Ever broken-up with partner using a convenient excuse?

12-06-2016 10:18PM #1

I broke-up with the OH today. We've only been dating for six months, so it wasn't an LTR or anything, but things have been strained between us for a while.

I hate break-ups, and the 'negative appraisal' couples tend to give to one another at the end of a relationship... "You're too clingy"... "No, you're too coldhearted"... "No, you're just too demanding"... UGH. Spare me.

So today, I saw my chance to get out. I blew out of all proportion some very petty bickering about borrowing my car without telling me, culminating with me breaking-off the relationship, packing my stuff, and severing all social media ties (drastic, right?)

I realize this makes me seem like a histrionic dickhead, which would be true if it were the reason for ending things. But isn't this a kinder way of ending a relationship than blunt honesty... e.g. you're getting fat, zapping all my energy, and you're just no fun anymore.

Anyone else a fan of false-excuses for fast breakups?

Penny Tration · 12-06-2016 10:20PM

That's actually a really sh!tty way to treat someone. Nasty, man.

Just be honest. You can be honest without being a dick - "Look, I just don't feel the same anymore." you don't have to say WHY you don't feel the same, just reiterate that you don't think it's gonna work and your feelings have changed.

Engineering a fight to dump her has probably hurt her more than just telling her you're not feeling it would.

The_Valeyard · 12-06-2016 10:22PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I broke-up with the OH today. We've only been dating for six months, so it wasn't an LTR or anything, but things have been strained between us for a while.

I hate break-ups, and the 'negative appraisal' couples tend to give to one another at the end of a relationship... "You're too clingy"... "No, you're too coldhearted"... "No, you're just too demanding"... UGH. Spare me.

So today, I saw my chance to get out. I blew out of all proportion some very petty bickering about borrowing my car without telling me, culminating with me breaking-off the relationship, packing my stuff, and severing all social media ties (drastic, right?)

I realize this makes me seem like a histrionic dickhead, which would be true if it were the reason for ending things. But isn't this a kinder way of ending a relationship than blunt honesty... e.g. you're getting fat, zapping all my energy, and you're just no fun anymore.

Anyone else a fan of false-excuses for fast breakups?

La Di Da. Look at me, I had a relationship.

Should we transfer this to the relationships forum :P :P

Lavinia · 12-06-2016 10:25PM

Yes I did. Hurt the guy for nothing, let other people influence me.
I'm really sorry fr that one, he was great guy and treated me really nicely.
He asked why, and I just said "cause you were not gentle enough"
Have no idea where it came from, the guy was as gentle as one could possibly be.

groucho marx · 12-06-2016 10:26PM

It's not me it's you

12-06-2016 10:27PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I broke-up with the OH today. We've only been dating for six months, so it wasn't an LTR or anything, but things have been strained between us for a while.

I hate break-ups, and the 'negative appraisal' couples tend to give to one another at the end of a relationship... "You're too clingy"... "No, you're too coldhearted"... "No, you're just too demanding"... UGH. Spare me.

So today, I saw my chance to get out. I blew out of all proportion some very petty bickering about borrowing my car without telling me, culminating with me breaking-off the relationship, packing my stuff, and severing all social media ties (drastic, right?)

I realize this makes me seem like a histrionic dickhead, which would be true if it were the reason for ending things. But isn't this a kinder way of ending a relationship than blunt honesty... e.g. you're getting fat, zapping all my energy, and you're just no fun anymore.

Anyone else a fan of false-excuses for fast breakups?

Or you could just do it honestly and respectfully?

Miss Demeanour · 12-06-2016 10:27PM

groucho marx wrote: »

It's not me it's you

It's not you.....oh yeah it is.....soz.

12-06-2016 10:28PM

Penny Tration wrote: »

Just be honest. You can be honest without being a dick - "Look, I just don't feel the same anymore." you don't have to say WHY you don't feel the same

Nobody in the history of break-ups is ever happy with "Just because".

If I gave the real reasons, I'd have to be say some pretty hurtful criticisms,

I'm sure there's an effigy of me being burned around a few glasses of wine tonight, but fcuk it, isn't it better to be absent from such criticism, than to sit and listen to your boyfriend tell you it's over, you're too fat, too clingy, and he doesn't even like you anymore? (just examples)

I think it's kinder this way.

I'm sure it's quite common, actually.

Penny Tration · 12-06-2016 10:30PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Nobody in the history of break-ups is ever happy with "Just because".

If I gave the real reasons, I'd have to be say some pretty hurtful criticisms,

I'm sure there's an effigy of me being burned around a few glasses of wine tonight, but fcuk it, isn't it better to be absent from such criticism, than to sit and listen to your boyfriend tell you he doesn't even like you anymore?

I think it's kinder this way.

I'm sure it's quite common, actually.

They may not be happy with "i just don't feel it anymore," but they're not entitled to more. at least it's honest.

No, being a bellend to someone isn't kinder. If that's common, I despair. When I've been dumped, they've at least had the good grace to be honest with me.

Fr_Dougal · 12-06-2016 11:19PM

"I've joined the priesthood "

CINCLANTFLT · 12-06-2016 11:23PM

"I came in your dad"

goz83 · 12-06-2016 11:31PM

You've got the clap

Sir Osis of Liver. · 12-06-2016 11:33PM

Don't know you OP but you took a cowards way out.

Real men say it straight.

Dr Turk Turkelton · 12-06-2016 11:36PM

goz83 wrote: »

You've got the clap

And will ya tell your sister so has she.

12-06-2016 11:37PM

goz83 wrote: »

You've got the clap

Reminds me of a conversation I once heard in a cafe in Toulouse between two French girls.

One of the girls had been dumped, and maybe cheated upon, and they were having a few drinks to get over it.

The dumped girl dropped the remainder of the wine into her gob, and with a big Gallic shrug, announced without a care in the world "bref, je lui ai donné la gale"... ("sure, I gave him scabies, anyway")

Two Tone · 12-06-2016 11:39PM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Nobody in the history of break-ups is ever happy with "Just because".

If I gave the real reasons, I'd have to be say some pretty hurtful criticisms,

I'm sure there's an effigy of me being burned around a few glasses of wine tonight, but fcuk it, isn't it better to be absent from such criticism, than to sit and listen to your boyfriend tell you it's over, you're too fat, too clingy, and he doesn't even like you anymore? (just examples)

I think it's kinder this way.

I'm sure it's quite common, actually.

I see the point you are making but nah, think it was cowardly. If you told the truth and said you were not attracted to her anymore, she might find it harsh but that's for her to deal with. There is absolutely nothing wrong with ending things with someone if you are no longer attracted to them. It's the absolute right thing to do obviously.
A lame-ass reason can be quite easy to see through too.

Keane2baMused · 12-06-2016 11:41PM

Wow OP, I'm sure you'll end up on her 'one that got away' list.

How old are you that you don't have the stones to end things properly, and amicably?

12-06-2016 11:49PM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

How old are you that you don't have the stones to end things properly, and amicably?

How old are you that you feel the need to question someone's 'stones' on a bulletin board?

I make no apologies for trying to spare another person's feelings. I know my ex, and I know that personal criticism would lead to a personal crisis. I'm happy being the bad guy, and I'm suggesting in this thread that unwavering honesty is sometimes a bit pointless, or unnecessarily hurtful.

Keane2baMused · 13-06-2016 12:40AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

How old are you that you feel the need to question someone's 'stones' on a bulletin board?

I make no apologies for trying to spare another person's feelings. I know my ex, and I know that personal criticism would lead to a personal crisis. I'm happy being the bad guy, and I'm suggesting in this thread that unwavering honesty is sometimes a bit pointless, or unnecessarily hurtful.

Eh who said you need to go into all of the hurtful details?

It's not working out for me, I feel the relationship has completely run its course and Ive decided it's best we split. All the best blah blah

No need to tell a girl you think she is fat as being the only way to be "honest"

Adyx · 13-06-2016 12:46AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

How old are you that you feel the need to question someone's 'stones' on a bulletin board?

I make no apologies for trying to spare another person's feelings. I know my ex, and I know that personal criticism would lead to a personal crisis. I'm happy being the bad guy, and I'm suggesting in this thread that unwavering honesty is sometimes a bit pointless, or unnecessarily hurtful.

So you start a thread suggesting a viewpoint,implying you want to start a discussion on said viewpoint, then someone else posts an opposing viewpoint so you question if he is old enough to post on a bulletin board? Do you even understand what a discussion/bulletin board is?

13-06-2016 12:50AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Eh who said you need to go into all of the hurtful details?

It's not working out for me, I feel the relationship has completely run its course and Ive decided it's best we split. All the best blah blah

No need to tell a girl you think she is fat as being the only way to be "honest"

If you've ever broken-up with someone, especially a person with insecurities, you'll know that they will persist in drawing-out every inner motivation for the break-up, in painful detail... often to corroborate their own dissatisfaction with themselves... "I'm getting too fat, aren't I? I knew it. You bastard"

False excuses save us all the heartache. I for one have no regrets. I only wish more people would see this for the kindness it is.

Adyx wrote: »

So you start a thread suggesting a viewpoint,implying you want to start a discussion on said viewpoint, then someone else posts an opposing viewpoint

Questioning your age and "your stones" is not an "opposing viewpoint".

Plenty of people have posted opposing viewpoints, all of them with legitimate and thoughtful rationale. I have no problem with those people at all.

Questioning your "stones" when you are genuinely motivated by kindness, is a different matter.

Adyx · 13-06-2016 01:03AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

If you've ever broken-up with someone, especially a person with insecurities, you'll know that they will persist in drawing-out every inner motivation for the break-up, in painful detail... often to corroborate their own dissatisfaction with themselves... "I'm getting too fat, aren't I? I knew it. You bastard"

False excuses save us all the heartache. I for one have no regrets. I only wish more people would see this for the kindness it is.

Questioning your age and "your stones" is not an "opposing viewpoint".

Plenty of people have posted opposing viewpoints, all of them with legitimate and thoughtful rationale. I have no problem with those people at all.

Questioning your "stones" when you are genuinely motivated by kindness, is a different matter.

I don't agree with the phrasing (in fairness) but the intent is legitimate I think. To me, making excuses like that is for your own benefit rather than to spare the feelings of the other person. I do appreciate your intentions but you might as well claim you cheated on her so she'll dump you. It seems very teenager-ish and nobody wins either way.

If you're both adults, tell her the truth, let her deal with it as best she can and move on. Better for both of ye in the long run.

Keane2baMused · 13-06-2016 07:03AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

If you've ever broken-up with someone, especially a person with insecurities, you'll know that they will persist in drawing-out every inner motivation for the break-up, in painful detail... often to corroborate their own dissatisfaction with themselves... "I'm getting too fat, aren't I? I knew it. You bastard"

False excuses save us all the heartache. I for one have no regrets. I only wish more people would see this for the kindness it is.

Questioning your age and "your stones" is not an "opposing viewpoint".

Plenty of people have posted opposing viewpoints, all of them with legitimate and thoughtful rationale. I have no problem with those people at all.

Questioning your "stones" when you are genuinely motivated by kindness, is a different matter.

How on earth is essentially orchestrating a major row then packing up and leaving classed as kindness?? That sounds delusional.

You're very sensitive over what is a commonly used, tongue-in-cheek term.

If I said do you not have the decency is that better?

And no, I have never broken up with a woman but I have broken up with men. One in particular who was a piece of work and even he had (a little) more class than that in our breakup.

rojito · 13-06-2016 07:21AM

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I broke-up with the OH today. We've only been dating for six months, so it wasn't an LTR or anything, but things have been strained between us for a while.

I hate break-ups, and the 'negative appraisal' couples tend to give to one another at the end of a relationship... "You're too clingy"... "No, you're too coldhearted"... "No, you're just too demanding"... UGH. Spare me.

So today, I saw my chance to get out. I blew out of all proportion some very petty bickering about borrowing my car without telling me, culminating with me breaking-off the relationship, packing my stuff, and severing all social media ties (drastic, right?)

I realize this makes me seem like a histrionic dickhead, which would be true if it were the reason for ending things. But isn't this a kinder way of ending a relationship than blunt honesty... e.g. you're getting fat, zapping all my energy, and you're just no fun anymore.

Anyone else a fan of false-excuses for fast breakups?

I`ve been there OP, not that im proud of it, but in my case when the relationship was one-sided to begin with, and not on my side. I could have handled things a bit better no doubt and the times (2) it has happened to me I have gone back a bit later and explained myself better and ended up as friends with the people in question.

Cathy.C · 13-06-2016 07:31AM

No girl would believe a guy would break up with her over her taking his car without permission.

So I would say she is thinking you met someone else and just haven't the guts to tell her or that you just don't fancy her anymore.

There's no way she believes you left her for the reasons you told her you did. No chance.

The flying mouse · 13-06-2016 07:34AM

I understand OP where your coming from, if you know your partner well then a few white lies to make it easier is ok by me, when the dust settles maybe then you can explain things in a better way, all this just be blunt and honest in a breakup is sometimes not the best way to go,especially if you think the other half mighten be able to take it or is blind to the fact that you two are not getting along at all.

arayess · 13-06-2016 08:07AM

I am with the OP here.
posters jumping on the OP dont seem to be living in the real world.
anytime I have gone down the polite kind way I have had to suffer tears , wailing and demands for closure with a 100 questions.
So I try to be nice and be adult but I end up pissed off.
fcuk off. start row and run.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 13-06-2016 08:13AM

When I'd decided to end it, I said there'd be no amateur dramatics, I'd sit her down and say it to her face and be a man about it. And I did. I asked her "guess which one of my ex's sounds like an owl?"

She replied "who?"

I just nodded at her, picked up my suitcase and walked out of the apartment.

Speedwell · 13-06-2016 08:18AM

I haven't broken up with a partner for a spurious reason, but each time I have broken up with someone, I did it without listing every bloody goddamn reason why I was leaving. One big, true reason was usually enough in each case and the ex knew much of the rest without me having to say. "I'm tired of being a punching bag." "I don't want to continue to be married to you while you explore your newfound same-sex attraction." "Since you're trying to fade away, please complete the process." In the last case, my ex was functional when I met him, but soon lost his job, then took two years to finish a one-year program in school, worked a few brief jobs, then ended up sitting in front of the computer in his underwear surfing porn and MRA websites and complaining to me that I didn't love him and I wasn't making him happy. Finally I agreed, "You know, you're right. I don't love you and I'm not making you happy. Can you move out by the end of the month?" He called me a few weeks later to see if I wanted to take him back. I said, "I don't love you and I didn't make you happy, remember?" And I hung up.

13-06-2016 08:52AM

In these situations of personal relationships honesty is hugely underated. You can be honest without being offensive. There are things you can say, and things you don't have to say. Lying is unnecessary, a sign of weak character.

Having integrity is giving yourself a gift of a richer more ethical existence, a real substance and character, and that will matter hugely as you look back on your life and its meaning. Life is ridiculously short.

whiskeyman · 13-06-2016 08:55AM

groucho marx wrote: »

It's not me it's you

Well actually, it's your friend with the waaaayyy bigger tits!

Ever broken-up with partner using a convenient excuse?

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