Anxiety and depression thread (Please read OP)

SAINTBRIGID wrote:

I now have another problem. I fell asleep last night after my last post. My eldest came in to borrow the laptop (mine is connected to the printer by wi-fi). The computer was open on this page. She was very quiet when I got up. I dont know what to say or even if I should approach it.

I wouldn't say anything unless she says it to you or you notice her particularly different.
If ye do end up talking, try to reassure her that while it's difficult, there are options and it will be Ok.

My personal opinion would be to try to avoid talking to her about her mother and how she treats you. Now isn't the time for that I think but I'm not in the situation.

Its funny, I had to drop her to work this morning, was all chat all the way in.
When she got out of the car she asked if I'd like to meet her for lunch in Dublin, her treat.

I came across the The Depression Recovery Program leaflet on St Pats website. I think its what I need. I need to know whats "normal". If everyone else is normal does that make me abnormal?

One thing is for sure I aint living - I am existing.

As Ive said I have an appointment with a shrink next week, hopefully its a turning point.

xx

SAINTBRIGID wrote: »

Its funny, I had to drop her to work this morning, was all chat all the way in.
When she got out of the car she asked if I'd like to meet her for lunch in Dublin, her treat.

I came across the The Depression Recovery Program leaflet on St Pats website. I think its what I need. I need to know whats "normal". If everyone else is normal does that make me abnormal?

One thing is for sure I aint living - I am existing.

As Ive said I have an appointment with a shrink next week, hopefully its a turning point.

xx

Hope it goes well.

@ SAINTBRIGID - I hope you are okay and I hope things improve for you soon. Huge hugs.

ivytwine wrote: »

Hi guys I'm just looking to have a little vent. Get anxious at the best of times but the last few months I've self sabotaged and procrastinated and feel really rotten about myself.

It was improving and I've started seeing someone but he's got issues too. He's pushing me away and it hurts. I can't turn to him because he has enough on his plate but I don't know if I'm strong enough to be the support he needs. I feel really emotional at the moment and anxious, he feels really disconnected.

I wrecked my dinner this evening and I started crying. Feel really crap.

I would say if he has issues too and is pushing you away maybe its time to end things before they get more serious? Its very hard I know, but you have to put yourself and your mental health first, his issues are already affecting you negatively and that's not a good thing especially when you are going through stuff yourself.

Hope everyone had a good weekend.
Hada unnerving situation : my partner/ex said he didnt want to hear about my psycho friends.
Meaning my friends with mental health issues.
Tbh, this is final straw for our relationship.
He thinks I want to be unwell despite me trying my hardest with support s, counseling etc.

Very hurt. Feel I am being blamed for my illness. Eye opening to see true side of someone. He is very almost angry over past few years but no excuse for that behavior

I hear ya. :L

Hey guys,

Head hasn't shut up since I got up this morning so hoping if I try to articulate some of it, I can relax it a little. I've never really had issues with anxiety in the past, my problems have always stemmed from depression even though the two often go hand in hand. Lately though I just feel like there's a growing ball of anxiety in my stomach and my chest is tight nearly all the time, feel so agitated and restless and it's driving me crazy. I'm nearly certain that my eating disorder is bringing it on, it'd be too much of a coincidence if that weren't the case but my anxiety manifests itself in my body image which drives me to eating disorder behaviours and the whole thing just feels like a vicious cycle that I'm trapped in at this stage. Meeting my psychologist tomorrow morning and we're going to be concentrating on my eating disorder for the foreseeable future as that's become my primary issue so hoping that will help. At the same time though, I worry if it becomes the main topic of conversation that it'll only encourage the behaviour as I'll feel like I somehow have to match certain expectations or prove myself in a way, that said my issues don't appear to be resolving themselves any time soon so I don't suppose I have a choice in the matter. I really feel like a ticking bomb at the moment, that I only have limited time before I reach crisis point.

Thankfully I got to meet officially with my new consultant last week for the first time. I had met her once before as an inpatient a few weeks ago before my care was transferred and found her to be very good. She's very down to earth, very practical, honest and straightforward which I like. She spent a lot of time speaking with me, I didn't feel rushed, she had read the letter I had given one of the psychiatrists under her the week before and spoken about me to my old consultant to determine her reasoning on various aspects of the treatment I've been given so I very much appreciated the thought and time she gave me. I didn't get some of the answers I was looking for regarding diagnosis as she said she's not going to slap a label on me the very first time she meets me, which makes complete sense but she told me she's going to keep a completely open mind which is all I ever really wanted. I'm to keep a mood diary for the next few months, nothing emotional, just looking at rating mood, energy levels, sleep etc; appetite is usually included but having an eating disorder makes that impossible as it's completely contrived. She said it's been very difficult for my team to get a clear picture of how my mood fluctuates as ever since I entered the service it's just been one thing after another, moving from crisis to crisis and between reactions to various medications and the influence of drugs and alcohol they haven't been able to tell what's natural and what's as a result of my behaviour. She said even now, my mood will be influenced by my eating disorder to a certain degree but if I can try to keep things more consistent over the next few months, they'll have a better picture. She said that if after that she thinks I lie on the bipolar spectrum she'll be referring me on to another team who run a bipolar clinic but for now to just try and get through each day as best I can, diagnosis takes observation over time and unfortunately time goes at it's own pace. I acknowledged that I do put far more thought into labels than I probably should but I guess that's just me trying to make sense of things. I haven't been put on any medication as she wants to see how I am naturally so I won't be seeing her for another 6-8 weeks as she said she doesn't really have a role at the moment, I'm to just continue attending my DBT group and begin treatment for my eating disorder with my psychologist. So no real outcomes or changes as a result of the meeting but I came out very happy because for the first time in nearly a year, I felt LISTENED TO rather than patronised.

Finding it difficult to pass the time at the moment, I have an intrinsic need to be constantly productive which is obviously unattainable. I find it difficult to just "do nothing", nothing being anything of leisure such as reading, watching tv etc. I end up feeling guilty for being lazy or "wasting time". Basically just wish my head would just shut up and leave me alone for awhile!

Tell me how wrote: »

Don't beat yourself up bridgettedon. You're trying to do as much as you can.

Thanks guys. It may mean that a family member is heading down the same road as me. I know how long and crap that road is. The guilt though is overwhelming. I can't stop crying. I was always so mean to them.

Tell me how wrote: »

It "may" mean. Nothing is certain.
Its not too late to offer what support you can.
I hope you have someone you can talk to about this?

It's true. But it hurts so bad to see someone cry and talk about suicidal thoughts. To know they have suffered for months even years. Don't have anyone to talk to atm, just here. I may make a doctor apt. I have a psych apt tomorrow. I don't want to be crying in front of them because I know I'll get little sympathy.

Feel a bit better today once the initial shock as worn off. Had a small bit of a meltdown earlier but managed to use my skills to stop it. I just have to keep reminding myself that the past can't be changed. Anyway the person I was worried about has been to their gp so fingers crossed that they continue with their advice. It just reminds me again how important it is that we talk to each other. No one should suffer in silence.