how to start a relationship?

Dizzyblabla

ok, after reading the marriage thread in After Hours, I'm wondering how people start relationships... I'm not looking to get married or anything, before all the abuse starts, just a few questions...

What makes someone different that makes you want to meet them again? We've all had the random kissing in a pub/nightclub, and maybe not everyone, but most will have had a one night stand.
My question is, on any given night, what makes that girl/guy different? Why call them the following day?

I do believe it's possible to meet a complete stranger out in a pub and hit it off, and I've met really nice guys out, but it never goes beyond the nightclub, numbers are swapped and that's it, they vanish off the face of the earth....

So my question really is, if you meet someone out, what makes you want to meet them again?

bounty_hunter

I think that's a bit of a silly question tbh
The average person generally won't sit and analyse exactly what they found attractive about some person or another that they met when they were out on the piss the night before.

Hub

Well in my opinion, if the girl is really really good looking or decent looking with a good, fun personality then I'll want to see her again. If shes just average or you don't really think she is a extraordinary (for want of a better word) then I wont text her or whatever. I am a c*nt for this tbh.

Bottom line is try to be sexy both in looks and personality

goombah

What makes someone different that makes you want to meet them again is mutual interest or mutual attraction, or your interest or attraction to them. What prevents them from calling is their lack of interest or attraction to you... or other things going on in their lives, or shyness, or fear of rejection, any number of things... If you've swapped numbers and he's not called, why have you not called him?

Dizzyblabla

goombah wrote:

If you've swapped numbers and he's not called, why have you not called him?

ooh, I'm just saying in general! don't worry, I'm not waiting on a call now... and I've often called/texted first, but I think, no matter what people say, it still comes across badly if a girl texts first.

goombah

Hub wrote:

Well in my opinion, if the girl is really really good looking or decent looking with a good, fun personality then I'll want to see her again. If shes just average or you don't really think she is a extraordinary (for want of a better word) then I wont text her or whatever. I am a c*nt for this tbh.

Bottom line is try to be sexy both in looks and personality

What amount of time with no call back would you say is "not interested?" And what do you do if someone didn't accept a no call back as rejection, got your number and called you after not hearing back from you?

20 Times 20 Times

I havent and i wont call anyone i have a one night stand with. If i respect someone enough i will her again . If i dont then i wont waste her time or mine.

Hub

goombah wrote:

What amount of time with no call back would you say is "not interested?" And what do you do if someone didn't accept a no call back as rejection, got your number and called you after not hearing back from you?

Well if they do text you then they're obviously in some way interested. If they don't then they're not. However sometimes I have text girl a few times just to be polite or out of curiosity and not take it any further.

Answering your second question, If I lost that persons number (and I liked them) I would be delighted if they text me. If I didn't, I wouldn't think any less of them if they did text me. As long as it wasn't 7 0r 8 messages...

Dizzyblabla

Sarge wrote:

I havent and i wont call anyone i have a one night stand with. If i respect someone enough i will her again . If i dont then i wont waste her time or mine.

I think very few relationships start with a one night stand, but would you call someone that you met out and maybe kissed in a nightclub?

funk-you

you just kind of go round and around with different people until you finally find some one who you love to spend time with and that can be your best friend as well as your girlfriend/bf. i dont think there is relationship criteria, it just kind of happens and when it does you dont need to analyse it.

i dont know how i ended up with my girlfriend, it just happened and i'm really glad it did. I'm definitely not a believer in the cosmos bringing people together but you really do just find someone that you just know you want to be with.

-Funk

Reaver772

Run up to her punch her hard on the arm and then run away quickly! )

20 Times 20 Times

Dizzyblabla wrote:

I think very few relationships start with a one night stand, but would you call someone that you met out and maybe kissed in a nightclub?

Yes i would , but for me there would have to be that *buzz* in order for me to pick up the phoen and txt/phone her .If not i wouldnt lead myself or herself on.I dont phone / text unless im really interested thats just me

Endurance Man

Dizzyblabla wrote:

I think very few relationships start with a one night stand, but would you call someone that you met out and maybe kissed in a nightclub?

I dont think your gonna meet the right person in a nightclub. Every1 is drunk, they probably dont no who they are talking to half the time, and you dont judge character very well when you are drunk. That is why it never goes further, they dont remember half the nite.
Well thats me at least , i often remember talking to girls, wake up the next morning and cant even remember there names. I have 5 numbers on my phone with names like club .

goombah

funk-you wrote:

i dont think there is relationship criteria, it just kind of happens and when it does you dont need to analyse it.

Yes, call. Find out for sure rather than agonize over a what might have been.

Me, I gave the number, didn't get the call and am disheartened by the why not? Comments like the above help put it in perspective, and others give me a reality check, but none lessen the disappointment.

biko

Dizzy, you sound very young .
When you can't stop thinking about her/him, then it's time to think of long term relationship.
My exp, it's usually not someone from a pub or so. More often than not a friend's friend or class/work mate.

Endurance Man

biko wrote:

Dizzy, you sound very young .
When you can't stop thinking about her/him, then it's time to think of long term relationship.
My exp, it's usually not someone from a pub or so. More often than not a friend's friend or class/work mate.

She does , i dont think your a great judge of character there m8.

embee

Sarge wrote:

I havent and i wont call anyone i have a one night stand with. If i respect someone enough i will her again . If i dont then i wont waste her time or mine.

Then why have a one night stand with her in the first place? Where's your self-respect? Or.. is it that a woman has no self-respect if she has a one night stand, but that its "just sex" in a mans eyes and therefore okay?

Dizzyblabla

Endurance Man wrote:

I dont think your gonna meet the right person in a nightclub. Every1 is drunk, they probably dont no who they are talking to half the time, and you dont judge character very well when you are drunk. That is why it never goes further, they dont remember half the nite.
Well thats me at least , i often remember talking to girls, wake up the next morning and cant even remember there names. I have 5 numbers on my phone with names like club .

Ok, true, I can't say that I don't have a few of those numbers too, but how do you suggest meeting people then? Through friends? But I know most of my friends friends, so that's no good really...

Dizzyblabla

Endurance Man wrote:

She does , i dont think your a great judge of character there m8.

ooh thanks!! he had just cheered me up immensely, and now you've gone and spoiled it again!

Dizzyblabla

embee wrote:

Then why have a one night stand with her in the first place? Where's your self-respect? Or.. is it that a woman has no self-respect if she has a one night stand, but that its "just sex" in a mans eyes and therefore okay?

ah now embee... did you not know that guys have double standards? I thought everyone knew that at this stage, different rules for different sexes.

goombah

and therein lies the rub.

Dizzyblabla

goombah wrote:

and therein lies the rub.

?? what do you mean?

Beruthiel

dizzy
how is this a PI for you exactly?
B

20 Times 20 Times

embee wrote:

Then why have a one night stand with her in the first place? Where's your self-respect? Or.. is it that a woman has no self-respect if she has a one night stand, but that its "just sex" in a mans eyes and therefore okay?

I never go out to score with a girl , or to get into a relantionship i go out to have fun.Now we have all been down the road where we kissed in a pub/nightclub and exchanged numbers and a high majority or us did go home for that one night stand.Now my point is that i would rather call/text that girl that didnt go home with me for the one night stand, and all ready she has gained some level of respect from me.

I like a challenge and can only speak from my own point of view when i say that a one night stand is not a challenege and is just sex for both people involved.My comments were never intended to be boy vs girl arguement of slut vs stud im not insinuating that at all . But what i do with my life and how i treat people in it is down to one person . ME .

I would far rather chasing the fox then actually catching it . hence why i may never call back after a one night stand. Like i said im speaking from my opinion and experiences .

Also its just sex for both parties involved.

Dave

Dizzyblabla wrote:

I think very few relationships start with a one night stand, but would you call someone that you met out and maybe kissed in a nightclub?

I'm currently in a relationship that started as a one night stand. So it's probably not a one night stand then...

Why did I see her again? I don't know, we just really hit it off in that few hours, in a big way.

WhiteWashMan

Dizzyblabla wrote:

ok, after reading the marriage thread in After Hours, I'm wondering how people start relationships... I'm not looking to get married or anything, before all the abuse starts, just a few questions...

What makes someone different that makes you want to meet them again? We've all had the random kissing in a pub/nightclub, and maybe not everyone, but most will have had a one night stand.
My question is, on any given night, what makes that girl/guy different? Why call them the following day?

I do believe it's possible to meet a complete stranger out in a pub and hit it off, and I've met really nice guys out, but it never goes beyond the nightclub, numbers are swapped and that's it, they vanish off the face of the earth....

So my question really is, if you meet someone out, what makes you want to meet them again?

if you go out and meet someone that you get on well with and you figure that you would lke to see them, dont do the phone numbers thing and leave it at that and then both of you sit by the phone for the next 2 weeks cursing because you think the other one is playing games for not phoning!

if at the end of the evening ti yturn around and say, 'you know, ive really enjoyed myself this evening, id really like to do it again', and you get some positive feedback like 'yes, its been great', then simply say, well, im free tomorrow for a coffee/cinema/feeding the ducks/shopping for a new bra/pub, would you like to meet up?'

at least, thats what i used to do. and you know what, if someone likes you, they will agree (unless there is a prior engagement, but then reschedule for the next day or something)

just dont leave it and then wonder why no one phones each other, or you only get a mixed messages. organise ti straight away. sure, it may seem up front, but you save yourself so much bullshít and hassle and worry.


by the way, herewe a nother tip, if you are both feeling full of beans when you meet someone and the pub has just closed, suggest going to a late night coffee bar. its easier to talk than a night club, she will think youre more sophistocated than you actually are (you barbarian you!), it will be a hell of a lot cheaper, and you will probably actually enjoy yourself more. just remember, you dont have to be absolutely shítfaced to enjoy a night out with someone, and it wont get you laid either

WhiteWashMan

Dizzyblabla wrote:

?? what do you mean?

its a quote from Hamlet.

it means, theres the problem.

Iago

For myself I can honestly say that I've never had a one night stand where I haven't looked to get the girls number, and if I get her number I call her with no messing around.

My theory on it is simple, if I get on enough with here during the course of a night to want to go home with her then it's worth seeing her again to see where it goes. If it goes nowhere so be it, but I always make the effort. I'm constantly amazed that girls are shocked when I do actually call, I find it hard to believe that there are that many guys out there who take a girls number with no intention of calling her. Why not just be upfront and say it straight out...

WhiteWashMan

becuase then you get into the realms of a guy having to acknowledge that he is one of 'those' blokes that women hate.

and goddamn it, no one wants to be one of those!

Iago

but you then get the fringe benefits associated with being an a$$hole because they're always the ones that women go for, "I can make him change, I know I can" and so on and so forth

LegacyUser

Well, what attracted me to my BF initially was his intelligence and sensitivity.
He intrigued me, and when I first saw him I looked twice. Remember the first time I saw him .. thought .. he looks like a nice decent guy, like the black shirt. Never thought anything would come of it though. Don't even know how we ended up chatting.