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Favourite Family Guy Quotes:

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2

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    #32
    JBoyle4eva
    Registered Users Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭JBoyle4eva


    Peter: (SINGING) Meg, I'm going to make you rich and famousssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
    (AD BREAK)
    sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!


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    #33
    Necronomicon
    Registered Users Posts: 11,589 ✭✭✭✭Necronomicon


    Some of the best quotes ever come from series 1's 'If I'm dying, I'm lying.'

    The show Gumble 2 Gumble: "Taste that punk? That's the taste of beach justice!"
    Or one of my favourite Family Guy moments later in the show when they are interogating the thief:
    Brian Gumble: Purse snatching....society's fault, or one man's cry for help?
    Thief: What are you talking about? I wanted her money!
    Brian Gumble: Mmhmm....Mmhmm....Mmhmm....Mmhmm....Mmhmm....Mmhmm....
    Mmhmm....Mmhmm....Mmhmm....Mmhmm....Mmhmm....

    Or 'Black to the Future'.......DAAAAMMMNNN!


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    #34
    R0ot
    Registered Users Posts: 4,473 ✭✭✭R0ot


    Stewie: Oh Flappy, good news, ive decided not to kill you!

    Peter: OK, why do women have breasts? So you've got something to look at while they're talking to ya.

    Peter: Mr.Weed, check this out, fact-of-life dolls, pretty as a peach, fat as a cow..... radioactive spider


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    #35
    Houston Griffin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 60 ✭✭Houston Griffin


    Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavours?
    Mort: Peter, are you eating those?
    Peter: (sarcastic) No, I'm shoving 'em up my butt. Of course I'm eating 'em!


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    #36
    Mr Moon
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 5,175 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mr Moon


    Peter (after coming home drunk): Oh, Lois thank God it's you! The last few houses I went to were very rude.

    Peter: (at the Drunken Clam)...yah and then Chris starts in with all this Yo! Yo! Yo! stuff and I don't know what the hell he's talking about. So i started beating him with a hose and then my arm got tired...so I came here.

    Peter: Lois, less talkie more fetchie.
    Lois: I'm just gonna assume that's Chinese for 'I love you.'

    Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
    Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
    Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
    Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
    Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
    Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
    [Pause]
    Quagmire: Oh God. Oh my God. I've got all these magazines. Oh God.

    TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: We now return to the Smurfs...
    (on television screen)
    Smurf #1: Hey, did you have a good time last night?
    Smurf #2: Smurf-tacular!
    Smurf #1: Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette.
    Smurf #2: Oh man, as soon as we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me.
    Smurf #1: Shut the Smurf up!
    Smurf #2: Yeah!
    Smurf #1: Right in the Smurfing parking lot?
    Smurf #2: Smurf-Yeah!
    Smurf #1: Oh! That is freaking Smurf!


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    #37
    Narcissus
    Registered Users Posts: 772 ✭✭✭Narcissus


    *at an art class
    peter: do i have to draw the penis?

    *at a sculpting class
    peter:do i have to sculpt the penis?

    *at a classical music lesson
    peter: do i have to conduct with my penis?

    lol

    *quagmire at a lesbian bar
    hey any of you ladies ever been penetrated!?


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    #38
    Stompbox
    Registered Users Posts: 1,811 ✭✭✭Stompbox


    Kid at Piano Competition: I cant believe I'm missing Ronnies party for this.

    His mam: Now now, that Ronnie is a bad influence on you.

    His Dad    : Yeah that little bastard sold me some bad crack.

    His Mam: Now you stay out of this. You're not even his real father.


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    #39
    Dinner
    Registered Users Posts: 2,132 ✭✭✭Dinner


    Tom Tucker: And now its over to Ollie Williams for the Blackie weather report

    Ollie: ITS GONNA RAIN


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    #40
    JBoyle4eva
    Registered Users Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭JBoyle4eva


    A storm is in quahog. the news is on TV.

    Tom Tucker: We now go live to Asian report Trisha Takanowah: Trisha, what's it like?
    Trisha: Well, tom(Galvanised roofing hits her)


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    #41
    The Truth!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 33 ✭The Truth!


    In the first episode of Season 4

    (Mel Gibson is pointing a gun a Peter and Lois)
    Mel Gibson: And now Mr. Griffen, I want that film.
    Peter: Oh sure, it's..eh..right over there in President Rushmore's mouth.
    (Gibson walks straight off the other faces nose and falls to his death)
    Lois: My God, he just walked right over the edge..
    Peter: Of course he did. Christians don't believe in gravity.

    Had me laughing for ages!


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    #42
    MrJoeSoap
    Registered Users Posts: 15,117 ✭✭✭✭MrJoeSoap


    Stewie: "Griffin, once again! Undefeated champion of the world!"

    And not exactly a quote, but when Stewie and his "brother" exchange beeps of the horn while they are driving the sperm cars. Always makes me laugh.

    I could go on all night. Those two just spring to mind.


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    #43
    Maccattack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭Maccattack


    There was one where Peter was saying how much he loved Katherin Hepburn movies he said something like "none of that head on a slinky stuff like On Golden Pond".

    Nearly wet myself.


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    #44
    Stompbox
    Registered Users Posts: 1,811 ✭✭✭Stompbox


    Peter: I challenge you to a race around the world.. go.

    See Peter flying past window in a biplane.

    Peter: HAHAHAHAHAHA


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    #45
    Mr Moon
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 5,175 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mr Moon


    A couple of star trek quotes from the episode "I Never Meet A Dead Man"

    Kirk: Alright men, this is a dangerous mission. And it's likely one of us will be killed. The landing party will consist of myself, Mr Spock, Doctor McCoy, and Ensign Ricky.

    Ensign Ricky: Ahh crap


    Peter: Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first


    Peter: Meg, don't believe what they're saying. I always keep my eyes on the road. I don't miss a thing.
    TV: We now return to Star Trek
    Peter: Holy Crap Uhura's black?


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    #46
    Mr Moon
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 5,175 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mr Moon


    Peter: [To Lois] C’mon Lois, I hate to see you so upset. Look we got animals, we got clowns, I mean, a party couldn’t be any better if Jesus himself showed up.
    Jesus: Ok everybody, for my next miracle I’m going to turn water into funk!!


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    #47
    green_onions
    Closed Accounts Posts: 65 ✭✭green_onions


    Lois Griffin: Peter, did you take care of that...
    Peter Griffin: What? Oh, my growth! Yeah, I had the doctor looking at it.
    Doctor: Mr. Griffin, that isn't your growth, that's your penis.
    Peter Griffin: What about the...
    Doctor: Testicles.


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    #48
    CrimE
    Closed Accounts Posts: 719 ✭✭✭CrimE


    Love this thread!

    Diane: "Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents."

    Peter: "Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually."

    Peter: "I don't want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying things like 'I told you so' or 'Stop doing that I'm asleep'."

    :)


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    #49
    JBoyle4eva
    Registered Users Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭JBoyle4eva


    Chris: I can't stay home alone. What about the evil monkey that lives in my closet!
    (Monkey points the evil finger at Chris from top of the stairs. Monkey runs back into room)
    Chris: The sad thing is he wasn't always evil.

    Monkey: Honey, great news(Walks into room) I made partner.....(His monkey wife is sleeping with another monkey. All three monkeys start schreeching at each other. The monkey then points the evil finger at both of them)


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    #50
    Stompbox
    Registered Users Posts: 1,811 ✭✭✭Stompbox


    LOL love that one.


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    #51
    Beekay
    Registered Users Posts: 1,854 ✭✭✭Beekay


    Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
    skeltons.)
    Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
    Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night


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    #52
    Stompbox
    Registered Users Posts: 1,811 ✭✭✭Stompbox


    Peter:Am I..Am I supposed to draw the penis?

    Peter:Am I...Am I supposed to sculpt the penis?

    Peter:Am I..Am I supposed to conduct with my poenis?


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    #53
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1129377989/Quagmire_Compilation
    For all your Quagmire needs :D


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    #54
    TerrorFirmer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29,930 ✭✭✭✭TerrorFirmer


    Tom: We now go live to Diane being a bitch....diane?

    Tom and Diane remind me so much of Anchorman. Love all the scenes


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    #55
    blastman
    Registered Users Posts: 5,449 ✭✭✭blastman


    Peter (on realising Joe Swanson is handicapped): Holy crip!! He's a crapple!


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    #56
    MrJoeSoap
    Registered Users Posts: 15,117 ✭✭✭✭MrJoeSoap


    MobileInfantry wrote:
    Tom: We now go live to Diane being a bitch....diane?

    Tom and Diane remind me so much of Anchorman. Love all the scenes

    My favourite Tom and Diane scene went something like:

    Tom: "Good contribution Diane"
    Diane: "Good contribution Diane indeed Tom"


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    #57
    surfin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭surfin


    This is from Season Four me thinks!
    They are all playing Trivial Persuit and they let Peter Win as they keep asking him the childrens edition questions.
    Then he wins and is going around ranting about his intelligence, insulting lois,

    Lois and Bryan are sitting on the sofa:

    Peter walks past and insults Lois:

    Bryan says: Are you not going to say anything?

    Lois: Nah, i just repress it.

    Bryan: That can't be healthy.

    Lois: camera zooms in on lois head, then inside her head and we see a picture of her brain and a little lump singing: I'm a tumor, i'm a tumor, i'm a tumor!
    V. Funny!


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    #58
    Attitude
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭Attitude


    Cant remember what season these were in but unforgettable!:D
    Going into the sea to catch the man eating fish.

    Joe: I heard, he eats your guts first.
    Cleveland: I heard he doesn't just eat you...he eats your soul...
    Peter: I heard, one of Shannen Doherty's eyes is off center 'cause its trying to escape...
    *silence*
    _______

    Peter, Joe, Cleveland after a fishing trip:

    Cleveland: Man the fishin' was turrible today...
    Peter: I know, the only thing we caught was a tire, an old boot and this book of cliches...:rolleyes:


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    #59
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    Tom Tucker: *in the video store* I want you to fill this bag with girl-on-girl or anything with an amputee


    Diane Simmons: and in our top story I will be playing the role of Anna in the small theatre production of The King And I

    Tom Tucker: and I shall not be going because it will be lousy

    Diane Simmons: news just in; Tom Tucker is a selfish, closet case, Philistine

    Tom Tucker and in breaking news we are going live to Diane being a bitch, Diane.

    classic!


    :: the family are driving to Lois's parents house ::

    Chris: thank God, I get a break from the evil monkey that lives in my closet

    :: evil monkey in Chris's window pointing at him as he drives away. then he wipes the sweat off his brow and gives a deep sigh, lies on Chris's bed, puts on head phones with blaring music and rolls a joint ::


    oh and one of my personal favourites:

    man on TV: The 6 million dollar man:

    :: peter lying on an operating table ::

    Man on TV: we can rebuild him, we have the technology... but I don't want to spend a lot of money

    :: peter runs through the park with a dustbin for one leg, a plunger for the other and a rake for an arm ::


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    #60
    Stompbox
    Registered Users Posts: 1,811 ✭✭✭Stompbox


    This is gonna take a portion of my cunning,no...no,all of my cunning.


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    #61
    GrumPy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,557 ✭✭✭GrumPy


    surfin wrote:
    This is from Season Four me thinks!
    They are all playing Trivial Persuit and they let Peter Win as they keep asking him the childrens edition questions.
    Then he wins and is going around ranting about his intelligence, insulting lois,

    Lois and Bryan are sitting on the sofa:

    Peter walks past and insults Lois:

    Bryan says: Are you not going to say anything?

    Lois: Nah, i just repress it.

    Bryan: That can't be healthy.

    Lois: camera zooms in on lois head, then inside her head and we see a picture of her brain and a little lump singing: I'm a tumor, i'm a tumor, i'm a tumor!
    V. Funny!


    LOL :D


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