Nirina's Little Corner...

Nidge

Nirina wrote:

@Latin Beat: i don't want to be rude, but spell my name right plz. Ppl get it wrong too often. Now, i guess i shud put it back, and since its one of my much earlier works that could be the reason. And i guess i shud admit, now that i'm 15 i will hav better skills at writing.
@LadyJ: thanx, i'll do so and try my best not to get too sensitive.
@skywalker: i'll try not to take it too much at heart, and loosen up then. here's another...

I don't know whether this is irony or ignorance, but in the same paragraph you ask someone to spell your name right you use words like; "ppl, plz, hav, shud, thanx" and you don't capitalise isolated "i"s. If you insist on people spelling your name correctly, then you should probably spell things correctly yourself. Plus, if language is your tool to get your thoughts across to people in your lyrics or poetry you might aswell use it properly.

The second poem you posted you said something along the lines of "I am the Black Rose". What function has this in the poem, giving away what the imagery is symbolising? I don't understand why people do this you are not the first person on boards I have seen do this. People should be allowed to form their own interpretation of the poem, a sentence like that just gives everything away and has no place in the poem.

Also, another line saying something like; "please rain to wash everything away," that reminds me an awful lot of "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden, maybe you should give it a listen, what I mean is it's kind of a used image. Anyway good luck on improving and keep going at it.

Nirina

@Latin beat: lol, thanx for the spell check there, wasn't trying to be mean, hope ya know that ^^ Also i guess my age does reflect upon what i write, as i'm young, i write lyrics that are coming from my surroundings. And i'll not that i shall start a new thread for each new song. Thanx

@Nidge: the reason i don't like ppl spelling my name wrong, is bcoz i feel it's insulting. If my name's written up in black and white, ya can at least spell it right, or just copy & paste it if ur not sure. And the reason i don't spell correctly, or at least not some words, is honestly bcoz i'm lazy!! Plus the non-capitalising my "i"s is bcoz my hand doesn't feel like shifting across to that SHIFT button all the time.
In "Black Roses", its saying that a black rose, and the person, are alike. The thorns of a stem, the thorns in a body (pain really); and bcoz flowers die, roses die, so its saying that because its a rose, it leaves anyway. "so why lie?" get me?

randomhuman

Nidge wrote:

Also, another line saying something like; "please rain to wash everything away," that reminds me an awful lot of "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden, maybe you should give it a listen, what I mean is it's kind of a used image. Anyway good luck on improving and keep going at it.

That's just ridiculous. Compare and contrast:

Nirina wrote:

I’m hoping for the rain to come,
To sweep away the bad feelings of today.

Soundgarden wrote:

Black hole sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain

She didn't even use the word wash ffs.

I thought Black Roses was pretty good, but some of it was a bit awkward, like the line above.

Nidge

It didn't really sound an awful lot like you were comparing you just said "the Black Rose is me". That's fairly direct and to the point.

RandomHuman you needn't get so over the top, I didn't go and check the lyrics but certainly they are not the same, there's a similarity. Either that's certainly not the best example but certainly I've heard the "rain washing everything away" jibe before.

Nirina I hope you use the effort you save, by abbreviating your language, on writing your lyrics.

ANarcho-Munk

That last one sounds very cheesy and teen angsty, I just generally don't like it and I feel that's it's just an awkward poem, maybe if you re-arranged the rhytm of it.

randomhuman

Nidge wrote:

RandomHuman you needn't get so over the top, I didn't go and check the lyrics but certainly they are not the same, there's a similarity. Either that's certainly not the best example but certainly I've heard the "rain washing everything away" jibe before.

Yeah, it's a bit of a cliche I think. But Blackhole Sun definitely wasn't the best example.

ExOffender

Nidge wrote:

The second poem you posted you said something along the lines of "I am the Black Rose". What function has this in the poem, giving away what the imagery is symbolising?

tbh dude, it was no big secret. Which does make saying it redundant, but it is her poem. A lot of poems use repetition; why not redundancy?

People should be allowed to form their own interpretation of the poem, a sentence like that just gives everything away and has no place in the poem.

It's impossible to prevent people forming their own opinions. But their opinion is grounded in the written text, which is informed by the author's intent. So any interpretation of her poem must incorporate that line. Are you just complaining that it limits the scope of interpretation? It's a perfectly valid point, but you make it sound like she's broken some rule or something.

Um... overall, Nirina, your stuff tbh is utterly not my cup of tea, can't see the appeal. But never mind me.

Nidge

ExOffender wrote:

. Are you just complaining that it limits the scope of interpretation?

This is my point, yes, I'm not trying to enforce rules by any means. But to me if a writer does that, it just satisfies themselves, they are imposing an exact meaning offering little to the reader, it becomes like preaching rather than something to think about. I believe we should all be able to form our opinions rather than the meaning being handed on a plate, the line also has no other function rhythmically or rhyming-wise or otherwise, all it does is reveal the focus point of the imagery.

To Randomhuman, no Black Hole Sun certainly wasn't the best example but it was the first thing that sprang to mind because of the similarities.

skywalker

Nidge wrote:

I don't know whether this is irony or ignorance, but in the same paragraph you ask someone to spell your name right you use words like; "ppl, plz, hav, shud, thanx" and you don't capitalise isolated "i"s. If you insist on people spelling your name correctly, then you should probably spell things correctly yourself. Plus, if language is your tool to get your thoughts across to people in your lyrics or poetry you might aswell use it properly.

Im sorry but I've got to agree completely with Nidge, you've no right to go off on someone for one spelling mistake & then freely acknowledge your own poor spelling with the justification that your lazy.

Zapho

skywalker wrote:

Im sorry but I've got to agree completely with Nidge, you've no right to go off on someone for one spelling mistake & then freely acknowledge your own poor spelling with the justification that your lazy.

Come on lads, Nirina is only asking for advice on her poetry, there's no need to rant about her spelling

Nirina

wow, thanx everyone for posting. and btw i don't even KNOW this "black hole sun" yolk you speak of!! So no way i could've thot of it. And i do keep my proper grammar in lyrics and proper writing. Just the net is a place i can chill with all this stufff.

"I ask; how are you?" isn't one of my faves, but i do like Black Roses. And i thank you all for saying it was good, but not fabulous. Hoensty's what i wanna hear, just nothing over the toply mean. get me?

Ok, i'll post off this thread, as Latin beat says its better.

Zapho

Black Hole Sun is a great song by Soundgarden (front man Chris Cornell). The chorus lyrics are:
"Black hole sun, won't ya come,
and wash away the rain?
Black hole sun, won't ya come,
won't ya come...."
Fantastic song, I suggest you get it!

BEAT

excellent song, how could anyone not know it!
ahhh memories. . .

ok now back on topic everyone

Nirina

Ah ok, well i still don't see resemblence in the two!!

Custom22

Let's see, a black rose, full of thorns, hate, sorrow, death. Sorry, is it just me or are you filling just about every teen angst poetry cliche right there? In my opinion its not a great poem. It says noting that has not been said before. The comparison certainly isn't original. Its so so similar to 99% of teen poetry I have ever read. The writing had no redeeming qualities I could spot to be honest. You are only fifteen so writing obviously has not been something you have been doing for years, but my advice would be to try to break away from writing about the same tired old topics and take a view on something less talked about and covered.

Why the hell are the majority of the poems on here so gloomy and angsty? Just because you are below the age of twenty doesn't mean you have to wallow in self pity and sorrow. If you really have to do it, at least try to make it a bit more individualistic.

BEAT

custom22,
the thing you must remember is that you and I may be used to seeing this type of poetry/writing but she may not. It IS original to her because she just wrote it and is young, so for her this is normal and original and as she ages it will change.
So unless there is some constructive criticism I dont want to see anymore attacking of the writer please.
thanks...consider this a warning to all since we already covered these topics.

Custom22

The thing is, when you do say something constructive you get a response like:

Angsty teenager wrote:

Well, i wirte wat i feel from d heart and i'm trying to get btr all d time. The more i write the more i'll get better u know?

Le Rack

Custom22 wrote:

The thing is, when you do say something constructive you get a response like:

hey that was practically quoting me!

well the response...

Nirina, if I let insults get to me, on my writing I would have curled up in a ball a long time ago and would never have been heard of again, but if you've got an ambition as a write of some kind, you gotta fight through everything, and the fact you have that ambition alone, gives you some aspect of talent, you just have to keep working on it and take in everyone's criticism, if you've seen any of my writing you'll know most people on here aren't too fond of me at al, but I wanted to write and I wanted to get good at it, so I said f*ck it and kept charging ahead. I'm no Yeats, Plath, Wordsworth, or shakespeare but I'm getting better. So don't let the insults get to you, just keep up the work.

btw I don't quite understand "I went through hell to write" if you don't wanna talk about it its okay but it doesn't really make much sense.

pwd

I didn't see the first, liked the second, fairly indifferent to the third.

Blush_01

To be honest, Nirina, I think Custom22 has been right on the button with every comment so far. You're only 15, heading into your junior cert from what I can see on your site (which is not a big deal, by the way, just do a bit of work and don't let yourself get too stressed and you'll do fine!) and what you've written is very angsty. But keep at it, try something other than love, loss and suicide and you might hit on something.

Best of luck!

Nirina

righty, thanx everyone.