Interpreting women

nobodythere

Best friend, me male she female...
I send her a text some time during the day saying "Can I give you a call later tonight?"

She texts back, says "Sorry not in a talking mood, i'm in bed anyways. Sorry it's nothing to do with you, just **** day. Sorry". She does this some times (suspect it's a cause of the monthlies but I'd get my head kicked in for saying that).

So I think fair enough, the girl doesn't want to talk to me. I text back saying "Ok so, i'll hopefully see you friday but if not I'll see you at Yann Tiersen on Saturday" ( lml for all you Yann fans:D).

She texts back saying "You mad? Whats up? You're supposed to help me on **** days, not act like you couldn't give a ****. But it's grand, I don't wanna go into it so don't mind. Ttyl"...

I'm left wondering what the hell I did that she didn't tell me to do? What's the 'correct' response to that first text or am I bound to offend no matter what road I go down?

aidan_walsh

One intermediate message: "Sure you don't want to talk about it?" This way, if she does say no again, and then throw a tizzy afterwards, you can at least say you offered.

Oh, and if its monthly related, forget about expecting a rational response.

nobodythere

Tried that response in previous times... tends to annoy her

Sleepy

She's a woman, logic and rationality go out the window.

Just roll with it and don't take it personally

Einstein

grasshopa wrote:

She texts back, says "Sorry not in a talking mood, i'm in bed anyways. Sorry it's nothing to do with you, just **** day. Sorry".

That be woman speak for "I really wanna talk about it, gimme a ring"

The joys of it eh?

Sleepy

Oh, and the correct response would have been:

"Okay, sweet dreams babe, whatever it is I'm sure it'll all work out. See ya soon!"

ajmurphy62

Interpreting women? Dont bother. Its less of a head-ache if you dont bother to interpret them.

Easily_Irritated

I can see her point and not just cos Im a girl too, you're supposed tobe her BEST mate if she says she has a **** day it clearly means she wants to talk about it and just needs a bit of coaxing.

Kevin_rc_ie

teenagers? ring her best mate up next time.

nobodythere

I am her best mate! But I REALLY get the impression she doesn't want to talk when this happens...

Maybe she just wants to get mad at me

Kevin_rc_ie

yeah sounds like it. do you enjoy being her play thing when she's in a mood? some people do. i don't. you should ring her regardless.

nobodythere

Eh no and you don't gotta make it sound so sexual :rolleyes:

I did try giving her a ring after that last text but she had her phone turned off and had just sent a text saying she was going to sleep. I'm not looking to validate my behaviour or even hers, I'm just wondering if there is a proven method for evading this while also making her feel ok...

Rozie

And guys are easy to interpret I suppose?

Kevin_rc_ie

sorry cricket but i didn't know i was making it sound sexual.

To answer your question you did nothing wrong imo. Sure the end of her reply was fairly jovial. Sounds like an "attention whore" don't mean to insult your "friend" but she seems to like messing you about. be firm, but fair.

nobodythere

Wow... if you were here I'd punch you in the fckn face.... Forget this...

And to the not so presumptious poster, yes guys are hella easy to interpret...

Sleepy

Try something along the lines of the text I suggested above: something that lets her know you care but that you respect the fact she doesn't want to talk about it.

It could be just the classic case that she's blowing up at you because she knows you care enough about her to let her away with it when she needs to let go of some tension. One of my closest friends does it to me about once every six months or so. I've pulled her on it a few times and usually it ends up with me being a shoulder to cry on instead of an asshole to shout at for some imaginary crime. Sometimes women have trouble expressing their emotions too you know

Cake Fiend

Rozie wrote:

And guys are easy to interpret I suppose?

Yes. Observe:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I love you = Let's have sex
Let's get married = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you

grasshopa wrote:

Wow... if you were here I'd punch you in the fckn face....

Why? He's spot on. Why would you put up with someone treating you like that? Especially if it's a recurring thing? You sound like a doormat. Would you be so accepting of one of your male friends acting like that? Would you be so worried about it that you'd post on the internet for advice about it?

Riamfada

Just say you ran out of credit. Play it cool and shell come to you. Women are like pens. They work good until you really need one. Then shake it really hard and they come through for ya!

Mr.Nice Guy

grasshopa wrote:

Best friend, me male she female...
I send her a text some time during the day saying "Can I give you a call later tonight?"

"Can I give you a call"? What are you, her slave? If you want to call her, just call her. You need her permission?

grasshopa wrote:

She texts back, says "Sorry not in a talking mood, i'm in bed anyways. Sorry it's nothing to do with you, just **** day. Sorry". She does this some times (suspect it's a cause of the monthlies but I'd get my head kicked in for saying that).

I don't think it's the monthlies, I think it's the guy who is at her beck and call.

grasshopa wrote:

So I think fair enough, the girl doesn't want to talk to me. I text back saying "Ok so, i'll hopefully see you friday but if not I'll see you at Yann Tiersen on Saturday" ( lml for all you Yann fans:D).

So you think fair enough the girl doesn't want to talk to you...and you proceed to talk to her. Wha? Can't you take a hint? Talk about asking for trouble!

grasshopa wrote:

She texts back saying "You mad? Whats up? You're supposed to help me on **** days, not act like you couldn't give a ****. But it's grand, I don't wanna go into it so don't mind. Ttyl"...

I'm left wondering what the hell I did that she didn't tell me to do?

You continued the convo when she clearly didn't want one.

grasshopa wrote:

What's the 'correct' response to that first text or am I bound to offend no matter what road I go down?

Here's some advice from your friendly neighbourhood nice guy:

1) If you want to call her, do it. Don't ask for permission from her.

2) Do NOT call her after your recent conversation. She should call you in my opinion. If I was in your position, I wouldn't take that disrespect.
I would have called her in the first place:

Me: Hey, how's it going?

Her: "Sorry not in a talking mood, i'm in bed anyways. Sorry it's nothing to do with you, just **** day. Sorry".

Me: Well, excuse me! (act annoyed) Fair enough, I'll see you around.

End of phone call.

The next day I'd see her I'd act all quiet and if she says something I would say "Oh so now you want to speak to me? Oh lucky me!"

You have to carry yourself with respect and not let people walk all over it, even if they are your best friend. Command respect from everyone.

nobodythere

Sico: Everyone needs some attention once in a while and to know that someone cares about them. EVERYONE. Humans are not built for being lonely. This is why we have schizophrenics (loose statement). It is not a bad thing to want to feel like someone wants you to be alive. To call her an "attention seeking whore" is so far off the mark and so insulting to someone that I hold so dearly, please understand my defensiveness

Kevin_rc_ie

send her flowers with the following written on an accompanying card:

"Be nice, or i kill u"

nobodythere

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

"Can I give you a call"? What are you, her slave? If you want to call her, just call her. You need her permission?

No, not so much her permission. It's basically the same question as "Do you have time for a phone call tonight"...

Look i'm not arguing over my friend with complete strangers... I know that I started this thread, but I'm becoming really unreasonable and irate at all of this because I'm very protective of her. Sorry for starting the thread, I didn't mean for it to get so serious. Maybe I'm just in a weird mood, apologies for my outbursts. Just understand that I hold her very close to my heart and no harm meant.

Mods, please lock/delete if you read this.

Sorry, just more stuff has happened since above texts, just a bit upset. apologies.

Kevin_rc_ie

I think you love her and/or want to marry her. i hope it works out. you sound like a good guy.

chillywilly

best thing is let her come to you, if she doesnt after a certain length of time just give her a quick text or call to sort things out.

Kell

grasshopa wrote:

No, not so much her permission. It's basically the same question as "Do you have time for a phone call tonight"...

Look i'm not arguing over my friend with complete strangers... I know that I started this thread, but I'm becoming really unreasonable and irate at all of this because I'm very protective of her. Sorry for starting the thread, I didn't mean for it to get so serious. Maybe I'm just in a weird mood, apologies for my outbursts. Just understand that I hold her very close to my heart and no harm meant.

Stop apologising for your outbursts- twas what the tinternet was designed for. Look, rather than bleating to a bunch of strangers over this girl, go and f*cking talk to her. Thats what mates do, unless of course you want to shag her and for the time being you are being a doormat while you wait for the *right* moment.

Before you take offense to that just think about it. No one pussy foots around their mates unless there is an ulterior motive i.e. "I shagged your wife last night thats why I am being so aloof".

K-

LundiMardi

Sounds like a right bitch!! Although, unfortunately, she sounds normal too, for a woman anyway.

Raiser

How about a text back saying: "You're supposed to be my best mate - why are you sending me irritating, self-obsessed, whiney 12 year olds texts when I'm clearly not one of your problems?"

Don't reward irratating behaviour by condoning it and fawning about it - try a direct approach like "don't be such an annoying arsehole..." - means there'll be less selfish little bitches out there for the rest of hummanity to deal with.

Beruthiel

grasshopa wrote:

She texts back saying "You mad? Whats up? You're supposed to help me on **** days, not act like you couldn't give a ****. But it's grand, I don't wanna go into it so don't mind. Ttyl"...

I would like to say grass, that this is not the behaviour of a 'best mate', it's the behaviour of a g/f, and a bit of a drama queen at that.
There is no need to take offence at that, it's what comes accross by what you post.
You should not have to tip toe around a best mate and worry about what ye say to each other, the fact that you are so sentsitive towards her suggests that you have other feeling for her besides just best mates.
Have another look at how you really feel towards her and be honest with yourself this time.

can I just ask you why you want this thread closed now? People are telling you something you don't want to hear?

Sifo

just text her an tell her your calling over "no buts", grab a dvd popcorn, chocolate, an just tell her your ready to listen when she's ready to talk...

LundiMardi

let's not forget the barry white cd

el tel

The text exchange shows she's not a very well adjusted character
and you are so needy it's your duty to entertain her behaviour.
If this sort of stuff is happening regularly you gotta ask yourself
why you are getting stressed over such a trifling person. If you are not under the thumb, there's the danger you're getting close.

hshortt

Just pretend that nothing happened, after all you didn't do anything wrong. If she didn't make it clear what she wanted she can't expect you, and in turn us to figure it out.

Sometimes no matter what you do it's the wrong thing. Relax, she'll come to her senses.

Cheers and good luck
Howard

Beruthiel

Lundi
el tel
helpful comments only please, or there will be bannings
B

BizzyC

See now, these are the kinds of problems that arise between inter gender best-mates.
Guys dont speak girky talk, so when she starts speaking in her female code and expects you to pick up on it, it doesn't work.
You need an interpreter....

crazymonkey

Sounds to me u both have more feelings towards each other than just being mates, maybe u should talk to her about that too,
My best friend is a woman and she would never send texts to me like that,
Best of luck with it,

simu

grasshopa wrote:

Sorry for starting the thread, I didn't mean for it to get so serious. Maybe I'm just in a weird mood, apologies for my outbursts. Just understand that I hold her very close to my heart and no harm meant.

Don't apologise. It gave posters the chance to make generalisations and spout clichés about females for the zillionth time - what could be more worthwhile than that?

nobodythere

crazymonkey wrote:

Sounds to me u both have more feelings towards each other than just being mates, maybe u should talk to her about that too,
My best friend is a woman and she would never send texts to me like that,
Best of luck with it,

Yeah simu, I've said it before and I'll say it again, PI is full of women-haters, and boards in general...

Crazymonkey, I know i've feelings for her, I'm trying to ignore them because they're unreciprocated.

And no this stuff doesn't happen regularly, it's the second/third time in the 2 years i've been friends with her...

Kell: I am gonna talk to her. And I'm not a doormat. Trust me when I say she's not trying to make a doormat out of me.