Public displays of affection

Wibbs · 22-06-2016 11:59AM

conor222 wrote: »

Jaesus, you're all fierce grumpy about people being happy and showing affection. Lighten up and you might find someone to hold your hand or give you a peck on the cheek in public!
:pac:

This. Very much this.

Rosie Rant · 22-06-2016 12:02PM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

What odd behavior lol

"Cocaine'a a helluva drug!" Well, they had to have been on something!

Sapphire · 22-06-2016 12:29PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

That's the thing. Most of us do have someone to hold our hand, play with our hair, rub our feet, give us kisses, even wash our hair and give us bubble beards in the shower. We are confident enough in our relationship that we can go out for breakfast without trying to eat each other over a table. We are condfident enough, and get enough affection at home that we don't need to paw each other asunder on public transport.

Now I want a bubble beard

It depends on the PDA for me. Holding hands is fine - seeing young teens do it and think they are so mature is awfully cute and cheers me up. Seeing older couples -say holidaymakers- holding hands walking through the town is nice too.

Couples grinding or dry riding while wearing the face off each other, not so much but depends on the situation. In the crowd of a concert or a 2am fumble on a Saturday night in a doorway I probably would roll my eyes. 8am on the Monday morning bus is a bit stomach churning.

osarusan · 22-06-2016 12:32PM

No problems with a lot of what's been mentioned so far - it would take more to bother me than seems to bother posters on here.

kowloon · 22-06-2016 12:59PM

Winterlong wrote: »

It's ok to have a PDA if you have been single for ages and are leaving a nightclub with the love of your night? Right?

It's the PDAs down vomit fragranced alleyways against the wheelie bins that people object to.

beach_walker · 22-06-2016 01:16PM

osarusan wrote: »

No problems with a lot of what's been mentioned so far - it would take more to bother me than seems to bother posters on here.

A lot seem a bit precious alright.

22-06-2016 01:33PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

How comfortable are you with PDAs?

In general I have no issue with it - but of course there is always a line to be drawn somewhere. And there is always going to be some extreme that will put one off ones lunch. Your thread is about "PDA" but the examples you describe are more along the lines of "PDS" - or public displays of sexual activity.

But even then - sometimes - I have to acknowledge that I am the problem not them. And if I have an issue with it - I should move on or look away. It is a rare or extreme situation where I can not do those things.

But the vast majority of people who engage in "PDA" are generally engaged in activities that are so far from that "line" I would draw as to not even register at all - let alone enough to bother me.

But that is just me. We have a couple of resident cranks around here on the forum who feel - for example - that waiting staff should be obliged to step in and mediate the situation merely because two people have been holding hands in a restaurant on a table near theirs.

Not only do I not have such issues with PDA - let alone that extreme - I can not even mangle my head space far enough into that direction to even begin to understand the people who do.

Holding hands? Seriously? _That_ is one of your issues in this world? Get. Over. Yourself. Is all I could say to those people. Or - you know - stop staring at people looking for something to get upset over - when you have a working neck that you can turn back to your own business.

Deleted User wrote: »

I do wonder about very obvious public displays. Is there perhaps an unconscious need to show "ownership"

Perhaps some - but I would not be sure how many or if it is that many. I think there is two kinds of PDA. People displaying their affection publicly - and people displaying their affection while _in public_.

The former is what you describe. The latter - hopefully the more common - are not only not doing it for the sight or benefit of others - but entirely oblivious to even the presence of others. Purely for their own sake and because it is right for them in that moment.

But - perhaps more often than warranted - the person observing a PDA leaps to some assumption that the display is being done for their benefit. But such people generally think everything going on in the world around them is somehow related to them - targeted at them - or is for their benefit - and the idea that people engaging in the PDA do not actually care if anyone is even around - or not - does not even register for them.

We are a funny old species with our little internal narratives

mdwexford wrote: »

Permanent hand holding is stupid. Really annoys me.

I - speaking for myself of course - would likely go quickly mad if I was the kind of person who allowed the irrelevant and incidental harmless activities of others annoy me. I am not sure I could cope with getting worked up over complete irrelevancies. How do you deal with it?

CloudCumulus · 22-06-2016 02:00PM

Wow. There was more rage in that post than there was from any of the people who don't like PDAs.

OldNotWIse · 22-06-2016 02:26PM

CloudCumulus wrote: »

Wow. There was more rage in that post than there was from any of the people who don't like PDAs.

lol true

Casshern88 · 22-06-2016 02:42PM

Rosie Rant wrote: »

Once at a festival my boyfriend and I encountered a couple who were actually pretty aggressive with their PDAs. We were enjoying the band that was playing when the couple pushed in front of us and stood there necking, groping and looking over at us every few seconds. We moved away from them and they followed us and did the exact same thing. We moved twice more and they followed again.

The last straw was when the guy actually lifted up his girlfriend, plonked her against my boyfriend's side and pretty much started grinding against her, knocking both of us into the people beside me. We ended up having to push the hobags away. Holding hands and having the odd kiss and cuddle in public is sweet but those sorts of aggressive displays are pretty much out of order.

They were defiantly looking for ye guys to join in on their party :pac:

andekwarhola · 22-06-2016 02:45PM

Affection is fine, even endearing. What's wrong with people holding hands, linking, kissing or whatever.

Displays verging on simulated sex, however, just strike me as the province of juvenility.

That said, I don't care that much. You don't have to look at them if it annoys you.

Buckfast W · 22-06-2016 03:22PM

I remembering being in the cinema on parnell street a few years ago with an ex-girlfriend (back when the cinema still had double seats up the back). A couple beside us were about the same age late teens. About half way into the film things start getting hot and heavy with them and she ends up pulling the flute off him right beside us. After the film the ex saw said girl in the toilets washing her hands.

mdwexford · 22-06-2016 03:37PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I - speaking for myself of course - would likely go quickly mad if I was the kind of person who allowed the irrelevant and incidental harmless activities of others annoy me. I am not sure I could cope with getting worked up over complete irrelevancies. How do you deal with it?

Don't worry I don't get too worked up.

Most of the time I just think tossers to myself and continue on about my day.

TemptationWaits · 22-06-2016 11:21PM

You'd get over PDA if it were in a non-enclosed space -- like if a couple are snuggled up in a corner on the street or something you could just pass by and take no notice. An enclosed space though and especially public transport is not on. There is something truly disgusting about the sound of kissing.

Also if you're middle-aged and/or gammy looking it is absolutely not on. I remember one time in Chaplins there was this middle aged couple mauling the face off each other. Having to see people's tongues touching is uniquely disgusting - even on tv I'd be looking away. What made this couple worse though was that your man had a hook hand. Imagine being held in the embrace of that.

The exception is of course same sex PDA. I remember I saw two guys kissing on meeting in Cork train station one time. It's so nice to see. I always want to look on fondly but I'm afraid they'll think I'm looking out of homophobic disapproval. I still think about that couple, hope they're keeping well and still happy out

groucho marx · 22-06-2016 11:24PM

Down with this sort of thing

wakka12 · 22-06-2016 11:44PM

CloudCumulus wrote: »

If it's things like OP mentioned (except hand holding, I hate it), a quick hug in the frozen aisle of Dunnes while deciding which pizza to buy is grand and sometimes sweet to see couples doing it.
Myself and OH were out with my parents and this pair in the bar were clinging to each other, we were commenting on how weird it was.
They were French too, I think most other Europeans have different attitudes to PDAs than we do.

Hmm I wondered this too but after travelling to most european capitals over the last few years Id say european peoples attitudes to and tendency to have PDAs is remarkably similar to irish people's

wakka12 · 22-06-2016 11:48PM

TemptationWaits wrote: »

You'd get over PDA if it were in a non-enclosed space -- like if a couple are snuggled up in a corner on the street or something you could just pass by and take no notice. An enclosed space though and especially public transport is not on. There is something truly disgusting about the sound of kissing.

Also if you're middle-aged and/or gammy looking it is absolutely not on. I remember one time in Chaplins there was this middle aged couple mauling the face off each other. Having to see people's tongues touching is uniquely disgusting - even on tv I'd be looking away. What made this couple worse though was that your man had a hook hand. Imagine being held in the embrace of that.

The exception is of course same sex PDA. I remember I saw two guys kissing on meeting in Cork train station one time. It's so nice to see. I always want to look on fondly but I'm afraid they'll think I'm looking out of homophobic disapproval. I still think about that couple, hope they're keeping well and still happy out

Yeah, some girls go crazy like big bright eyed smiles at me and my boyfriend when we hold hands or kiss in public haha
Guys too kinda, some big macho guys might pass and be like thats nice to see lads! Its a little cringe but sweet all the same :P

Two Tone · 22-06-2016 11:48PM

I would have thought French and Germans and other Germanic peoples would be quite reserved in this regard.

The Spanish and Italians though - hell for leather I'd say.

wakka12 · 23-06-2016 12:02AM

Two Tone wrote: »

I would have thought French and Germans and other Germanic peoples would be quite reserved in this regard.

The Spanish and Italians though - hell for leather I'd say.

I would have thought the same in both cases! But I saw as many PDA's in Rome as Paris as I did in Berlin in Barcelon and all were about similar to Dublin! I think all of europe is quite liberal in that regard while it still not being socially acceptable to be sexual or over the top in public, so turns out about the same ererywhere !

23-06-2016 07:59AM

CloudCumulus wrote: »

Wow. There was more rage in that post than there was from any of the people who don't like PDAs.

I am not aware of having felt any - nor can I find any in retrospect while reading over it

But that is the thing about forums - people can read posts and assign their own tone to it as suits themselves. Certainly nothing in the wording seems to indicate the tone you found there.

If I feel any emotion at all about such people I guess it would be disappointment. Kinda like that feeling of disappointment you get when you spend a whole day giving a small child a wonderful day out. Lovely activities, great games, food they like - and then at home they have a pointless tantrum over something small like which pyjamas you put them in. And you just feel a small tone of disappointment that they are too immature to really understand the world - how it works - and how privileged a place they have in it - but maybe someday they will when they grow up some more?

A bit like that. But rage? Nah - not here.

mdwexford wrote: »

Don't worry I don't get too worked up.

Ah ok. I guess it was the way you did not just say it annoys you but "really" annoys you. It just sounded like you do with the wording you chose is all.

Drumpot · 23-06-2016 08:07AM

Anybody else initially think this was titled "public displays of erection"? .....

No? Ok, never mind , neither did I....

PowerToWait · 23-06-2016 09:18AM

conor222 wrote: »

Jaesus, you're all fierce grumpy about people being happy and showing affection.

Compared to the tattoo thread, where the majority are all 'nobody can dictate what another does with their body, how petty to get annoyed by such things'.

23-06-2016 09:25AM

It's all about context. Displays of affection are nice, public displays less so and may be just attention seeking, you just form an opinion on whether the PDA is more one or the other.

Public displays of affection

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