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  • 29-07-2005 5:39pm
    #1
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭


    A little girl I once knew,
    Fair of skin with golden hair,
    She learned and she grew.
    Learned the way of life.

    With age, comes change.
    Something she could never do.
    Golden curls become an ash-brown mess,
    A solid mind frayed at the edge.

    Aged and greying,
    Her mind long lost.
    She sits in her chair,
    A rug on her knee.
    She sits and dhe wonders,
    What ever happened
    To the young girl that was me.


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    #2
    ANarcho-Munk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,397 ✭✭✭ANarcho-Munk


    Yup, again short, simple, effective and slightly sarcastic :)
    It's good though....



    when are the next batch of poems going to be ready by? ;)


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    #3
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    I dunno, that was mid-July's batch so give me two weeks at least! ;)


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    #4
    DoctorEdgeWild
    Registered Users Posts: 5,903 ✭✭✭DoctorEdgeWild


    Another nice one. Paints a vivid picture of old age - Something which is often overlooked as a state of mind I guess. Thank you.


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    #5
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    eh its about me kinda, I hate change, in life, last summer I had the best summer ever and even though better thing have happened since I still want last summer back...


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    #6
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    know how ya feel...this yeaqr is more complicated somehow..keep the poems comin!


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    #7
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    hey now, you weren't there last year! :)
    but yes we together know the complications of this year!


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    #8
    Nidge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 560 ✭✭✭Nidge


    Le Rack wrote:
    A little girl I once knew,
    Fair of skin with golden hair,
    She learned and she grew.
    Learned the way of life.

    With age, comes change.
    Something she could never do.
    Golden curls become an ash-brown mess,
    A solid mind frayed at the edge.

    Aged and greying,
    Her mind long lost.
    She sits in her chair,
    A rug on her knee.
    She sits and dhe wonders,
    What ever happened
    To the young girl that was me.

    Well done on another great poem. How you work so fast is such a mystery. Keep them coming though. Now on to the poem itself.

    An impressive creation. In all accounts I was engaged. Both in its aural and its thematic connotive aspects I found great interest. You're use of the the heroic quatrain in the two opening stanzas coupled with your tendancy towards masculinity in the mono-syllalbic nature of the rhyming itself, I found to be particularly prepossessing and, in many ways apt, when taking the poem's thematic concerns into view.

    My appreciation lies in the third verse also. It is, to me, the most eloquent of refrains; an epilogue of most significant clarity. To be frank, it woke me up. Rhythmically, the poem is a triumph, although I hardly think I need to go into depth about it. To see such musicality and an innate rhythmical awareness alongside eachother only furthered my elation!

    Aside from the poem's obvious technical merits, it has a another equivocal element that, to me, almost borders on the esoteric. This element, I believe, is honesty. The occurances of life are woven into the verse. The words leak what is genuine. I mean, I'm no poetry expert but, I know what, to me at least, seems to writing of quality.The writing is just so non pareil.

    I believe that the title perfectly exemplifies this. In all honesty, I have not witnessed a single piece of ingenuity so impressive since reading G. Naberezhnyi's collection "3rd the Mane" last year in Nizhnevartovsk. Such an unassuming place, yet so much to offer. I feel the same reading this. But never mind, I wander.

    To conclude, I belive your writing shows you to be erudite yet never pretentious, cogent yet never stagnant or dry, full of soul and most importantly, full of promise.

    Keep writing. Keep pushing as you do. You've caught it; take a look at what you have caught.

    I know I may joke around from time to time on here, but when something really does catch my eye I have to cut the crap. Fecking well done. Believe me when I say, once again, well done.

    P.S. just read back over my post, Nizhnevartovsk is in central Russia. Small town I visited last July for a family wedding. Anyway, I happened upon a really cool poetry reading which I found fantastic. Just in case you were wondering!! :o He he he.. I can imagine a few fairly confused faces!


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    #9
    lilmissprincess
    Registered Users Posts: 3,016 ✭✭✭lilmissprincess


    ok, i don't know your exact situation last summer but i was in a pretty crappy one myself, and this summer isnt much better. id prob say it was worse by a little bit.


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    #10
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    nope last summer was the best and since last October I have been going around saying I want the summer back!


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    #11
    ANarcho-Munk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,397 ✭✭✭ANarcho-Munk


    Le Rack wrote:
    nope last summer was the best and since last October I have been going around saying I want the summer back!


    Build a time-machine.


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    #12
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    ANarcho-Munk wrote:
    Build a time-machine.
    I wish! Didn't work last time, won't work this time!


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    #13
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    okay, I know theres compliments in there I just don't understand them, could you gimmie a hand??? (gawd I feel stupid)

    its thematic connotive aspects

    masculinity in the mono-syllalbic nature of the rhyming itself

    equivocal element

    the esoteric

    as you can see I am far from a poetry expert myself....


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    #14
    DoctorEdgeWild
    Registered Users Posts: 5,903 ✭✭✭DoctorEdgeWild


    Le Rack wrote:
    I wish! Didn't work last time, won't work this time!

    I'll give you a lend of mine - I bet the problem was with the flux capacitor. My car can't go 88 mph sadly so it's no use to me. Have fun with it.


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    #15
    ANarcho-Munk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,397 ✭✭✭ANarcho-Munk


    Le Rack wrote:
    masculinity in the mono-syllalbic nature of the rhyming itself


    Mono syllabic = one syllable

    Masculinity = male

    rhyming = a type of pattern


    However this will help you I don't know ;)


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    #16
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    I know what the words mean but what does the sentence mean as a whole?


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    #17
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    bah!


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    #18
    ANarcho-Munk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,397 ✭✭✭ANarcho-Munk


    The words are mono syllabic and also happen to sound masculine and are ryhming ummmm what I'm saying is most likely wrong/....


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    #19
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    yeah thats what I was kinda thinking but it doesn't seem quite right for some reason...


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    #20
    ANarcho-Munk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,397 ✭✭✭ANarcho-Munk


    No, I'm pretty sure that it's right, it's just that we are too dumb to figure it out :P


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    #21
    Nidge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 560 ✭✭✭Nidge


    No you are both viciously wrong.


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    #22
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    At least I knew I was wrong :)
    So hence my asking for you to explain some stuff for me please?


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    #23
    Nidge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 560 ✭✭✭Nidge


    I am literally too tired to bother, some other time.


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    #24
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    okay, please do, thanx


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    #25
    the raven
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭the raven


    i wouldn't kids... if i was you i'd try not to find out the real meaning behind his criticism... good work nidge... (they still haven't figured it out...)


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    #26
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Kindly be more constructive or stop posting altogether.


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    #27
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    thanks Sark. :)


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    #28
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Oh, don't think you're blameless. It takes two to make an arguement.


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    #29
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    yeah but I asked for an explanation of something I didn't understand, me and Munk were discussing it and Nidge and Raven are making fun of us.


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    #30
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    And warnings have been given. If it continues I will start banning people. But it won't continue, will it folks?


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    #31
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    I just asked a simple question but since I'm not getting an explanation I'll just go huff


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