Harrassing Ex-Girlfriend

TerrorFirmer

Hi,

Firstly, any advice appreciated. I have no idea how to handle this, so anyone in the same situation or that has experience with it, I'd be greatful for any advice.

Basically, I have an ex who won't stop hassling me. She keeps texting me saying she wants the money back she spent on me, etc etc, and that if she doesn't get it, both me and my current girlfriend will end up in hospital etc. Yes, it's extremely childish I know, but the only thing that worries me is she does know alot of knackers and wannabes, who have threatened me in the past.

About the money itself, it was a normal relationship in which we bought each other things, the usual, it was a nice relationship really, both of us had fun, got on really great, thought it'd really be a long term thing.

But nothings perfect obviously so we split up eventually, had lots of rows etc, as can happen. So since then, shes been harassing me with this crap, it died down for a few longs months but I'm after hearing it from her again the last few days. It's not so much myself I'm as worried about as it is my girlfriend, she's threatening to "get her", and although my current girlfriend would definately make meat of her, as I said before she knows alot of undesirables.

She consistantly calls me a child molester, just because my girlfriend is ONE year younger then me, even though when we went out, she was a year older then me. It again, childish, but she's tell everyone she knows that I went out with this girl when she was 14, etc, and other absolute lies.

So basically, in short, I have an abusive ex demanding money back, and threatening to hurt us both, who knows alot of bad, bad people who would more then likely oblige her. How do I approach this? Is going to the guards an option? It's really getting to me....no idea what to do.

The fact that she lives right down the right helps none.

Thanks for any replies...

Einstein

i'd have no problem going to the cops tbh.
Anyone who threatens to put someone I care about in hospital, i wouldnt think twice bout going to the cops. How old is she? She just sounds very bitter. I had a girl accuse me of attacking her, but i went to the cops straight away, and when I told her? i never heard form her again.
If you decide to goto the police, Keep the txts and show 'em.

D

meditraitor

The gardai!! only way to go

LegacyUser

Well this one sounds like a battleaxe. What I would do in your situation is call the mad one and try and have a civil conversation about it. Just to end it civil then she wont text you so much. I wouldnt worry about the welfare of you or your girlfriend , it looks like Medea is just trying to be well hard and I doubt she would get her mates after you.

You could try and change your number. If that dosnt work it could be that Gardai.

BossArky

- ask her to give back the money you spent on her. Perhaps that will cancel out her moaning.
- tell her to quit it and move on.
- last resort: keep some of her texts, phone messages, emails... tell her that you will take them to the cops if she dosen't stop harrassing you.

What sort of age group are we talking about here? If its less than 20 then she'll probably grow out of it... anything over and I think you've got a physco on your hands.

c - 13

Have been in the same situation myself dude, maybe not with the whole threatening my current GF though.

Personally i suggest completely ignoring her, change mobile number, blank her when you see her etc.

All you need to do is wait it out till she gets a new fella herself and itll probably stop then. Its going to be uncomfortable and awkward until then though.

As for the threats - call her bluff that she will do anything but keep a log of any texts/calls/ threats that she makes and that way *if* something should happen you can take the matter to the gardai with proof.

Best of luck man, and i hope this blows over soon.

TerrorFirmer

Shes 19. And she also does things like tell people I went out with this girl when she was 14, and other similar, absolute lies. Basically peddling me as a child molester to everyone she knows, and worse.

I really don't want to have to take it to the Gardai, but if its the only way....I suppose I'll have to.

And she is a bit of a physco, tbh, maybe a bit too strong of a word but I always knew that when I was with her, she had a few issues, but I was good to her in general and things were kept under control the time we were together (about 1 year)

She has a new fella, but he's harmless, he did the typical "You better give back her money", but I think he's staying out of it, I don't think he's a bad sort.

I tried blanking her, she came over once and made a ****in huge scene in the middle of the street, in front of my girlfriend. I just walked away, but you should have heard the filth she shouted after me...

Einstein

she just sounds a little immature and bitter to me.
Pity things have gone that way. But definitly tell her out straight that if she sends one more txt that your straight to the cop shop and letting them know that she's threatening your gf and harrassing you.

She needs to get a life.
hope it works out for you!

Scruff

what ever you do dont tell\threaten her about going to the cops. If she's a psycho she might try to beat you too it and tell them all kinds of lies. If you find its got to the stage where reporting her to the cops is yer only option just do it and bring all emails, text messages etc with ye. Hopefully it wont come to that and she'll just grow out of it or get laid.

BossArky

What money do you owe her? You said it was just usual couple stuff.... so point that question back at her.

LundiMardi

guards all the way, show them the texts etc, get it on record, if it keeps happening then get the guards to have a word.. She won't do anything if the guards are involved, she be completely stupid to as she'd be suspect No. 1.

Kiera

First off you need to change your number! Its VERY immature behavior. I’d say she’s still mad about you and cant get over you and seeing you with your new girlfriend is killing her cause she knows you’ve moved on. I don’t think going to the guards is a good idea just yet but I’d seriously think about changing your number! It only costs €10 for a new O2 sim plus you get €20 cred. Best of luck x x x x

If that doesn’t work then go to the guards.

x

TerrorFirmer

BossArky wrote:

What money do you owe her? You said it was just usual couple stuff.... so point that question back at her.

Believe me I've tried, but also believe me when I say we are not talking about a reasonable argument here, she see's her side, she lies about me to everyone, makes up things about me, and general paints a rather nasty picture of me to all of the undesirable friends she knows. Which, to be honest, is something I can't change...

I just got a message off her, saying "I will stab you, 275 times"

I know this sounds a bit immature and trollish, but I, for some reason, really don't want have take it to the guards, but I suppose thats stupid of me, I just don't even know how to approach it with the guards. Do I just go in, and say I want to report this person for abuse?

tinkerbell

Next time she says "gimme back the money I spent on you", you say "well why don't you return the money I spent on YOU!"

Also, pay a friendly visit down to the cop shop and let them handle it

Problemo sorted!

EDIT:
Just saw your post above mine (it wasn't there when I was writing my reply). That text alone is enough for the cops to come banging on her door!

Seriously, the guards are very good in this kinda situation. If you don't want to have to put up with this nonsense anymore, call down to them, then they can deal with it.

You shouldn't have to change your number just coz she's a sad ass loser who can't move on. So do yourself and your current girly a hoooj big favour and go down to the station.

KTRIC

As everyone else said, go to the guardai. It worked on me, 2 restraining orders and counting.

Kell

MobileInfantry wrote:

Do I just go in, and say I want to report this person for abuse?

No. "I want to report this person for harassment" is what you say.

Its quick and easy. You walk in, show em the texts and give them her number. It will stop hey presto. Trust me.

K-

BizzyC

Definitely show the texts to the guards.
Dont get them involved, but get it put on record, that way you can tell her that the guards know all about it, and if anything happens to you/your gf, she'll land in sh!t.
Also, if she's prone to telling lies, she may go down the path of going to the guards with phony stories to get you in trouble.
As long as it's put on record, she cant do anything without the guards on her back.

As regards the money, agree to pay her, as long as she repays you. Should shut her up.

Beruthiel

me
I'd go to the cops, show them the texts and ask for a barring order.
I would also throw all the stuff in a box, give it to the cops and tell her to collect the stuff from there. If she wants to try and get her money back herself, let her.

The Corinthian

Report her. I don’t think it’ll ever degenerate to violence, but the accusations of underage molestation may snowball into her pressing charges as a means to get back at you.

LundiMardi

MobileInfantry - seriously man, you're a fool if you don't go to the guards. This woman is a psycho!!!

scojones

Go to the cops man. Even if nothing comes on it, it will be down in the cops notebook that you lodged the complaint. If anything happens to either of you in the long run, then you have the complaint you made previously to back you up.

Be aware though, she could make stuff up about you to the cops. She could claim that she gave you x amount of money, and it's just your word against hers. Keep all of the text messages she sends you, and log all of the calls she makes. If it comes down to it, they will see no threats by you to her, but threats by her to you. That will stand strong for you.

Oryx

I think the general gist of advice here is go to the guards, not so much to bring a rain of trouble down on her, but to get the problem on record in case she gets worse. Other than that, cut ALL contact, refuse to speak to her at all. If she wants money, she always has the small claims court . As for the gossip shes spreading, the only attitude to have is 'sticks and stones'. I know youre worried about her toerag friends believing her, but if her ranting to them is similar to her texts to you, Id say they may not take her as seriously as you think. This girl wants to remain part of your life, even if its as a psycho. If you refuse to listen or respond to her, the kick for her is gone.

Citizen Jake

As KatieK says, the problem will be on record of things get worse. GO TO THE GARDAI!!!!!! That 'I'll stab you 200 times' stuff is actually terrorising and should be brought to the attention of the Gardai. In fact, if she's going around painting you to be a child molester, etc, is grounds to take her to court for defamation of character. If you could get someone to act as witness on that front then you have her. You may even get compo or send the silly fool to prison to cool off. She sounds like an absolute ballbreaker and the fact that she's in touch with low types is really a cause for concern. All it takes is for some hothead who believes her to be high on something or have a few beers too many to come right after you, your new girlfriend or your property. Don't leave it too late. It is harassment and it has to stop. As the Corinthian points out, it could escalate at your expense if she or someone else logs her allegations with the Gardai. I know you don't want to involve them but if you don't you could end up hurt. Most people would rather not go to the Guards to resolve problems but they have to, that's what the Guards are there for. DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR, STRIKE FIRST AND END IT.

Citizen.

koneko

Go to the guards. Don't send her a text saying "if you don't leave me alone I'll go to the guards" because you'll just give her ideas and she'll end up going to report you, make up things, and might actually get them on her side.

Go to the guards, tell them what you've told us, show them the texts (especially ones like "i'll stab you x times", that's just disturbing). Tell them it's upsetting your girlfriend, and you're very worried she might actually do something, etc. Seriously, do it.
I don't envy your situation, man, good luck

DawnMc

Go straight to the Gardai, See this type of thing quite a lot. They will talk to her and warn her. She has no legal grounding in getting any money off u by the sounds of things.

chuci

MobileInfantry wrote:

I just got a message off her, saying "I will stab you, 275 times"

thats insane i mean really. are you sure she isnt just being dramatic and craving your attention because she is jealous of your new g/f??? anyway that txt and others like them are proof that this girl is demented so just report her and guards will give her a caution. if she continues after that then she is a fool and will get arrested for harassment. was in the same situ as yourself maybe not as serious but just as annoying and embarrasssing so issued him with an official warning havent heard anything since.

Talliesin

Cops cops cops cops cops. Today.

WhiteWashMan

cops.

and ask her to send you an invoice, with receipts of everything she would like to claim.

after all, if she cant provide the recepits, how does she know how much you owe her?

ADUB?

OP I'm with everyone else on this 'Go to the cops'
Tell them she is harrassing you, show them the texts.

I also inform them that she is slandering you in public and ask their advice on how to deal with the matter on two fronts
1) harrassment issue
2) slander issue (the gardai may inform you to see a solicitor) which I would also do.)

She is just a malicious B. and needs to be put back down to earth with a bump. Dont let this nasty person bully or threaten you!
Good luck

TerrorFirmer

Thanks for all the advice, I went to the Garda station today, have to say the sergeant on duty was extremely helpful. He took down a report, and rang her to inform her that a complaint has been made and he was offically asking her to stop contacting me or else he'd have to take a statement and prosecute.

Worked great, no word from her since. Of course, when he rang her, she tried claim that I was the one abusing her, but when he asked her to come down to the station and prove it like I had, she said something about loosing all the messages because she got a new phone - even though she had been threatening me about 30 minutes previous. :rolleyes:

Anyway, hopefully it's all sorted, kinda glad now, feeling alot better.

Thanks again for the advice.

crazymonkey

good man,
noone should have to put up with that sort of behaver, you done the right thing,,,

tinkerbell

Woohooo!!!!!!

Serves the trollop right, glad ya went to the gardai about it, hopefully now she'll get the message!

Well, tiz either she gets the message or she's in for a beating from the boys in blue!

cordelia

Good man.

You may still hear from her again in a few days/weeks when she thinks things have died down. Remember, she's not mentally stable so she's not thinking logically.

Be sure to keep ANY text messages and records of phone calls she makes. Even if they're nice or apologetic.

Make sure to still change your mobile phone number. Refuse to talk to her at all either on your home phone or in person. Any type of conversation may rekindle her and start the harrassment all over again.

Asok

Going to the cops was the right thing to do, I hope she takes the hint and leaves you alone. Tbh she sounds like a complete and utter nutjob.

In_the_sea

Yeah well mobile did u do something to annoy her? u cheat on her? maybe u have really emotionally upset her.. thats why shes like this. You should explain to her that you still want to be friends and that and she might cool off. You can understand how someone feels when they#re dumped and when they see who dumped them going around with some1 else they get upset. You have to clear the air because you gotta change her style of thinking and you wont have to go to the gards.
Are you ignoring her or something? If so, shes resorting to using "serious" threats and tactics to getting your attention and getting your rejection of her off her chest!
Shes obviously suffering too, you mightnt realise it but she is. She wont get sympathy by the way shes carrying on but shes still going thru **** and she needs help. Lets get this straight, why did yiz break up?

Beruthiel

nice one mobile
did you take his name in case she continues with it?

tinkerbell

In_the_sea wrote:

Yeah well mobile did u do something to annoy her? u cheat on her? maybe u have really emotionally upset her.. thats why shes like this. You should explain to her that you still want to be friends and that and she might cool off. You can understand how someone feels when they#re dumped and when they see who dumped them going around with some1 else they get upset. You have to clear the air because you gotta change her style of thinking and you wont have to go to the gards.
Are you ignoring her or something? If so, shes resorting to using "serious" threats and tactics to getting your attention and getting your rejection of her off her chest!
Shes obviously suffering too, you mightnt realise it but she is. She wont get sympathy by the way shes carrying on but shes still going thru **** and she needs help. Lets get this straight, why did yiz break up?

That's no excuse for acting like a total and utter psychopathic maniac! Even if he did do something "to annoy her", how does that give her the right to threaten to stab him over 200 times?!

Mobile - I think you should steer well clear of her. That way, she can't say that you approached her after you went to the gardai about it. Who knows what's going on in her twisted little head, and I'm sure you don't really wanna find out either!

TerrorFirmer

In_the_sea wrote:

Yeah well mobile did u do something to annoy her? u cheat on her? maybe u have really emotionally upset her.. thats why shes like this. You should explain to her that you still want to be friends and that and she might cool off. You can understand how someone feels when they#re dumped and when they see who dumped them going around with some1 else they get upset. You have to clear the air because you gotta change her style of thinking and you wont have to go to the gards.
Are you ignoring her or something? If so, shes resorting to using "serious" threats and tactics to getting your attention and getting your rejection of her off her chest!
Shes obviously suffering too, you mightnt realise it but she is. She wont get sympathy by the way shes carrying on but shes still going thru **** and she needs help. Lets get this straight, why did yiz break up?

As someone said below, whatever my behaviour it hardly gives her the right to threaten me and my girlfriend so often and so crudely. Believe me I tried clear the air, I even went to lengths to say "Please, can't we still be friends? Why do you have to hate me so much?" I wanted to still be her friend, but all she kept saying was "I hate you", "Your a prick", etc....this in itself I found wierd, to be honest when we were going out we got on fantastically, she was a lovely girl at the time. Even after the break up, I wanted to be nice to her, and be a friend if she so desired. However, she not only seemed to suddenly hate me overnight, she turned into what could be mistaken for an escaped mental admittance.

I'm not going to lie,yes, I did cheat on her once BUT I got drunk and kissed a girl, but I seriously regretted it so much, I told her straight away, she was upset but we got over it and I did my best to be a great boyfriend. The break up was months and MONTHS after this unfortunate incident. Reason we broke up? I found out one normal day, she was two timing me behind my back for weeks, with an actual friend. (yeah I know, some friend). A break up followed. This cheating came out of the blue, and all the time she was with him she told me she loved me etc, and she juggled time between both of us...

So thats it really. After the break up, nothing happened. Odd bit of contact. I said I forgave her and would still be her friend. She said thanks. Then nothing....few months later, she start texting me saying I ruined her life, I'm going to pay, shes going to kill me, and other nasty stuff. Then when I got a new girlfriend, she started threatening, and much more.

I think honestly she's just one of those troubled teenager types. I've known her since she was 16 and she was always a bit odd at times, prone to depression. I understand she might need help, but at the same time it does not justify the terror she is instilling in my girlfriend and the threats she throws around..

Gilgamesh

not trying to imply anything, but did she get pregnant, or catch something during the time she was sleeping around and is trying to put the blame on you?

Zombrex

MobileInfantry wrote:

I understand she might need help, but at the same time it does not justify the terror she is instilling in my girlfriend and the threats she throws around..

Yer right ... I would say she is depressed and angry and lashing out at an easy person to blame. The thing to remember is that that is not your problem. You don't have some great responsibility to make her happy or to "fix" her. That is up to herself and possibly her family. You went out with her, now you don't. End of your roll in her life. Forget about her, she needs to sort herself out, and move one.

Hopefully she won't contact you again, but even if she contacts you and tries to be all nice and friendly don't have anything to do with her. She is trying to manipulate you to make herself feel better. It didn't work by threatening you, she will probably try it with the whole "lets be friends" thing now. She wants to use you as a crutch to make herself feel better, either by hating you or possibly later on by using you for support (seen this happen to a friend of mine, one minute he hates her, the next he "really needs her").

Bottom line you have no responsibility to help fix her life. Don't have anything more to do with her, either way.

Praetorian

I'm glad you followed everyones advice about going to the Gardaí. There is nothing worse than a bitter monster of an ex girl friend!

In_the_sea

Mobile I think you should be wary of her in all honesty. She is not right. I knw im sad, but did you see eastenders with that one sarah from it who tried to kill sonia? well sarah sounds like mobiles ex! shes f$ckin nuts!