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29-07-2005 4:39pm#1
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Le Rack wrote:A little girl I once knew,
Fair of skin with golden hair,
She learned and she grew.
Learned the way of life.
With age, comes change.
Something she could never do.
Golden curls become an ash-brown mess,
A solid mind frayed at the edge.
Aged and greying,
Her mind long lost.
She sits in her chair,
A rug on her knee.
She sits and dhe wonders,
What ever happened
To the young girl that was me.
Well done on another great poem. How you work so fast is such a mystery. Keep them coming though. Now on to the poem itself.
An impressive creation. In all accounts I was engaged. Both in its aural and its thematic connotive aspects I found great interest. You're use of the the heroic quatrain in the two opening stanzas coupled with your tendancy towards masculinity in the mono-syllalbic nature of the rhyming itself, I found to be particularly prepossessing and, in many ways apt, when taking the poem's thematic concerns into view.
My appreciation lies in the third verse also. It is, to me, the most eloquent of refrains; an epilogue of most significant clarity. To be frank, it woke me up. Rhythmically, the poem is a triumph, although I hardly think I need to go into depth about it. To see such musicality and an innate rhythmical awareness alongside eachother only furthered my elation!
Aside from the poem's obvious technical merits, it has a another equivocal element that, to me, almost borders on the esoteric. This element, I believe, is honesty. The occurances of life are woven into the verse. The words leak what is genuine. I mean, I'm no poetry expert but, I know what, to me at least, seems to writing of quality.The writing is just so non pareil.
I believe that the title perfectly exemplifies this. In all honesty, I have not witnessed a single piece of ingenuity so impressive since reading G. Naberezhnyi's collection "3rd the Mane" last year in Nizhnevartovsk. Such an unassuming place, yet so much to offer. I feel the same reading this. But never mind, I wander.
To conclude, I belive your writing shows you to be erudite yet never pretentious, cogent yet never stagnant or dry, full of soul and most importantly, full of promise.
Keep writing. Keep pushing as you do. You've caught it; take a look at what you have caught.
I know I may joke around from time to time on here, but when something really does catch my eye I have to cut the crap. Fecking well done. Believe me when I say, once again, well done.
P.S. just read back over my post, Nizhnevartovsk is in central Russia. Small town I visited last July for a family wedding. Anyway, I happened upon a really cool poetry reading which I found fantastic. Just in case you were wondering!!
He he he.. I can imagine a few fairly confused faces! 0 -
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Le Rack wrote:masculinity in the mono-syllalbic nature of the rhyming itself
Mono syllabic = one syllable
Masculinity = male
rhyming = a type of pattern
However this will help you I don't know
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Thematic = of what your primary topic in the poem is. For example, if I write a poem about Edam cheese, my thematic concern may be how this fine cheese is processed from milk into cheese. Its connotive aspects may entail all the various things this topic (i.e. the making of Edam cheese) makes you think of, albeit thematically unrelated: starting from Dutch cows, through Dutch girls, to "cheese on your nose" and the like.Le Rack wrote:okay, I know theres compliments in there I just don't understand them, could you gimmie a hand??? (gawd I feel stupid)
its thematic connotive aspects
Masculine rhymes are those rhymes which are stressed, so they are, most notably, strong rhymes. E.g. in your poem, a masculine rhyme would be "knew/grew". Compare them with feminine rhymes, which are unstressed, therefore, naturally weak, e.g. "greying/wonders" in your work. In the case of a non-mainstream poetic recital the reader may try to change the stress in the rhymes, emphasizing the weak syllable in the rhyme, making it "masculine" (butch rhyme), or deemphasizing the strong syllable, thus making it "feminine" (queen rhyme).Le Rack wrote:masculinity in the mono-syllalbic nature of the rhyming itself
That element which expresses the author's deliberate indecision about a certain theme, question, or issue, for example, being equivocal about the benefit of cheese.Le Rack wrote:equivocal element
Most often the esoteric refers to the metaphor of the Moon seen as cheese.Le Rack wrote:the esoteric
Never mind, you don't have to analyze your own poem anywayLe Rack wrote:as you can see I am far from a poetry expert myself....
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