Weird Breakup

jamieh · 07-07-2005 8:16am #1

Hey all,

I'm going through a really weird break up at the mo.

On Tuesday nyt, my girlfriend and I were txting. She send me a dirty message so for the craic, I sent her one back. She fell asleep and never read it, the next morning her mum came into the room and saw she had an unread message on her phone, so she read it. The content wasn't that bad. Her mum freaked and made her breakup with me. I'm not at all a scumbag or anything, i'm a friendly caring guy. On monday my gf even told me "i feel like a princess the way you treat me"

Her mum made her break up with me. Her mum also saw the message she sent me. We both really really want to be together. She's still ringing me nd txtin me and stuff but it's very much off. Her parents know me fairly well, we got on great and they always said to my gf that i'm such a nice guy.

Any advice on what I can do?? I have to go through a break up even thought we never had any sort of fight, we got on like a house on fire, we both really want to be together but her parents think both of us are the scum of the earth.

I'm 19 and she's 18, there's about 7 months between us.

I dunno what to do, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Beruthiel · 07-07-2005 8:19am

at 18, her mother has no rights on what she does or doesn't do at this stage, she's a legal adult
however, if she is still living at home, which I presume she is, then it can be awkward,
time for her to cut her mothers apron strings me thinks

I personally would never order mini me to do anything like that, I have no right, I may make suggestions and let her take it from there, but to order?! that wouldn't go down well at all

Khannie · 07-07-2005 8:44am

Shockin' stuff. Are her parents very conservative?

I mean...surely they expect a 19 and 18 year old to be up to all sorts unless they were reared with blinkers on?!?

Honestly, I'd talk to your GF about getting back together, and what the barriers to it are. If you both get on well then it seems that she'd be willing to take the grief from her parents in the long run (or have an illicit affair with you, which could be hot also).

Good luck anyway.

LundiMardi · 07-07-2005 9:02am

tell her to grow a pair. That's just rediculous.

jamieh · 07-07-2005 9:07am

She just txt me saying she wishes things could be different, and that her mum hasn't calmed down at all. She heard her dad saying that its just part of growing up and that he doesn't agree with her but it didn't seem to make a difference. It's fecking crazy like.

Beruthiel · 07-07-2005 9:12am

her mother is a bossy matriarch, very much like my own was back in the day, only way to get past this one in my experience is for your girlfriend to stand up to her mother in a calm and logical way, ie – telling her that at the age of 18 she cannot be told what to do any longer.
Or just ignoring her mother and carry on seeing you

Dave · 07-07-2005 9:20am

Is she off to college soon or anything?

tinkerbell · 07-07-2005 9:40am

First of all, I can't believe her mother read her text messages!!! :eek: That's just being totally nosey - in fact, it's the same thing as reading her daughter's diary.

You and her are old enough now to decide who the hell you wanna date. It's not like her parents can physically stop her, she's 18 now.

MooShop · 07-07-2005 9:55am

yeah thats crazy, her mother has no right telling her what to do. when i was 17 i went out with a girl, after dating a few months my mother found a condom in my pocket when doing the washing, anyway initially she freaked out but i stood up to her told her times have changed since she was young and that she'd have to learn to accept it, also i threatened to move out (i was nearly 18 so used that to my advantage but ye are already over 18) parents soon change their tune when they realise they might lose you. my dad was ok about the whole thing was really just my mother. she didnt talk to me for a few days but came around quick enough. i guess she realised that it would be better to have me at home, then away and not know what i was up to or anything.

your gf has to stand up to your mother in this way and point out that its not acceptable to look at other peoples texts and that its an invasion of privacy. she's over 18 now and old enough to make up her own mind.

im 19 now (nearly 20) and get on really well with my parents. everytime i go out dad will crack jokes eg keep him in your trousers or something along those lines. i think that standing up to them and making them realise i wasnt a child anymore made them see i was maturing and in some ways i think it made my relationship with my parents better.........well that my experience anyway hope it helps

pdunno · 07-07-2005 11:00am

she really has to stand up to her mother. at 19 she should be well able.

*Page* · 07-07-2005 2:21pm

My x bf was made break up with me because his mother heard a nasty rumour~wasnt true at all~ about me...

but anyway i did really like him he was 18 i was 20 so i said fine and left it at that.. told him i really liked him but i would stay away avoid the sh!t he'd get from his family. and i have done.

you have to either talk to her mother and appoligise for what went on via text.. or stand back..

kasintahan · 07-07-2005 2:27pm

Are SMS's covered by same laws regarding Post and Telegraphs?

Kingp35 · 07-07-2005 3:08pm

kasintahan wrote:

Are SMS's covered by same laws regarding Post and Telegraphs?

I doubt it

po0k · 07-07-2005 3:29pm

<Mom> I forbid you seeing him again

<Chix0r> Bítch, you better step off before you git stepped on!

<Boards.ies> GERRY! GERRY GERRY! (ryan)

Dub_Ster · 07-07-2005 3:39pm

what id do is ring up and speek to the mother show you are a mature dude or go and see her personally i tell her that your yuong and stuff and havein fun be a man ya have the father on your side and well the mother is hard to brake but if you show maturity ule be grand ...

i think so ...and the father will respect you more for bein a man .....

Le Rack · 07-07-2005 5:15pm

THe mother is bang out of order, my da is like that cept he goes through my phonebook and reads all my messages so I just keep my phone well out of his sight (I'm nearly 18), he still does it to my 22 year old cousin, his neice. Talk to your girlf, tell her it was a major invasion of privacy and her mam has noright to do that, but regardless, it shouldn't matter cuz she's legal age and can do what she wants.
In reply to Kasintahan there are laws over it cuz I got introuble about pervie messgages two years ago, guards were invloved and all...

uberwolf · 07-07-2005 5:27pm

'my roof, my rules' - which is fair enough IMO. Hown'ever, once you step outside the door you're your own man, and she her own woman.

It is a normal part of growing up, she's being a melodramatic control freak but in my experience there is always an incident that needs happening to make mummy realise that she won't be number one anymore. This may be said incident for your GF.

Mr.Nice Guy · 07-07-2005 5:30pm

You seriously believe she's broken up with you cos her mother told her to? Even if that's the truth, you're wasting you're time with someone like that.
If that was me:

Parents: I think you should break up with ______.

Me:

Um, no.

Le Rack · 07-07-2005 5:37pm

uberwolf wrote:

there is always an incident that needs happening to make mummy realise that she won't be number one anymore. This may be said incident for your GF.

yup, cept it took my mam the finding of drink, porn and fags in my room to realise this oh and the text incident I mentioned before!

nobodythere · 07-07-2005 6:47pm

Some people can be very timid and shy around their parents and are so intimidated by them that their parents never see the real them. I sympathise in some way with your girlfriend who finds it hard to stand up to her parents, but it's something that she has to do at some point in her life, and a little egging on wouldn't go too badly as long as you don't force it too much.

jamieh · 07-07-2005 7:26pm

Hey all,

Thanks a mill for all the replies, sorry about the delay, i was in work all day.

She rang me earlier. She's so afraid of her mother she won't stand up to her at all. She's telling me she misses me so much and wishes things cud be different, etc.

Her mum's friends know what I'm like and one of two of them have told her that she has me all wrong and that the msgs didn't mean anything. Seemingly, she also read my gf's sent items aswell.

Everyone is telling me that it'll settle down after a few days and things will sort themselves out, etc. I was that was true but I can't see it happening. To think that someone could think so little of me is really hurtful.

I was even talking to her mum the night before it happened and we were getting on great. She even said to my gf "he's such a lovely guy, i'm really happy for you, he's what u deserve"....the next day she said "that f*cker was only fooling me, it's all an act" That's really upsetting.

I asked my gf if I could ring her mum\dad or even call in and explain it all and talk it out with them, but she said her mum can't even look at her, never mind facing me.

It's just really hard to accept it that it's over when neither of us want it to be.

Mr.Nice Guy · 07-07-2005 7:34pm

It wouldn't be over if your girlfriend grew a backbone. She's an adult for crying out loud.

I wouldn't advise you call her parents. Just sit back and wait for things to blow over and then make your move. The fact that she broke up with you because Mummy wanted her to is ridiculous though.

[someguy] · 07-07-2005 7:49pm

Or she could be using her mother as an excuse to split while she acts innocent?
I would think that any 18 year old girl would stand up for themselves and their boyfriend, not to mention their privacy, if their intrusive mother was interfering over something as trivial as this. It just doesn't seem like she's too bothered if you get back together or not.
And what with this being the 21st century and all, the mother would have to be some prude to suddenly go from thinking you're 'such a lovely guy' to thinking you're worse then the **** on her shoes because of a dirty text.

Chucky the tree · 07-07-2005 8:20pm

give the mother a slap. She needs it.

Giving the gf one wouldnt go a miss either. SHe needs to learn to stand up for herself sooner or later, what not do it now? If not the mother will just continue to control her life and order her about. Thats not on.

secret_squirrel · 07-07-2005 8:29pm

jamieh wrote:

I asked my gf if I could ring her mum\dad or even call in and explain it all and talk it out with them, but she said her mum can't even look at her, never mind facing me.

Good idea - its a very mature way to behave. If only her mother was that mature. Tbh though its partially your GF's fault for not standing up to her - especially when her Dad seems pretty relaxed about it? Maybe you should get your GF to ask her Dad to have another word?

Having said all that - do you really see a future with a girl that spineless?

Esel · 07-07-2005 9:37pm

If people locked their phones, such nastiness could not happen. :rolleyes: This also protects against abuse if you lose the phone.

Does your gf leave her e-mail logged in so her unbelievably nosey mother can browse that at will also? Maybe her ma is jealous of what you proposed doing to her daughter?

Or else you could use ROT13 for horny texting?

Nevyn · 07-07-2005 9:56pm

Chucky the tree consider yourself warned,
Please read the charter,
Have a nice day.
Thaed

luckat · 07-07-2005 10:00pm

Heavens! What did your text say?

tinkerbell · 08-07-2005 9:10am

It doesn't matter what the OPs text said because if her parents are conservative at all, they would probably be horrified at the thought of "their little girl getting corrupted".

To the OP - you gotta just hope that your girl will stop being silly. That and I hope she has learned her lesson not to keep her phone on show.

Kingp35 · 08-07-2005 9:59am

Man I dont think she is worth it. there is no way if she really liked you that much that she would let her mother dictate her life. No way. she is an adult for christs sake not a child. seems to me that she is just spineless and has no interest in trying to give her relationship a real go.

Anybody who really wanted to stay together would not let this happen. A relationship is about two people and two people only what anybody else thinks or says shouldnt come into the equation.

Let her go man she is not worth the hassle if she wont stick up for your relationship

jamieh · 08-07-2005 5:08pm

Hey all,

She rang me again today telling me she really misses me etc etc etc.

I think the general consenses is to let her go but will be hard to do but I think it's what I gotta do.

My friends say that give it a few days for the dust to settle and her mum will calm down but feck it, I think I'll do a Bono on it and "Walk On!!"

09-07-2005 6:42pm

jamieh wrote:

Hey all,

I'm going through a really weird break up at the mo.

On Tuesday nyt, my girlfriend and I were txting. She send me a dirty message so for the craic, I sent her one back. She fell asleep and never read it, the next morning her mum came into the room and saw she had an unread message on her phone, so she read it. The content wasn't that bad. Her mum freaked and made her breakup with me. I'm not at all a scumbag or anything, i'm a friendly caring guy. On monday my gf even told me "i feel like a princess the way you treat me"

Her mum made her break up with me. Her mum also saw the message she sent me. We both really really want to be together. She's still ringing me nd txtin me and stuff but it's very much off. Her parents know me fairly well, we got on great and they always said to my gf that i'm such a nice guy.

Any advice on what I can do?? I have to go through a break up even thought we never had any sort of fight, we got on like a house on fire, we both really want to be together but her parents think both of us are the scum of the earth.

I'm 19 and she's 18, there's about 7 months between us.

I dunno what to do, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

hi. this may sound tough but if i were you id try get the mother back on side. maybe write a letter to her parents explaining the situation and that the text was a joke and merely a joke. Apologise for the nature of the text and for any offence you may have caused. look im most certainly not saying the mother is right. she seems like a stuck up cow. but if you are serious about this girl and id say you are, then i think you will have to swallow your pride and grovel like i said. anyway i hope things go well for you

09-07-2005 6:45pm

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

It wouldn't be over if your girlfriend grew a backbone. She's an adult for crying out loud.

I wouldn't advise you call her parents. Just sit back and wait for things to blow over and then make your move. The fact that she broke up with you because Mummy wanted her to is ridiculous though.

easier said than done. some parents are extremely difficult at any age.

She seems like a pauline fowler type. Uses emotional blackmail to get her way. i mean perhaps the girl is afraid if she puts a foot wrong shes out with her parents for good

Weird Breakup

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