Would you date your best friend's sibling??

evie

It's an interesting situation, two words (which you seem to be using a lot anyway!) BE CAREFUL!
Family is family and it will always be there, the phrase blood is thicker than water springs to mind straight away.
Depending on how close this guy is to his sis, he won't take any ****e that might arise. Loyalties normally stay with the family so be warned!
You're on the right track. Keep talking to your friend and be clear on both your intentions.

Good luck with it and I hope it works out!

bombidol

Why are you even asking this question, theres only one answer, NO! you are asking for trouble, begging for it in fact. Your mates sister should be viewed the same as your own. and you wouldnt do that, would you?! Seriously your mates family become your own extended family.

Sposs

Exact Same thing happened to me i fell for my best mates sister and she me,i was really nervous about telling my mate but it worked out great,he didnt mind at all and said he was glad she was going out with me cause he knows me well and knows he can trust me (to a point ) anyway that was nearly a year ago and were still going strong.

Typedef

At this point I've decided to take it very slow. I hinted in my last post that my frienship with my mate is more important than I moving on to the next level with his sister. I've known him too long, and my (our) lives would surely change dramatically if something tore us apart. He is like a brother to me and it has been that way for a long time. He isn't very good at discussing problems (his own that is) with friends like me, though we've known him for ages.

Ya sure.... and maybe he can keep you company at night... when you're all alone... since 'he' is so important.

*ahem*

hells angels

i've bin in that situation a load of time's and im never sure what to do...i asked her to my deb's last year and she said she couldn't because of her brother( my best friend). the ting is if i did go out with her and he didn't like it he could very easily and very literily kill me...she just broke up with her boyfriend so i think i might just test the water out again....but listen man if your really into this girl then talk to her about it and if you both decide to give it a go then talk to your mate!! but for fúck sake make sure you dont end up hurtin her or your totally in the shít house...

But thats just my opinion....Good luck

Wolf

If he is a real friend then he would know that you are a good person. As such if you can convince him that you are serious and will treat her well then he should be ok with it.

The big problem is when it all goes wrong but hey it may never go wrong.

If you dont try then you will regret it.

ferdi

i'd say avoid it but if you do go ahead, he'll be p!sst but if he dosnt get over it pretty soon then he is just a big bitch. maybe talk to him, its the only way to know.

Sterile Fish

i dated my sisters friend, and now my siter is dating her friends brother, it hasnt made a difference to any of us, the four of us get on well and hang about my house loads, so i dont see any problem with it, plus it means you can sneak about behind your parents back, and they wont have a clue whats happening, quite fun, dont know if i would do it again tho.....

Kenshin

I've had my eye on Mordeth's sister...

He has assured me she's great in bed!

imp

Originally posted by Kenshin
I've had my eye on Mordeth's sister...

He has assured me she's great in bed!

That's... really disturbing...

}:>

LegacyUser

It's me J. (sorry I forgot my password)

I'm also sorry for digging this one up again but things have just gotten a hell of a lot worse, and I really need some advice. It's been a few months since I last posted to this thread and to be honest with you nothing has changed. We still flirt on the side, and are great in each other's company.

Not that long ago, her older sister (older than I also) told me that "we would be great together" refering to her younger sister and I. This was during a night out and she said that her younger sister adored me. This as you can imagine put me in a spin, because now I know that she had mentioned me in the background. I know her older sister very well also, so I told her straight out right after that, how I felt. I told her why I don't think I should make a move and she told me that she hadn't once even thought it to be a problem (refering to my best mate [her brother]). She asked me why did I think he wouldn't want me going out with his younger sister, considering how long we've known eachother. I told her the truth, in that I think he'd feel weird about it, and that's just that. Anyway the impression she gave me was that, she didn't think he'd have a problem with me going out with her, but at the same time I don't think she would have said anything to him about it or really know for sure.

So then the other day we were all at a party, myself, my mate, his two sisters, and a few others were up late drinking. My mate had more or less passed out and was asleep, while everyone else was awake. There was another girl in the room that night that was friends with my friends younger sister. Somehow I got the impression that she was attracted to me. This bothered me for a while, and as the night progressed nothing put my mind at ease. Anyway we were all taking and while sitter beside my friends younger sister, I lay on her shoulder. I asked her did she mind and she said "of course not". There was a quilt over both of us, and after a minute or so I started to rub my fingers up and down her arm. At this point she didn't attempt to move away or ask me to stop. So then I went to put my arm around her, and then she said "No".

Now the part that is wrecking me head is, does she mean "No", or did she not want to do anything in front of her friend. Soon after she headed to bed, as did her friend. When nearly everyone else was gone to bed I said it to her older sister. I told her exactly how I felt, leaving nothing out. I was fairly well plastered at the time, and probably said more than I should but her sister still thinks that we would make a good couple. While we spoke I heard the younger sister come down the stairs and I rushed out to see her in the hallway. All I did was appologise to her for trying to put my arm around her, and she said it was OK. The reason why I rushed out to the hall to talk to her was because she left the room to go to bed shortly after I did it, and I had to make sure I hadn't made a balls of things alltogether (including our friendship). She asked me was I drunk, and I said I was, but that was no excuse for my actions. She gave me a hug, and said that we've been friends for a long time and not to worry. I went back in to the livingroom to the other sister. She asked me "what did I say", and I told her, including the other sister's reaction. She asked me did I think she meant "No", and I told her I wasn't sure, but that I was going to take it as a "No".

The next morning I woke up with a crazy hangover, and really sick feeling in my stomach (not from the drink). At first I thought she didn't want to be in the same room as me, and I didn't know what to do. Then after a while she joined me out the back of the house (alone) for a few minuites. I just joked and had the craic with her as I always do, and she seemed fine.

Everything seemed normal, but I found myself being completely paranoid and watching to see if she was trying to evade me for the rest of the day.

At this stage I wish I hadn't made a move at that point in time, because now I don't know if I screwed things alltogether or just put things on the shelf for a while.

Please help, because I'm finding it very hard to sleep, and I can't concentrate on anything

Peace

I've been doing it with my best mates sister for nearly 6 years.

Sure, it was a bit odd at the start and at one stage there was nearly a problem but sure it was all sorted out.

It's always best to keep it within the family

HJ Simpson

Jebus just ask her out but make it clear if she says yes that you both talk to her brother before you go out with her. She is clearly interested just tell him!!!

HJS

LegacyUser

How can you be so sure Mr. Simpson?

Maybe I'm blind but as I run the events of the most recent night (as described in my last post) around in my head, I'm still not sure. The crucial part for me is when I went out in to the hallway to appologise. I can remember the expression on her face and it was confused up until I said the word "sorry". I distinctly remember her saying "don't worry" & "god, how long have we known eachother".

What I really think at the moment is that she was shocked at my move, and was making it clear we are just friends. Hence her saying "god, how long have we been friends". I take this as her reminding me that we've been friends for so long, perhaps we should leave it at that. Crap I wish I was sober, because it's so hazy.

But then again, something else that the older sister said to me that night (and countless others throughout the years) is that I assess these things way to much.

Am I just being negative, or am I right to want to go through everything with a fine tooth comb?

I haven't seen her since the day after, but I've seen her brother several times since and he's the same as usual. So I know that she wasn't shocked enough to mention it to him, because if she did, I'm pretty damn sure he would have said something to me by now. Actually he's in better form than usual to be honest.

God help me, I swear this overactive mind of mine will be the death of me some day.

Right now I'm not sure should I just go back to wanting to be just friends with her, or should I continue flirting (which I'm scared to do right now). It's such a delicate situation, and I feel that I must thread lightly which is resulting in me posting here looking for advice and scrutinizing everything myself.

It really fills me with confidence when I hear of people that have held (long term) successful relationships in similar situations, so I know that it can and does work.

What should I do?, what would you do?

Thanks a million, you have no idea how much your suggestions help

Originally posted by JJJ.
What should I do?, what would you do?

Take the bull by the horns so to speak, and tell the lass exactly what you told her older sister.
Wondering and pondering the "what if's" of a situation is no substitute for knowing and in this case where you will always know her because of your best friend situation etc , the latter will be far healthier in the long term and indeed probably turn out the way you want, by the looks of things.

I don't want to say any more than that even though a lot of things are occurring to me here out of what you have said.

Best lay your cards on the table with her NOW-no humming and hawing about it, tell her you feel sick at the fright of what you are saying to her and discuss it and see what happens
Please post back with the results.

Oh and one further thing, just DO it, no more discussing it untill , we know the outcome, further advice if necessary pending that. Good luck
mm

Sarky

Worked for me. I met my girlfriend at her brother's(my friend from school's)) leaving-cert-results-BBQ. We've been together for quite a long time now and there are no problems. In fact, I get to meet him more often now as well, which is cool, as I was a bit of a recluse and never really met up with people that much.

HJ Simpson

Just thinking about this as I sit at my desk avoiding work. Is her sister the type to take the piss so to speak. If so you could be right about the whole friends for so long thing. However I still recommend coming clean. If she says no its unlikely she will tell her brother as you two have been friends for so long.
Its your decision though stay in the distance as a stalker waiting for the door to open or just knock and see if she lets you in!!!

HJ, this is the kind of speculation that might be best avoided on this occasion.
From experience, I really do feel that this chap must have a heart to heart with the younger sister.
If their friendship is as close as , he tells us it is, then it will survive whatever happens.

The other crucial thing here in my opinion is the fact that this guy mixes with this family all the time and is very close to her brother.
Therefore his head is in danger of being wrecked, if he keeps putting off , the good chat with the younger sister.

I've errr been in this situation twice:D and trust me, the way to go is the long and meaningfull chat route and I would do that immediately now, no matter how difficult it seems, especially since he is going to be seeing a lot of this girl on an on-going basis.
mm

elexes

ive been with a few of my friends sisters . im still friends with all of them . maby not friends with some of there sisters but those are different reasons . if i had the chance to be with one of my friends sisters and i was single i will admit i will think how it dose affect him but in every case all my friends have been very sound and realised i didnt fux around behind there backs without good reason

afaik im still friends with about 90% of them

Hobbes

Which do you prefer? Your best friend? Or his sister?

Once you figure out which, then do or don't ask depending on your answer. At worst you don't speak to one or both of them again. *shrug*

Actually worst is probably the "Lets be friends" speech, but at least she will get a laugh out of it, and it is her happiness you care about right?

Open up your heart to her, tell her exactly how you feel and how you want to proceed. If she rips your heart out and does the happy dance all over it at least you have your answer.

Either way... You don't ask, you won't know.

And if she does say no, then at least you can bring all your new girlfriends around to your mates house and use them make her compare how she could of been with you (helps if they brag for you).

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Hobbes
Which do you prefer? Your best friend? Or his sister?

Jesus mate but that's a terrible position to be put me in!

I love my mate like a brother, there is no doubt about that, I'd do anything for the guy. He knows it, and trust me it's likewise. I be heartbroken if he didn't ask me to be his best man when the time comes, it's that way so to speak. To be honest, if it ever came down to your question, I would have to choose my mate!. That may sound odd, but the relationship I have with him and his family is very strong, and I would do anything for any of them.

Anyway, I have some news.

I was out tonight and I met up with her. I think I know what to do too. I'm not going to say what I did, but I took a chance on something and it worked out very well indeed. Let's just say I did something that a boyfriend would do for his girlfriend and she was well happy that I did it, and furthermore I did it right in front of my mate, and he even said to me "nice one man". I probably have left ye lot in the dark, but trust me it's not important what I did, but the fact that I made a move to do something....is.

You have no idea, but I have a smile from ear to ear right now, even though I don't have confirmed bf/gf relationship with her. I love her so much it hurts, but I'm going to be patient, because she's worth it. I think the main reason why I'm so happy is because of my mate's response, which I was completely surprised at.

But as a final word, Hobbes, there is no way in hell that I would want to be in a position where I would have to choose between him and her, because I just couldn't do it. As I said before he is like my brother, and she is the person that I love. How do I know I love her?, I've known her for a long time, and trust me if this isn't love then I still don't know what love is, considering the number of people I've gone out with over the last few years, and I never claimed to love any of them. I hate to admit this but the main reason for ending my last relationship was that I couldn't get this girl out of my mind. Myself and my ex are still on good terms, but she has no idea this is why I ended it. Anyway apart from that I'm glad that's over because it wasn't going anywhere.

Thank you very much for everyone who has replied. It means a lot, because this topic means a lot to me, right now in my life.

Hobbes

Originally posted by JJJ.
I would have to choose my mate!. That may sound odd, but the relationship I have with him and his family is very strong, and I would do anything for any of them.

You have your answer then.

I was out tonight and I met up with her. I think I know what to do too. I'm not going to say what I did, but I took a chance on something and it worked out very well indeed. Let's just say I did something that a boyfriend would do for his girlfriend and she was well happy that I did it, and furthermore I did it right in front of my mate, and he even said to me "nice one man". I probably have left ye lot in the dark, but trust me it's not important what I did, but the fact that I made a move to do something....is.

You went down on her? :eek:

Paddy20

Yes. I would date my best friends sibling, if genuine real love and not lust was the determining factor.

P.;)

Sleepy

I was in the same situation a few years ago.

What I did was just say to Andrew (my mate) "if she wasn't your sister, I'd be after her like anything". To which he responded: "go for it".

Just approach it in a semi-casual way with your mate that basically lets him know that he has power of veto on the idea and 95% of the time it'll go the way you want it to. Just don't do the dirt on the sister!

elexes

think he stoped her from bing in a fight r somthn... hmmm not sure maby he was in a fight ....

/me wonders

ColinM

I haven't been this intrigued and entertained in such a soap-operatic way with a PI since Wolf's agonisings over asking a girl out some time back (although I don't think he had the same complicating factor as you).

Please update us. Is Hobbes indeed right that you went down on her in front of your mate (and that he was surprisingly appreciative of this)?

Sorry that this post contains no actual advice, but you are in uncharted waters as far as I am concerned, and now you are withholding vital information... but I would like to know more!