Unemotional boyfriend

Guesty

Hey,
I love my boyfriend to bits, but he just never shows any love towards me. I've confronted him about this & he reckons that it's just the way he is & that he was brought up like that. Like even stupid things like giving me a hug or a kiss, it's like every time I have to ask him for one & it really upsets me cause I think that he dosen't love me, even though he swears he does.

Just wondering if anyone else has this problem??

seamus

How long are you going out? I was a bit like that at the start of my current one (5 years ago) mostly because I'd never properly gone out with anyone before, and I'm not a very emotional guy as it is.

It's very possbile though that's he's just not the kissy-touchy type. Quick question - what age are you both? In general younger men tend to hold up the whole macho thing constantly, even when their mates aren't around, but as they get older, then tend to care less about the whole sissy thing.

Guesty

Going out 2 years, he's 24, I'm 22. It's not even when his mates are around, it's when we are on our own.
I think why is has started to bother me lately is cause I see all my friends with their boyfriends & they are all lovey-dovey all the time. I don't even want to have public displays of affection, just when we are on our own it would be nice to be shown some sort of affection. Anyone in same boat?

ADUB?

Your BF has a problem expressing his emotions, and yes it could be the way he was brought up.
I see your point, It is nice to be told and shown, I love you etc
I have had the same problem as your BF, sometimes takes bit of time for some people to be 100% comfy 100% able to let their guard down 100% able to trust or fact he is just scared you'll laugh etc (know you wouldnt but he might feel this deep down)

I suggest you talk (not confront or give out) to him and tell him what you'd like and where someday that you'd both be comfy to hug in public or whatever etc

I suggest for start if he has problem showing or verbalising his emotions to perhaps get him to write down how he feels about you (give him time to do so, ie not waiting in other room) Ask him to write it for maybe end of week or something.

Then after few days ask him could he give you hug when you come in door. habitual I know but,
Can help him take the little steps and after he sees that he can (and nothing scary or weird about it), I'm sure he will come out of that shell and be able to express himself, and his emotions and you'll have that relationship and closeness and expression you desire!

The_B_Man

ye im that sort of fella too. last gf i did feel that way but never told her. just never felt the need to tell her.
Just coz ur bf doesnt show it, doesnt mean hes not thinkin it!

Kingp35

Guesty wrote:

Hey,
I love my boyfriend to bits, but he just never shows any love towards me. I've confronted him about this & he reckons that it's just the way he is & that he was brought up like that. Like even stupid things like giving me a hug or a kiss, it's like every time I have to ask him for one & it really upsets me cause I think that he dosen't love me, even though he swears he does.

Just wondering if anyone else has this problem??

Some guys are just like that. ts not fair on him if you try and change who he is. If he isnt that type of guy then leave him be the way he wants to be. In fairness you should love him for who he is and not who you want him to be thats just selfish.

Just because he doesnt show it definitely doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. You gotta like him for who he is or dont go out with him. Its that simple really

jcoote

well he wants to be one way and u wanna be another so u should try meet in the middle..a compromise if u will

CrimE

Alot of men (myself being one to an extent) find it alot more difficult to show emotions or the kind of display women sometimes want. Unfortunately this usually stems from something in either of the couple.

Either he cant display understandable amounts of emotions or you are asking to much of a man who cant give what you want him to. Talk with him if it is really hurting you as it can only get worse. As was already said try to reach a compromise. Both have to give a little to get a little.

BeardyGit

ADUB? wrote:

Your BF has a problem expressing his emotions, and yes it could be the way he was brought up.
I see your point, It is nice to be told and shown, I love you etc
I have had the same problem as your BF, sometimes takes bit of time for some people to be 100% comfy 100% able to let their guard down 100% able to trust or fact he is just scared you'll laugh etc (know you wouldnt but he might feel this deep down)

If they're going out for 2 years and they're not already at the 100% trust point then something's wrong.

I don't know what your possible reasons are for only addressing this matter now and it would be unfair of me to speculate. I would point out that it's a little late in the day to go changing the rules of engagement - In real terms, your boyfriend is unlikely to change the way he acts - No matter how you put it to him. If he's never been touchy-feely with you then that's just the way he is and you'll either have to look for other indicators that he loves you.

Accept the man for who he is, not who you want him to be. If you don't think you can then you're the one who needs to make a change.

Just my €0.02

Gil

Bamboozled

Did you ever consider that he may not know how? Some guys dont and need to be told about expressing emotion.

If its such a problem, buy him the men are from mars book, and let him see it in print (rather than coming from you - as you could be considered nagging if you repeat repeat repeat), that women like certain things said and certain affections shown.

If he's a surfer, send him to lovingyou.com.

Ladypawpaw

Guesty wrote:

Like even stupid things like giving me a hug or a kiss, it's like every time I have to ask him for one & it really upsets me cause I think that he dosen't love me, even though he swears he does.

Stop asking him for a kiss/hug. Forced affection isn't good. Leave it up to him to start the kissing/hugging and see what happens. He may be affectionate when he feels less pressured about it.

Do you constantly ask him if he loves you? Blokes hate that sort of thing.

jcoote

yeah we kinda do hate it...i tell my girlfriend i love her loads..but if she asked me i'd tell her no cos i wanna do it of my own accord with no pressure

derek27

i just scanned down through all of those posts for one or to key sentences. think i got the gist of it... bout men not expressing their emotions towards girlfriends. i personally think that men can express their emotions a lot better than girls can, but most men feel they shouldn't do so for one reason or another. i think it's despicable that this issue is only applied to men. many women dont express emotion towards their boyfriends either. if you boil it down, a girl is more likely to try to make an idiot of a guy (cause they are somehow fooled into the idea that a guy is only gonna try make a fool of them) than vice versa. men will make fools of women and women will do it to men too, it's all about what are you willing to put yourself up for. if your looking for the perfect relationship only, then you wont ever let youself be made a fool of. if you want to screen a vast amount of potential partners, then expect a lot of potholes on your way. all people are different, but society can make people act in uncannily similar ways. guys express their emotions. so do girls. but the key issue i think is, if you haven't met the right partner, expect to let them down, or to have them let you down. and men are well able to express their emotions, as are women. i know about an equal no of males as i do females, and among them all, its mostly the men who say that they feel like they are in love and have met the girl fo them. women just tend to think, how is he gonna try and hurt me. (not eveybody, just speaking about majoities)

jcoote

the worst thing that ever happened was oppressing women because certain ladies nowadays (and i'm not having a dig at women here,i'm the total opposite of a sexiest) have a bit of a chip on their shoulder about us men... then some men think women should still be oppressed and so on...there's a conflict there within both sexes and it severly complicates relationships...but i think women are more likely to want love than men because they have more complex emotional traits and do like being loved as a whole more than the average man...i think men mess women aroud more because of this

Beruthiel

Most men are not brought up to show their emotions as such.
If a man is with you and is happy to be so, then he takes it as a given that you know he cares for you. You should not be worried about it, but lead by example.

Gross Halfwit

Guesty, its quite possible that your bf has trouble showing emotions. This could be due to his upbringing or the fact that he is just plain uncomfortable with showing them.

He is older than you and more than likely taller too. These are dominant positions to be in so I doubt he would be afraid of you laughing at him especially seeing as you express your affection to him

It is a possibility that he wants out of the relationship but is finding it hard to tell you and doesnt want to commit himself to emotionally to make it easier on the both of you. But then again if he has been this way since you first started going out I wouldnt worry.

Does he get upset/emotional/excited about anything else in his life? If he isnt showing emotion about anything then he may be clinically depressed or have slight mental problems. Im probably over analyzing the situation.

Best thing to do is confront him non aggressively and ask him why he is so cold and unemotional. Best way to get answers but dont put pressure on him.

Guesty

Thanks for all the advice! I've talked to him about it and he said that he dosen't think he can change the way he is & I think i'll just have to accept it. I know that I have faults that he has accepted about me, I suppose that is what relationships are all about.

Gross Halfwit

Guesty wrote:

Thanks for all the advice! I've talked to him about it and he said that he dosen't think he can change the way he is & I think i'll just have to accept it. I know that I have faults that he has accepted about me, I suppose that is what relationships are all about.

True relationships are about compromise and acceptance but is he even gonna kiss you goodbye or hug hello? If he loves you then he should want to show it you know? But if youre happy then your happy.

BizzyC

Gross Halfwit wrote:

True relationships are about compromise and acceptance but is he even gonna kiss you goodbye or hug hello?

There is compromise, as she said, he accepted her faults.

Gross Halfwit wrote:

If he loves you then he should want to show it you know?

Not neccessarily. Some guys will be in the mindframe that "she knows I love her, no need to say it all the time".


This doesn't seem to me to be a major problem, Guesty seems happy to accept his faults, which imo is the right thing to do.

Guesty

It's not like he dosen't tell me he loves me or that he dosen't give me a kiss goodbye, I think I just want some affection when it's not planned - know what I mean?

BizzyC

Yeah, but some guys just aren't like that.

As KingP35 said, trying to change the person he is is just selfish, and an indicator that you don't love him for who he is.
You can talk to him about it, but you cant force the issue.
It's really a case of; like it, or lump it.

ADUB?

Gil_Dub wrote:

If they're going out for 2 years and they're not already at the 100% trust point then something's wrong.
Gil

Perhaps trust and my wording wasnt correct!
Its more letting the defenses down 100%, some people never let it down fully ever and express emotions fully
To be honest if a guy expresses to much then there is a perception he is weak (by some elements in society)

Point I was trying to make is that the BF isnt comfy expressing his emotions
Getting him to write a letter or text his gf, isnt as in your face as saying it to her, small steps lead to bigger ones
Then making habitual displays of love -- hug when home etc could help show that he isnt going to be laughed at for such displays and might help him express it more often and in less planned sense when he is alone with his gf.

I doubt that he will ever be as affectionate as some ever, but thats him and must be accepted

Also remember over affection and hanging out of each other can be really annoying for example 'get a room' scenarios

Talliesin

Bamboozled wrote:

If its such a problem, buy him the men are from mars book,

If a man has so many problems relating to women that he could improve matters by reading "Dr." Gray's stuff, just dump him.

WhiteWashMan

Guesty wrote:

Hey,
I love my boyfriend to bits, but he just never shows any love towards me. I've confronted him about this & he reckons that it's just the way he is & that he was brought up like that. Like even stupid things like giving me a hug or a kiss, it's like every time I have to ask him for one & it really upsets me cause I think that he dosen't love me, even though he swears he does.

Just wondering if anyone else has this problem??

some people are emotioanlly low maintenance, and others are high.
your boyfriend sounds like he is one of the low ones.

he is not going to change.

if this is not the type of person that you can be with then perhaps you might think about finding someone that will give you the emotional connection that you need?

why are you still with someone for 2 years that doesnt make you happy?

kegan5

The_B_Man wrote:

ye im that sort of fella too. last gf i did feel that way but never told her. just never felt the need to tell her.
Just coz ur bf doesnt show it, doesnt mean hes not thinkin it!

Yeah...and look what happened!
Oh well I shan't be doing it again, whats the point of a relationship if he can's even say the 3 words hmmmmm

WhiteWashMan

kegan5 wrote:

Yeah...and look what happened!
Oh well I shan't be doing it again, whats the point of a relationship if he can's even say the 3 words hmmmmm

there is no point.

there is no point in being ina relationship if you are not happy.
that includes not being happy with they way they look, their physical appearance, their financial situation, their personality, the amount of emotional response they give, etc etc etc etc

i mean, why would you go out with someone that doesnt satisfy your needs?

BizzyC

The problem isn't that he can't, she'd just like him to show it more often.

Gross Halfwit

BizzyC wrote:

There is compromise, as she said, he accepted her faults.


Not neccessarily. Some guys will be in the mindframe that "she knows I love her, no need to say it all the time".


This doesn't seem to me to be a major problem, Guesty seems happy to accept his faults, which imo is the right thing to do.

He shouldnt have to accept her faults. He should love her strengths and her weaknesses, her good points and her bad points.

He may be of the mindframe that "she knows I love her" but if she is on her questioning it then maybe she doesnt know? Guesty may be looking more for Romance than for displays of affection. I think that if you are in a relationship where the two people profess to be in love then they should know it. He cant keep clammed up about his feelings. It will drive a wedge between them even if she says its fine. It sounds like a one sided love affair to me.

By the way Guesty, if you dont mind, are your so-called faults on par with his lack of emotion?

Kingp35

ADUB? wrote:

Point I was trying to make is that the BF isnt comfy expressing his emotions
Getting him to write a letter or text his gf, isnt as in your face as saying it to her, small steps lead to bigger ones
Then making habitual displays of love -- hug when home etc could help show that he isnt going to be laughed at for such displays and might help him express it more often and in less planned sense when he is alone with his gf.

I doubt that he will ever be as affectionate as some ever, but thats him and must be accepted

your talking like there is something wrong with this guy. There is nothing at all wrong with him its the person he is and telling to write letters and stuff wont do any good. In fact it will make him feel really uncomfortable doing something he doesnt want to do.

they have been going out for 2 years now so obviously guesty knows what her bf is like at this stage and to try and change someone after 2 years just because you realise that they are not who you want to be with is just selfish. he is who he is and if he isnt who you wanna be with then I think you know what you should do.

BizzyC

@ Gross Halfwit
Yes dude, cause when you're in love, there's absolutely nothing about the other person that doesn't bother you in the tiniest way.:rolleyes:

You don't see the double standard in expecting him to love her for good and bad points, but not her?

As she said he does tell her he loves her, and as Seamus pointed out, guys that aren't used to relationships aren't used to showing that kind of affection.

Nevyn

Some people will never say those 3 words.
Some people are just not that demonstrative.
But they show how they feel in other ways,
sometimes a look between the two of you or
maybe for him the fact you are together still after
two years should tell you that he cares and is
sharing is life with you and what more do you want ?

Sit and think about it, think about the littlest things
he says and does and how he shows consideration for you.
You maybe surprised.

Kingp35

Gross Halfwit wrote:

He shouldnt have to accept her faults. He should love her strengths and her weaknesses, her good points and her bad points.

This is basically saying that they should love each other for who they are!! That includes they way he is.

He may be of the mindframe that "she knows I love her" but if she is on her questioning it then maybe she doesnt know? Guesty may be looking more for Romance than for displays of affection. I think that if you are in a relationship where the two people profess to be in love then they should know it. He cant keep clammed up about his feelings. It will drive a wedge between them even if she says its fine. It sounds like a one sided love affair to me.

Absolutely ridiculous comments. He is who he is. Read the first two lines you wrote and stop contradicting yourself. Loving each otheres strengths and weaknesses, good and bad points swings both ways.

WhiteWashMan

Thaed wrote:

Some people will never say those 3 words.
Some people are just not that demonstrative.
But they show how they feel in other ways,
sometimes a look between the two of you or
maybe for him the fact you are together still after
two years should tell you that he cares and is
sharing is life with you and what more do you want ?

Sit and think about it, think about the littlest things
he says and does and how he shows consideration for you.
You maybe surprised.

that is all well and its all true, and as someone said, its not a case of he cant, he just doesnt.

the fact of the matter is that, some poeple are high maintenance emotionally.
thats not a bad thing.
but some people need physical shows of love all the time.

if it makes you unhappy to not get those, and you are in a realtionship where your partner does not show a lot of emotion towards you, then youa re going to be unhappy. its not a case of accepting anything.

like i said, if you are in a realtionship and you are unhappy, why stay in it?

it all depends really at the end of the day as to what you accept and what you dont. if you dont accept that youwill never be told 'i love you' and given a hug, then find someone else. if you can accept that, then accept it and get on with it.

it really really is that simple.

Gross Halfwit

BizzyC wrote:

@ Gross Halfwit
Yes dude, cause when you're in love, there's absolutely nothing about the other person that doesn't bother you in the tiniest way.:rolleyes:

You don't see the double standard in expecting him to love her for good and bad points, but not her?

As she said he does tell her he loves her, and as Seamus pointed out, guys that aren't used to relationships aren't used to showing that kind of affection.

I was in love once. She ripped the heart right out of my chest but when we were going out together she had so many little idiosyncrasies that on the surface were annoying but I loved her for them because she just wouldnt be her if she didnt do what she did.

If its love then they should just click. I dont know, maybe Im just a hopeless romantic but I believe that when you are in love everything is just right and perfect. He should love her for all that she is and want to make her happy and vice versa. All she wants is a little more affection. Is that too much to ask? I know what you are saying about the double standard and all but I...am having some trouble expressing myself. One sec. She isnt asking him to cahnge dramatically. I assume all shes looking for is few flowers every now and then and a kind word you know? She isnt asking him to get his teeth whitened or anything so I dont see it asd a change per se. I see it as a slight change in his behaviour and attitude towards her. Is that a major change? It shouldnt be for someone in love.

Kingp35

Gross Halfwit wrote:

IIf its love then they should just click. I dont know, maybe Im just a hopeless romantic but I believe that when you are in love everything is just right and perfect.

If that was the case this forum wouldnt have many threads in it. Your living in a Hollywood movie world there mate. No relationship is perfect simple as

He should love her for all that she is and want to make her happy and vice versa. All she wants is a little more affection. Is that too much to ask? I know what you are saying about the double standard and all but I...am having some trouble expressing myself. One sec. She isnt asking him to cahnge dramatically. I assume all shes looking for is few flowers every now and then and a kind word you know? She isnt asking him to get his teeth whitened or anything so I dont see it asd a change per se. I see it as a slight change in his behaviour and attitude towards her. Is that a major change? It shouldnt be for someone in love.

Again your not listening to people. If it was a simple change then he would just do it but it isnt its a complete change of his character. It is a major change for somebody who just doesnt do that. he has already told his gf that he is never going to be like that. There are plenty of guys out there the same. You are basing love on hugs and kisses and saying "I love you". there is so much more to it like being there for each other having fun together etc.

If she doesnt love the way this guy is now then its her who has the problem and not him

Oh and I think getting your teeth whitened is a slightly more simple task than changing your character and personality

seamus

Gross Halfwit wrote:

I dont know, maybe Im just a hopeless romantic but I believe that when you are in love everything is just right and perfect.

You are a hopeless romantic. There's being in love and then there's being in a relationship. Being in love, everything is perfect and hunky dory, everything's great. That's assuming the other person feels the same and isn't with someone else of course. Being in a relationship however takes much more than love. It takes trust, commitment, and compromise, in varying amounts. Love is just the thing that binds them together. If you don't have love, you can't a relationship, but on the flipside, you can have all the love in the world, but if you're missing one of the three above things, you can't have a relationship. Or at least you can't have a fulfilling/successful/happy one.

Linoge

Gross Halfwit wrote:

She isnt asking him to cahnge dramatically. I assume all shes looking for is few flowers every now and then and a kind word you know? She isnt asking him to get his teeth whitened or anything so I dont see it asd a change per se. I see it as a slight change in his behaviour and attitude towards her. Is that a major change? It shouldnt be for someone in love.

Thats the way I see it too.

Unemotional? What a load of crap. I was brought up not to express my emotions too, but you just have to get over yourself.

He doesn't need to change, he just has to make a bit of an effort, like leaving the toilet seat down. Now he might have been brought up to leave the toilet seat up but someday....

Point is, you can love someone but that doesn't mean that they will not annoy you or piss you off. Loving someones weaknesses? Also a load of crap. Where you might like that your gf needs you to open a jar for them, or your bf need you to tie his tie, its not the same as true weaknesses like jealousy or bitterness etc. Hands up who likes these??

If you're bf really does love you like he says it should be no problem to him to be a bit more romantic, because it will make you happy. And thats what love is all about, making each other happy.

Edit:
Although I agree that you're leaving it a very late to say this now I don't agree with people saying "its been 2 years, like it or lump it at this stage."

People can and do change. Has anyone ever seen American History X, The Last Sumarai, Shallow Hal!??

"When I became a man, I put away childish things" springs to mind. Your bf needs to grow up.

Kingp35

Linoge wrote:

If you're bf really does love you like he says it should be no problem to him to be a bit more romantic, because it will make you happy. And thats what love is all about, making each other happy.

did you stop to consider that doing something he really doesnt like to do will make him unhappy?

WhiteWashMan

Kingp35 wrote:

did you stop to consider that doing something he really doesnt like to do will make him unhappy?

so shes unhappy whie he doesnt do it, and hes unhappy while he does do it?

well, what do you make of that?

Kingp35

WhiteWashMan wrote:

so shes unhappy whie he doesnt do it, and hes unhappy while he does do it?

well, what do you make of that?

Thats its a doomed relationship unless they can accept each other

WhiteWashMan

i'll refer the readers to my earlier posts and just be smug.

and go for lunch.

BizzyC

Exactly, this issue here isn't about love, or behaviour, it's about acceptance.

If she loves him, and wants to stay with him she has to accept him for who he is, not what he could become if he put effort into it, that's not really loving him, is it?

Kingp35

BizzyC wrote:

Exactly, this issue here isn't about love, or behaviour, it's about acceptance.

If she loves him, and wants to stay with him she has to accept him for who he is, not what he could become if he put effort into it, that's not really loving him, is it?

nail on the head

Gross Halfwit

All she is looking for is little more love and affection shown to her. It isnt a change in his personality. Its a change in his behaviour. He may not like it but when you enter a relationship then you have to change your mindset. You cant keep carrying on like you did when you were singlwe because you have somebody elses heart to consider. Im sure he has love for her in there and all she wants is to turn up the volume.

Yeah she should respect him and his quirks. Im sure he was that way when she met him but people in a relationship should be affectionate towards eachother. Otherwise whats the point?

I realise that earlier on I was spouting romantic gibberish. I just have this exhalted view of love. So when pople say they are in love I picture moonlight and Roses not bottled up emotions and desperate threads. My apologies to the more rational members of this board.

Kingp35

Gross Halfwit wrote:

Yeah she should respect him and his quirks. Im sure he was that way when she met him but people in a relationship should be affectionate towards eachother. Otherwise whats the point?

there are many ways to be affectionate and loving towards someone. It does not have to be by saying "I love you" all the time or by showering each other in hugs and kisses. You seem to be under the impression that it is. You should read some of the previous posts by people. I think you have a misconception of what love is and how people in love should act. This is your view on something but the reality is there is no definitive way people in love should act towards each other. Every couple and every person is different and they will show there love for somebody in different ways. What your saying is again a hollywood view of what being in love should be about.
Again ill say there are so many different ways to show your love for someone without showering them in hugs and kisses.

I think most people here are of the same opinion that its a matter of accepting each other for who they are now and if they cant well then its a doomed relationship.

If the girl cant accept the way the guy is she wont be happy. If because of this the guy has to change his ways and do something he does not like or feel comfortable about well then he will be unhappy. An unhappy relationship wont work so it will end.

The only way for this relationship to continue is acceptance. Thats it really

Gross Halfwit

Right. Im not saying that you have to be all over eachother just affectionate.

Peole have different wasy of expressing themselves but it sounds to me like he isnt expressing himself at all.

There is a difference between accepting someones faults ie; smoker, smelly feet etc. and putting up with a person being cold. Does anyone see where Im coming from?

WhiteWashMan

yes, i think we all do.

now there is no need to continue telling us.

Kingp35

Gross Halfwit wrote:

Right. Im not saying that you have to be all over eachother just affectionate.

This guy is being affectionate in his own way. Guesty has already said that he does give her hugs and tell her he loves every now and again. This is his way.

Peole have different wasy of expressing themselves but it sounds to me like he isnt expressing himself at all.

See above and also he is still with this girl after two years so he has showed his commitment towards her. This in itself is affection.

There is a difference between accepting someones faults ie; smoker, smelly feet etc. and putting up with a person being cold. Does anyone see where Im coming from?

Why is he now cold? He is showing affection in his own way. Thats what people are trying to tell you. Everybody is not like you and some dont do what happens in the movies. They show affection there way and express themselves there way. Your not looking at it the right way your only thinking about the obvious ways of showing affection for someone are your not thinking of the other things a relationship consists of.

As seamus said Love can be perfect but this isnt about that its a about a relationship and the other things involved with it. this guy has given her everything in the relationship accept a few hugs and kisses. That is his way of showing his affection and love for this girl and there is nothing wrong with it at all.

She has to accept or it wont work. Its the way he is.

Can you not accept that? Everyone else pretty much agrees with me so what does that tell you?

bragan

Kingp35 wrote:

She has to accept or it wont work. Its the way he is.

Can you not accept that? Everyone else pretty much agrees with me so what does that tell you?

First she should say it to him, because maybe he just doesn't realise. But after she mentions it, and nothing changes, i think your going to have to accept thats the way he is.
I'm a girl and i don't really like the whole touchy feely thing. When a guy is like that around me, i feel claustrophobic, and to be honest, if a guy asked me to change that, i wouldn't be able to. some people are just like that. They can't change it.

Guesty

Thanks again for all the advice. I'm not going to go breaking up with him over this, it's not that big an issue, it's just one of those things that I wanted to know if anyone else was in the same situation.

I know our relationship isn't prefect and I truly don't believe that anybody can have a "perfect" relationship (correct me if I'm wrong!). I think that relationships always need to be worked at and certain things accepted about each other.

I know some people have said that he should change, but it might be easier for some people to change and very difficult for other people to change, get me? I have some weakness that I know I could never change even though I really would like to.

BizzyC

Guesty, I think you have the exactly right attitude about this.

You seem to have a good head on your sholders, and you seem to be in a relationship that you obviously believe is worthwhile.

Best of Luck.