Marriage:A neccesary evil?

Pighead

Pigheads cousin got married last month. I'm obviously delighted that he's found someone willing to put up with him for all eternity but it lead me to stop and have a wee think about the enormity of getting Married

Out of the 11 people i know in the world 2 are married and 1 is engaged They all seem very happy but Pighead sometimes notice cracks in their smiles when he regales them with stories of night long parties and lost weekends and general shackle free shenanigans. Now i obviously didnt want to come across as a nosy prying twat so i decided not too ask them how happy/sad/frustrated or joyful they were and have instead posed the question to a group of strangers on the internet.

So who's tied the knot here? Whats great about it and what do you miss? Or for those still unmarried,are you eagerly awaiting the Big Day Out or are you kind of sad that there will be a day when you are expected to grow up and say farewell to your crazy drinking buddies?Because after all anybody who isn't married by the time they are 40 must have something terribly wrong with them!

Nightwish

i'd get married tomorrow if I could. i can't wait!!!

jonny68

Nightwish wrote:

i'd get married tomorrow if I could. i can't wait!!!

Why are you desperate or something? :rolleyes:

Le Rack

eh, used to entirely detest the idea of waking up next to the same person everyday for the rest of my life, but in the past year I wandered down a new path and started finding guys who I actually really like and who if it came to it I would be delighted to spend the rest of my life with them... very rare cases but they happened!
I always said I wanted teh wedding but didn't want the marraige.... but I'm not too bothered anymore, if I find someone well and good and if I get to whore around for the rest of my life.... I'll mail order a husband!

Nightwish

nope, just looking forward to marrying my lovely bf

jonny68

Nightwish wrote:

nope, just looking forward to marrying my lovely bf

Fair enough i suppose,reckon it'll be many years before i go down that route(if ever),im having too much fun to get bogged down

Le Rack

jonny68 wrote:

Fair enough i suppose,reckon it'll be many years before i go down that route(if ever),im having too much fun to get bogged down

see that's what I thought!

Nightwish

jonny68 wrote:

Fair enough i suppose,reckon it'll be many years before i go down that route(if ever),im having too much fun to get bogged down

and I'm having far too much fun not being single

jonny68

Le Rack wrote:

see that's what I thought!

It's not what i think dear it's what i know and im old enough to know anyway,i see mates of mne younger than me and they are never out anymore stuck @ home all the time fcuk that sh*t enjoy it while you can i say

jonny68

Nightwish wrote:

and I'm having far too much fun not being single

well good for you sweetheart :rolleyes:

Scarinae

"Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Goes together like a horse and carriage"

A fair point, no? A marriage won't work without love, as a carriage won't work without a horse - but isn't the horse more happy, free and natural without the artificiality of the carriage tying it down?

Having said that, I would still like to get married, just not for years and years

Le Rack

jonny68 wrote:

It's not what i think dear it's what i know and im old enough to know anyway,i see mates of mne younger than me and they are never out anymore stuck @ home all the time fcuk that sh*t enjoy it while you can i say

okay, I know young married couples who are out having fun the whole time...
Ooh wanna hear something sinful, a girl in town here knew that her boyf was about to dump her so she tampered with a condom to get pregnant so he'd have to stay with her and marry her! And she's like 17! ready to pop too!

WhiteWashMan

ive noticed that *some* single people seem to view married couples as some sort of threat to their way of life.
i have several friends, who will tell me how great their single life is and how they arent shackled down, and how they can go out and shag anyone they want etc etc etc.

im married. im not shackled down. i can do what i want, as can my wife.
i can go out and drink to 5am if i want. believe it or not, getting married does not mean you have to be in bed by 10. in fact, on saturday night, i was drinking yards of ale (actually, purple nastie), racing bottles of wkd, and running about half nakid.
i dont want to shag anyone. i think most people will agree that making love to your partner is far more reqarding and satisfying than a series of one night stands.
of course, being single does not mean you will automatically score.
in fact, i think what they say is 'they could go out and shag someone every night'
the truth is, that going out and getting someone every night, is quite difficult, and most people i know would have trouble getting one woman a month!

i think that many single people see marriage as some sort of prison sentence, where you cannot do anything, where 'her indoors' rules the roost and that you will have a life of early nights, no fun and and no drinking.

entirely wrong. being married to the wrong person will do that. in fact, have a girl\boyfriend like that will do it.
marriage is a state of mind. its about what you make it. dont make the mistake of thinking its all the bad things that programs like the simpsons and married with children present.
it 'can' be like that. and then again 'it can be like friday the 13th!

i just dont understand why so many people get so hot under the collar about it.

me, i love being married. its the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Le Rack

awh WWM cutie...
I agree with your point about being with your partner rather than with someone new every night, it's just better no matter what way you look at it.

jonny68

Le Rack wrote:

okay, I know young married couples who are out having fun the whole time...
Ooh wanna hear something sinful, a girl in town here knew that her boyf was about to dump her so she tampered with a condom to get pregnant so he'd have to stay with her and marry her! And she's like 17! ready to pop too!

That's just fcukin pure evilness id tell the tart where to go if i found out that happened to me

Le Rack

yeah! To think I was friends with her years ago!
The chap knows the truth but yet he's still with her! I wouldn't be suprised if the child wasn't even his!

Pighead

White Wash Man I have a feeling you are one of the lucky ones.You're story gives hope to the marriage bashers and its a joy to read of your yard of ale drinking activities.I heard rumours of married men attempting the yard of ale feat before but never believed it.
Just being married doesn't affect your social life, ability to ....... . But having kids does. Although to offset that when you're having a deadly time with the kids staggering around Camden Street doesn't seem that appealing.
As you can see i'm quite undecided on the matter

Shanannigan

my parents divorced when i was a kid my mother ****ed off and went on to have 4 more kids by 3other men while leaving my dad to raise the three of us with the help of my grandparents.... and i met her once since... so thats put me off getting married... my girlfriend has no interest in it either... but i don't begrudge any1 else getting married... its just not for me

Kernel

Le Rack wrote:

eh, used to entirely detest the idea of waking up next to the same person everyday for the rest of my life, but in the past year I wandered down a new path and started finding guys who I actually really like and who if it came to it I would be delighted to spend the rest of my life with them... very rare cases but they happened!

That's called desperation, it happens to all women when they are left on the shelf for a while, it's a genetic imperative for them to settle with a provider and have kids.

WWM: Although you can certainly stay out and do your own thing, would you not agree that you cannot always do it as much as you want, or 'her indoors' starts feeling a little neglected and pissed off?

Also, I bet you told your other half where you were, what you were doing and who were were with before hand or at some stage throughout the night. The thing is, you lose spontaneity and the ability to be completely free when you have to take another person's feelings into consideration all the time. The two just don't always go together. So, no marriage for me!

Le Rack

Kernel wrote:

That's called desperation, it happens to all women when they are left on the shelf for a while, it's a genetic imperative for them to settle with a provider and have kids.

no, desperation is what you did darling!

Kernel

Le Rack wrote:

no, desperation is what you did darling!

You mean the paranormal thing? Ah, it was a joke in fairness Rack, I just thought we were getting on so well in that thread, that in the interests of sarcasm I would say that. Come now, I don't even know what you look like my dear.
:rolleyes:

Kernel is very selective, that's why I'm not married!

Le Rack

Hey now I'm not the only one!
As far as I'm concerned you're gay anyway

WhiteWashMan

Pighead wrote:

White Wash Man I have a feeling you are one of the lucky ones.You're story gives hope to the marriage bashers and its a joy to read of your yard of ale drinking activities.I heard rumours of married men attempting the yard of ale feat before but never believed it.
Just being married doesn't affect your social life, ability to ....... . But having kids does. Although to offset that when you're having a deadly time with the kids staggering around Camden Street doesn't seem that appealing.
As you can see i'm quite undecided on the matter

kids will certainly do it, but i think if you have kids, you should already be prepared to understand that with children comes commitment, and that means looking after them.
after all, any idiot can be a parent, but it takes someone special to be a dad or a mum. although, who is to say that all those kids on camden street came about due to marriage. i think its old hat to think that marriage = kids, and vica versa.

Kernal wrote:

WWM: Although you can certainly stay out and do your own thing, would you not agree that you cannot always do it as much as you want, or 'her indoors' starts feeling a little neglected and pissed off?

would you not get the same from your girlfriend? being married has nothing to do with what time you stay until. having a communicative relationship does that.

no, i wouldnt o it all the time, but then again, i dont want to. im sure if i did it every weekend my wife would get píssed at me, and rightly so.
im in a relationship, and therefor, i need to take account of her needs and wants, as well as my own. thats what a relationship is about.
marriage is just taking that relationship a step further.
i see it as no different than people who spend 20 years toegther without getting married. its not about the certificate. its about what you and your partner get out of it personally. at least, thats how i view it.

some people view it as a prison sentence as i said, and others view it as a sham. i take my marriage seriously, but thats because i take my relationshhip seriously, but me as a person, im not too serious at all

no, marriage does not restrict your life, in fact i think it enhances it significantly. you and your relationship are what will restrict your activites. so if you dont want to be restricted, dont marry someone who needs you home by 6:30 every day, and who wont let you go out on your own without thinking youre about to fall into the bed of the nearest female that finds you...
and of course, the same is true for blokes out there.

Pighead

Marriage, I think, makes more and more sense to people as they head into their 40s and 50s. People in their 20s tend to think of these people as being "non-people" or something. "They're grown ups, they don't count." But chances are you'll be that age some day. Most people think marriage is something that they have to do as its expected of them.That's not to say that they're right, of course. At that age all that matters is love, same as when you're younger. And that's what keeps them happy. But you can be in love and never get married. So why formalise it?

I wouldn't say marriage is evil for a second. I think it's a great day out and a quaint tradition to show the world your feelings for each other but i'm not so sure if its as relevant as it used to be.

Dizzyblabla

Well, WWM, thank a bunch, I was perfectly happy being single... now you've just made me realise how much I actually hate it...
Any cute single men out there?

Nightwish

nothin' like kids to ruin a good marriage

nesf

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i see it as no different than people who spend 20 years toegther without getting married. its not about the certificate. its about what you and your partner get out of it personally. at least, thats how i view it.

Tax breaks my good man. There's the main difference for you*.



*Assuming that the religious side of marriage doesn't matter much to you. If it does then obviously marriage is quite a big deal.

monument

WhiteWashMan wrote:

ive noticed that *some* single people seem to view married couples as some sort of threat to their way of life.
i have several friends, who will tell me how great their single life is and how they arent shackled down, and how they can go out and shag anyone they want etc etc etc.

Sounds like they are trying to justify being single, sounds as if they may be jealous. Or maybe not.

Le Rack wrote:

Ooh wanna hear something sinful, a girl in town here knew that her boyf was about to dump her so she tampered with a condom to get pregnant so he'd have to stay with her and marry her! And she's like 17! ready to pop too!

What a silly f-ing bitch.

iguana

nesf wrote:

Tax breaks my good man. There's the main difference for you*.

There aren't really that many tax breaks any more. The credit system made swapping your tfa redundant and unmarried and married couples get the same trs interest releif on mortgages. I don't really see the financial incentive, apart from the woman's potential widow's pension

I do think that marraige can mean the difference between hearing an instant "Congratulations!" or a careful "are you happy about it?" the day you tell your extended family you're pregnant.

Pighead

You've got pet names for each other.You love each other unconditionally.Things have never ben better.Marriage seems like the only logical next step right?
WRONG!

Marriage was fine in the auld days when our grandads and grandmothers lived a simple life with less outside pressures and less temptations. We've all been fooled into believing that marriage is the end-all remedy to our loneliness;that tying the knot is as natural a process as going for a poo. Wake up buddies! It's time to face facts.Marriage isn't a cure for our want of companionship.

You'll be pleading to be be set free in no time at all as millions upon millions have already found out. Look at the marriage world around you. Divorce is at an all-time high and the social stigma attached with non married couples co-habiting is nowhere near as bad as it used to be.
Pighead reckons if it wasn't for the fanfare and sense of special ceremony that a wedding day brings couples wouldnt be half as bothered to tie the knot(or should that be noose!)

NoDayBut2Day

Seems like committment is out these days so many people would rather not marry.

I'm the exact opposite. I still believe marriage is well... a good thing! Nothing better than finding someone who shares a common love.

Maybe it's not the fact that people are afraid of committment; perhaps they just feel that they will never find that common love... I guess we've all felt like that at one time or another. But yeah... just gotta keep that faith that it will happen one day.

Our man in Havana

Think of all the tax and welfare advantages. For max tax advantage get married on the 31st of December!

de5p0i1er

Nightwish wrote:

nothin' like kids to ruin a good marriage

My cousin is marryed with 2 kids and hes never been happyer, some ppl just want to settle down and live the family life, I think its one of those thing's that happens when you grow up.

I don't see a problem with marrage and kids, but I'll wait till I'm ready and then do it otherwise I'll regreat it.

misswex

I'm also one of those people who still believes in marriage. Don't see as a prison sentence or 'settling down'.

I think that in any relationship you have to have an open, honest and trustful one. Both my boyfriend and I go out on mad nights out, no hassle whatsoever.

I personally want to get married one day, to openly delare our commitment to one another. It just feels right but maybe thats only because I feel I've met Mr Right!!

~Leanne~

I cant wait to get married, have my house and settle down with a few kids. Ive met Mr. Right, were engaged and couldnt be happier.
Before i met him i hated the thoughts of marriage! I didnt believe in it at all....so i think its really down to meeting the right person, thats how my opinion of it changed anyway!

Kiera

Marry me, Pigface. I want to have your piglets!!
x x x x

savoyard

I agree with WWM - being married doesn't mean the end of having fun with your mates. That's a choice individuals make. My husband goes out with his mates whenever he likes with no hassle, as do I. My social life as a wife is absolutely no different to the life I had with him over the 8 or so years we had together. If we're not going out as much and getting as wrecked as when we were 25, it's because we have chosen to spend our money and time on different things.

However, we now have legal rights and responsibilities to each other. If you're intending to buy houses or have kids together, it makes life much easier if you're married. Ok, you can draw up legal arrangements if you're co-habiting, but most people don't bother. Divorces might be expensive, but people who have bought houses together and then split up have a lot of hassle getting their investments back. AFAIK you have to pay full inheritance tax if your partner dies and leaves you their share of your family home. Marriage is still the best way of protecting yourselves and your children legally. It's a very important piece of paper. And of course it's a good exuse for a party.

Beruthiel

savoyard wrote:

AFAIK you have to pay full inheritance tax if your partner dies and leaves you their share of your family home.

that is correct, you have to Will them your share and they get the whack of full tax, it's about time that law was changed in this country.

couldn't agree more with what wwm said with regards to having the right partner, makes no difference whatsoever if ye are both on the same page.

pighead, I believe you stated somewhere that you are 23, so of course you shouldn't be thinking about marriage at your age. You are right to be out having a good time, the day will eventually come when you will have burned yourself out to the degree that the thoughts of drinking yourself silly 3 days in a row will repel you, the recovery period gets longer you see...

Post up the same thread in 10 years time and see if you haven't changed your opinions in some way by then.

Shabadu

It is different for every person and every relationship. There is no point speculating as to others happiness, as only the two people in a relationship know what it's like. One thing I know for certain is that some people are developing a very romanticised version of Marriage.

Marriage is not finding someone who bowls you off your feet, whisking them off and living happily ever after. Marriage is not finding someone who magically makes you happy and takes care of you forever. It is meant to be a partnership. Two individuals who love and respect each other. Who learn how to comprimise. Who know that they can't always win the argument or be right every time. Who know that every relationship has massive highs and lows, and are willing to make the effort to stick it out and resolve the bad times.

Marriage to me is knowing that no matter what, I love this person and his faults, and will do my best to support him in whatever way he needs it, and knowing that he feels the same. Marriage isn't a promise to be perfect forever, but rather a promise to get up and try again if you have failed or made a mistake.

Many people don't need or want a ceremony to feel this way or to have a relationship, but I cannot wait till our wedding day next september. It is a whole day that I get to show my bf publicly how much I adore him.

lostexpectation

cos it extends the power, influence and reach of the church which it doens't deserve to have...

Beruthiel

lostexpectation wrote:

cos it extends the power, influence and reach of the church which it doens't deserve to have...

you don't have to get married in a chruch

Shabadu

lostexpectation wrote:

cos it extends the power, influence and reach of the church which it doens't deserve to have...

Dat's terrible, I don't want to extend the power of the church, I mean, like, didn't you read the DaVinci code? Coz like, I red it in a week only and it sez that like the church is mad evil an shít. All dis stuff about jesus was shagging the mona lisa andd she was happy coz she caught up the duff and the church don want the kids to be in charge cos they'd be poor if dey let dem LOL I tink I read it in Marbella over the summer in other werds a long time ago LOL

MorningStar

If you don't get married you leave a partner and children at financial risk. The way tax and ingeritance laws work here it makes sense to get married. THere are lots of stories about people who end up in terrible finacial states after the death of a partner.
I got married after having an accident that made me realise the risks. I don't have kids but my girlfriend would have had to pay tax on all assets left to her. THat is assuming none of my family would object.

Pighead

MorningStar wrote:

If you don't get married you leave a partner and children at financial risk. The way tax and ingeritance laws work here it makes sense to get married. THere are lots of stories about people who end up in terrible finacial states after the death of a partner.
I got married after having an accident that made me realise the risks. I don't have kids but my girlfriend would have had to pay tax on all assets left to her. THat is assuming none of my family would object.

So what you're saying here is that marriage is a neccesary evil yeah?I mean would you have bothered getting married if the financial aspect of it all wasn't there?
As my old mother used to say to me:
"Pighead my dear,when you're young, you think of marriage as a train you simply have to catch.
You run and run until you've caught it, and then you sit back and look out of
the window and realise you're bored!"
She usuallly said this after a blazing row with papa.

WhiteWashMan

lostexpectation wrote:

cos it extends the power, influence and reach of the church which it doens't deserve to have...

i dont think that has anything to do with whether people consider marriage a necessary evil.
i for one didnt get married in a church, there were no religious connectations at all. it was a state marriage.

are you sure you are on the right thread?

Pighead

Beruthiel wrote:

pighead, I believe you stated somewhere that you are 23, so of course you shouldn't be thinking about marriage at your age. You are right to be out having a good time, the day will eventually come when you will have burned yourself out to the degree that the thoughts of drinking yourself silly 3 days in a row will repel you, the recovery period gets longer you see...

Post up the same thread in 10 years time and see if you haven't changed your opinions in some way by then.

Unfortunately Miss Beruthial a few years have passed since Pighead has enjoyed his 23rd birthday celebrations.I am now a world wisely 28,an age where my parents were already married 2 years and had a little nipper(me!)
I'm not sure of facts and figures regarding average age to get married but i'm sure its around the late 20's to early 30's mark.

Thats why i posted this thread.I wanted to gauge the general feeling towards marriage.Pighead got the feeling our generation weren't as pushed on the whole marriage idea but it seems I may have been wrong.

MorningStar

Pighead wrote:

So what you're saying here is that marriage is a neccesary evil yeah?I mean would you have bothered getting married if the financial aspect of it all wasn't there?
As my old mother used to say to me:
"Pighead my dear,when you're young, you think of marriage as a train you simply have to catch.
You run and run until you've caught it, and then you sit back and look out of
the window and realise you're bored!"
She usuallly said this after a blazing row with papa.

No just a factor to be considered. A lot of the comments are a bit short sighted on real world aspects.
The truth is any realtionship is work. While you might be having fun now with being single but things change and you do too. The weird thing is lots of people change at once. One day you look around and half your friends are married , have houses or babies and even all three. The single friends change too. Your bloke mates start looking like perverts for being interested in younger people and your female friends start looking for very specific things. This is all general but blokes complain that all the woman want is a relationship and all that, girls complain the blokes don't want to be serious. This on top of generally losing your looks. Your outlook changes and the future looks like a long lonely road. You might not see marriage as the way but basically people don't tend to stay single and end up with some long term relationship.

Beruthiel

Pighead wrote:

I'm not sure of facts and figures regarding average age to get married but i'm sure its around the late 20's to early 30's mark.

well, unless you or your g/f wish to have a piglet, I don't see any reason to get married till you want to.
do as you wish, not what others think you should

Pighead

MorningStar wrote:

No just a factor to be considered. A lot of the comments are a bit short sighted on real world aspects.
The truth is any realtionship is work. While you might be having fun now with being single but things change and you do too. The weird thing is lots of people change at once. One day you look around and half your friends are married , have houses or babies and even all three. The single friends change too. Your bloke mates start looking like perverts for being interested in younger people and your female friends start looking for very specific things. This is all general but blokes complain that all the woman want is a relationship and all that, girls complain the blokes don't want to be serious. This on top of generally losing your looks. Your outlook changes and the future looks like a long lonely road. You might not see marriage as the way but basically people don't tend to stay single and end up with some long term relationship.

All very true Mr Star,but apart from the financial aspect of it all whats wrong witha couple living together happilly without getting hitched?I'm not necessarily saying,i'm not going to get married i'm going to be a single fella forever.
I'm just wondering does a marriage put more strain on a relationship as after the couple get married they are more in the public eye as a couple and more is expected of them I suppose.

Beruthiel

Pighead wrote:

I'm just wondering does a marriage put more strain on a relationship as after the couple get married they are more in the public eye as a couple and more is expected of them I suppose.

expected?
like what?

WhiteWashMan

Beruthiel wrote:

expected?
like what?

exactly.
what is expected of married people?

steak knives, washing the car on every sunday morning, joining the local golf club?

personally, i love being married, but as i said, i am married to a fantastic woman that i love with all my heart and soul and who is just as laid bak and relaxed as i am, and we enjoy ourselves immensely.

i think the only place that pressure comes from, is from within the relationship. people put pressure on themselves (or perceive pressures from other pwople) to do or be something.

if people dont want to get married, then great! if they, then i think they should do it for a reason. i dont see marriage as the obvious next step in a relationship. i see it as an option for people that want it.

it makes no odds to most people i think if you are married before god, before the state, or have lived toegther for 20 years.
if it isnt the opinion of a friend, then who cares?

im not going to start worry about popular opinion after posting on these here borads for nearly 9 years!