Favoured Euphemisms

DapperGent

What are the best euphemisms you've heard? These are some of my favourites.

Post your own.

Money: Bills.

Masturbation: A shake, An interfere, Pinching the one eyed snake.

Parents: The crinklies.

Cigarettes: Daks, Coffin Nails.

Breasts: Baps, Norks.

Hungover: In bits, In a jock.

Ugly: Minging, In bits (again)

Feel free to add stuff I've left out. Heres hopin this isn't a little risque.

ballooba

Old People :: Coffin Dodgers

Breasts :: Boobs, Babylons, Baps (B words are best)

Taking a ****e :: Releasing a chocolate hostage, Dropping the Cosbies off at the pool.

Karl Hungus

Originally posted by ballooba
Releasing a chocolate hostage

That one had me in bits!

Fabritzo

Boobs : Top ten hits(tits) or toppers

hedgetrimmer

I heard a good one for nuns - mickey dodgers

Ruaidhri

polishing darth vaders helmet
spank the monkey
shuffling your deck

god the one time ppl ask i forget all the ones i had

tman

5 finger knuckle shuffle, make a hand shandy...

dammit, can't remember anymore

Typedef

Giving the bird.

Two fingered salute.

Munching the rug.

Mowing the lawn.

Putting out the cat : Note.... I'm not sure that's really a euphamism, but damn... it could be.


Moron : Muppet.

Fat : Cuddley.

Stupid : Special.

Virgin : Inexperienced.

Throttle : Welly.

Greasey food : Munch.

Thorbar

Having a **** - Flogging the bishop.

Lafortezza

hungover = gee-eyed,

**** = tickling the dolphins nose,
**** = pulling the body out of yourself

When you're on your way to the toilet to empty your bowels:
"The Cosby show is about to start..."

Sangre

Originally posted by ballooba
)

Taking a ****e :: Releasing a chocolate hostage, Dropping the Cosbies off at the pool.

Fuppin brilliant, laughed right out loud at thm


Female Genitals:Beef Curtains

Gordon

Try Roger's Profanisaurus from Viz for that type of thing.

Gaz

Ugly women - swamp donkey

Fat woman - salad dodger

Gay man - Crafty Butcher (takes his meat round the back) , anal assasin , rectum ranger , administrator of brown love ... there loads of them

Female masturbation - flicking the bean

Clitoris - Budgies tongue

Erect Nipples - Bruce lees (hard nip) --- > one of my favourite

Nipples - JCB starter buttons , fighter pilots thumbs

**** - Firing the one eyed yogurt slinger

To cum - Like a yoplait truck hitting a wall

I have loads of these ...... could on al day

Gaz

Female genitals - Axe wound , Badly packed kebab

Oral sex (on her) - Pearl diving on the bearded oyster , drinking from the hairy cup

Rolo Tomasi

five euros(fiver) - sky diver
pocket - sky rocket

I found a sky diver and put it in my sky rocket.


See ya later - Christian Slater

day after a bad curry - wolfie's (ie. your a*se is howling)

Rolo Tomasi

oh yeah from last nite's south park

rump ranger
donut puncher
poo stabber

all fairy (haha fairy, get it) evident what they mean.

ballooba

Originally posted by Darth Homer
Ugly women - swamp donkey

Legendary!! That one is sure to get me a few slaps tonight.

tman

hippies/crustys - soap dodgers

Farls

Nipples - Scania wheel nutz, smugglin peanutz

tits - Bejublies!, spots

Takin a dump - Droppin a few refugee's off at the emigration office

piss - leakin the lizard, draining the snake

clit - wee man in a boat

ugly - rank

beautiful - fit, mint, i def wud

erection - boner, the baby's arm

hungover - welded

Kappar

For a ugly girl - She's a face like a bull dog licking pi ss of nettles

Havin' a ****e - sayin' hello to the arabs

For someone with a red or battered face- look athim he's a face like a jocky's bollocks

Drunk - Ossified, Balloned, BA, Liquid, Fluid, Paralithic, on one's ear.

Concern street collecters/Street scratchcard sellers - **** off away from me

There's loads more but i can;t think

oeNeo

Fair enough - hairy muff, fairy muff etc.

The Gopher

Guards-The pigs,the filth,the fuzz,the muff,the fuzzy muff,the flange(hey,I love Ali G )

Lesbians-Eating from the bushy plate,drinking from the furry cup

Penis and ****-Purple headed youghurt slinger,porridge gun,bashing the bishop,milking the cow,choking the chicken,polishing my good friend Dick,standing the soldier to attention,cracking one off

Pissing,sh1tting-Seeing an Arab called Mustapha Crap,making a christmas log of my own(a good one to use after crimbo dinner:D )Having a Johnny Cash(slash)having a William Pitt,

Gay-Sausage jockey,rent boy,dropping anchor in sh1t harbour,ass logger,pillow muncher,

Drugs-the sh1t,the ganja,the buddha,the chronic,the mary jane,the charlie,chasing the dragon,the whizz,the mitsubishis,blow,lady H,the buzzer,the acid,the skunk,the dove(I was high for days after I took all that on my birthday*)

With thanks to Jim Royle and Ali G for providing 90% of these;)

*=bullsh1t.

Space Coyote

AEROPLANE BLOND
One who has bleached or dyed her
hair but still has a'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given
down under.

BADLY PACKED KEBAB
A vulgar (but still excellent) term
for the female genitalia

BEAVER LEAVER
A homosexual (male)

BEER COAT
The invisible, but warm coat worn
when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the
morning.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures
your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even
though you're too
pissed to remember where you live,how you got there,
and where you've come
from.

BEER SCOOTER
The ability to get home after a
night out on the booze and not remember it
i.e. "I don't even remember
getting home last night,I must have caught the beer
scooter".

BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off
Crimewatch.

Space Coyote

BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first piss in the pub, usually
after 2 hours of solid drinking.
After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits
to the toilet will be required every 10 or
15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern slang for 'beers',
e.g. "Couple of Britneys please,Doreen".

BRUCE LEE
Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).

BUDGIE'S TONGUE or SMALL MAN IN A
BOAT, or TONGUE PUNCHBAG
The female erection.

BUNNY-BOILER
An unhinged and overly possessive
woman.
>From the rabbit boiling scene
in the film "Fatal Attraction",
e.g. " I don't like the look of that
aeroplane blonde - could be a bunny boiler".

COCK-A-DOODLE-POO
The bowel movement that, needing to
come out urgently,wakes you up in the morning to get
to the toilet quick.

DOUBLE BASS
A sexual position in which the man
enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with
the woman's nipples with one hand and
her Budgie's tongue with the other.
The position is similar to that used
when playing the double bass instrument, but the sound

produced is slightly different.

DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cashpoint
machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit
one before going out
on the booze.

ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's
face by twiddling both her nipples simultaneously.

Lafortezza

Originally posted by Kappar

For someone with a red or battered face- look athim he's a face like a jocky's bollocks

Concern street collecters/Street scratchcard sellers - **** off away from me

Have heard most of the rest, but these two are class

Caesar_Bojangle

A woman with red hair on her genitalia: Bush Fire

superconor

as i said to kingconor and axe one sunny lunchtime: "a day without sexual innuendo is like a day without sunshine"......:)

Adjusting your set
Batting Practice
Being your own best friend
Changing your oil
Choking your chicken
Cooking some sheet meat
Dishonorable discharge
Doing some rapid one-arm pull-ups
Emptying the payload
Fathering some pleasure
Firing your squirt gun
Fist-kebabing
Freeing your willies
Getting your palm red
Going back to nature
Gunning the motor
Hitting the batsman
Homecoming
Honing the bone
Ironing the wrinkles
Junior olympic pole vaulting
Knuckling your knob
Launching the hand shuttle
Lectrifying the cattle prod
Letting some air out of your tire
Manning the cockpit
Mashing the monster
Massaging your colon
Measuring for condoms
Milking your banana
Peeling the carrot
Playing hand hockey
Playing the pipe organ
Pud Wrestling
Roasting your weiner
Rolling your jam joint
Roughing up the suspect
Self-whitting
Sending out the troops
Shaking the thermometer
Shining your helmet
Shifting gears
Shooting some seeds
Snake charming
Soloing
Spanking your monkey (classical)
Spear fishing
Speed kneading
Spreading the mayo
Squeezing out the toothpaste
Staff meeting
Shuffling
Strangling your bishop
Taking a shake break
Taming your snake
Threading the needle
Throttle the bottle
Tossing the javelin
Tugging the tapioca tube
Tuning the antenna
Virtual sex
Visting Mr. O
Wedding rehearsal
Whitewater wristing

Pepe LeFrits

Gonzagas.

You can guess what the euphemism is for.

Space Coyote

FLOGGING ON
Surfing the Internet for some
left-handed websites.

FREE THE TADPOLES
Liberate the residents of the ****
Tanks.

FRIGMAROLE
Unnecessarily time-consuming
foreplay.

F*******F*******F*******
The sound made when driving through
too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

GOING FOR A Mc****
Entering a fast food restaurant with
no intention of buying food, you're just going to the
bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their
food afterwards is
called a "Mc**** With Lies".

GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch
from the hare.

HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT
A vigorous masturbation session.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard
intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a
burger restaurant.The 'no stars' comes from the badges

displaying stars that staff at
fast-food restaurants often wear to
show their level of training.

McSPLURRY
The type of bowel movement you
experience after dining for
a weekin fast food restaurants.

MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e.
extremely impressive when viewed
from the outside, but there's
actually f***-all in there worth seeing.


MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering
yourself in, you go Oo!Oo! Oo!
Aa! Aa! Aa!"

MUMBLER
An attractive girl in tight shorts
or jeans, etc i.e. you can see the
'lips' moving but can't quite make
out what they're saying.

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on
Friday night while you're in the toilet after your
10th pint, and
whisks away all the unattractive people
so the pub is suddenly packed
with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place
on Saturday morning before you wake
up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves
a 10-pinter in your
bed instead.

Space Coyote

NBR (NO BEERS REQUIRED)
Someone that you'd chat up instantly
in the pub.The opposite of a 10-pinter.

NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming slang for "Stella" (the
lager).

ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE
The need to defecate imminently.

PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it
would be -
"It's a bit Pearl Harbour out
there!"
Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in
the air.

PICASSO ARSE
A woman whose knickers are too small
for her, so she looks
like she's got 4 buttocks.

RAGMAN'S COAT
Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g.
"That mumbler looks quite fit,
but I bet she's got a kebab like a
ragmans coat!"

RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE
To defecate e.g. "I've got one in
the departure lounge,so I'm just nipping out to
release a
chocolate hostage".

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an
overweight person.

SPERM WAIL or SPUPHEMISM
A verbal outburst during the male
orgasm.

STARFISH TROOPER or ARSETRONAUT
A homosexual

SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman

TART FUEL or BITCH PISS
Bottled Alcopops, e.g Hooch,
regularly consumed by young woman.

TEN-PINTER
Someone that you'd only chat up
after drinking at least 10 pints.

TITANIC
A lady who goes down the first time
out.

TODGER DODGER
A lesbian.

TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags
to have sex with (one to cover their head, and one to
cover yours,
just incase their bag falls off).

UP ON THE BLOCKS
Menstruating i.e. Out of action, a
bit like a car in a garage,
e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck
tonight lads, the
missus is up on the blocks".

VAGINA DECLINER
A homosexual (male)
WALLACE AND GROMIT
Rhyming slang for 'Vomit'.

**** SÉANCE
During a masturbation session, the
eerie feeling that you're being watched with disgust
by your
dead relatives.


WYNONA RYDER
Rhyming slang for 'cider'.
e.g. "Pint of Wynona, half a pint of Nelson and a
bottle of Tart Fuel please
Doreen".

X-PILES
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.


Sorry for posting so many, but they're just too funny not to share

Don1

Manure Packers or Shirt lifters
Gay men:D

gogo

Originally posted by ballooba

Taking a ****e :: Releasing a chocolate hostage, Dropping the Cosbies off at the pool. [/B]

oh good god!!:D
also

BRUCE LEE
Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).

very good,very good.


gogo

woosaysdan

masterbating - palm and her five sisters!!!
small tits - jelly tots on a mantle-peice!!!
queers - **** stabbers, swinging for the other side, **** etc....
getting a handjob off ur girlfriend - using the hands free kit!!!

ArwenEvenstar

Hands free kit!!! lmao!!

Small tits - 2 aspirins on an ironing board
*the eternal* MILF (thanks to american pie) - Mom I'd Liketa F**k
Having a period - Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System

The Sweeper

Wait a minute = "Stall the digger!"

It's a considerable distance = "It's a three day camel ride"

She was overweight = "She'd an arse like a bursted couch"

I was given out to = "I got roared at like a tinker's dog"

She gave him a blowjob = "Cream of sumyungguy was on the menu"

Superflous to requirements = "Like a spare dick at a **** party"

I know there are lots more of these, but I'm trying to be honest and only use the ones I use in common conversation.

(Yeah, very common conversation...)