Psycho texting ex

DawnMc

Probably a very typical thread here........ Just broke up with boyf in weird circumstances. Anyways, I'm quite angry with him and him with me but I'm going through that texting stage today where I sent him about 5msgs in a row asking for answers etc generally a bit psycho-ish. He kept saying he needs space........ why on earth does he need space if the relationship is over? Prob very obvious but my head is a total mess and I need answers!

Altheus

Stay out of his way. Don't bother answering the questions. Let him cool off and blow his load. He'll end up apologising.... probably.

Gordon

He doesn't need 'space', he needs you to stop texting him like a psycho.

Femelade

mmm...i'm like u, hence the "FFS, whats he playing at?" thread
and i did it with my last ex too, txted and txted just for answers of course.
he didnt have the answers, so i eventually gave up.....
maybe u should do the same..
do u want to get back with him?

DawnMc

Thanks Femmy, I was actually thinking of adding u to my friends list as I've loads in common with your ffs thread! I actually don't think I want him back but I don't not want him back if that makes any sense! Just want answers, he ****ed me about lads and the minute I hurt him slightly, he needs "space" and won't just give me some ****ing closure!

Gordon

Did you guys not speak about this while breaking up?

Femelade

oooh girl, we are the same boat!!!
add me away girl, we could do some serious damage if we put our heads 2gether!!!

either that or totally over analize everything and wreck our own heads (which is what i am doing to myself at the mo.)

MarxoGouch

He needs space means - please leave me alone as I
A) do not want to offend you (with whatever it is in my mind)
do not want to tell you the truth or
C) combination of the two.

I am not suggesting there is anything negative in his motives - but if someone says they need space then generally they they do. If you are wondering why he needs space then refer to points a/b/c above.

Give him a week and in the meantime take a week for you too to think about your own situation and how you feel - not about him but about how the whole situation makes you feel.Next week when you both talk(do not txt again - its a slack form of communication) do so calmly.

I would also recommend a book by a philospher called Erich Fromm called the Art of loving. Despite the cheesy name it is one of the greatest books you'll ever read with regards to relationships. Its short but very well informed. It would be very good to read it before you speak to your ex again - it doesn't have the answers - but it should give you an idea of what you should be looking for yourself - once you know that then you can go through a deeper conversation next week.

Best of luck. Hope this helps in someway.
- Rich

DawnMc

Gordon wrote:

Did you guys not speak about this while breaking up?

Once again, very stange drunken scenario whilst breaking up. Didn't speak at all. It's the weirdest situation. Technically, it was me who broke up tho not that that matters!

DawnMc

Femmy wrote:

oooh girl, we are the same boat!!!
add me away girl, we could do some serious damage if we put our heads 2gether!!!

either that or totally over analize everything and wreck our own heads (which is what i am doing to myself at the mo.)

You're my new best friend!!!

Shyster

oh lordy....are you sure you're not me?
Went through this phase when my bf and I broke up after 3 and a half years. He wanted answers and i told him I wanted space so he let me have it for a while. Once i had calmed down, i had so much i wanted to ask him that i was constantly texting him, i didnt even give him a chance to reply before i was ringing wanting to know why he hadnt txd back, i mean literally, every hour there was another melodramatic text from me. I knew i was acting like a total psycho but all you need to remember for now is that there's plenty of time to talk about things when ye're both ready, theres no point nagging him now when he doesnt want to talk (if thats the case). Give yourselves a chance to cool off, and talk rationally then.....or wait for the restraining order...:-)

Gordon

DawnMc wrote:

Once again, very stange drunken scenario whilst breaking up. Didn't speak at all. It's the weirdest situation. Technically, it was me who broke up tho not that that matters!

You mimed your break up?

Just stop texting and stalking him and in a few days call him and ask to meet up. If you broke up with him then at least do the common courtesy of giving him some space for a while.

WhiteWashMan

id suggest become a mature member of the poulation and realise that his world no longer revolves around you.

cuckoo

Write him long, long letters asking every question you want answers to, then rip them up. Don't send them to him. Every time you feel like you want to text him, write another letter. It's especially cathartic i find to burn these types of letters, watching them go up in smoke is strangely releasing.

Repeat the above as necessary - until he's ready to talk.

DawnMc

cuckoo wrote:

Write him long, long letters asking every question you want answers to, then rip them up. Don't send them to him. Every time you feel like you want to text him, write another letter. It's especially cathartic i find to burn these types of letters, watching them go up in smoke is strangely releasing.

Repeat the above as necessary - until he's ready to talk.

Very strange that u say that.......... I originally began texting him today to see if he'd mind if I wrote him a letter as I wanted closure. I think it was just a mood I was in that I wanted answers RIGHT NOW! I know well that we should both have a hell of a lot of space. Thank u all for your input!

athena 2000

DawnMc...You break up with the guy and you want closure?!
He's just taking the space you gave him. Give him some peace and stop texting him.

Dizzyblabla

Closure from what? you want to be told all of the reasons that he doesn't want to go out with you? yep, that's going to make you feel fabulous and make you feel totally irresistible to men i the future!
I'm not saying I'm not guilty of sending the odd psycho text to my ex, of course I did, and I'm sure there are very few girls who haven't, but using closure as an excuse to get in contact is not a way you want to end it. If you ever want to be friends with him again, then give him the space he wants, and the more you think about it, the more you will realise that you don't need to contact him...
It's hard, I know, but just delete his number, imagine his surprise when you reply to a text from him someday asking him who it is?!

LundiMardi

DawnMc wrote:

Probably a very typical thread here........ Just broke up with boyf in weird circumstances. Anyways, I'm quite angry with him and him with me but I'm going through that texting stage today where I sent him about 5msgs in a row asking for answers etc generally a bit psycho-ish. He kept saying he needs space........ why on earth does he need space if the relationship is over? Prob very obvious but my head is a total mess and I need answers!

grow up. YOU broke up with him remember? Again, grow up!

Beruthiel

texting is for teenagers, either call the lad and make an appointment to meet or leave him alone and get on with your life.
You broke up with him, of course he want's to be left alone

MojoMaker

They are teenagers. :rolleyes:

Give 'em a break. You encourage this kind of contribution on this forum. Isn't it's very raison d'etre to be indulgent, because nowhere will?

OP, you are only compounding your neediness by forcing yourself down this path. Your self esteem will never grow to where it should be until you recognise and accept the fact that you are incredibly needy and emotionally stunted. What's wrong with a little 'OP time' for a while. You don't *actually* need anyone, let alone at this point in your life, with major exams on the horizon. Get back in touch with family 'n friends and start liking yourself again. Some of this compulsive behaviour should disappear and you'll be on the way to breaking the cycle.

MojoMaker

double post

Gross Halfwit

Hi. I went through this when I broke up with a girl. I was going out with her for about a year or so. We were very intense but after a while my heart just wasnt in it. We started to have some fights and I guess both of us wanted out but we had so much invested in eachother and we both had strong feelings for eachother that we stayed together. I tried to break it off with her but she wanted to work things out. I was past that but every time I tried to end it she found a way to get me back. I was weak back then.

Anyway I figured that if she wasnt going to let me "dump" her then i would make her "dump" me. I started to act liek a bit of an ass and whe nshe caleld me on it I freaked out and said fine the nmaybe we just shouldnt see eachother anymore. I made it out like she dumped me. Which sounds like what happened in you situation but I could be wrong. I often am in matters of the heart.

So she kept texting me...alot looking for answers and reasons why we broke up. I said I needed space not because I did but just because I didnt want to have to deal with her anymore and because I couldnt think of a valid tangible reason why we broke up. I just wanted out is all. Maybe thats what happened here, maybe its not.

My sdvice would be is to stop texting him. Just cut off all ties. Forget him and move on. i realise you need closure. You need a reason. You need to know if it was you and if so then you need to know exactly what it was so you dont do similar in other relationships. All I can say is do not worry. Some people gel and some people dont. Some relationships work and some dont. it takes two to make a relationship and two to break it.

Sorry about the length of the post. Im quite long winded. I hope that if you read it, it made a little sense.

DawnMc

Thank u all for your input. Tbh, I don't think it's unusual. It was one day where I got all needy and texted like a psycho. Tbh, I don't think that classifies me as being emotionally stunted!! I'm quite emotionally stable (most of the time!) and I really don't need a guy to complete me! Also, I am NOT a teenager!

Diss

You need to make him jealous. Go out with as many people as possible.

Joking.

It's never good to dwell on these things. Everyone should go through a few days where it hurts. It makes you human. But after a while you just have to build a bridge and get over it.

Oryx

If youre not a teenager, you may (vaguely) remember a time when we didnt all have mobile phones to text with and all those mad questions stayed in our heads until we didnt really care anymore. Be brave delete his number and chalk it up to experience.

koneko

"I want space" means "leave me alone". Stop texting him, don't ring him, don't send a letter. Just get over him instead. The more you do it, the more he's either going to ignore you or say something hurtful to get rid of you. If he wanted to answer you, he would have. Why do you need answers? What difference will it make? He broke up with you. He'll either tell you a BS fob-off answer like "It's not you, it's me", or he'll tell you he isn't in love with you. Doesn't make a difference, just get on with your life.

The Corinthian

Closure is when you stop texting him and get on with your life. There are no answers that he could give you that would ultimately satisfy you and give you closure as any answer would inevitably lead to new questions. Maintaining this form of contact is precisely what will hinder you from getting the closure you claim to seek.

I swear to God that if we just stopped putting warning labels on products these threads would eventually stop appearing...

DawnMc

Just got a text from ex today. I didn't text him since the whole psycho texting the last day. He said "i'm gonna write you a letter, u shud get it in a few days. I'll try n explain things"
Anyone?

pickarooney

Anyone what?

Are you going to text him and ask him to text you the letter because you can't wait?

DawnMc

Woahsa bit harsh don't u think? Just updating folks! No need to get narky pickarooney!

ergo

Gordon wrote:

You mimed your break up?

LOL

cuckoo wrote:

Write him long, long letters asking every question you want answers to, then rip them up. Don't send them to him.

this is very good advice

had a tough break up a few years back, 5 year thing, I started the break up she finished it, never easy

I did at one point write one long letter explaining everything (this was after she asked me to stop calling her (after only one tearful phonecall mind you, tearful on both sides that was) cos it was too upsetting for her and I just couldn't do the whole texting thing

anyway, it was good to send that letter and get things off my chest

4 or 5 months later I still had a few things I wanted to say to her* and sat down and typed an e-mail and sent it to her

now this was an incredibly long email,
but it turns out that she never received it (I found this out a few months later when I bumped into her) and looking back at that e-mail which was still in my saved messages I was glad she didn't get it, I had gotten the therapeutic effect of writing it while still keeping my dignity with the ex cos she never got it

* so referring to the above, i would advise trying to get things sorted out, all the questions etc between ye and get some sort of, for want of a better word closure, either way,and then cut off all contacts if it really is going to end, for a while anyway, and see how it goes

but will be curious to see what his letter says OP.... keep us updated, and hang in there, whichever way it goes, it gets easier