Wake up Pighead,I think we're being burgled.....

Pighead

I don't know about you but when I hear these words i generally freeze and pretend i'm in the deepest sleep mankind has ever known,thus leaving brave Miss Piggy to investigate.
Have any of you lovely boardsters ever been in that situation where you're in bed and you hear a noise downstairs? or perhaps it's about 1 in the morning and you're up watching tv and all of a sudden you get this nagging feeling that there's someone in the house with you?

What do you do?
Should you investigate?
Arm yourself with kitchenware in case someone is in the house?
Call The Guards (J Lennon (c))
Ring the ghostbusters.
Pighead tends to go for the chickenshiit option and cowers under his bedclothes but i'm sure thats not representative of the general boardsters feelings on the matter

johnny_ultimate

The song says it all:
Who you gonna call: Ghostbusters! Although if there is no ghost then youll just look foolish

WhiteWashMan

lock myself in the toilet and tell them to take what they want and then please just leave

Pighead

WhiteWashMan wrote:

lock myself in the toilet and tell them to take what they want and then please just leave

.I hear you!

RVN10

go to my kitchen find the biggest knife cleaver and chase the b@$tard out the house

Karoma

Hammer Time!

MrJoeSoap

Karoma wrote:

Hammer Time!

Rofl!

Another question: How far would you go (in terms of beating them) if you caught them unawares. Its never happened me, and I'm usually quite scared when something like this happens. But I do have a feeling I'd go nuts and lose all control.

deisedevil

Get my baseball bat from under the bed and go have a look, never actually got burgled, pity, i'd luv ta clatter one of em,lol

Sparky

id say talk to the man pighead, he will then run off in dispair

Other than that at this time of year a banger to the penis should sort em out.

Pighead

The only possible way Pighead could help you out is to advise everybody to buy one of these bad boys
http://www.thinkgeek.com/cubegoodies/toys/71bc/

seamus

Half of these ***** are so out of their heads and pumped up, they wouldn't even feel any beating you gave them. You'd have to hope the first blow knocks them down or kills them because injuring them won't stop them.

If you must fight, the best option has to be knees. They're quite tough however, you'd want to give it some welly to drop them by hitting the knee.
Anyone into Martial arts will easily tell you the sensitive areas of the body, but unless you're practiced, you'll just end up makin your attacker angrier by just hurting them a little.

Your best option, if it's available, is to gather all of your family in one room, lock the door, call the Gardai and wait till they go away.

deisedevil

I dunno seamus, a good crack on thew noggin from a baseball bat wud do plenty of damage, no need for the kung fu experts, dey'll tell you themselves to run if a guy has a weapon. that guy had the right idea when he blew away that traveller that was trying to rob him if ya ask me. feckers tryin to rob old people are a disgrace!

Sparky

make them do that thing Mr nice guy posted earlier on
oh and a gun pointed at their head if they refuse.

For more tips watch the sopranos

Pighead

seamus wrote:

Anyone into Martial arts will easily tell you the sensitive areas of the body, but unless you're practiced, you'll just end up makin your attacker angrier by just hurting them a little.

Just out of interest where exactly are the sensitive areas.I can think of the groin and maybe the kidneys area but i'm wondering where else are the weak spots?

seamus

deisedevil wrote:

I dunno seamus, a good crack on thew noggin from a baseball bat wud do plenty of damage, no need for the kung fu experts, dey'll tell you themselves to run if a guy has a weapon. that guy had the right idea when he blew away that traveller that was trying to rob him if ya ask me. feckers tryin to rob old people are a disgrace!

You'd be surprised how difficult it is to kill a man. How do you expect to get the room to swing a baseball bat if he's standing in your hallway? For that matter, think how many places he could be standing in your home where you simply haven't got the room to swing your weapon with sufficient force. And you're left standing there looking at a big drugged-out knacker with a sore head. **** that.

danniemcq

i'd (try to) knock the sh*t outta him.

WhiteWashMan

well, the only problem is, ive heard far too many stories of people going at someone, having (insert instrument of doom here) taken from them and being beaten to death with it!

no, im a better safe than sorry person, and im a better 'being more scared shítless and hiding, than safer than sorrier' type person.

if you can unserstand that....

Sparky

Pighead wrote:

Just out of interest where exactly are the sensitive areas.I can think of the groin and maybe the kidneys area but i'm wondering where else are the weak spots?

the centre of the ribs is another pressure point, even forcing your thumb in this area right at the base of where the ribs meet in a sort of V.
I done it on a lad and he had pains there for 3 days.

Sparky

WhiteWashMan wrote:

well, the only problem is, ive heard far too many stories of people going at someone, having (insert instrument of doom here) taken from them and being beaten to death with it!

no, im a better safe than sorry person, and im a better 'being more scared shítless and hiding, than safer than sorrier' type person.

if you can unserstand that....

well i suppose you could use the old favourite.
Judge he slipped on a bar of soap and fell against the phone table.

/must remember to leave bar of wet soap trail at door

WhiteWashMan

Sparky_S wrote:

the centre of the ribs is another pressure point, even forcing your thumb in this area right at the base of where the ribs meet in a sort of V.
I done it on a lad and he had pains there for 3 days.

i can just see it...

'excuse me pr burgler that may be high on some sort of crack-cocaine substance, mind standing there for a second and not beating my head in with that there piece of metal youare weilding, i want to find a pressure point thats just wround the ribs somewhere. someone on teh interweb told me about it. it was on boards.ie'

'oh, im on boards.ie'

'really, im wwman on boards'

'right, youre really fúcking for it now you wánker, you banned me for personal abuse and never unbanned me until i complained bitterly on the feedback forum, at which point i was a twat.....'

etc etc etc


yes indeed, it could all go terribly wrong.

'please, take everything, including the 5 cats, and fúck off'

deisedevil

seamus wrote:

You'd be surprised how difficult it is to kill a man. How do you expect to get the room to swing a baseball bat if he's standing in your hallway? For that matter, think how many places he could be standing in your home where you simply haven't got the room to swing your weapon with sufficient force. And you're left standing there looking at a big drugged-out knacker with a sore head. **** that.

Cause i wouldn't swing it like i'm looking for a home run, more like chopping wood,lol. and ya i have high ceilings

Sparky

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i can just see it...

'excuse me pr burgler that may be high on some sort of crack-cocaine substance, mind standing there for a second and not beating my head in with that there piece of metal youare weilding, i want to find a pressure point thats just wround the ribs somewhere. someone on teh interweb told me about it. it was on boards.ie'

'oh, im on boards.ie'

'really, im wwman on boards'

'right, youre really fúcking for it now you wánker, you banned me for personal abuse and never unbanned me until i complained bitterly on the feedback forum, at which point i was a twat.....'

etc etc etc


yes indeed, it could all go terribly wrong.

'please, take everything, including the 5 cats, and fúck off'

yeah your right too many things can go wrong, so ill have to plug him into the mains then.
A bit of shock treatment.

Pighead

The law currently allows people to use ‘reasonable force’ against burglars. This means they can already lawfully attack or even kill them — provided they have good reason to fear that their own lives or safety are in danger.

Pigheads enormously confused by the case of Tony Martin, the farmer whose conviction for killing a burglar sparked a national outcry. Martin lay in wait for an intruder whom he then shot in the back. That was considered to be not legitimate self-defence but the result of a premeditated intention to kill

Pighead reckons, given the chance every lad would cower beneath his superman duvet and wait til the burglar/noise went away.90% of the reason the tough guys go down with their hammers is to show their other halves that they are indeed alpha males and will serve and protect for all time.Its all about saving face

AARRRGH

Pighead wrote:

The only possible way Pighead could help you out is to advise everybody to buy one of these bad boys
http://www.thinkgeek.com/cubegoodies/toys/71bc/

haha class!! i'd love to modify it slightly but i'd be afraid of setting it off everytime i tried to turn it off...

nlgbbbblth

WhiteWashMan wrote:

well, the only problem is, ive heard far too many stories of people going at someone, having (insert instrument of doom here) taken from them and being beaten to death with it!

yes but I've also stories of

i) People overpowering burglars with weapons
ii) People killing burglars with weapons

Just because you decide to take on a burglar doesn't mean that you'll lose the fight and die.

WhiteWashMan

nlgbbbblth wrote:

yes but I've also stories of

i) People overpowering burglars with weapons
ii) People killing burglars with weapons

Just because you decide to take on a burglar doesn't mean that you'll lose the fight and die.

so lets say theres a 50% chance you over power the guy and win.

youd give yourself a 50% chance of dying.....?

crikey, bit of a death wish there. why not just go and stand on the m50 and wait for the cars?

irlrobins

hold on a sec, here........

your missus calls you Pighead too???

Ajnag

now yer sorry you didnt buy that chainsaw on impulse, arent ya!

Sparky

irlrobins wrote:

hold on a sec, here........

your missus calls you Pighead too???

theres something wrong in that marrage

nesf

seamus wrote:

You'd be surprised how difficult it is to kill a man. How do you expect to get the room to swing a baseball bat if he's standing in your hallway? For that matter, think how many places he could be standing in your home where you simply haven't got the room to swing your weapon with sufficient force. And you're left standing there looking at a big drugged-out knacker with a sore head. **** that.

I couldn't agree more, nothing more dangerous than a person with a little skill who think they know what they are doing.

I saw a guy try to take a knife off someone once using a "basic" karate move. He ended up misjudging it and cutting his hand of the blade (as in he didn't figure the guy would move the knife).

Thankfully for him, the guy with the knife was jumped on by three bouncers and taken care of. Otherwise he was ****ed. If he had just run while he had the chance he'd have been 100 times better off.

Lump

By the way, you can be prosecuted if you injure some one even if they are breaking into your house.

Regards to what Seamus said, I totally agree with the "Out of their heads wouldn't feel a beating" sentiment. I learned that when I was a bouncer in Carlisle (Lots of Morphine and Tranquiliser druggys there)

Anyway, after knocking this guy flat on the ground for the 12th time, him with his nose in shít, I decided I better call the police, the fúcker kept getting up cause he couldn't feel a thing. I was getting tired FFS

John

Lump

Also, punching some one full force in the throat, should, crush their wind pipe. Also the temple is a good area to go for, and obviously the wondering driving the bridge of their nose into their brain movement.

John

billy the squid

hot poker into the left eye. that will do the trick.

scojones

I go after them with my trusty hatchet.

coolhandluke

In the unlikely event you do confront a burglar,never use a knife(someone will likely end up dead) a baton/bat of some sort will suffice and make sure you give him a way out,if you corner him you've given him no choice but to come at you.

county

irlrobins wrote:

hold on a sec, here........

your missus calls you Pighead too???

and a lot worse i would say :rolleyes:

mad m

Well dont know about waking up with someone else in house,but tonight while my mam and dad went shopping they were burgled! "****ERS".....They got some cash(small) and her engagement ring and brackets.

They totally wrecked the place and my parents were only gone 45 mins.They broke in to neighbours house while he was in,this all happened folks around 8:30pm.The neighbour to my mam hit one of them on head with his stick(he is 80) Good for him and they ran!....

They forced opened the kitchen with crowbar and hey presto in they went.Had to screw window shut because locking mechanism is knackered.

Its not really the items that was stolen,well they did get my mam's grandmothers ring which was passed down which I suppose is sentimental.Its just the thoughts of someone in the house that has my mam up the wall.The mental damage is terrible.

MrJoeSoap

mad m wrote:

Its not really the items that was stolen,well they did get my mam's grandmothers ring which was passed down which I suppose is sentimental.Its just the thoughts of someone in the house that has my mam up the wall.The mental damage is terrible.

Thats the bit that gets me too. Insurance will cover most material loss, but nothing can change the fact that a junkie has raided your house.

*Shudder*

Rb

Lump wrote:

By the way, you can be prosecuted if you injure some one even if they are breaking into your house.

I know of someone who was not only prosecuted for stabbing a burgler(he lived :rolleyes: ), but the burgler actually privately sued him too :eek:

MrJoeSoap

rb_ie wrote:

I know of someone who was not only prosecuted for stabbing a burgler(he lived :rolleyes: ), but the burgler actually privately sued him too :eek:

Oh ffs! What is this country like with lawsuits these days? I'm looking forward to the day when I hear of someone being sued for suing someone. Thats the way its going...

Our man in Havana

Pepper sparay the c unt. He won't expect that. Then break some bones!

the_syco

Get the axe, and turn the metal up a notch. Then ask them to leave.

Rb

the_syco wrote:

Get the axe, and turn the metal up a notch. Then ask them to leave.

Or Aphex Twin, I'd imagine some guy chasing you with an axe and "come to daddy" blaring in the background would be enough to make you leave, and never, ever return.

Beruthiel

my only brush with a would be burglar:

I used to live near ballyfermot in a ground floor flat
t'was very warm during the summer, so silly me left the window open a bit so I could sleep at night:
woke up to find some off his head junkie half way in the window, roared at the top of my lungs "get the fuk outta my gaf"
he legged it, think I frightened the life out of him

Mortmain

Beruthiel wrote:

my only brush with a would be burglar:

I used to live near ballyfermot in a ground floor flat
t'was very warm during the summer, so silly me left the window open a bit so I could sleep at night:
woke up to find some off his head junkie half way in the window, roared at the top of my lungs "get the fuk outta my gaf"
he legged it, think I frightened the life out of him

Three months ago, came down the stairs to find all my cactii taken off the widowsill and left outside in a neat row my wallet was gone and my Fiancees handbag along with my laptop - it had names an addresses of all our wedding guests and all of my photos. They had forced the window open and taken what they could carry - never heard a thing.

Moved house a month ago to a ground floor apartment and was woken in the middle of the night by my Fiancee screaming - a drugged up rough-as-f*ck-looking guy was climbing in our window - wouldn't even stop whem I roared at him so I had to fight him out the window. We slammed the window and called the Gardai who took a description. They called me the next morning to ask me up to the station and make an I.D. - turns out the guy was just out of prison, staying in a halfway house not too far away and had mugged and assaulted someone about 10mins before he came to our house. Nice.

joejoem

Make lots of noise on your way downstairs, but yeah I keep a bat beside my bed in case of emergency. Its hidden but within hands reach. Where have all the men gone, its time to protect your cave!

Aln_S

I keep 2 shotgun shells on my locker all the time, the gun is sitting only two feet away from the bed.
Not sure bout actually shooting a burgler tho it could go very wrong, the burgler will most lightly end up dead and me facing a long court battle with at least a manslaughter charge at the end of it.
Lets hope i never have to find out!!

joejoem

Aln_S wrote:

I keep 2 shotgun shells on my locker all the time, the gun is sitting only two feet away from the bed.
Not sure bout actually shooting a burgler tho it could go very wrong, the burgler will most lightly end up dead and me facing a long court battle with at least a manslaughter charge at the end of it.
Lets hope i never have to find out!!

Are you serious troll?

stevenmu

I'm always suprised when this comes up that no one ever says they'd stop and evaluate the situation first. There's no point running downstairs with a crappy little kitchen knife if 3 guys are walking out the door with your TV, just let them go. Similarly if someone is sneaking into your little daughters room, I would hope no one would go and lock themselves in the bathroom. Each situation will be different and you have to weigh up the pros and cons of each possible course of action open to you.

Draupnir

Couple of my mates were living in Brooklyn last summer and caught a little Mexican dude in their apartment stealing their TV one night when they came back from the pub. It was about 4 in the morning apparently.

They bet the shìt out of him and then carried him out and lay him in the street.

Then they called the cops and told them they just saw a guy get hit by a car outside their house.

I'm not sure the cops believed them but the Mexican never ratted them out anyway.

Hub

MrJoeSoap wrote:

Rofl!

Another question: How far would you go (in terms of beating them) if you caught them unawares. Its never happened me, and I'm usually quite scared when something like this happens. But I do have a feeling I'd go nuts and lose all control.

...within an inch of their life.

Scary prospect though...