I realy need help!!!!

Wolf

OK heres the story.

There is this girl iv known since i was 16 (im 22 now). She is everything to me. Iv loved her for years and we are realy good friends. Im pretty good with girls in general but when it comes to girls I realy like I go all stupid and shy. So with her im totaly usless. But thats not realy the problem.

We kissed once when we were about 18 but she went back over to Scotland (Uni) and notthing more was said I was too scared. Then about a month ago we both went up to see a friend in Colraine and we ended up sharing a bed and stuff happened (no sex but more than kissing) and the next morning we talked and it was akward. We both just said that we were realy drunk.

Enter present day. I recently moved up to Belfast and she has moved up to Belfast as well for some course she is doing. Well we all went out last firday and took some E's (I know but its part of the story). I told her how I honestly felt. She just sat there and held me and didnt say anything at all. I said to her "are you not going to say anything?" She said "your just saying that because your all pilled up". Notthing more happened that night. We have been talking since and I havent brought it up and niether has she but I know it on her mind in one shape or the other. I intend to bring it up when im sober and im going to soon.

You also need to understand I love this girl. She means so much to me that I cant continue me life untill I have some sort of closure. Iv been hitting the drink hard all week just to ease the pain to be honest. I dont think shes going to say yes to me but I realy need to know.

Also lots of people always comment on the way we look at each other and that we would be good together etc. They always seem to know thats she is very special to me.

Id just like to hear your thoughts on this and am I right to follow up on what I said the other night?

Seraphina

ok...

She said "your just saying that because your all pilled up"

this could be
a) she really likes you, but couldn't believe you were serious because you were pilled up

b) she doesn't like you and was just trying to avoid the subject

it can really go either way
for your own sake(for fear of going mad)you should tell her. it will probably shake your friendship for a while, but hopefully if your good enough friends, you can overcome it.

sorry my advice is useless:)

good luck!

Offy

One of my best friends is female and the comment

Also lots of people always comment on the way we look at each other and that we would be good together etc.

is said to me a lot too. Point is it dosent matter what others think, what matters is what you and she think. The phrase "Say it when your sober" springs to mind. Unless you learn to mind read its the best way to find out. What have you got to lose?
If she dosent have the same feeling for you at least you find out and can then move on.
Tell her how you feel when your talking to her next and ask her how she feels about you.
If she feel like you then......

Wolf

Originally posted by Seraphina


it will probably shake your friendship for a while, but hopefully if your good enough friends, you can overcome it.

sorry my advice is useless:)

good luck!

This is also something im terrified by but as u said for my sanity and health iv got to. Your advice is good tho thanks

_sheep

Wolf, the impression i get from your post is that you just want us to tell you to go for it, and the impression i get from what you told us is that she likes you as well (the fun in bed).

Just suck it up and tell her (that is what you wanted to hear isnt it ?). But seriously, tell her, its obviously messing you up(drinking hard.....)

TELL HER

-jason

Wolf

Ok im telling her today and thanks for listening

Jim

let us know how it turns out, hope she says yes.

Jimmeh

Kali

you're both just too damn shy and introverted.. hope it went well (if you managed to get up the courage!)

p

Originally posted by [-UK-]Wolf
Ok im telling her today and thanks for listening

Good Luck!

And tell us how it goes.

That's the price for the advice on this board. (o:


- Kevin

ColinM

Hi UK Wolf,
I just stumbled across your thread from the main page of most recently posted threads. I was caught by the subject line, but I expected it to be about something other than personal issues.

Anyhow, after reading your post, I felt I had to reply. All the advice given so far has been very good and I don't want to repeat what has been said already too much, but I think I have something relevant to add.

First of all, I want to say I really empathise with you. I am in a similar situation with a girl that I just could not forget about but I also could never find the right time to tell her how I felt. I knew that I was afraid of rejection, and that was at least partially preventing me from telling her how I felt. I found myself in the purgatory of wondering "what if", and after almost two years of agonising I realised that at least after a rejection I can get over it and move on, and just like always, the world keeps spinning and eventually things don't seem so bad at all. That's infinitely better than letting life go by because you were afraid to take a risk. I didn't want to end up growing old and being the boring old fart drinking at the bar all day telling anyone who'll listen about the one he let get away.

I recently found the courage to meet her, and it didn't go exactly as I had hoped it would. I told her in a round about way, and she seemed to dodge the issue. I thought about what I would do - or have done before - when in her position. If a girl that I'm not crazy about is trying to tell me she loves me, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, I know I would try to dodge the issue - both to save her feelings and prevent awkwardness that I would have to deal with. So, I think for me, if I want to know for sure, I can try again, or I can write her a letter so that I can think about what exactly it is that I want to say when there is less pressure, and also I can save her the awkwardness of trying to spare my feelings.

In deciding that I really do prefer to know if she feels the same about me, I have had to face the very real possibility that she doesn't. So this is my advice to you (for what it's worth): Go and find out how she feels in an unambiguous environment. Be clear and honest when you speak to her. But be prepared for the likelihood that you will be rejected. And if that happens, realise that you will get over it, and from then on things can only get better.
That's all for now. Take care of yourselves, and each other...
Colin.

Wolf

Wow. Thats pretty good stuff Colin. Im trying to get off work early today to meet her. Its funny I have lots of girls chasing me...... honest dont know why? but the one girl I want is hard to get. Well im going to risk it today or tomoz as soon as I get a chnace thanks Colin I need that.

smiles

I'd tell her. I've used the line "you're only saying it 'cause you're drunk" to see if they will say it when they are sober, i guess i was scared to make the commitment of believing them.

Try

<< Fio >>

Cake Fiend

Conor, you met me not long after I was getting over a very similar situation. I still regret not telling her. You make the same mistake and I'll come up there and kick your head in

Shad0r

Originally posted by [-UK-]Wolf
Its funny I have lots of girls chasing me...... honest dont know why? but the one girl I want is hard to get.

Thats probably part of the reason you want her.

There is this girl iv known since i was 16 (im 22 now). She is everything to me. Iv loved her for years and we are realy good friends. Im pretty good with girls in general but when it comes to girls I realy like I go all stupid and shy. So with her im totaly usless.

Put yourself out of your head. Concentrate on her and banish any and every doubt or insecurity from your mind. It sounds difficult but its actually not. Bear in mind that she probably has tonnes of insecurities etc floating around her head too.

I told her how I honestly felt. She just sat there and held me and didnt say anything at all. I said to her "are you not going to say anything?" She said "your just saying that because your all pilled up". Notthing more happened that night. We have been talking since and I havent brought it up and niether has she but I know it on her mind in one shape or the other. I intend to bring it up when im sober and im going to soon.

Sorry to be the one to say this but if you have no real relationship history, i.e. gf & bf for a time, then outright telling her you love her is probably a very bad idea. If she isnt ready for that kind of announcment it could have serious negative effects.

I dont understand why these things have to be rushed. Just ask her out, have some fun, have a relationship for a while, see if you still love her then If you do, tell her at that stage.

You also need to understand I love this girl. She means so much to me that I cant continue me life untill I have some sort of closure. Iv been hitting the drink hard all week just to ease the pain to be honest. I dont think shes going to say yes to me but I realy need to know.

Theres nothing worse than not knowing where you stand. Just remember aim for degree's of knowledge, rather than black and white results.

"Hitting the drink hard all week"
Bad thinking batman. Sure go out on the piss and get wasted with your mates, but leave it there. Drinking as a crutch to support you through problematic times is an incredibly easy habit to pick up but incredibly difficult to break.

All the above said, it sounds like you have better than 50% odds in your favour. I just hope you think through what your going to say to her and tread carefully.

Let us know what happens.

Jim

Originally posted by [-UK-]Wolf
Its funny I have lots of girls chasing me...... honest dont know why? but the one girl I want is hard to get.

this always happens wen ur obsessed wit one particular girl, dunno why, its one of gods little tricks.

Wolf

Thanks alot everyone. I was on the phone to her there now shes not back untill monday or tomoz. But ill let ya know whats happening and thanks all for the advice. Cheers Sico, Neil and Colin in particular for the good advice and hope to see u lot soon lads.


I love you guys

Mutz

I once told an old girlfriend I loved her (which I really and truelly did, still think of her to this day.... 4 years later after we broke up). Her response..... "I hope your not offended, but I dont feel the same..."

Hmmmm.... the feeling similar to a kick between the legs is how I felt, and the worst thing was, we were on the DIT mystery tour to Blazers in Longford when this happened, so we had to drive all the way back to Dublin with that awkward politeness. Stayed together for about another 3 months after that

Hope everything goes ok Wolf

Wolf

Originally posted by Shad0r
Sorry to be the one to say this but if you have no real relationship history, i.e. gf & bf for a time, then outright telling her you love her is probably a very bad idea. If she isnt ready for that kind of announcment it could have serious negative effects.

Theres alot of history. Alot of very nearlies and stuff like that. Also I know for sure that she is thinking about it, but im not sure in what way. Either that night I told her she didnt want anything to happen cuz of the drug or because she didnt want anything to happen. It was very odd she was very cuddely and kept looking at me. But then again we were all wasted so it wasnt the time for it me thinks.....one way or the other.

"Hitting the drink hard all week"
Bad thinking batman. Sure go out on the piss and get wasted with your mates, but leave it there. Drinking as a crutch to support you through problematic times is an incredibly easy habit to pick up but incredibly difficult to break.

You have seen me out Neil and should know what im like. Its not that i was going out just for that but I was going out with mates but in the back of my mind I drank so much on the past few nights for that reason. Also iv been down that road before and I know its not good believe me.

Also what you said about not rushing it I know I cant be too heavy but at the saem time it been going on too long and something need to be done one way or the other. It like some soilder that has ganggreen (I know crapy example) he has to lose his leg or he will die. He has to go through the pain before he can continue on.

Well again thanks all she is coming in on the train soon I have to phone her and hopfully going for coffee or something. But ill let you all know thanks.

Tazz T

Dunno bout everyone else,, but the anticipation is killing me. Will she or won't she?

I'd like to think she'll reciprocate. A happy ending to one to the endless relationship dilemmas on the 'personal issues' board would be nice.

GL Wolfie.

Kell

Yeah the tension is killing me too- make sure you dont pop any pills before hand Wolf, or down a shed load of gargle. Make it honest, make it nice and go get er.

Typedef

You know.

If you love the girl, you should chase her.

Simple logic that. Either she turns you down or she doesn't, again simple logic.

Notice that you and she have had sexual relations of a sort, so it is highly likely that the girl in question is at least (not) unameniable.


[Public service announcement]

E is shìt.

It messes with your kidneys, is 'bad' for your heart (no matter what your neighbourhood friendly yoke dealer says) and taking drugs often gets in the way of males and females having 'normal' relationships, because the time you should be spending in bed with each other is spent dancing till 6am on E with speed, acid and or Coke if you can afford it.

Regards Typedef.

Typedef

Oh and I forgot to mention.

Quite often, girls end up running off with he who has the best drug connections, because in the world of the druggie having good connections is the equivalent of having a fast BMW in college in terms of chick pulling potential.

Yes, my girlfriend ran off with my local pusher's son.

/Long story.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Typedef

Yes, my girlfriend ran off with my local pusher's son.

/Long story.

are you sure it was because of the pills?
or was it to do with you being a psychopathic axe wielding maniac on the run from the police in seven countries and having a live chiken fetish?

oh,and to keep it on track, just talk to her when both sober, while drinking coffee, ina public place, in the middle of the day, when its raining, during the week, with your wellies on.

Typedef

are you sure it was because of the pills?

Back then we called them yokes.... and yes.
Well to be honest... more his mammies coke connections.....
/less said the better.

or was it to do with you being a psychopathic axe wielding maniac on the run from the police in seven countries and having a live chiken fetish?

shurg.... party I suppose.
Note: I fought the law and umm the axe was necessary.... €ircom were following me.

oh,and to keep it on track, just talk to her when both sober, while drinking coffee, ina public place, in the middle of the day

Yes, that could work, but, remember to pay for the coffee... and buying flowers wouldn't hurt.... then hurl yourself on the ground and beg her to take pity on you and take you to her bed......
apparently this works...

when its raining, during the week, with your wellies on.

And now we get an unwanted glimpse into wwm's wellie fascination..... I'm officially weired out.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Typedef
And now we get an unwanted glimpse into wwm's wellie fascination..... I'm officially weired out.

I was wondering, are they the 8.99 black ones, or the tartan, fashioned ones for 160.99??

oh, on topic.....
ya, begging normally works, even with the most hard hearted

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by Beruthiel


oh, on topic.....
ya, begging normally works, when i want it really hard and fast

uh-huh, yeah. i bet......

Jim

humm.... begging eh? must try that out........

Wolf

Iv been working like a dog recently mostly evening and thats the only time thats shes free so it been hard to find the time. But im chasing down a time as we speak so ill let you all know what happen and thanks for all the support Also stop been silly all you strange ppl

Jim

GODDAMN IT MAN, we want results and NOW!!!

get off ur arse and talk to her u ****ing pussy!!

[Author's Note : Insults used as a motavational tool only]

Wolf

OK im litrally on my way to meet her for lunch right now. I phoned her last nite and asked her would she meet me for lunch that i needed to talk to her im going to phone her before I finish this post..........brb (phoning her now to arrange where to meet).....OK she is on her way down right now then im going to take her for coffee. Here, goes Iv wanted to do this for years. Thanks everyone and Ill let you know how it went soon tho tbh im not that hopefull but lets see.

Typedef

Go speed racer.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by [-UK-]Wolf
Here, goes Iv wanted to do this for years. Thanks everyone and Ill let you know how it went soon tho tbh im not that hopefull but lets see.

oh god
it's like a soap opera
the tension is too much
will she?
won't she?
you had better come back and let us know, or I'll not sleep tonight!!

Kell

Originally posted by Beruthiel
oh god
it's like a soap opera

Dont belittle the boys dilemma. Sheez.
(Shocked, stunned and not a little amazed noises)

Tazz T

OK I'm taking a book:


Evens - they chat about it a bit but don't come to any immediate conclusion and decide to meet up for a drink one night to discuss the matter futher (at which point they drink too much, end up in bed and live happily ever after with 2 children in 3-bed semi in Clontarf).
2-1 - she says 'Yes, I'll love you forever.'
7/2 - he chickens out and doesn't tell her.
5-1 - she says 'No, I want to stay friends.'
And the rank outsider - 1000-1 - she says that she loves him too, but has a terrible secret - that she is in fact a alien from the planet Varg and will only be with him if he goes to live on Varg with her.

Oh, and 5-2, she goes to the wrong pub/cafe by mistake, he thinks he's been stood up and they never talk to each other again.

Wolf

Well I went to the hotel next door and told her how I felt (sober). Her reaction was mixed. She brought up how im a bit of a player, she brought up how something like this destroyed an other realy good friendship. She said how right now she needs lots of good friends that she can rely on and trust.

I asked her if I was chasing a lost cause?. She said that right now it wouldnt matter who it was. That all her life she has relied on guys how she has gone stright from one boy friend to the next and that right now she has been single for a while and thats she is happy. To me if she was with someone else and truly happy then I love her so much that then id be happy for her. So if she is happy then thats is all that matters.

At least now its out of the way and we can go on been friends. I get the feeling thats maybe just maybe someday I might end up with her but now realy isnt the right time.

Well time to go chasing all those other girls that are after me

Maybe in time things will change. Time is a great leveler.

Thanks all for your interest and support. I am truly proud to be part of this community.

The main thing is if I was to walk out to night and be knocked down and killed I would die without regret. It a bit of a blow in a way. But I can also get on with things now. But I also know that this isnt the end of it all. If it was id know. Well if anything changes ill let you know

Beruthiel

fair play to ya [-UK-]Wolf for taking what she said so well.
tbh - she sounds like she a bit mixed up and confused at the moment so you are better off leaving it, she seems to want to stand on her own for a while.
If you have no problems just being mates, then go for it, at least you have that, but be sure you are happy with just that and not torturing yourself unnecessarily
good luck

Wolf

Like I said I am a dissapointed. However, I still like her and I dont think this is totaly the end of it all. It might be years before it comes up again but at least iv made my feelings know. Now i can live with myself

Also as iv said the most important thing to me is her happyness and she told me she is happier now than she has ever been so thats the most important thing of all

Tazz T

Fair play to you for doing it. Takes balls. You know what the craic is and you can get on with things.

Never know. She might change her mind about things after she has had time to think about it.

Kell

Pity it didnt work out man. I would pass on thinking about her too much for a while to get her out of the system. It's really nasty to be around someone you're in love with if the feeling isnt returned in the same way.

Go out and get yourself laid.

clipper

hey[-UK-] Wolf, I've just found the thread and I was taken by your story. firstly, e =bad, drowning sorrows=bad and getting laid for the sake of it when ur a bit messed up=bad. but...what you did sure can't have been easy, and i hope you feel some relief and pride about how you handled it. alls i can say is that i was in a similar situation with one of my best friends about 4 years ago (though his feelings probably weren't quite as deep as yours!) and although i had to be nudged a little to take the plunge with him, i'm still his mot, and a very lucky gal to have him.
don't give up hope and at least try to enjoy your friendship with her.

hedgetrimmer

Kudos to your good self Wolf! A shame it didn't work out, but sure as you say yourself, you now have resolution on the issue with an open thread to see where things go. She sounds like she needs good friends like you are her - as beruthiel said, she's confused and out of herslef, it seems.

So for you, look after yourself and your own happiness, and be there for her, is my advice my friend. And who knows, in strengtheneing the bond of frienship, other things might happen, but for now, let her be IMO