hi OP... can we ask why you think people would not hang out with you or were advised not to? Is it your personality / look or unknown factors?

Do you enjoy being a loner? I have very few close friends and as I get older, finding myself withdrawing from those that I have. I can be very social when I want to, but the mood seldom takes me.

Shint0 · 12-07-2016 08:35AM

OP, it really depends on how much it bothers you just like any aspect of someone's life or personality. If it concerns you then you ought to do something about it. If it doesn't bother you then it matters not. People's opinions are just opinions.

tomofson · 12-07-2016 08:35AM

Roosterreid wrote: »

Hi OP... can we ask why you think people would not hang out with you or were advised not to? Is it your personality / look or unknown factors?

Do you enjoy being a loner? I have very few close friends and as I get older, finding myself withdrawing from those that I have. I can be very social when I want to, but the mood seldom takes me.

I said because of who my parents where I dont want to get into to much detail about them but I'm sure you understand...

Being a loner has its negatives and positives, its advantages and disadvantages. Whether I enjoy being a loner can really depend on the day and the mood I am in.

suicide_circus · 12-07-2016 08:39AM

No man is an island

Mark Tapley · 12-07-2016 08:44AM

tomofson wrote: »

I said because of who my parents where I dont want to get into to much detail about them but I'm sure you understand...

Being a loner has its negatives and positives, its advantages and disadvantages. Whether I enjoy being a loner can really depend on the day and the mood I am in.

I think your threads can be a bit earnest or navel gazing. You should throw in the odd one about naming your mickey after a film or something.

Wibbs · 12-07-2016 08:45AM

By the nature of the beast you're going to get more "loners" on a site like this. As well as more "nerds" and other social minority types(including the more extreme politically).

If you're content in your skin then play on. Sounds like you're not though. I have found few enough loners are and it's something foisted upon them rather than personally chosen. This can come out as invective towards the gregarious and extroverted.

I'd be behind what Princess Consuela Bananahammock said about finding your own bunch of fellow loners. You can be sure that they do exist. You're 24 now so your childhood and your parents are behind you as far as social interaction goes. Or should be anyway.

tomofson · 12-07-2016 08:48AM

Wibbs wrote: »

By the nature of the beast you're going to get more "loners" on a site like this. As well as more "nerds" and other social minority types(including the more extreme politically).

If you're content in your skin then play on. Sounds like you're not though. I have found few enough loners are and it's something foisted upon them rather than personally chosen. This can come out as invective towards the gregarious and extroverted.

I'd be behind what Princess Consuela Bananahammock said about finding your own bunch of fellow loners. You can be sure that they do exist. You're 24 now so your childhood and your parents are behind you as far as social interaction goes. Or should be anyway.

Thank you for those words and I do appreciate it, but your childhood always follows you. Its the most important years of your life as it shapes you for the future, those days are never truly "behind you"

FalconGirl · 12-07-2016 08:51AM

No but I wish I was at times. Really like my own company and am very independent. I must have the neediest friends ever and it drives me bananas.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 12-07-2016 08:55AM

tomofson wrote: »

Thank you for those words and I do appreciate it, but your childhood always follows you. Its the most important years of your life as it shapes you for the future, those days are never truly "behind you"

Therein lies the other problem: people actually actively make you a loner by associating you with your family's past and then judge you for being a loner. It all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I sorted that out by getting the **** out of Ireland. Live in Berlin now, which is perfect - there's no judgemenatlism or wagging chins, everyone gets on with their own busienss. Also, being a city full of weirdos and loners, everyone kind of fits in somehow and everyone finds something or someone to merge with.

Winterlong · 12-07-2016 09:01AM

I am definetly a people person. But I do need 'me' time every now and again.
Ideally a weekend on my own in a strange city. Time to decompress and be alone wiht my brain for company.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 12-07-2016 09:01AM

I'm naturally an introvert. I need alone time. I don't see anything wrong with it either. I'm comfortable with my own company.

Pickpocket · 12-07-2016 09:03AM

I'm definitely a loner to a certain extent. I do have very close friends but I see them infrequently due to us all living in different parts of the country. I'm also in a long-term relationship so at times I probably appear to be a typical enough 31 year old.

However I really enjoy being on my own. Meeting up with my mates for a gig or just having a laugh on WhatsApp is all well and good, but my core enjoyment in life comes when I'm on my own, watching films, playing games, listening to music or just sitting down with my thoughts.

People that know me would call me 'odd', especially when I dissapear at a festival to be on my own for a while, or when I try to avoid a lot of social situations.

I've also moved in and out of various circles of friends throughout my life, so at first glance it might seem I'm difficult to get along with. But I'm still on good terms with all of these people and I would have drifted away from them voluntarily. But to some people it seems unusual and I've been told as much.

Througout a lot of that period I was experimenting with LSD and other drugs and at least one person told me that there's a general view that I became ****ed up during that period and just vanished because I was flat out taking stuff. In reality that whole period simply precipitated an interest in new areas of literature and music and my 'dissapearance' was just me finding all of that vastly more interesting than sitting in pubs listening to the same people tell the same jokes.

I tend not to self-psychoanalyse too much, but I had a very difficult childhood and my teenage years were deeply unhappy due to my family life, and I can see how certain negative, anti-social patterns that developed during that period became entrenched and ultimately made me who I am today, for better or worse.

So yeah, I'm a loner of sorts, but thankfully I've a core group of friends (four in particular, and two especially) who understand my problems and the space I need to be myself, even if it means only seeing each other a couple of times a year. And then there's my girlfriend who has been with me through various changes in moods, lifestyles and personalities.

Permabear · 12-07-2016 09:05AM

This post has been deleted.

12-07-2016 09:13AM

I am an introverted extrovert.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 12-07-2016 09:24AM

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I would chat the hind legs off a donkey, I'm the queen of small talk. I spend all day having chats with random people and Jesus by the end of the day I'm withered, I just want to get home, hop in the shower and talk to nobody. Most weekends I'll spend at least one of the days doing stuff by myself.

southcentralts · 12-07-2016 09:41AM

Hi OP, I think you need to do a stint in sales. it does not matter what you sell, it is a great method of acquiring the skill of talking to absolutely anybody anywhere. I am now an introvert trapped in the body of an extrovert, all thanks to sales. I never did get any better at selling but instead of hiding in a corner during social gatherings, I compete for the centre of attention, then my introvert side recoils from it when i get it.

Sky King · 12-07-2016 09:48AM

There was a kid in my school who nobody hung around with because he was a loner.

There's some circular logic for you right there.

take everything · 12-07-2016 09:55AM

suicide_circus wrote: »

No man is an island

I'm fcuking Ibiza.

I love the way Hugh Grant's character lives in that film.

corner of hells · 12-07-2016 10:10AM

FalconGirl wrote: »

No but I wish I was at times. Really like my own company and am very independent. I must have the neediest friends ever and it drives me bananas.

Easily solved , why not "disappear" a few of you friends, It'll add to your mystique and exoctisism.

Lady is a tramp · 12-07-2016 10:22AM

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

This. This is the all-freeing survival mechanism.

That said, I don't think there really are true "loners" - just people who haven't found their friends or the right tribe yet. Work out whatever you happen to be into - no matter how weird or niche - and seek out other people who like the same thing. Chances are they're "loners" too.

Tribe, that's an interesting word to describe it ... I was in a DBT group earlier this year, for people who (like myself) are emotionally over-controlled, the psychologists running the group (all three of whom are also emotionally over-controlled) used to regularly describe our group as a "tribe". And it was very fitting. We were all very different people in the group, with totally different backgrounds and issues and personalities, but we fitted together really well. It was mad hearing other peoples thought processes and them mirroring mine so well! Made me feel less of a weirdo.

I'm a bit of a loner. I have a very caring family and several loyal and brilliant friends, but I just feel so drained when I'm around people too much. Drained, but edgy and impulsive too, so I can never relax. I'm pretty sure I was always that way, since I was a kid. I love my family and friends, but in moderation ... and it's not always easy for them to understand that! Can be suffocating lots of the time.

Wibbs · 12-07-2016 10:44AM

tomofson wrote: »

Thank you for those words and I do appreciate it, but your childhood always follows you. Its the most important years of your life as it shapes you for the future, those days are never truly "behind you"

Yes and no. Yes of course those years have an impact, but that impact can be changed to quite a large degree. It most certainly shouldn't be used as an excuse, which so many do.

12-07-2016 10:53AM

It's a funny word 'loner'.

Introversion is a personality type where people love being alone. Large gatherings can drain them. After spending time in others company they need some space and time to recharge. Working in groups is not productive for them. Instead of being energised and motivated by being around others, the opposite tends to occur. Introversion is not being shy, having no social skills, feeling like an outcast, or being lonely. I often come across this misconception.

OP, if you are content as you are then try be more accepting towards yourself. If on the other hand it's a struggle then perhaps delve a little deeper. Ask yourself how does such a label serve you? Is it a habitual way of being that you just can't shake? You are young. Life can be simplified in to this; figure out who you are and who you want to be, then love yourself.

Permabear · 12-07-2016 11:03AM

This post has been deleted.

Trebor176 · 12-07-2016 11:07AM

Maybe I am one. Sure, I get on well with people, and I have friends that I've made over the years. However, a good few of these have their own lives, such as being in relationships or are married, have kids, and don't all necessarily live in Ireland now. I enjoy a night out, but these are few and far between. I do like to get out and about anyway, even if it's on my own.

I am 30, I've never been in a relationship and have been on sod all dates, so I do have a feeling that not really being the most sociable person, or seeming that I have sod all friends has put dates off. I'm probably a bit shy and nervous at first in general, and don't have the loudest voice. Maybe I'm overthinking things like this.

With saying all the above, I am trying to change things. I want to join groups and maybe take part in a couple of short-term courses. I just think that being the age I am, I really need to change things about myself before it's perhaps too late. The whole single thing gets me down, I admit, and lately, I've felt that I need more friends, and have been trying to get back in touch with those on Facebook I might not have been in touch with in ages. I guess people just drift apart. Maybe it's not just me that has resulted in this, but I regret not having been more sociable in the past.

Pac1Man · 12-07-2016 11:07AM

Bit of a difference between being an actual loner and those who 'have some close friends, are in a long term relationship but like some time to themselves sometimes' !!

pappyodaniel · 12-07-2016 11:13AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BA19DJ5Onto

Is anyone else a loner???

Comments